*totally put Friday in my title. uhh, too bad it's still Thursday. i need a cold drink apparently.*
I couldn't find my make-up bag today. There's been a bit of panic but I'm feelin' some freedom not wearing it. I'm not a girl who always has to wear it but I definitely feel better about myself when I have it on.
I'm currently reading a trashy romance novel. Don't judge. You've read one too. And if you haven't, you get an extra jewel in your crown.
I went to three different bike places today in search of a specific tire for Josh's road bike. First guy tells me that I don't want a Bontrager, I want an Armadillo. And I tell him no, I want a Bontrager. Left there. Neeext. Went to REI and loaded up on Power Bars for Josh and looked through their tires even though Josh had already told me they wouldn't have it. (I'm not a berry dood wistener.) Then I went across the highway (the place I'd been instructed to go to first) and of course, they had the tire I was in search of. You'd think I'd learn to listen. You'd think wrong.
Did I mention my husband was going to Montana for FIVE days?! He leaves tomorrow. And then my kids will leave too. And I will have a house to myself and I'm sure I'm going to wonder what the heck to do with myself but honestly, honestly I'm so looking forward to this.
My kids made me just a little crazy today. Not even the peanut butter cups I just ate are helping my crazy.
Tuesday I went swimming with Trevor and Megan. I haven't swam in that pool in 16 years. Trevor soaked my towel and splashed me when I didn't want to be splashed. Apparently he's not changed much in 16 years...
I went to Old Navy with the girls today. I was there to find another swimsuit. I found one I was in love with and got the sizes I wanted to try on. I'm in the dressing room with my 6 and 3 year old. I take off my bra to put the top part of the suit on. Spice: "Mama, I like yo boobs." Sugar: "You don't nurse us anymore, do you, Mama?" Spice: "Mama, I like yo boooobs."
I didn't get the suit.
But I did get the heck out of there.
I haven't bitten my fingernails in nearly seven weeks. What do you people do with long fingernails? These things are driving me nuts.
Just realized I announced to the internet I'm home alone this weekend. If you're going to try to kidnap me, kill me or otherwise, please know that I have several guns in this house which my husband has taught me to use. I also have some mean cats. And a senior citizen Golden Retriever. You will go down. But if you decide to try to kidnap me anyway, can you at least bring me Starbucks so I'm not crabby?
My face broke out a couple of weeks ago and has yet to recover. I feel 16 again. Except with less perky boobs.
Happy Thursday!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
on becoming sensitive to others and an apology
before i get into this post, i'm going to give a little background for anyone who is here for the first time. otherwise none of what i say will make sense to the new reader.
in July of 1999 when i was 19 years old and while on vacation in San Diego with Josh, we got the phone call that my dad died. while floating the Yakima River with friends - he drown. he wasn't wearing a life jacket. he didn't know how to swim.
after getting the call we left for the airport and when asked why we needed to change our flight i bluntly said to the girl at the desk, "my dad just drown." she was completely taken aback by my words and didn't know what to say. awkward moment.
it was the first but definitely not the last time i'd bluntly state how my dad died. it was the first but definitely not the last time i'd make someone feel awkward.
***
and that's what i want to address in my post today.
the awkwardness.
the offending.
that i've done.
caused others.
when referring to how my dad died.
joking about life jackets and water and anything related to drowning has been my defense mechanism, my coping mechanism for a lot of years. nearly 12. my time in counseling last year helped. lots. and for quite awhile i realized that i hadn't joked about it. i hadn't tried the shock factor out on anyone.
i coped in a new way. i was healing. finally.
however, recently i've found myself joking about it again. and maybe "joking" is the wrong word because you can't really joke about someone drowning. i don't know if it's because July 23rd is right around the corner and i automatically find myself counting down the days til the anniversary or if it's just been this subconscious way of dealing for so long...i don't know.
anyway.
recently Josh's parents bought a boat. *dun dun dun* and we've really enjoyed our time on it. at Sugar's request, we spend her sixth birthday on it. and yesterday, after church we went to the river and spent several hours on it. i'm freakish about my girls wearing their life jackets and i admit, yesterday these words came out of my mouth: "you have to wear your life jacket, remember how Grandpa Mark didn't wear his?" and Sugar says, "yeah, and he died."
then via Twitter, i posted something insensitive about the whole life jackets/dad deal. i was in a mood of sorts. and Twitter is my venting place in 140 characters or less.
in the process of venting/dealing/coping/defense mechanisming (made up word) i do believe i was offensive. someone tweeted shortly after i did - and while it may not have been directed at me - it very well could have been, and that person's tweet kinda sorta offended me.
who was this person to say that i offended them?
how could my 'dealing' with the drowning issue even possibly affect them?
or offend them?
i very nearly got mad.
instead i chose to take this person's words (and whether or not they were directed at me, i still don't know) this person whose opinions, beliefs and feelings matter to me and i let them sink in. i thought about it for quite awhile.
and i realized something.
for the last 12 years i have been offensive.
when talking about my dad or the way he died i have put other people in an awkward position.
from a friend's blog post on death and how everyone handles it differently: "we should be sensitive to the vulnerability of those around us who are affected differently."
i have been anything but sensitive to those around me when talking about my dad.
it's not nice. it's not healthy.
and it's not fair.
and if you are someone i've made uncomfortable when talking about my dad, life jackets, drowning...
i'm sorry.
i truly am.
in July of 1999 when i was 19 years old and while on vacation in San Diego with Josh, we got the phone call that my dad died. while floating the Yakima River with friends - he drown. he wasn't wearing a life jacket. he didn't know how to swim.
after getting the call we left for the airport and when asked why we needed to change our flight i bluntly said to the girl at the desk, "my dad just drown." she was completely taken aback by my words and didn't know what to say. awkward moment.
it was the first but definitely not the last time i'd bluntly state how my dad died. it was the first but definitely not the last time i'd make someone feel awkward.
***
and that's what i want to address in my post today.
the awkwardness.
the offending.
that i've done.
caused others.
when referring to how my dad died.
joking about life jackets and water and anything related to drowning has been my defense mechanism, my coping mechanism for a lot of years. nearly 12. my time in counseling last year helped. lots. and for quite awhile i realized that i hadn't joked about it. i hadn't tried the shock factor out on anyone.
i coped in a new way. i was healing. finally.
however, recently i've found myself joking about it again. and maybe "joking" is the wrong word because you can't really joke about someone drowning. i don't know if it's because July 23rd is right around the corner and i automatically find myself counting down the days til the anniversary or if it's just been this subconscious way of dealing for so long...i don't know.
anyway.
recently Josh's parents bought a boat. *dun dun dun* and we've really enjoyed our time on it. at Sugar's request, we spend her sixth birthday on it. and yesterday, after church we went to the river and spent several hours on it. i'm freakish about my girls wearing their life jackets and i admit, yesterday these words came out of my mouth: "you have to wear your life jacket, remember how Grandpa Mark didn't wear his?" and Sugar says, "yeah, and he died."
then via Twitter, i posted something insensitive about the whole life jackets/dad deal. i was in a mood of sorts. and Twitter is my venting place in 140 characters or less.
in the process of venting/dealing/coping/defense mechanisming (made up word) i do believe i was offensive. someone tweeted shortly after i did - and while it may not have been directed at me - it very well could have been, and that person's tweet kinda sorta offended me.
who was this person to say that i offended them?
how could my 'dealing' with the drowning issue even possibly affect them?
or offend them?
i very nearly got mad.
instead i chose to take this person's words (and whether or not they were directed at me, i still don't know) this person whose opinions, beliefs and feelings matter to me and i let them sink in. i thought about it for quite awhile.
and i realized something.
for the last 12 years i have been offensive.
when talking about my dad or the way he died i have put other people in an awkward position.
from a friend's blog post on death and how everyone handles it differently: "we should be sensitive to the vulnerability of those around us who are affected differently."
i have been anything but sensitive to those around me when talking about my dad.
it's not nice. it's not healthy.
and it's not fair.
and if you are someone i've made uncomfortable when talking about my dad, life jackets, drowning...
i'm sorry.
i truly am.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I have four lbs to lose to reach my goal weight.
I posted it to FB and my friends have been super kind and encouraging. And I got embarrassed. To the point I'm considering deleting it.
Should I not have posted it to Facebook?
Are people thinking that I'm an idiot for saying what I weigh?
I panicked. I always panic when I hit "send" or "publish" or whatever. I'm really good at using the delete feature.
But I decided not to delete it. I have busted my butt for five months to be where I am right now. It hasn't been easy, physically or emotionally but I've done it.
And I'm freaking proud of myself for it. It took me a whole lot of years of complaining and finally getting sick of myself that I made the decision to do something about it.
I think it's okay to post it to Facebook.
I posted it to FB and my friends have been super kind and encouraging. And I got embarrassed. To the point I'm considering deleting it.
Should I not have posted it to Facebook?
Are people thinking that I'm an idiot for saying what I weigh?
I panicked. I always panic when I hit "send" or "publish" or whatever. I'm really good at using the delete feature.
But I decided not to delete it. I have busted my butt for five months to be where I am right now. It hasn't been easy, physically or emotionally but I've done it.
And I'm freaking proud of myself for it. It took me a whole lot of years of complaining and finally getting sick of myself that I made the decision to do something about it.
I think it's okay to post it to Facebook.
If We Last That Long
Mine and Josh's 13th wedding anniversary is in a few weeks.
Last night he was eating wasabi in bed and I looked at him and wondered if we'd even make it to our anniversary.
The guy knows me better than anyone so why the sam hill would he eat something crunchy. in bed. next to me?
I was reading a book and checking my FB and Twitter every once in awhile on my phone while he's crunching away (and I'm totally wanting to punch him in the groin for it) when I get a FB message linking me to the funniest blog post I've ever read.
Seriously haven't laughed as hard as I did last night in so long. There were tears and snot and snorting and no breathing while Josh was crunching away on his wasabi mix and researching boat stuff on the laptop.
And as I'm reading the post I'm thinking, "if we make it to year 15 after this wasabi incident, this is totally what i'm getting him."
So. I give to you the link to a very inappropriate, completely hysterical blog post.
You're welcome.
Just remember, I told you that it's inappropriate but oh so funny.
Last night he was eating wasabi in bed and I looked at him and wondered if we'd even make it to our anniversary.
The guy knows me better than anyone so why the sam hill would he eat something crunchy. in bed. next to me?
I was reading a book and checking my FB and Twitter every once in awhile on my phone while he's crunching away (and I'm totally wanting to punch him in the groin for it) when I get a FB message linking me to the funniest blog post I've ever read.
Seriously haven't laughed as hard as I did last night in so long. There were tears and snot and snorting and no breathing while Josh was crunching away on his wasabi mix and researching boat stuff on the laptop.
And as I'm reading the post I'm thinking, "if we make it to year 15 after this wasabi incident, this is totally what i'm getting him."
So. I give to you the link to a very inappropriate, completely hysterical blog post.
You're welcome.
Just remember, I told you that it's inappropriate but oh so funny.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
blessed to call her mine
Today is your 6th birthday. On my birthday a couple of weeks ago, you came bounding into my room.
"Happy Birthday, Mother! Now it's almost my birthday!"
You are so very much my daughter. We do love our birthdays, don't we sweet girl?
I'm not sure how it's possible that you are six. Because I still remember very clearly the day I found out I was expecting you.
It was a Sunday morning in October. I don't know what made me decide to head to the store so early in the morning but that's exactly what I did. I put on a yellow Goodwill t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Walked out of my little apartment, letting the green screen door slam as I left.
I drove down 29th, took a left on Nob Hill (something that's nearly impossible during the work week) and headed to Safeway. The store was quiet. I wanted a Sunday paper. I grabbed one. But I also grabbed a bag of Double Stuf Oreos...and a pregnancy test. The Clear Blue Easy Digital test.
I remember reading the digital read out.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Shock.
Six years later I'm still in shock that I've been blessed with you. Shocked and thankful. If not for you I don't know where I'd be right now.
Thank you, sweet girl, for six years of smiles and laughs. For the way you're so matter of fact about everything. Thank you for being sensitive yet strong. I love that you have the most awesome sense of direction. And I love that your daddy is your most favorite person on earth.
I think it's hilarious that your idea of problem solving an issues with the neighbor's animals is to shoot them. I love that just now instead of asking for a piece of bacon, you said, "hey, Mom, can I have some of that pig?" I have a love/hate relationship with your thumb. I remind myself you (most likely) won't be going to college with it in your mouth.
You are tall and skinny and the girl who used to run like Phoebe is no longer. That part makes me a little sad. You prefer jeans to dresses and dirt over being clean. You hate to have your hair brushed and more often than not look like a little ragamuffin. You have the most amazing blue eyes that I could stare at for hours. Your nose turns up and even though I love it, I'm sure one day you won't.
When I lay you down at night I want to kiss all your freckles but you'd rather I just sing you a song and be on my way. You make friends at the playground so easily and I find myself envious. You don't know a stranger. From the time you were born you've been a morning person and always so happy as soon as you are awake.
There are so many things I love about you. Mostly I love that you're mine.
"Happy Birthday, Mother! Now it's almost my birthday!"
You are so very much my daughter. We do love our birthdays, don't we sweet girl?
I'm not sure how it's possible that you are six. Because I still remember very clearly the day I found out I was expecting you.
It was a Sunday morning in October. I don't know what made me decide to head to the store so early in the morning but that's exactly what I did. I put on a yellow Goodwill t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Walked out of my little apartment, letting the green screen door slam as I left.
I drove down 29th, took a left on Nob Hill (something that's nearly impossible during the work week) and headed to Safeway. The store was quiet. I wanted a Sunday paper. I grabbed one. But I also grabbed a bag of Double Stuf Oreos...and a pregnancy test. The Clear Blue Easy Digital test.
I remember reading the digital read out.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Shock.
Six years later I'm still in shock that I've been blessed with you. Shocked and thankful. If not for you I don't know where I'd be right now.
Thank you, sweet girl, for six years of smiles and laughs. For the way you're so matter of fact about everything. Thank you for being sensitive yet strong. I love that you have the most awesome sense of direction. And I love that your daddy is your most favorite person on earth.
I think it's hilarious that your idea of problem solving an issues with the neighbor's animals is to shoot them. I love that just now instead of asking for a piece of bacon, you said, "hey, Mom, can I have some of that pig?" I have a love/hate relationship with your thumb. I remind myself you (most likely) won't be going to college with it in your mouth.
You are tall and skinny and the girl who used to run like Phoebe is no longer. That part makes me a little sad. You prefer jeans to dresses and dirt over being clean. You hate to have your hair brushed and more often than not look like a little ragamuffin. You have the most amazing blue eyes that I could stare at for hours. Your nose turns up and even though I love it, I'm sure one day you won't.
When I lay you down at night I want to kiss all your freckles but you'd rather I just sing you a song and be on my way. You make friends at the playground so easily and I find myself envious. You don't know a stranger. From the time you were born you've been a morning person and always so happy as soon as you are awake.
There are so many things I love about you. Mostly I love that you're mine.
Monday, June 20, 2011
memories...and lots of them
falling asleep on the back of my stepdad's motorcycle and letting go of him for a split second.
seeing my dad for the first time in several months when he came home from cleaning up the Exxon Valdez oil spill. i remember how he smiled at me. like it was the first time he'd ever seen me.
my last day of school in 8th grade. panicked that i was going to be starting high school in a different town. again.
falling asleep outside on the porch when i was little and waking up to red ants all over me.
the first time i saw Josh. oh, the flat top. and worn out tennies. and the smile.
roller-blading with Linds into the grocery store to get a burrito and Pepsi and sitting on the floor at the store having a pow wow.
being asked out at a soccer game by a boy i barely knew. and saying yes.
hanging out at the 88 cent store with David and Lindsey and eating ridiculous amounts of popcorn.
a college professor named John.
riding around with my dad in his very old Chevy Blazer.
and the first time he took me fishing. which ended up being the last time he took me fishing. apparently I talked too much?
the night Josh asked me to marry him. and i said yes. and immediately realized that meant Lindsey and I wouldn't go off to college together. we'd done everything together for four years. i wasn't sure how we'd do this thing called life without each other in a few months.
Hotel room 333. It added up to 9.
reconnecting with Amber through MySpace after not seeing her since we walked together at graduation 8 years before.
using my aunt's Keds as a car for my Barbies.
sitting in the backseat of all of our cars with my sisters on each side of me. never failed, they always fell asleep in my lap. i'd play with their hair and think that maybe they weren't so bad after all...as long as they were sleeping.
getting pulled over at age 16 for doing 105 on the highway. i was late getting home from my boyfriend's house and knew my mom would not be happy. i still don't understand why he didn't give me a ticket or put me in jail or ground me or something.
the boy in high school with the green Jeep Grand Cherokee. i think that's when my obsession with the Jeep Grand Cherokee began.
starting my blog. in 2006. without the first clue as to what a blog was.
the day Treena took the day off and spent her day with me.
the first camping trip with Jim and Emily. oh good times.
riding on three and four wheelers with Jim and Emily. in the pouring rain. more good times.
taking a picture with a gnome and two of the funniest girls ever.
living out in Mabton and driving my sisters and me to school everyday while blasting Rebecca St. James. and then the morning we saw the cat get hit by a car and i wanted to bawl but instead laughed hysterically while Erica cried her eyes out.
lying on a hotel room bed in San Diego, completely sunburned and hearing the phone ring. the phone call telling Josh and me that my dad had drown that day.
my ten year class reunion that i didn't want to go to. but thankful i did.
the cool October morning when i found out i was pregnant with Sugar...who will be six tomorrow.
seeing my dad for the first time in several months when he came home from cleaning up the Exxon Valdez oil spill. i remember how he smiled at me. like it was the first time he'd ever seen me.
my last day of school in 8th grade. panicked that i was going to be starting high school in a different town. again.
falling asleep outside on the porch when i was little and waking up to red ants all over me.
the first time i saw Josh. oh, the flat top. and worn out tennies. and the smile.
roller-blading with Linds into the grocery store to get a burrito and Pepsi and sitting on the floor at the store having a pow wow.
being asked out at a soccer game by a boy i barely knew. and saying yes.
hanging out at the 88 cent store with David and Lindsey and eating ridiculous amounts of popcorn.
a college professor named John.
riding around with my dad in his very old Chevy Blazer.
and the first time he took me fishing. which ended up being the last time he took me fishing. apparently I talked too much?
the night Josh asked me to marry him. and i said yes. and immediately realized that meant Lindsey and I wouldn't go off to college together. we'd done everything together for four years. i wasn't sure how we'd do this thing called life without each other in a few months.
Hotel room 333. It added up to 9.
reconnecting with Amber through MySpace after not seeing her since we walked together at graduation 8 years before.
using my aunt's Keds as a car for my Barbies.
sitting in the backseat of all of our cars with my sisters on each side of me. never failed, they always fell asleep in my lap. i'd play with their hair and think that maybe they weren't so bad after all...as long as they were sleeping.
getting pulled over at age 16 for doing 105 on the highway. i was late getting home from my boyfriend's house and knew my mom would not be happy. i still don't understand why he didn't give me a ticket or put me in jail or ground me or something.
the boy in high school with the green Jeep Grand Cherokee. i think that's when my obsession with the Jeep Grand Cherokee began.
starting my blog. in 2006. without the first clue as to what a blog was.
the day Treena took the day off and spent her day with me.
the first camping trip with Jim and Emily. oh good times.
riding on three and four wheelers with Jim and Emily. in the pouring rain. more good times.
taking a picture with a gnome and two of the funniest girls ever.
living out in Mabton and driving my sisters and me to school everyday while blasting Rebecca St. James. and then the morning we saw the cat get hit by a car and i wanted to bawl but instead laughed hysterically while Erica cried her eyes out.
lying on a hotel room bed in San Diego, completely sunburned and hearing the phone ring. the phone call telling Josh and me that my dad had drown that day.
my ten year class reunion that i didn't want to go to. but thankful i did.
the cool October morning when i found out i was pregnant with Sugar...who will be six tomorrow.
Monday, June 13, 2011
a good weekend, a good weekend indeed but now it is monday
we had a really great weekend.
besides the craziness that was my saturday. where i left the house at noon and did not return to it until 7 pm and when i did arrive home i was informed that no one had eaten dinner yet the kitchen was a mess.
mind you i was bringing home groceries and i'm not a fan of bringing groceries home to a dirty kitchen or hungry people.
saturday was lovely. a baby shower for my favorite tiny person. and then shopping all by myself. i went to REI and bought josh's father's day gift. he's going on a trip to montana soon to ride bikes with friends for a few days and of course i do believe he needs a new outfit for each of his rides. (and when i say bikes, i'm talking bicycles) i was stoked to find some awesome clearance items. it's always fun to buy spandex for your husband.
after i left REI i was at a stop light next to some cowboy in a fancy Dodge pick up. i looked over at him. he looked over at me. and i knew that it was on. once that light turned green it was going to be a race to see whose Dodge had more balls. apparently my mini van does. and if i were that cowboy i'd still be feelin' a lil sheepish.
i then went to Costco where i loaded my cart with all things non-vegetarian. like 6.5 lbs of ground beef, 6.5 lbs of chuck roast and a big ol' bag of chicken breasts.
i don't much like air conditioning and it was fairly warm, so my windows were down, my sunroof open and i was rather sweaty.
so sweaty.
by the time i got to WinCo for groceries i looked as though i peed my pants. sometimes i think leather seats are overrated and when i sweat would be one of those times. i wondered if i believed in shorts and wore those instead if it would have helped. at least then i could have wiped the sweat off instead of having it soak my capris.
(i just don't believe in shorts. i don't think i can do it.)
we went to church yesterday morning. after a really long time spent in the church nursery it was a sunday where we'd actually be able to sit in service. i told josh, "i need to be in church today." have you ever felt desperate like that for God's Word to be spoken to you? that's how i was feeling yesterday. it's been a very long time since i've let myself feel that way. i'm always desperately needing God's Word spoken to me but whether or not i feel it is another thing entirely. i spent much of worship in tears. "everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior." bawling. i need forgiveness. i need it much. but please, don't be nice to me, not at this moment because i will come unglued with the crying. "all my fears and failures" yes and yes some more. fears: that i'll forever be who i am right now. this mess of me. failures: daily. hourly. as wife, mom, sister and friend. as Sarah. when, Lord?! when will i wake in the morning and not be ashamed of who i am?!
church was beautiful yesterday. i'm so so glad we went.
i failed to mention that when i got home from my perfect, sweaty saturday shoppingness that my soon-to-be 6 year old told me Ruby, our cat, brought her a baby bird. "where's this baby bird?" i ask. "upstairs in my room." and so we follow her up the stairs, she runs to her bed, lifts her pillow, pulls out her slipper, reaches her hand inside said slipper and, indeed, pulls out a baby bird. a baby bird that i think is a chicken. i'm still not sure. however i've kept it warm, fed, watered and alive for approximately 36 hours. i'm still waiting for it to lay eggs for breakfast.
anyway, after church yesterday my in-laws took us to lunch to celebrate Sugar's birthday a little early since they will not be here on her actual birthday. it was nice not to cook lunch or pay for it, either. thank you, mom and dad. you are my favorite.
then we came home and got stuff ready before we had friends come for dinner. new(ish) friends. the husband i'd met before and i made such a rockin' first impression while making fun of him for being shirtless and taking FOREVER to open a gate so i could enter his courts to pick up his wife (Chelsea) so she could celebrate her fifth wedding anniversary with me. the birthday girl. i won't mention the fact that he was wearing his wife's fuzzy slippers 'cause that might embarrass him. anyway, after he let me in the gate that night of my birthday (and his wedding anniversary) (and put on a shirt and different shoes) i went over, apologized and introduced myself. apparently all has been forgiven, he agreed to come to our house for dinner. there was much food, laughter, sarcasm, children and fun last night. i'm glad it didn't take me ten years to decide i could be friends with them.
(someday i'll write a post about meeting Chelsea and how it could have easily been ten years in the making.)
(love you, Chelsea! let's hug the next time we see each other. i know you love hugs.)
we put the kids to bed. made sure Sparkle (the bird of some sort) was warm and went to bed ourselves. josh was on craigslist looking for a road bike for me. i was tweeting from my phone and listening to Pandora. and then my eyes could just stay open no longer and i was asleep before 10 and it was a beautiful thing.
and now it is monday.
and the week starts with a funeral.
more on that tomorrow.
how was your weekend?
besides the craziness that was my saturday. where i left the house at noon and did not return to it until 7 pm and when i did arrive home i was informed that no one had eaten dinner yet the kitchen was a mess.
mind you i was bringing home groceries and i'm not a fan of bringing groceries home to a dirty kitchen or hungry people.
saturday was lovely. a baby shower for my favorite tiny person. and then shopping all by myself. i went to REI and bought josh's father's day gift. he's going on a trip to montana soon to ride bikes with friends for a few days and of course i do believe he needs a new outfit for each of his rides. (and when i say bikes, i'm talking bicycles) i was stoked to find some awesome clearance items. it's always fun to buy spandex for your husband.
after i left REI i was at a stop light next to some cowboy in a fancy Dodge pick up. i looked over at him. he looked over at me. and i knew that it was on. once that light turned green it was going to be a race to see whose Dodge had more balls. apparently my mini van does. and if i were that cowboy i'd still be feelin' a lil sheepish.
i then went to Costco where i loaded my cart with all things non-vegetarian. like 6.5 lbs of ground beef, 6.5 lbs of chuck roast and a big ol' bag of chicken breasts.
i don't much like air conditioning and it was fairly warm, so my windows were down, my sunroof open and i was rather sweaty.
so sweaty.
by the time i got to WinCo for groceries i looked as though i peed my pants. sometimes i think leather seats are overrated and when i sweat would be one of those times. i wondered if i believed in shorts and wore those instead if it would have helped. at least then i could have wiped the sweat off instead of having it soak my capris.
(i just don't believe in shorts. i don't think i can do it.)
we went to church yesterday morning. after a really long time spent in the church nursery it was a sunday where we'd actually be able to sit in service. i told josh, "i need to be in church today." have you ever felt desperate like that for God's Word to be spoken to you? that's how i was feeling yesterday. it's been a very long time since i've let myself feel that way. i'm always desperately needing God's Word spoken to me but whether or not i feel it is another thing entirely. i spent much of worship in tears. "everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior." bawling. i need forgiveness. i need it much. but please, don't be nice to me, not at this moment because i will come unglued with the crying. "all my fears and failures" yes and yes some more. fears: that i'll forever be who i am right now. this mess of me. failures: daily. hourly. as wife, mom, sister and friend. as Sarah. when, Lord?! when will i wake in the morning and not be ashamed of who i am?!
church was beautiful yesterday. i'm so so glad we went.
i failed to mention that when i got home from my perfect, sweaty saturday shoppingness that my soon-to-be 6 year old told me Ruby, our cat, brought her a baby bird. "where's this baby bird?" i ask. "upstairs in my room." and so we follow her up the stairs, she runs to her bed, lifts her pillow, pulls out her slipper, reaches her hand inside said slipper and, indeed, pulls out a baby bird. a baby bird that i think is a chicken. i'm still not sure. however i've kept it warm, fed, watered and alive for approximately 36 hours. i'm still waiting for it to lay eggs for breakfast.
anyway, after church yesterday my in-laws took us to lunch to celebrate Sugar's birthday a little early since they will not be here on her actual birthday. it was nice not to cook lunch or pay for it, either. thank you, mom and dad. you are my favorite.
then we came home and got stuff ready before we had friends come for dinner. new(ish) friends. the husband i'd met before and i made such a rockin' first impression while making fun of him for being shirtless and taking FOREVER to open a gate so i could enter his courts to pick up his wife (Chelsea) so she could celebrate her fifth wedding anniversary with me. the birthday girl. i won't mention the fact that he was wearing his wife's fuzzy slippers 'cause that might embarrass him. anyway, after he let me in the gate that night of my birthday (and his wedding anniversary) (and put on a shirt and different shoes) i went over, apologized and introduced myself. apparently all has been forgiven, he agreed to come to our house for dinner. there was much food, laughter, sarcasm, children and fun last night. i'm glad it didn't take me ten years to decide i could be friends with them.
(someday i'll write a post about meeting Chelsea and how it could have easily been ten years in the making.)
(love you, Chelsea! let's hug the next time we see each other. i know you love hugs.)
we put the kids to bed. made sure Sparkle (the bird of some sort) was warm and went to bed ourselves. josh was on craigslist looking for a road bike for me. i was tweeting from my phone and listening to Pandora. and then my eyes could just stay open no longer and i was asleep before 10 and it was a beautiful thing.
and now it is monday.
and the week starts with a funeral.
more on that tomorrow.
how was your weekend?
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
The story of Ken and Barbie
Josh and I have never been super great at making friends as a couple.
He has friends.
I have friends.
But it never seems that my friend's husbands and Josh are super compatible and vice versa.
It's not that we haven't wanted couple friends, it just has never worked out.
And it all started a really long time ago.
We'd been married a coupla years when we noticed this young couple going to our church. Josh of course wanted to immediately invite them over for dinner. Mostly I think because that was the only time I ever cleaned or cooked a homemade meal. But also because we needed some friends.
The only problem with inviting these two people over? They looked way classier than us. Perfect clothes, hair and smiles. I was just sure they were going to be snobby and wouldn't like me. I refused to let Josh ask them over for lunch after church. He wanted to every Sunday. He wanted to just introduce himself but I wouldn't even allow that.
Since we didn't know their names we started calling them...wait for it...
Ken and Barbie.
Mhm, we did.
It's now been about 10 years since this whole deal and a few months ago "Barbie" was teaching a couponing class I wanted to go to.
Candee kept telling me she wanted me to meet "Barbie" {except she didn't call her that, though she knew I did} and another girl, Chelsea.
I told Candee I'd go to the class but I wasn't really wanting to meet these girls. Apparently my insecurity issues haven't gone away.
"They're cooler than me. Dress better than I do. I doubt they'd like me or get me."
I came up with excuse after excuse.
And then I was introduced to them.
Barbie's name is actually Katie and Katie is absolutely wonderful. She's not snobby at all. I love her. She's been so encouraging about homeschooling {our kiddos are both Kinder} and I'm thankful she didn't "unfriend" me a couple weeks ago when my daughter kissed her son on the cheek. *gasp* {seriously wanted to die in that moment}
I decided to out myself on Friday at Red Robin. I looked at Candee and said, "should I tell her?" Candee said I should.
And so I told Katie how for the last several years her and her husband (Ross) have been known to Josh and me as Ken and Barbie. She got a kick out of it and of course, had to call Ross and tell him that we're totally ridiculous.
{okay, she probably didn't say that but I didn't catch the phone call so she might have.}
Part of me is sad that I didn't want Josh to introduce years ago. I feel like we've missed out on a lot of years of friendship. Lately though I've decided to stop dwelling on stuff I can't change and those missed years of friendship is part of that.
I'm just looking forward to the many years of friendship we have left with our non-plastic friends. ☺
Monday, June 06, 2011
31st birthdays are when you're {finally} old enough for a lap dance
Seriously.
But before we talk about that, let's start that fabulous day from the beginning, shall we?
I told you I was going to go outta my literal comfort zone and have a Brazilian wax done. Had I not blogged about it and had I not received emails from several of youbegging asking me to document my experience, I mighta chickened out.
Okay, I wouldn't have chickened out. I wanted to do this.
First up though was my hair. It's been a year since my last hair appointment and poor Barbie had a mess to deal with.
"What are we doing today?" She asked me.
"Really blonde hi-lights. Lots of 'em. And take off about 3 or 4"."
While she was washing out the bleach I asked if she could make my hair big and curly.
And she did.
{Disclaimer: I'm going to be pretty honest about the wax job, so if you don't wanna read about it, I totally understand. Just wanted to warn you what's next.}
But before we talk about that, let's start that fabulous day from the beginning, shall we?
I told you I was going to go outta my literal comfort zone and have a Brazilian wax done. Had I not blogged about it and had I not received emails from several of you
Okay, I wouldn't have chickened out. I wanted to do this.
First up though was my hair. It's been a year since my last hair appointment and poor Barbie had a mess to deal with.
"What are we doing today?" She asked me.
"Really blonde hi-lights. Lots of 'em. And take off about 3 or 4"."
While she was washing out the bleach I asked if she could make my hair big and curly.
And she did.
 |
| don't worry, she didn't leave it like that. |
So after my hair was finished it was time for the painful part. I wasn't as concerned with how bad it was going to hurt as I was the whole modesty issue. But then I kept thinking, "eh, whatev."
When we started she was only thinking I'd want a bikini wax, that I wouldn't be able to handle the full meal deal. However, I was handling everything pretty well and told her I was going to go through with it. She told me the most painful part was coming up then.
The pubic bone.
On goes the wax, the strip and then the rip.
Holy.
Cow.
She wasn't kidding that was the most painful part. You'd think it'd hurt more down yonder but nuh uh. Pubic bone. The rest seemed like a breeze.
"Now, we can stop here or we can keep going."
A Brazilian is front to back. All of it.
"Eh, we may as well go for it. We've gone this far."
Her next words made me laugh out loud.
"Okay, get on all fours, ass in the air."
Alriiighty then.
I'd spent 45 minutes with this woman already. I wasn't the least bit mortified like I thought I would be. She's so one of those people that puts you at ease immediately.
The next few minutes were the most painless. Weird, huh?
It really wasn't that bad. I know I have a higher pain tolerance than some. She told me I was a rock star. It's always nice to have someone tell ya that. She said some girls will ask her to stop when she's half done. Other girls will grab her hand as she's about to rip the paper off.
Me? I talked. Made jokes. Laughed. It's what I do when in an uncomfortable situation. Physically and emotionally.
After I was done I went shopping. Josh gave me some birthday money awhile ago and I had a little left to shop with. My first stop was Victoria's Secret, where I returned something I bought a couple weeks ago that just wasn't gonna work out. And then I wandered around the mall. From store to store. Have you ever noticed when you have money you can't find anything but when you don't have money you see tons of stuff you'd love to have?
Yeah, that was me on Friday. Plus, it's just lonely to wander a mall alone.
The evening was what I was looking forward to. When I decided not to head to Seattle Josh suggested getting my friends together and going out for dinner. So, that's what we did.
 |
| My sister, Megan. Candee, Melis, Me, Chelsea & Katie |
 |
| Melissa & me. Only took 10 tries for this. |
 |
| Katie. There's a story about this girl. I'll share this week. |
 |
| Candee. Love this friend. |
 |
| Megan. My sweet baby sister. Isn't she beautiful? |
 |
| Ah Chelsea. Everyone needs a Chelsea in their lives. |
We started our night at Red Robin. What can I say, it's a fave of mine. Looove it. It was fun watching all these girls together. So fun.
After dinner we headed to a place called Roxy Wine Bar. Fun atmosphere but it was a very slow, quiet night in there.
Since it was pretty slow in there we decided to leave and keep walking. There are a lot of places to stop at on this one street downtown. We let the music lead us. We walked into a place playing Journey and as soon as I walked in I felt like it was my High School class reunion all over again!
After dinner we headed to a place called Roxy Wine Bar. Fun atmosphere but it was a very slow, quiet night in there.
 |
| My Blue Moon & Melissa's glass of wine. I had about 2 sips of the beer. |
Three guys I graduated with, three girls Melissa and Candee graduated with and a guy my sister graduated with were all at a table together. So fun to see those guys! The youngest of the group, Adam (the one who graduated with my sister) offered to buy me a drink for my birthday. I thanked him but since I was driving (and because I'm not much more than a one beer kinda girl) I politely declined.
I should have taken him up on the beer offer.
Because a few minutes later he led me over to a chair at his table and gave me lap dance.
I wish I were kidding.
I haven't laughed that hard or been that embarrassed in a very long time.
After a few seconds of that fun, I thanked him and went back to my own table. A lil flustered.
Such a fun night with friends. And I was so thankful to have seen the guys from High School.
31.
That's me now.
Maybe this is the year I grow up, huh?
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Motorcycles, Houseboats and some TMI
The last few days have been a roller coaster.
I used to like those things.
Not so much anymore.
This birthday of mine has thrown me for a loop. Normally I'm reminding people in July about my birthday coming up. And usually the week before my birthday no one can stand me. (not like they can stand me much any other time but whatev). This year? Haven't been feeling it as much.
I'd considered a trip to Seattle. Went so far as to email my friend, Greg, last week to ask if he still had his motorcycle. "Sold it last summer, you looking for one?"
Told him nope.
Just looking for a ride.
I wanted something fun. Something not me. Motorcycles tend to freak me the heck out.
Continuing in my search for fun, while looking for places to stay I found a cheap houseboat. Cheap as in 30 bucks a night cheap. Only problem, the owner of the boat stays on the boat with you. Amber informed me I didn't need to pay for rape, murder and a burial at sea. Those can be free. (Everyone needs an Amber)
I really don't know what I was thinking. Mostly that I feel a little boring lately. I also feel like I let a lot of my fears get in my way. What better way to tackle (ha) my fear of boats than by sleeping on one!?
I've opted out of the boat idea.
And the motorcycle is apparently out, too.
So I've decided to try something else out of my (literal) comfort zone.
A wax job.
(male readers, mother-in-law you may want to exit le blog now.)
I mean, why not? Why not get waxed? Am I nervous as heck? Uh, yeah. A certain family member of mine went for the gusto.
The Brazillian wax.
(I was going to link you to the wikipedia description but thankfully I looked at it before i did that. You would not have appreciated me linking you to that.)
I'd first made an appointment with Melissa to do it for me. Who better to wax your junk than a best friend? Though she only wanted to do the French wax (landing strip) and then I made an appointment elsewhere for the rest. As it turned out, in the short amount of time I had with Melissa this weekend, no waxing was involved.
Friday's the big wax day.
Was telling a friend my qualms about it. Mostly that I don't want to look seven. To which, said friend replied, that it was no longer 1991, it's 2011 and quite common to have done.
True.
But still.
My appointment is at 10:30 am. Think that's too early to arrive all liquored up? Or maybe it's the perfect time!
Anyone care to share any experiences? Feel free to comment or email me. Save the horror stories for later, I don't wanna know that part.
I used to like those things.
Not so much anymore.
This birthday of mine has thrown me for a loop. Normally I'm reminding people in July about my birthday coming up. And usually the week before my birthday no one can stand me. (not like they can stand me much any other time but whatev). This year? Haven't been feeling it as much.
I'd considered a trip to Seattle. Went so far as to email my friend, Greg, last week to ask if he still had his motorcycle. "Sold it last summer, you looking for one?"
Told him nope.
Just looking for a ride.
I wanted something fun. Something not me. Motorcycles tend to freak me the heck out.
Continuing in my search for fun, while looking for places to stay I found a cheap houseboat. Cheap as in 30 bucks a night cheap. Only problem, the owner of the boat stays on the boat with you. Amber informed me I didn't need to pay for rape, murder and a burial at sea. Those can be free. (Everyone needs an Amber)
I really don't know what I was thinking. Mostly that I feel a little boring lately. I also feel like I let a lot of my fears get in my way. What better way to tackle (ha) my fear of boats than by sleeping on one!?
I've opted out of the boat idea.
And the motorcycle is apparently out, too.
So I've decided to try something else out of my (literal) comfort zone.
A wax job.
(male readers, mother-in-law you may want to exit le blog now.)
I mean, why not? Why not get waxed? Am I nervous as heck? Uh, yeah. A certain family member of mine went for the gusto.
The Brazillian wax.
(I was going to link you to the wikipedia description but thankfully I looked at it before i did that. You would not have appreciated me linking you to that.)
I'd first made an appointment with Melissa to do it for me. Who better to wax your junk than a best friend? Though she only wanted to do the French wax (landing strip) and then I made an appointment elsewhere for the rest. As it turned out, in the short amount of time I had with Melissa this weekend, no waxing was involved.
Friday's the big wax day.
Was telling a friend my qualms about it. Mostly that I don't want to look seven. To which, said friend replied, that it was no longer 1991, it's 2011 and quite common to have done.
True.
But still.
My appointment is at 10:30 am. Think that's too early to arrive all liquored up? Or maybe it's the perfect time!
Anyone care to share any experiences? Feel free to comment or email me. Save the horror stories for later, I don't wanna know that part.
Ain't Happenin'
I never use the word "ain't" ever, ever.
My dad used it. Always drove me nuts. Now it makes me laugh to think about it.
Anyway, there's just no possible way to be 125 on Friday and I'm choosing to be totally okay with that. 125 will come eventually. I'm guessing in the next two weeks instead of two days.
In the last week I've ridden 5 days, logging 115 miles. Yesterday my ride to the gym started out with a downpour, thunder and head wind. People were looking at me like I was crazy. I think I kinda was. I just didn't want some stupid weather to put a damper on my plans to ride. So I didn't.
My legs feel great and I'm hoping to be able to sport a pair of shorts this summer. We'll see on that one.
While I was halfway to the gym last night a woman parked her van near the pathway, got her two girls out with their bikes and she was walking behind them. Then, after a little bit, she started to jog. I'd guess her to have been nearly 75 lbs overweight.
I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to get out there and do that. Physically or emotionally. But in my head I was like, "ROCK ON, SISTER!" She was out there. She was doing it. And her girlies were getting some fun in as well.
Anyway, that was totally random but I just thought it was totally awesome, too.
My dad used it. Always drove me nuts. Now it makes me laugh to think about it.
Anyway, there's just no possible way to be 125 on Friday and I'm choosing to be totally okay with that. 125 will come eventually. I'm guessing in the next two weeks instead of two days.
In the last week I've ridden 5 days, logging 115 miles. Yesterday my ride to the gym started out with a downpour, thunder and head wind. People were looking at me like I was crazy. I think I kinda was. I just didn't want some stupid weather to put a damper on my plans to ride. So I didn't.
My legs feel great and I'm hoping to be able to sport a pair of shorts this summer. We'll see on that one.
While I was halfway to the gym last night a woman parked her van near the pathway, got her two girls out with their bikes and she was walking behind them. Then, after a little bit, she started to jog. I'd guess her to have been nearly 75 lbs overweight.
I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to get out there and do that. Physically or emotionally. But in my head I was like, "ROCK ON, SISTER!" She was out there. She was doing it. And her girlies were getting some fun in as well.
Anyway, that was totally random but I just thought it was totally awesome, too.
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