for life to slow down
for clear thoughts
to see God work it all out
for my tax return I am getting one, right, Kristie?
to get more done on our remodeling project
to talk about my dad during counseling
for a weekend away with my husband
to wear flip flops
for my husband's job change
to hear back from the doctor on Spice's bloodwork
to cut my hair
to enjoy 75 degree weather
to buy a pair of sunglasses
and did I mention I'm ready for my husband's job change?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Glimpse
The way Josh's loads for the truck have been going this week he was home Monday night, Tuesday night and last night.
It was so nice to have him home at night. Enjoying an evening together, with the girls. I loved looking forward to him coming home each of those evenings and having dinner together. I loved having him here to help with the nighttime routine with the girls. I loved hanging out after they were asleep, just talking and enjoying his company. And I loved snuggling next to him in bed.
It made me miss his old job.
But gets me excited for what's in store.
It was so nice to have him home at night. Enjoying an evening together, with the girls. I loved looking forward to him coming home each of those evenings and having dinner together. I loved having him here to help with the nighttime routine with the girls. I loved hanging out after they were asleep, just talking and enjoying his company. And I loved snuggling next to him in bed.
It made me miss his old job.
But gets me excited for what's in store.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Out in the Open
I think part of the reason I don't hold much back here on my blog is because for too long I was very good at keeping secrets. I was great at hiding stuff. And it made me sick.
You can only keep secrets hidden for so long before they're found out.
Before you hurt others.
Before you hurt yourself.
I'm not talking about the secret you're (I'm) keeping that you (I) ate 7 Oreos dipped in white chocolate over the weekend and you (I) would just rather no one else know about it.
I'm talking about lies.
Any time I feel like I'm not open about something, I feel like I'm being secretive. Like I'm lying. It's not a good feeling.
What I'm about to tell you, I don't have to tell you. It's really not important for anyone else to know about. But I don't want it to be a secret.
On Super Bowl Sunday we were driving home from my SIL's house. This drive gives us a little over three hours to talk. Sometimes we make small talk, sometimes we talk about our goals and other times we get pretty serious.
February 7th was serious.
Through my blog posts and interaction with me personally, I'm sure many of you know that I haven't been feeling well emotionally.
I am unhealthy.
I don't like it. My husband doesn't like it. My kids don't like it. Nor do my family and friends.
I want to get better. I need to get better.
So, last Friday I went in for the first of my weekly visits with a Christian counselor. During our phone call when I set up the appointment she asked me how I found her. God Bless, Google! ☺ I wasn't nervous at all to go in and talk with her.
Until about five minutes before I walked in her door.
Upon seeing her though I just felt this peace. She has this wonderful accent and her name, though pronounced differently, is very similar to a friend of mine from church and it may seem silly but even that little thing about her put me at ease.
We sat and talked. Well, I talked.
A lot.
And she listened.
A lot.
So. There it is. There's my non-secret. I'm going to counseling.
And I'm going to be a better woman, wife, mama, sister, daughter and friend for it.
You can only keep secrets hidden for so long before they're found out.
Before you hurt others.
Before you hurt yourself.
I'm not talking about the secret you're (I'm) keeping that you (I) ate 7 Oreos dipped in white chocolate over the weekend and you (I) would just rather no one else know about it.
I'm talking about lies.
Any time I feel like I'm not open about something, I feel like I'm being secretive. Like I'm lying. It's not a good feeling.
What I'm about to tell you, I don't have to tell you. It's really not important for anyone else to know about. But I don't want it to be a secret.
On Super Bowl Sunday we were driving home from my SIL's house. This drive gives us a little over three hours to talk. Sometimes we make small talk, sometimes we talk about our goals and other times we get pretty serious.
February 7th was serious.
Through my blog posts and interaction with me personally, I'm sure many of you know that I haven't been feeling well emotionally.
I am unhealthy.
I don't like it. My husband doesn't like it. My kids don't like it. Nor do my family and friends.
I want to get better. I need to get better.
So, last Friday I went in for the first of my weekly visits with a Christian counselor. During our phone call when I set up the appointment she asked me how I found her. God Bless, Google! ☺ I wasn't nervous at all to go in and talk with her.
Until about five minutes before I walked in her door.
Upon seeing her though I just felt this peace. She has this wonderful accent and her name, though pronounced differently, is very similar to a friend of mine from church and it may seem silly but even that little thing about her put me at ease.
We sat and talked. Well, I talked.
A lot.
And she listened.
A lot.
So. There it is. There's my non-secret. I'm going to counseling.
And I'm going to be a better woman, wife, mama, sister, daughter and friend for it.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day
There are still a couple hours left of this day.
Happy Valentine's Day.
This isn't a holiday I care too much about. Don't get me wrong, I used to. I used to think it was all about flowers and gifts and the perfect card and going out to dinner.
Then I realized that that put way too much pressure on my husband.
I think I realized the pressure that is put on men when I worked at a flower shop during Valentine's Day. There were men scrambling at the last minute, panicked that they hadn't gotten there in time to order flowers. Freaking out because, "now what were they going to do?"
I've seen on many Valentine's Days the disappointment my husband has in himself when he realizes the day is here and he's forgotten. I always get him at least a card and usually a small gift. It ends up just making him feel bad.
I went to Target twice this week, the first time passing the Valentine section and resolving that I would not buy him a card, just in case he didn't get me one, so as not to make him feel bad. But the second trip I couldn't pass up the card section. I wanted to get him a little card. And I did. Nothing fancy shmancy, just a card with candy hearts on it. Inside telling him I love him with my whole heart.
Much to my surprise Josh bought me a gift this year! He's so cute. And sweet. And thoughtful.
This morning he handed me the sweetest bag, made of plastic with blue lettering.
"Wal*Mart" and inside....
A razor.
It's no secret that these legs of mine rarely see a razor. Shaving my legs takes time (they're big legs!) time that I just don't have to spare in the shower. I also don't like shaving my legs because my razor sucks.
Josh was thoughtful enough to get me a nice razor and shave gel!
Now if I could just find the time to use 'em.
Happy Valentine's Day.
This isn't a holiday I care too much about. Don't get me wrong, I used to. I used to think it was all about flowers and gifts and the perfect card and going out to dinner.
Then I realized that that put way too much pressure on my husband.
I think I realized the pressure that is put on men when I worked at a flower shop during Valentine's Day. There were men scrambling at the last minute, panicked that they hadn't gotten there in time to order flowers. Freaking out because, "now what were they going to do?"
I've seen on many Valentine's Days the disappointment my husband has in himself when he realizes the day is here and he's forgotten. I always get him at least a card and usually a small gift. It ends up just making him feel bad.
I went to Target twice this week, the first time passing the Valentine section and resolving that I would not buy him a card, just in case he didn't get me one, so as not to make him feel bad. But the second trip I couldn't pass up the card section. I wanted to get him a little card. And I did. Nothing fancy shmancy, just a card with candy hearts on it. Inside telling him I love him with my whole heart.
Much to my surprise Josh bought me a gift this year! He's so cute. And sweet. And thoughtful.
This morning he handed me the sweetest bag, made of plastic with blue lettering.
"Wal*Mart" and inside....
A razor.
It's no secret that these legs of mine rarely see a razor. Shaving my legs takes time (they're big legs!) time that I just don't have to spare in the shower. I also don't like shaving my legs because my razor sucks.
Josh was thoughtful enough to get me a nice razor and shave gel!
Now if I could just find the time to use 'em.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
At my husband's expense
We carry embarrassing moments with us forever. I know I've tried to repress a few of mine but they always seem to surface somehow or another.
Usually by the reminder of friends or family.
I truly believe that embarrassing moments aren't only to keep us humble but are for the enjoyment of others.
Such is the case for my husband's most recent embarrassing moment. A moment that happened nearly two months ago but he only just told me about today.
And after hearing what happened to the poor guy (and laughing my head off to the point of tears and my ugly laugh) I understand why it took him so long to tell me about it.
So, with his permission, I tell you his story...
This morning (2.10.2010) I had an appointment with an oral surgeon for my wisdom teeth. On my way to my appointment I was going to drop off our tax stuff at a CPA office. It wasn't a place I was familiar with and once I got to the office there were two doors. Neither marked.
As much as I'm afraid of mice or spiders, I am more afraid of a place that has more than one door. Especially when they are not clearly marked.
So I never even got outta my car. I left without dropping off my tax info and continued on another 25 miles to the oral surgeon.
I called Josh to tell him I made it to my appointment 40 minutes early - because that's how I roll - and that the CPA office had more than one door. I told him (though I didn't need to) that I didn't end up dropping off our taxes because of the door situation.
And he proceeds to tell me about his own recent door situation...
About two months ago he was hauling a load of hay and heading to a dairy. He called for directions and the dairyman's wife gave very specific directions of how to find them.
Yellow buildings. Fairly desolate area. On the right hand side of the road.
So, he's driving along, turns where he's supposed to and sees a Dead End sign. When you're pulling doubles this is never good. He doesn't want to go too far because it's not like you can just easily back up a semi with a set of doubles. So he's cautious as he's driving down the road. He sees a few yellow buildings and for the most part the area is pretty quiet. There aren't any cows (this shoulda been his first clue as he is dropping off a load of hay) but nevermind that...
He sees a John Deere green caboose that's about three or four feet off the ground with a few trucks parked next to it.
"Must be their office." He says to himself.
He pulls his Peterbilt in, walks up the stairs to the "office" and opens the door without knocking. Only to find a very heavy set man standing in his bathroom, wearing a flannel shirt and no pants.
A flannel shirt.
And no pants.
"Welp, guess this isn't the right place." And he closes the door to the man's caboose house, walks down the stairs, proceeds a mile and a half up the road to the actual dairy.
Where no one is wearing flannel but everyone is wearing pants.
Usually by the reminder of friends or family.
I truly believe that embarrassing moments aren't only to keep us humble but are for the enjoyment of others.
Such is the case for my husband's most recent embarrassing moment. A moment that happened nearly two months ago but he only just told me about today.
And after hearing what happened to the poor guy (and laughing my head off to the point of tears and my ugly laugh) I understand why it took him so long to tell me about it.
So, with his permission, I tell you his story...
This morning (2.10.2010) I had an appointment with an oral surgeon for my wisdom teeth. On my way to my appointment I was going to drop off our tax stuff at a CPA office. It wasn't a place I was familiar with and once I got to the office there were two doors. Neither marked.
As much as I'm afraid of mice or spiders, I am more afraid of a place that has more than one door. Especially when they are not clearly marked.
So I never even got outta my car. I left without dropping off my tax info and continued on another 25 miles to the oral surgeon.
I called Josh to tell him I made it to my appointment 40 minutes early - because that's how I roll - and that the CPA office had more than one door. I told him (though I didn't need to) that I didn't end up dropping off our taxes because of the door situation.
And he proceeds to tell me about his own recent door situation...
About two months ago he was hauling a load of hay and heading to a dairy. He called for directions and the dairyman's wife gave very specific directions of how to find them.
Yellow buildings. Fairly desolate area. On the right hand side of the road.
So, he's driving along, turns where he's supposed to and sees a Dead End sign. When you're pulling doubles this is never good. He doesn't want to go too far because it's not like you can just easily back up a semi with a set of doubles. So he's cautious as he's driving down the road. He sees a few yellow buildings and for the most part the area is pretty quiet. There aren't any cows (this shoulda been his first clue as he is dropping off a load of hay) but nevermind that...
He sees a John Deere green caboose that's about three or four feet off the ground with a few trucks parked next to it.
"Must be their office." He says to himself.
He pulls his Peterbilt in, walks up the stairs to the "office" and opens the door without knocking. Only to find a very heavy set man standing in his bathroom, wearing a flannel shirt and no pants.
A flannel shirt.
And no pants.
"Welp, guess this isn't the right place." And he closes the door to the man's caboose house, walks down the stairs, proceeds a mile and a half up the road to the actual dairy.
Where no one is wearing flannel but everyone is wearing pants.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
The Monday Random
Just realized I lost a "follower" and even though I'm bummed about it, what can I do? Nothing.
Took Spice in for a well-child check up. We don't visit the doctor often because the doctor and I don't get along well. Rather, we don't see eye to eye on a few things. So, I switched to a Naturopathic Doctor yesterday and feel very comfortable with her.
She informed me Spice is in the 50th percentile for height but isn't even on the charts for weight. She said I need to try to fatten 'er up a bit. I wanted to ask if we could do liposuction on me right there and just transfer it to Spice. Then realized it's the first time we're meeting and she might not appreciate my humor.
Not many people do.
After that appointment I had to take Spice to get blood drawn. JOY! There was a girl in line before us who informed the phlebotomist that she had just used. The phlebotomist wanted to see her arms. She took off her large coat and revealed not only the tracks in her arms but the fact that she was about six months pregnant.
My heart broke.
For the baby. And the mama.
I went to bed at 7:25 last night and was asleep in minutes. It felt amazing.
We've done very little to the remodel of our house the last couple of weeks. Thinking our house guests this weekend will change that.
My husband and I don't "do" Valentine's day. I get the girls a little something and a card for him and sometimes a gift but that's it.
Maybe I should have phrased that, "my husband doesn't do Valentine's day." =)
I'm having my wisdom teeth looked at tomorrow. I need to have them out and they're going to give me an estimate for what it'll cost me. Since I don't have insurance I'm sure anything over $5 is going to freak me out. =) I have two that are poking out and two that haven't even surfaced but are pushing on the nerves of my other teeth. No good.
My husband is in Montana right now. I don't like having him that far away. I cried on our phone call tonight. I'm such a weenie.
I have a two bedroom condo rented on the beach for two days next month and no clue what to do with it. Go alone, perhaps?
My house was clean yesterday.
Wish ya coulda seen it.
Took Spice in for a well-child check up. We don't visit the doctor often because the doctor and I don't get along well. Rather, we don't see eye to eye on a few things. So, I switched to a Naturopathic Doctor yesterday and feel very comfortable with her.
She informed me Spice is in the 50th percentile for height but isn't even on the charts for weight. She said I need to try to fatten 'er up a bit. I wanted to ask if we could do liposuction on me right there and just transfer it to Spice. Then realized it's the first time we're meeting and she might not appreciate my humor.
Not many people do.
After that appointment I had to take Spice to get blood drawn. JOY! There was a girl in line before us who informed the phlebotomist that she had just used. The phlebotomist wanted to see her arms. She took off her large coat and revealed not only the tracks in her arms but the fact that she was about six months pregnant.
My heart broke.
For the baby. And the mama.
I went to bed at 7:25 last night and was asleep in minutes. It felt amazing.
We've done very little to the remodel of our house the last couple of weeks. Thinking our house guests this weekend will change that.
My husband and I don't "do" Valentine's day. I get the girls a little something and a card for him and sometimes a gift but that's it.
Maybe I should have phrased that, "my husband doesn't do Valentine's day." =)
I'm having my wisdom teeth looked at tomorrow. I need to have them out and they're going to give me an estimate for what it'll cost me. Since I don't have insurance I'm sure anything over $5 is going to freak me out. =) I have two that are poking out and two that haven't even surfaced but are pushing on the nerves of my other teeth. No good.
My husband is in Montana right now. I don't like having him that far away. I cried on our phone call tonight. I'm such a weenie.
I have a two bedroom condo rented on the beach for two days next month and no clue what to do with it. Go alone, perhaps?
My house was clean yesterday.
Wish ya coulda seen it.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Giveaway answers and WINNER
You guys did great!
Here are the answers...
Question #1
Who was my last boyfriend in high school?
a.) Eric
b.) Trevor
c.) Josh
Question #2
Which department store did I wet my pants in when I was nine?
a.) Shop-Ko seriously, nine? why did I continue to look around the store for my mom and not a bathroom?!
b.) Wal-Mart
c.) Target
Question #3
What is my current favorite color?
a.) orange I'm going on two years loving this color...red is a close second!
b.) red
c.) black
Question #4
If offered a plane ticket to any state in the US which would I choose?
a.) Hawaii
b.) Tennessee I do dream of going to New York one day but right now I have four people in TN that I want to meet SO badly! (hint hint, husband...)
c.) New York
Question #5
Which thing am I most afraid of?
a.) Snakes
b.) Mice uh, remember my incident a couple of weeks ago? *shiver*
c.) Spiders
Question #6
How old was I when my husband and I got married?
a.) 18 fresh outta high school! I turned 18 a month before we got married. CUH-RAZY!
b.) 19
c.) 20
Question #7
Which of these have I not lived in?
a.) duplex I'm only 29...never know what's in store, I may be able to check it off my list one day.
b.) apartment
c.) fifth wheel (yes, I really lived in one.)
Question # 8
What is my favorite holiday?
a.) My birthday do I do a Christmas or Thanksgiving giveaway each month? uh, no. I LOVE my Birthday!!!
b.) Christmas
c.) Thanksgiving
Question #9
Which chore do I love the most? (this isn't a trick question, there's one I love!)
a.) Laundry
b.) Cleaning the bathroom instant gratification. Love this room.
c.) Dishes
Question #10
On Saturday my husband and I discussed boys names. If I were to have a son, what would we name him?
a.) Jack
b.) Silas
c.) Myron only Mary got this question right. Good job, Mar! When I went into the hospital to have Spice we had two boys and two girls names we liked. Jack and Silas were our boy names I liked. Silas the most. Josh isn't a fan of either. If we had a boy both names are out. :( He liked Myron...it's a family name on my side. The middle name would be a family name on his side. We'll never have to worry about it though....right?
Four of you tied for only missing two!
Tied for first:
1. Charissa
2. Maria
3. Treena
4. Denise
Random.org chose....
Number 1!
Charissa, shall we meet for coffee some evening so I can hand your gift card to you in person?
Here are the answers...
Question #1
Who was my last boyfriend in high school?
a.) Eric
b.) Trevor
c.) Josh
Question #2
Which department store did I wet my pants in when I was nine?
a.) Shop-Ko seriously, nine? why did I continue to look around the store for my mom and not a bathroom?!
b.) Wal-Mart
c.) Target
Question #3
What is my current favorite color?
a.) orange I'm going on two years loving this color...red is a close second!
b.) red
c.) black
Question #4
If offered a plane ticket to any state in the US which would I choose?
a.) Hawaii
b.) Tennessee I do dream of going to New York one day but right now I have four people in TN that I want to meet SO badly! (hint hint, husband...)
c.) New York
Question #5
Which thing am I most afraid of?
a.) Snakes
b.) Mice uh, remember my incident a couple of weeks ago? *shiver*
c.) Spiders
Question #6
How old was I when my husband and I got married?
a.) 18 fresh outta high school! I turned 18 a month before we got married. CUH-RAZY!
b.) 19
c.) 20
Question #7
Which of these have I not lived in?
a.) duplex I'm only 29...never know what's in store, I may be able to check it off my list one day.
b.) apartment
c.) fifth wheel (yes, I really lived in one.)
Question # 8
What is my favorite holiday?
a.) My birthday do I do a Christmas or Thanksgiving giveaway each month? uh, no. I LOVE my Birthday!!!
b.) Christmas
c.) Thanksgiving
Question #9
Which chore do I love the most? (this isn't a trick question, there's one I love!)
a.) Laundry
b.) Cleaning the bathroom instant gratification. Love this room.
c.) Dishes
Question #10
On Saturday my husband and I discussed boys names. If I were to have a son, what would we name him?
a.) Jack
b.) Silas
c.) Myron only Mary got this question right. Good job, Mar! When I went into the hospital to have Spice we had two boys and two girls names we liked. Jack and Silas were our boy names I liked. Silas the most. Josh isn't a fan of either. If we had a boy both names are out. :( He liked Myron...it's a family name on my side. The middle name would be a family name on his side. We'll never have to worry about it though....right?
Four of you tied for only missing two!
Tied for first:
1. Charissa
2. Maria
3. Treena
4. Denise
Random.org chose....
Number 1!
Charissa, shall we meet for coffee some evening so I can hand your gift card to you in person?
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Birthday Giveaway...with a Twist!
I know that about a week ago I should have posted the bloggy birthday giveaway and announced a winner today. Today being four months from my birthday. My 30th birthday. The bestest day of my life.
Okay, maybe not the bestest. But I sure do love that day.
I wasn't sure what to post as a giveaway this month. I've been in such a rut. Such a funk. Not that you'd know it by my last post or anything...nuh uh.
But I promised I'd give something away each month til my big day and goll darnit, I'm gonna!
However, this time you're going to have to work for it.
I'm going to have a little quiz and in your comment leave the letter for your answer. Whoever has the most correct answers, wins. If there is more than one winner, I'll random.org between those.
Ready? Okay!
Question #1
Who was my last boyfriend in high school?
a.) Eric
b.) Trevor
c.) Josh
Question #2
Which department store did I wet my pants in when I was nine?
a.) Shop-Ko
b.) Wal-Mart
c.) Target
Question #3
What is my current favorite color?
a.) orange
b.) red
c.) black
Question #4
If offered a plane ticket to any state in the US which would I choose?
a.) Hawaii
b.) Tennessee
c.) New York
Question #5
Which thing am I most afraid of?
a.) Snakes
b.) Mice
c.) Spiders
Question #6
How old was I when my husband and I got married?
a.) 18
b.) 19
c.) 20
Question #7
Which of these have I not lived in?
a.) duplex
b.) apartment
c.) fifth wheel
Question # 8
What is my favorite holiday?
a.) My birthday
b.) Christmas
c.) Thanksgiving
Question #9
Which chore do I love the most? (this isn't a trick question, there's one I love!)
a.) Laundry
b.) Cleaning the bathroom
c.) Dishes
Question #10
On Saturday my husband and I discussed boys names. If I were to have a son, what would we name him?
a.) Jack
b.) Silas
c.) Myron
I'll take answers through tomorrow night and Friday evening I'll post the winner.
Oh, wanna know what you're playing for?
A gift card to Target.
Good Luck!
*if you comment anonymously...please leave your name.
Okay, maybe not the bestest. But I sure do love that day.
I wasn't sure what to post as a giveaway this month. I've been in such a rut. Such a funk. Not that you'd know it by my last post or anything...nuh uh.
But I promised I'd give something away each month til my big day and goll darnit, I'm gonna!
However, this time you're going to have to work for it.
I'm going to have a little quiz and in your comment leave the letter for your answer. Whoever has the most correct answers, wins. If there is more than one winner, I'll random.org between those.
Ready? Okay!
Question #1
Who was my last boyfriend in high school?
a.) Eric
b.) Trevor
c.) Josh
Question #2
Which department store did I wet my pants in when I was nine?
a.) Shop-Ko
b.) Wal-Mart
c.) Target
Question #3
What is my current favorite color?
a.) orange
b.) red
c.) black
Question #4
If offered a plane ticket to any state in the US which would I choose?
a.) Hawaii
b.) Tennessee
c.) New York
Question #5
Which thing am I most afraid of?
a.) Snakes
b.) Mice
c.) Spiders
Question #6
How old was I when my husband and I got married?
a.) 18
b.) 19
c.) 20
Question #7
Which of these have I not lived in?
a.) duplex
b.) apartment
c.) fifth wheel
Question # 8
What is my favorite holiday?
a.) My birthday
b.) Christmas
c.) Thanksgiving
Question #9
Which chore do I love the most? (this isn't a trick question, there's one I love!)
a.) Laundry
b.) Cleaning the bathroom
c.) Dishes
Question #10
On Saturday my husband and I discussed boys names. If I were to have a son, what would we name him?
a.) Jack
b.) Silas
c.) Myron
I'll take answers through tomorrow night and Friday evening I'll post the winner.
Oh, wanna know what you're playing for?
A gift card to Target.
Good Luck!
*if you comment anonymously...please leave your name.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
i don't expect you to understand
sigh.
what started out as a decent day quickly went downhill. the crazy thing about it, i don't know when it happened or how it happened. i just know it happened.
josh was supposed to come home last night.
didn't happen.
not his fault. just truck life and never knowing from hour to hour what's going to pan out.
then spice decided to lock herself in the bathroom while i was on the phone with my sil. i quickly hung up (sorry, treena) and called my husband as i headed outside to see if the bathroom window was unlocked.
"where are you?" i asked as i was climbing on our a/c unit outside to reach the window.
"about to pull in the driveway, why?" as he's saying this i can hear and see him pulling in.
i whispered a prayer of thanksgiving that he was home in time to climb in the (unlocked) bathroom window. a fat girl trying to hoist herself into a tiny window would not look too hot from the road, of this i'm sure.
spice is in the bathroom and as i lift the window she yells, "HI!"
josh rescues her.
he eats lunch with the girls, lays them down for naps and has to jet.
the next three hours are spent with the girls not sleeping and me trying to do our taxes. i've done our taxes myself on turbotax for the last three years. this year is different because we have an hsa account. it's completely screwed me up and ticked me off.
didn't help that my girls wouldn't sleep, either. i decided to take a bath and turn the fan on in the bathroom to drown out the sound of my children. yes, i'm that great of a mom. then i fell asleep in the bathtub. i don't recommend this unless wearing a life jacket while you bathe.
josh called to inform me he wouldn't be coming back after he loaded pipe as originally planned because he needed to have something fixed on his truck and we spent time on the phone talking about our taxes and me crying because why-the-heck-can't-i-do-THEM!?
i finally (at around 4) sent a text to my husband requesting a straight jacket for my birthday. i also requested it in size 37x because it should fit just right by the time my birthday and i roll around.
he sent another one back asking if i'd like to meet for dinner at the golden arches and starbucks.
uh, duh.
i realized i should probably get dressed. i put on a pair of jeans but they wouldn't button or zip and i realized i'd need a long hoodie to cover that fact up.
then i let my kids out of the prison of their bedroom and slung 'em into the car.
no coats or socks.
in fact, they were still wearing their jammies.
i picked my husband up at his boss' house and we headed to mcd's. i didn't realize he wanted to go in and he didn't realize the kids wouldn't be dressed. tis a good thing my van is an absolute disaster right now and has almost our entire house in it because he found enough clothes for both girls.
but i didn't want to get out.
i hadn't brushed my hair.
or my teeth.
or put on deodorant.
and if i lifted my arms too much someone was bound to see my jeans weren't buttoned or zipped.
so, he left me in the van.
and i panicked.
i sent out an sos over facebook asking for prayer because i was needing it quick.
josh took the girls into burger king instead (mcd's was having fundraiser night and was completely packed) and i could see the three of them sitting in there together. i wanted to be with them. but i was so angry. i don't even know at what.
i was also embarrassed because hello, i was acting like a four year old.
i pulled the hood up on my hoodie, got out of my van, walked across the street and joined my family for dinner.
then told my husband i should have my tubes tied because i'm not fit to be a mother to two children, so what have we been thinking considering more?! seriously, that was our conversation over dinner.
we headed to starbucks afterward and by the end of our 90 minutes together my mood had lifted and we were laughing and enjoying being together.
spice fell asleep on the ride home so she went straight to bed.
sugar and i played a couple games of candyland and then it was off to bed for her. in her prayer tonight, get this, she thanked the Lord for our great day.
she must be nuts like her mom.
what started out as a decent day quickly went downhill. the crazy thing about it, i don't know when it happened or how it happened. i just know it happened.
josh was supposed to come home last night.
didn't happen.
not his fault. just truck life and never knowing from hour to hour what's going to pan out.
then spice decided to lock herself in the bathroom while i was on the phone with my sil. i quickly hung up (sorry, treena) and called my husband as i headed outside to see if the bathroom window was unlocked.
"where are you?" i asked as i was climbing on our a/c unit outside to reach the window.
"about to pull in the driveway, why?" as he's saying this i can hear and see him pulling in.
i whispered a prayer of thanksgiving that he was home in time to climb in the (unlocked) bathroom window. a fat girl trying to hoist herself into a tiny window would not look too hot from the road, of this i'm sure.
spice is in the bathroom and as i lift the window she yells, "HI!"
josh rescues her.
he eats lunch with the girls, lays them down for naps and has to jet.
the next three hours are spent with the girls not sleeping and me trying to do our taxes. i've done our taxes myself on turbotax for the last three years. this year is different because we have an hsa account. it's completely screwed me up and ticked me off.
didn't help that my girls wouldn't sleep, either. i decided to take a bath and turn the fan on in the bathroom to drown out the sound of my children. yes, i'm that great of a mom. then i fell asleep in the bathtub. i don't recommend this unless wearing a life jacket while you bathe.
josh called to inform me he wouldn't be coming back after he loaded pipe as originally planned because he needed to have something fixed on his truck and we spent time on the phone talking about our taxes and me crying because why-the-heck-can't-i-do-THEM!?
i finally (at around 4) sent a text to my husband requesting a straight jacket for my birthday. i also requested it in size 37x because it should fit just right by the time my birthday and i roll around.
he sent another one back asking if i'd like to meet for dinner at the golden arches and starbucks.
uh, duh.
i realized i should probably get dressed. i put on a pair of jeans but they wouldn't button or zip and i realized i'd need a long hoodie to cover that fact up.
then i let my kids out of the prison of their bedroom and slung 'em into the car.
no coats or socks.
in fact, they were still wearing their jammies.
i picked my husband up at his boss' house and we headed to mcd's. i didn't realize he wanted to go in and he didn't realize the kids wouldn't be dressed. tis a good thing my van is an absolute disaster right now and has almost our entire house in it because he found enough clothes for both girls.
but i didn't want to get out.
i hadn't brushed my hair.
or my teeth.
or put on deodorant.
and if i lifted my arms too much someone was bound to see my jeans weren't buttoned or zipped.
so, he left me in the van.
and i panicked.
i sent out an sos over facebook asking for prayer because i was needing it quick.
josh took the girls into burger king instead (mcd's was having fundraiser night and was completely packed) and i could see the three of them sitting in there together. i wanted to be with them. but i was so angry. i don't even know at what.
i was also embarrassed because hello, i was acting like a four year old.
i pulled the hood up on my hoodie, got out of my van, walked across the street and joined my family for dinner.
then told my husband i should have my tubes tied because i'm not fit to be a mother to two children, so what have we been thinking considering more?! seriously, that was our conversation over dinner.
we headed to starbucks afterward and by the end of our 90 minutes together my mood had lifted and we were laughing and enjoying being together.
spice fell asleep on the ride home so she went straight to bed.
sugar and i played a couple games of candyland and then it was off to bed for her. in her prayer tonight, get this, she thanked the Lord for our great day.
she must be nuts like her mom.
Monday, February 01, 2010
His Laugh
Every once in a while, but not too often, I'll let myself really think about my dad.
Like, really think about him.
Tonight is one of those times.
These 10 and a half years without him have made it hard to remember things about him. And tonight I find myself panicking about it.
One of my favorite things about my dad was his laugh.
Tonight, I realized that I can't hear it in my head anymore. I used to be able to play it over and over if I wanted to. Tonight I can't.
Oh, my heart hurts.
A few months back we were at a harvest party for Josh's company and there was a guy there who had hands just like my dad. Hands that worked but were perfectly manicured. That guy probably thought I was crazy because I kept staring at his hands all night.
I've mentioned before that a couple of years ago I saw a guy from the back who looked exactly like my dad. Same build, same stance, same bushy hair coming out of a baseball cap. I wanted to run up and hug him.
That woulda been awkward.
I'm sad to have this memory of my dad, his laugh, gone from my memory. I've emailed a girl whose family was very close with my dad for many years, asking if they have any home videos of him that I could borrow. Is that silly?
Even sillier, will you pray they do? And that they'd loan them to me?
I'm kinda missing him right now.
His laugh the most.
Like, really think about him.
Tonight is one of those times.
These 10 and a half years without him have made it hard to remember things about him. And tonight I find myself panicking about it.
One of my favorite things about my dad was his laugh.
Tonight, I realized that I can't hear it in my head anymore. I used to be able to play it over and over if I wanted to. Tonight I can't.
Oh, my heart hurts.
A few months back we were at a harvest party for Josh's company and there was a guy there who had hands just like my dad. Hands that worked but were perfectly manicured. That guy probably thought I was crazy because I kept staring at his hands all night.
I've mentioned before that a couple of years ago I saw a guy from the back who looked exactly like my dad. Same build, same stance, same bushy hair coming out of a baseball cap. I wanted to run up and hug him.
That woulda been awkward.
I'm sad to have this memory of my dad, his laugh, gone from my memory. I've emailed a girl whose family was very close with my dad for many years, asking if they have any home videos of him that I could borrow. Is that silly?
Even sillier, will you pray they do? And that they'd loan them to me?
I'm kinda missing him right now.
His laugh the most.
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