I say blissful a lot but it's not always that way. Not always that way at all.

The other night I was out for a ride on my bike.  I was approaching a family of five who were also on their bicycles.  Mom, Dad, three kids.  Two kids were riding, one on their own, one with the help of dad.  The mother was carrying the bike of the youngest, while walking her own.

She looked frazzled.

As I got closer I said to her, "you always think it's going to be a lot more fun than it is, huh?"

The dad laughed, but the mom looked at me like, "someone gets it."

We've been that family.

I've been that mama.

Me: Hey!  Let's all get our shoes on and put our bikes in the rig, head to the path and have some family bonding.

Family:  can't find socks, or a match set of shoes.  neighbor's dog stole a helmet.  so and so is wearing MY shorts.  husband is trying to keep out of the crossfire by loading bikes.  can you help me buckle, i can't buckle, she just stuck her tongue out at me!

We get to the pathway and we probably look like this happy little family.  And we are.  But you know, looks are so deceiving.  Aren't they?

You whiz by in the car and see a family on the pathway and wish you could look so blissful.  But you don't know the dynamic behind closed doors.

You don't see that the husband just found out a huge part of his job is hanging in the balance and who knows what's going to happen there.  You don't see that he's listing in his head every person who has offered him a job in the last three years and trying to decide who he'd call first.  You don't know that the mama is *thisclose* to locking herself in the bathroom with a bottle of w(h)ine when she gets home because she's pretty sure she's on the fast track to crazy.  She can't keep up with the house and the being the mom and being the wife and being the friend, the teacher, the sister.  You don't see that she feels there's not one area where she's succeeding unless procrastination is an area.  And the children.  Oh the children.  They have their own little bitty issues you aren't seeing from the road.  Those smiling faces aren't always so smiley.

We look at people's outsides and we just assume everyone is so much better off and happier than we are.  Or is this just me?

I assume everyone has their shiz together and I am the only one who feels like a fraud on the pathway.

I posted a picture last Friday night of my family.  Josh was sitting with the girls, he had just put up a tent, we were about to play Skip-Bo and popcorn was being eaten.  I wasn't in the picture picture, but I was there.  I was in the picture as far as being a part of that night.  I posted it and received a text from a friend.  "Nice, happy family."  But said friend knows that my life is not perfect by any means.  And then my uncle commented on the picture saying that Josh was a good papa.  And he is.  He so is.  But instead of accepting that compliment I was like, 'hello, what about my kids' mom?  what about her?'  And we are back to the girl who wants to lock herself up with a bottle of wine.

I very nearly deleted that picture because I don't want people assuming we are always so blissful on a Friday night.  But in that moment we were and I guess I wanted it documented.

This is such a bunch of rambling.  You're shocked, huh?  I don't know what I'm trying to say.  Other than everyone's got their deal.  We're happy for a minute and we can be miserable for a minute.  Don't assume that everyone's lives are always the bliss they post to FB but also, don't make them out to be a fraud because sometimes those moments are what we live for and get us through the muck for the next moment of bliss.

the end.

Oh, right. I have a blog.

It's been weeks since I've been here.  Oopsie.

I had someone say to me recently, rather sarcastically, something about my being distracted and how they hoped whatever I was doing was making me happy.

It's called life.

School and house.  Mothering and wifing.  Maintaining friendships and emails.  Exercise and beer drinking.

I've been busy.

My life is full and it is (mostly) good.  I've definitely put the blog (and apparently certain people, though not on purpose) on the back burner to this thing called living that I'm doing.

Happy Wednesday.

yoga clothes shopping experience

Today I went shopping for some new yoga clothes.  I've been wearing the same pair of athletic pants for about a year and a half and I'm just sure that at any moment they are going to rip right down the middle and my bare ass will be exposed to all of class.

Well, not completely bare.  You know what i mean.

I think.

So I'm in TJ Maxx and I find some "active wear" section and there is not much of a selection but whatever.  I grab a size medium pants and they just look big.  It was weird.  So I grabbed the small and they looked ridiculously small.

What the hoo ha hay?!

I didn't get the mediums because while I used to buy my clothes a size bigger (knowing full well I'd be growing into them at any given time) I no longer do that.  I buy clothes that fit.  Fit fit.  Just right fit.

I grabbed the small and felt like I needed to suck it in while I paid for them.

Three work out(ish) shirts and one pair of yoga pants later I head out the door.  When I get home I put on one of the tops.  Now, you can suck in your belly all you want but I'm here to tell you that you cannot, as much as you try, suck in your boobs.  Those bad girls are just there.  And so I'm squishing them and maneuvering them all over the place to get them in.

Those pads they put in there?  Yeah, I ripped those out immediately.  Thank you, work out shirt, but I have enough of my own shiz in there without your help.

It was then time to suck it in to put on the ultra cozy tight yoga pants.  I've never had official yoga pants before and these are truly from the Lord.  (right, Curtis)  Again, sucked in my tummy while I'm pulling 'em on but there's no sucking in of the thighs or rear and there may have been a teensy weensy little stretching noise as I got em up and over the buttocks.

Such a strange word.

Anyway, the point of this post (am I supposed to have one?) is that clothes, like shoes, should come in half sizes.  I coulda used a small and a half.

PMS Remedy: A work out, a sister, a mother, and a goodnight of sleep

Sorry about yesterday's post.

Ugh.

I don't know about you, but for me, PMS is a real biatch.  I've said this a couple of years ago, but I used to not believe in it.  Used to not think that PMS was a real thing.  Because in the household I grew up in (my mom and two sisters and me) it wasn't allowed.  I think my mom feared being overtaken by PMS.  So, it just wasn't really talked about but dude.

It's real.

And it's ugly.

I notice it more when I'm not sleeping well or going to work out.  Oh, and when I'm not eating very healthfully.

I'm trying to step up my workouts but I have been eating like crap this last week.

My mood yesterday was the pits.

Just waking up this morning I can tell I'm better.  I feel like the time I spent at the gym, and my walk to the gym with Amber were contributing factors in my mood.  Then after the gym I saw my sweet baby sister and my mom.  We put in a movie but talked too much to watch it.  Did my heart good.

Came home to a husband who listened to me talk his ear off.  Then had a solid six hours of sleep.

The sun is shining.  We have great plans for the weekend.  My coffee is great.

And so is God.

Today will be a good day.