I got a laugh

the other day.

I've said before how I have a MySpace account and I can't tell you how much I love it. If not for MySpace, well I wouldn't have had dear ol' Amber to keep me company this last year.

Anyway, MySpace has allowed to get in touch with friends from High School that I haven't talked to, well, since High School. Most recently I found a friend from youth group.

My display picture was of my dad and me on my 17th birthday. He sends me a message, asking about life in general and then says, "That's a good picture of your dad on your profile. How is he?"

I laughed so hard. I mean, it wasn't really funny, but it really was. How do you break it to someone that your dad drown eight years ago without making them feel like a donkey? So, I just replied that he was fine, I suppose. And that he had drown.

Really how do you break that news? I didn't know how to say it. He replied with an apology, saying he felt like a jerk and wondered how he could have not known. It's been a week and I'm still getting a good laugh out of it.

'Cause I'm sick like that.

Geeeesh!

I had a doctor's appt. today. I dropped my child off with my mother and went alone. The last trip with her-horrible! I vowed to never do it again if I don't have to.

They call my name. And then the favorite part...weigh in. She weighs me, charts it, then says, "I think I should check it again." I told her it was right, I had just weighed myself before coming in. She looks disturbed.

She hands me a lil plastic cup and sends me into the restroom. I freeze up. Sorry, can't do this. There was this really loud banging noise going on upstairs of the office and it totally threw me off.

Anyway...

We go into the room, she takes me blood pressure and then we get to listen to the heartbeat! Yeah, this thing that's trying to kill me really is in there!

She tells me Debbie will be in shortly and leaves.

I hear my midwifes voice in the other room and I can tell she's on the phone. I lay on the paper covered bed, staring out the window into the beautiful day and pray that she's on the phone forever. Why? Because it's peaceful in that room! No clingy, whiny toddler. No dog. No smells that get to me. Just me. All by my lonesome.

Of course it came to an end.

She comes in.

She's mad.

"Is this right? You've lost 15 pounds!?"

I nod.

She's still mad.

Tells me that I must gain weight from here on out or she's sending me back to my GI doctor because she thinks something could be wrong with me. UGH! I have to go back in 2 weeks instead of 4.

I asked her for a C-section, she just looks at me.

Part of me was serious.

Obviously I didn't get my wish. I'm still 11 weeks 5 days pregnant. Sick as a dog and now worried too since she thinks something is wrong with me.

On the way out she made me get on the scale again. She thought the nurse messed up.

The nurse didn't mess up. She hummphs and tells me, "Gain some weight, I'll see you in 2 weeks."

So, Jaylee and I went out to lunch and so far I've kept 'er down!

Dancing on Streets that are Golden

My grandma passed away last Saturday.

It's sad that she's not here anymore, sad that Jaylee will never know her. But really, how exciting is it that she's in Heaven?! She's no longer in any pain. Her body works perfectly. She's with Jesus!

It helps me to not be as sad when I think about how much better her life is now.

Her graveside service is today. I think the hardest part of all of this is watching my two aunts and three uncles grieve the loss of their mommy. The family has been through a lot of grief and I understand that it's part of life but sometimes you wonder just how much a family can take.

Thank you to everyone who's been praying for my family and me.

When there is something serious that needs to be talked about, I am not the person for the job. I make light of everything, trying to find humor in the worst of situations. Like when I had cancer or any time I talk about my dad drowning.

I get uncomfortable and find it easier to be funny than put on my Big Girl Panties and deal with the situation at hand.

This last week I haven't been able to be funny. I've had to deal with a serious situation like a big girl. For once.

My grandma is dying.

I don't like death.

I don't like assisted living places.

I don't like these Big Girl Panties I'm having to wear.

But I'm dealing. Jaylee and I have been going almost every day to spend time with her. She's not had any nourishment in nine days. Her body is shutting down. She's so skinny.

I've never been this close to death before and it's not that it freaks me out, at least not with my grandma, it's just weird to watch it happen. I'm thankful that she's a believer, I have peace knowing that soon she'll be with Jesus.

My thoughts about all of it are so jumbled. It's just been a very sad and tiring week.