I've so got this

We're looking at 6 lbs before Friday.

Totally do-able, right?

This is where you say, "yes, of course, Sarah!"  All while trying to keep a straight face.

It's a long shot.  I'm down but not out!

Caved

On Saturday I had that coffee I've been dreaming about.

If you'd had the Friday afternoon and evening I had, you woulda had coffee on Saturday, too.

Friday is a good day for a List, No?

What was once 7 lbs needing to be lost before next Friday is now 8.  Um, oops.

I only biked to the gym and back one day this week instead of the the originally planned three days.  But one is better than none.

This weekend was supposed to include friends, the beach, some Goodwill Outlet, some waxing {blog post in the making} and a lot of hours in a car.  Now...it will not.

This is a good and bad thing, that we will not be traveling.  Someone {ahem} did some foolish banking and deposited some funds into an account from another account and received a notice that said funds were being held for...TEN DAYS.  Sorry, but that's my money, give it to me NOW.  So I called 'em to say just that. I laid down the law.  I mean, I know I've given up coffee til next Friday but a girl still needs to buy a corn dog.  They released part of my funds, allowing me to pay my cell phone bill {ouch} and buy a peanut buster parfait.

All is now right in my world.

The reason our trip is not happening is because there was a little baby boy born yesterday.  A little baby boy that I love like crazy.  A little baby boy I need to squeeze and smell and love and kiss.  He's my nephew and I can't believe he's finally here!  I say finally because this pregnancy has lasted almost a year and a half.  {long story but if you read my SIL's blog, you know what I mean}

Yesterday I decided I was giving into this whole go-without-Starbucks-til-next-Friday gig.  I posted about it on Facebook and got several encouraging comments that I could, indeed, make it until next Friday.  My friends apparently believe in me way more than I do.  I held out.

However.

I'm on my way to the gym last night when I get a call from Josh.  "Leave class early so you can get us Starbucks before they close."

I gasped!

"But what about my friends, they all think I can do this!"

He says no one would have to know.  He's naughty like that.

I did leave class early.  (I rarely hang out for the meditation part of class anymore)

But I drove right on by that Starbucks and I DID NOT STOP.

Clearly a miracle of the Lord.

Back to list format:

Trying to rearrange your living room without Starbucks is not pretty.  Trying to live life without Starbucks is not pretty.  I've kinda been in a fog these last few days.  My daily routine has been so messed up.

I had a watermelon martini the other night.  It was okay.  I've decided the only watermelon anything that I like is bubble gum.

While rearranging my living room I went through my bookcases and got rid of about 30 books.  Not easy to do when you're a hoarder of books.  But it felt good.

I haven't bitten my fingernails in nearly two weeks.

The pair of jeans I'm wearing today I could not button three weeks ago (or three years ago!).  Rock. On.

Your turn.  In the comments leave a list of three things.  Any things.  Whatever you want. {and it can be more than three if you need.}

Update on the Dumb Idea

Remember my dumb idea from a few days ago?

I think I need to keep updating on here for accountability.  Otherwise I'll never reach my goal by next Friday.  I still might not but I know this'll help.

Monday I had 9 lbs to lose before next Friday.  Today I have 7.  It's not healthy for me to weigh too often but this is a big deal!  I have an extra 10 bucks and SIX Blue Moons riding on this!

Yes, the ante has been upped.  My friend, Chelsea, emailed me and told me if I reached my goal next week that a six pack was on her.  You better believe I'm trying extra hard now!

Which means I only ate one Hershey bar yesterday instead of two. ☺  Baby steps.

I rode my bike to the gym last night.  And btw if you saw my post on Monday before I corrected it, I had stupidly said it was 60 miles round trip on my bike.  hahahhahahahhaha, right.  like I could do that.  Not sure why I put that but it's about 30 miles round trip.  Yesterday was a head wind the entire way there.  Took an extra 20 minutes to get there and felt like I was riding up hill the whole way.  Holy crap I was tired.

My legs no longer feel like they want to fall off the day after a ride but my butt sure is sore.  I need callouses. What an attractive place to get one, no?

I haven't had Starbucks since Saturday.  My heart hurts.  I haven't had a Blue Moon since Friday.  Again, my heart hurts.  Next Friday is going to be a very exciting day.  I may not have reached my goal by then but you better believe whether I've met the goal or not I'm loading up on both.

So.

Exlax and water til prom!  Here I go!  ☺

(not really having exlax and not really going to prom)

(but i am trying to drink more water!)

Dumb Idea

I'm usually full of 'em.  And definitely am this time.

I got on the scale on Saturday.  I'm down 19 lbs from the end of January.  I have 9 lbs to my goal weight.  When I set these goals back in January, part of me wanted to have achieved the weight loss by June 3rd.  Part of me wondered if it was realistic.  Especially since I didn't believe in myself enough to even think I'd get this far.

Well, now I'm close.  I'm close to my goal weight.

But I'm also close to June 3rd.

My mom was here for a little bit on Saturday and I asked how the heck I was going to be able to lose 9 lbs in 13 days.

Her response:  You can't.

Well, GAME ON!

She had asked me a few days before what I wanted for my birthday.  I told her I'd like gas money toward my birthday trip I'm taking myself on.  So Saturday she said that if I reached my goal weight of 125 lbs, she'd give me an extra 10 bucks on top of what she was already giving me.

I don't know if it's possible to lose 9 lbs in 13 days.  I really don't.  But I plan to ride to the gym (30 miles round trip) three times this week.  I also cut out Starbucks and my beloved Blue Moon until June 3rd.

Did you read that?

No Starbucks OR Blue Moon til June 3rd!!!

It's only been 2 days and I feel like I'm going to die.

I also need to quit the snacking.  I need to stop eating Hostess Cupcakes and Twix and KitKat for lunch.

It's time to drink more water.

Pray for me...  ☺

i'll pay any price for peace of mind

Today was Spice's appointment.

To know me is to know I'm early for everything.  Ever-y-thing.  So, this sweet girl endured some hours of shopping.  And to reward her for her patience and to talk to her about her appointment, I took her to Starbucks.

We discussed that she was going to the doctor.  That he'd be listening to her heart.  And that Mama, of course, would be right there.

"Mama, can I shit your wap?"

"Yes, sweet girl, you can SIT in my LAP."  I hope her speech problems never go away.  I'm in love with them.

In love with her.

Thankfully I'm early to everything because I'm an idiot who followed directions a leetle too closely and ended up not finding the place on the first try.  When we pulled up I got a lump in my throat.

Heart. Specialty.

Two words that made this mama start to lose it a little bit.  But this is where I really started losing it.

She had wires attached to her all over the place.  "Stickers" as the nurse called them.  It was in that moment I {finally} started talking to God about this situation.

I started thinking about things in my life I'd give up if He'd just let Spice be okay.  Have you done that?  Have you bartered with God?  I tried it today.  Ridiculous.

I took her "stickers" off and the poor girl was so tough.  It looked so painful but she just watched me do it.  We waited another few minutes and then they called us back for her Echo.  I took off her little dress.  Laid her down on the bed.  She was so tired.  And unsure.

But so trusting.

She laid there and the let Mark, the nicest tech ever, put more "stickers" on her.  Then he placed that cold jelly on his little dealio (I'm techy, no?) and placed it over her heart.  He started taking pictures.  Explaining things to me that I'm too dumb to understand but I nodded and said, "uh huh" where I thought appropriate.

He measured stuff.  Took pictures of stuff.  Told me more stuff with more big words that I should probably know but don't.

Then, about 10 minutes in I look over to see that my sweet baby girl has fallen asleep while we talk about her heart.  She's sound asleep.  Not a care in the world.

Finally.

Finally he told me the words I needed to hear.

"She's perfect.  Her heart is perfect.  You don't have to be concerned about anything."

Thank You, Lord!

And thank you to all who have left comments, emailed, text, or called me letting me know you were praying for my sweet baby.  I'm one thankful mama.

a very jumbled TMI post about working out

First things, first.

If you're of the male variety - and you know who you are, Mister, it's time to click the little x in the top right.  This post is not for you to read.

Okay, now that we have that settled and only females are reading, here goes.

Working out is embarrassing.  Running is embarrassing.  I super much hated it when I started at the end of January.

Wanna know why?  And remember, I told you this post was TMI.  You were warned.

Okay, so one of the reasons I hated running was because my shorts would creep up my thighs.  You've seen it on women.  Maybe you've seen it on me.  It's not pretty.  But when your thighs rub together, it happens.  So, I'd be out there running and every once in a while I'd be pulling the shorts outta the crotch area.

So.  Attractive.

(seriously, if there's any guy still reading.  GET OUT.)

Then there's the issue of peeing while you run.

Yeah, I said it.

It happens.  It also happens when I ride my bike.  Don't you wish you worked out with me?  I'm a blast!  My shorts ride up my crotch and I pee my pants.  Who wouldn't want to be work out partners with me?!

Seriously, though.  The peeing issue sucks.  I don't know if it's because I've had kids or what the deal is because I do not remember this being an issue when I ran Cross Country in high school (5 trillion years ago).  Occasionally I'll put on a panty liner, other times I just pee my pants.  Good times.

I'm not sure what finally got me to the point that I realized it was just time to get off my butt.  I think I finally realized that my metabolism changed after kids.  It wasn't nearly as easy to have it come off.  I also realized just how sedentary my life is/was.  I didn't move much at all during any given day.

I just went for it.  I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and went into a gym.  I participated in a class and felt like a fool.  I felt like an ass.

And after 3 or 4 times I felt like less of a fool.  I started to feel proud of myself.  'Cause even if I did look like a fool, at least I was there.  At least I was finally doing something other than complain.  And then I set a goal. I set a goal to run a 5K.  3 miles.  Doesn't seem like much to some but for a girl who hadn't run in 15 years, it was a big deal.

So I set the goal.  I made the goal public for accountability.  And then I accomplished it.  I figured after I met my goal I'd probably quit running.  I did.  For almost four weeks.  I still kept at the gym but I stopped running for awhile.  But I eventually got back into it and once I hit the road instead of the treadmill, it almost got addicting.

I've added in bike riding.

When I first started the bike, it was the one at the gym.  When I'd look down my tummy hung over my pants so much that I couldn't see my crotch.  (TMI!) and tonight while I was on the bike at the gym, I looked down and there it was!

4 months ago I should have measured myself, I almost did.  Honestly, though, I didn't think I'd stick with this. So I didn't want to know my measurements.  I wish I had.  I know I've lost several inches everywhere.  I've gone from a size 12 or 14 (depending on brand) to an 8 or 10.  The smallest jeans I own are now loose in my thighs (one of the main areas of my body that I LOATHE) so I'm feeling a little better there.  My love handles are going away but are definitely still there.

My tummy?  Oh, my tummy.  I still look like I just gave birth a few weeks ago so let's not even go there.  It's amazing what a shirt can hide.  So please, even if you feel compelled the next time you see me, don't lift my shirt, k?

Glad we got that settled.

I had planned to run Bloomsday.  A 12K.  7.5 miles.  I ended up not.  I bailed.  And I felt like a failure.  Then I had the opportunity on Saturday to run a 12K.  Though I didn't know it was a 12K.  I thought it was *just* six miles.  I hadn't run in almost four weeks but I went for it.

I'm still not sure why.

I'm so glad I did though.  Running those 7.5 miles without walking made me realize something.

I'm stronger than I've ever given myself credit for.  I can do more than I thought possible.

And if I can do it, anyone can.

It takes getting out of the comfort zone.  It takes believing in yourself just a tiny bit and rejecting any lies you normally let yourself believe.  It takes guts.

It takes balls.

And even if you don't believe you can do it, I believe you can.

doing what's best

Parenting is hard.

'Specially when you have 50 bajillion people watching you do it.

As soon as anyone knows you're expecting you get unsolicited advice.  Then, after the kid is born that unsolicited advice doesn't stop.

I've mentioned before I had a family member inform me that I wasn't doing as good of a job raising my kids as she did raising hers and I'm sure there are many others who feel that way but just haven't had the balls to say it.

{sorry, i just said balls.}

I don't always make the best decisions where my girls are involved.  But I try.  I really do.

The Friday after Spice's birthday I took her in for a Well Child appointment.  She's a tiny little bug.  5th percentile for her weight (must get that from me) and 15th percentile for height (gets that from her daddy.)

She can hop on one leg for two seconds.  Her eyes look good.  Her ears look good.  Her throat, too.

Her heart, though?

Well, the doctor found that Spice has a heart murmur.

She said that it may just be an innocent heart murmur.  One that won't ever cause any problems.  But she said that it may not just be an innocent heart murmur and that we wouldn't know unless we had it checked out.

She recommended I make an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist as soon as possible.

Our appointment is tomorrow.

Plenty of people have said we shouldn't bother.

Others have said nothing.

And a couple have agreed with me that it's better safe than sorry.

I'm willing to fork out the money for them to tell me there's nothing wrong with her.  I am.

But in case there is something wrong, will you please pray for my bitty girl?

Last Minute Decision

{yawn}

I'm tired.

Oh. So. Tired.

Partly because I was awake until 3:30 this morning.  And partly because I just finished running a 7.5 mile run with a bunch of other people.

Yeah.

7.5 miles.

I've never run that far.

Ever ever.

The most I've run in the last 4 months is 3.1 miles.  Today was more than twice that.

Where's my pain meds?

My wonderful friend, Candee, asked if I wanted to run it.  I told her I'd think about it.  And I thought about it and I thought it was just the dumbest idea ever.  At the time I thought it was 6.5 miles.  6.5 miles is a lot.  Too much for this chubby chick with bad shins and even worse shoes.

But apparently last night someone invaded my thought process and decided that it would be a fantastic idea to go ahead and run this stupid 12K.

So I show up.  And she shows up.  Here we are:

And then she tells me it's not 6.5 miles.  It's 7.5 miles.

I wanted to call my mommy.

Instead.

We ran.

At the five mile marker I got goosebumps.  I was pumped.  So excited.  Almost cried.  At 6.5 miles I wanted to call my mommy again.

At mile 7 I wasn't sure I could keep up my pace and not walk.  I rounded the last corner.  Heard some cheers.  Saw my husband and kids.  I had nothing left in me to kick in for a sprint.  I'd spent it all, man.

I loved it.

It was awesome.

I don't know my official time yet (my phone died at the end and I was keeping track) but I'm guessing 1:23-1:25ish.

Here we are at the end:

Thank you, Candee, for encouraging me to do this and get outta my comfort zone.  I owe you a coffee!  (or something way stronger!)

the real heroes in my book

Yesterday was Mother's Day.

I've heard commercial after commercial for the last two weeks leading up to the day.  One ad said something about, "Mom being the hero of the family."

I'm no hero in this household.  I don't do any of what I do alone.

The real heroes on Mother's Day - in my book?

The single moms who never get a break.  Who do the cooking, cleaning, working, comforting and training of children alone.

The single dads.  The men who do what most men don't have to.  They do all of the above, but the difference is that it's not necessarily natural to them.  But they do it.

I think they're pretty stinkin' amazing.

So, Happy {belated} Mother's Day to you single mamas.

And to you daddies out there who do what's usually "woman's work".

Thank you for all you've done and continue to do for your children.  You're doing a great job.



i'm not at all trying to discredit those who aren't single mothers.  but, being raised by one, i know how hard it was on my mama.  and i know that at the end of the day no one told her thank you.

Ten to Go

This weight loss thing seems to have taken forever.

But slow and steady wins the race, right?

Sure, that's what we'll go with.

Since the end of January when I started this endeavor, I have lost 18 lbs.  Cuh-razy.

And now I have less than a month to lose these last 10 lbs if I want to do it before my goal date.  (June 3rd)  I don't think it's going to happen.  (Partly because I'm currently drinking an iced hazelnut breve) (Partly because I have a fresh loaf of french bread waiting for me for lunch) (and a Caramello)

I'm not going to be upset if I can't lose these last 10 lbs before the 3rd.  I'm stoked at what I've lost so far.  I feel great.  Many of my clothes are too big.  And my husband just gave me a chunk o' change for my birthday.  I plan to blow it on clothes.

And maybe some more coffee...

I was emailing a friend this morning about running.  I told her when I first started, I wasn't really a fan.  It took me a good couple of weeks to get in my groove.  Then, at about week 4 I hit a funk again.  Now, it's not that I look forward to running (i'm not there yet) but after I'm at it, I feel good and I'm glad I put out the effort.

I'm looking forward to making some new goals after these last 10 lbs are off.  I don't know if it'll be to lose more (10 lbs still won't put me at pre-pregnancy weight) or if it'll be another race.

One thing at a time, I s'pose.

sleep is overrated, this three year old, however, is not.

Last year was two.

Today my sweet girl is three.

She woke up in the foulest mood this morning.  She often does but today was bad.  Worse than it's been in awhile.  This was what she looked like right after I put her birthday dress and hat on her.  You think the hat made her cry?  It's so cute.  It has three candles on it and everything.

This little babe of mine, oh sweet, naughty girl that she is...she holds my heart.  She consumes me.  Our household.  She makes the rest of us want to pull our hair out.  Plug our ears.  Run for the hills.

But we just can't get enough of her either.

I mean, who could get enough of this sweet face?

Life with her is hard.  These have been a trying three years for Josh, Sugar and me.  Spicey-Spice.  Oh how we love her.  You can't know her and not love her.  She's fantastic.  But she's moody.  And it's rough.

But I wouldn't trade a minute of the trials.  I don't know what I'd do without this little babe.

You know, besides sleep.

But I'd rather be sleep deprived, than Alison deprived.

Happy 3rd Birthday to the naughtiest, sweetest little girl.

Mama loves you so!

My Longest Recorded Bike Ride

I can barely walk this morning.

We got this brilliant idea yesterday to save some gas money and instead of driving to the gym and back (34 miles round trip) heck, why not just bike it?

Uh, maybe because I've never gone more than 20 miles on a bike before?  And because that's insanity?  And how the heck did I think I could do Body Flow after just having ridden 17 miles (with a head wind!) and then after Body Flow to ride back home!  Holy. Moly.

I felt awesome when we got home.  Josh felt completely burned out and I'm guessing that's because he had the girls in the trailer behind him and well, that adds 100 lbs to him.  The poor dude.

During the night I stretched my legs and flipped out.  My thighs.  Oh. My. Thighs.  I could barely get out of bed. Josh of course, just fine.  No soreness.  And we're both fried.

My goal is to make that ride twice a week.  My Body Flow class on Tues and Thurs is at 7.  If I left shortly after Josh got home on those days I could make it to class on time.  Class gets out at 8 and during the summer it's light enough to make it home.  And I can always call him to come get me but really I'd like to save the gas money.

We'll see if it happens but as of now, that's the goal.

These last 12ish pounds have GOT to go.  And stat.  Only one month and one day to meet my goal!