Once Upon a Birthday

Today we're celebrating my stepdad's birthday.

He and my mom have been married for just over two years, but since they've lived in Vegas up until this summer, this is the first birthday where I get to be with him.

My mom recently had neck surgery so I offered to have Bill's birthday party at my house and offered to make dinner.  My mom took me up on it.

Yesterday I prepared the meal so that today I could just focus on family once they show up.  Said family includes a step brother and sister I've never met.  (Crossin' mah fingers they like me!)  I was having so much fun making the meal, knowing it was for Bill for his birthday and that his kids would be coming and he hasn't seen them in awhile.  Just all over happiness of family coming together.  I don't know how to explain it, I was just feeling so blessed to be able to do this for him.

While cleaning up I was suddenly very emotional.  I was pretty sad pants.

I was remembering the last birthday my dad had.  His 40th.  I was 18, newly married, and decided that this would be the year I'd be a grown up and make a cake and celebrate with him his birthday - for the first time.

I built a cake.  I had thought I remembered him saying German chocolate was his favorite (ew!) so that's what I made.  I bought him a card (no gift because I had no clue what to get the man), then headed a couple towns over to give him the cake.  While on my way there I panicked.  What if the cake was gross?  What if that wasn't his favorite cake after all?  What if I messed up?

So I opened the car door and threw it out alongside the road.

Yes.  I did.

I'll forever regret that I did that.

(I wish I could go back and hug 18 year old insecure Sarah and tell her she did a great job on that cake and her daddy would love it no matter what.)

I haven't had a dad in so many years and Bill is absolutely wonderful to me, I'm feeling honored to make his birthday dinner and celebrate him tonight with his family.

And I'm promising not to throw dinner out alongside the road before they get here.

Write that Down

I often post to FB or Twitter the silly things my girls say, but forget to put them down in some sort of journal.

A couple of things they've said recently have cracked me up, so I want to share them here.

Last week the girls and I spent a long afternoon grocery shopping.  From store to store to store.  On the way home, from the backseat, Spice says, "Mama, I found a penny in my bottom.  No wonder it's hurt all day."

I cracked up.

A penny.  In her bottom.

Why, child?  Why was there a penny in your bottom?

The kid kills me.  Always.

Recently, on another trip in the car, we were talking to the girls about patience.  Josh asked Spice if she knew what patience was.

"Yes.  It's when you have to wait for the food."

Because with Spice, everything is about the food.  Everything.

She's allergic to many foods.  Many tasty foods.  And apparently the child doesn't want to give up her flour tortillas because when I go to change her sheets I find partially eaten flour tortillas underneath her pillow.

Two days ago I was going to take a shower.  I went in the bathroom and locked the door.  I've only just recently started locking the bathroom door.  Because that 7 minutes I get in the shower is the only time I'm by myself during the day.  And before I started locking the door, I didn't have those seven minutes to myself.  I would have one child or another, sometimes both, sitting on the toilet lid, staring at me, talking to me, asking me questions, "what are we going to do today?" or "do you know where such and such stupid toy that why would i know the answer to this question is?"  It's either incessant questions or it's tattling or it's whatever.  But I have learned that if I don't lock the bathroom door, there is no seven minutes of peace and quiet.

So, back to the two days ago I went to take a shower...

I lock the door.  I shower.  I unlock the door and Sugar comes in.

"You locked the door while you were in the shower so I had to go outside to mark my territory."

And then she turned around and walked out and I just stood there in my towel and laughed.

That kid.

I think she's part animal or boy or something.  But zero parts a lady.

They are funny little beings, these people I'm raising.

the post about my bike and my goal i never reached

the doctor who performed the three surgeries i've had asked me a couple of months back if i'd like to ride STP.

Seattle to Portland.  200 miles over two days.

totally doable.

he then asked if i'd consider being one of the ridiculous ones and do the ride in one day.

apparently some idiots do that.

i paid him $200 to ask me that question.

okay, actually i was having some pain along my 6 year old incision that had persisted 12 days and i was growing concerned.  so i made an appointment.  i was there approximately 20 minutes, 5 of which were spent him telling me i'm fine, the other 15 talking bicycles.

i told him i'd think about it and let him know.

i get out to the car and first thing i do is text Jessica.  how do you set a goal and what if you set a goal but cannot reach it?

THEN WHAT!?

and she told me i needed something scary and i needed to sign up and don't we all need that friend who says, "do the scary thing"?

yes.  we do.

so glad to have her.

i talked to Josh.  and then a few days later i walked back into his office and asked the office girl to please write a note to the fine doctor letting him know i would begin training.

it's been two months.  there's been no training.  a website i've found shows training to start in February.  and the miles in a week are so completely doable.  starting with just three rides and 60 miles a week.  that's really not that many.

however, it's just not possible at this time in my life.

i don't know what's happened but life has changed and so have i and i don't seem to have the time to get out on the bike.  the days are shorter and by the time Josh gets home from work there's no daylight.  i've ridden in the dark before.  twice.  once i was hit by a car, and the other time a car did not see me and i had to slam on my brakes, didn't clip out in time, and fell.

i cannot safely ride in the dark.

at ages eight and five i cannot leave my children during the day to go ride.

i cannot train or sign up for STP.

today i went to the gym to cancel my membership.  the pissy pants side of me considered listing my bike on Craigslist.  what's the point of having her if i don't get to ride her?  i feel like it's a waste.  i feel like my love for the sport, for the bike - is a waste.

admittedly, i'm in a sour mood about the whole thing.  i'm not writing this post in a just-no- feeling-this moment the way i often do.  it's been days upon days knowing i can't do STP.  my sad pants-ness isn't gonna go away any time soon.

finding what works

This is our fourth year home educating.

Okay, third.  We really didn't do much around here for Kindergarten with Sugar.  I freaked out about this for much of the public school year.  Just sure I was ruining her.  I had my veteran homeschool mom friends telling me to chill and to read and to enjoy her.  Oh if I could go back to sweet Sugar at age five.  I would soak up all that time with her and stop stressing about ruining her.

Five year olds want to be read to and played with.  They want to cook with you and help you with chores.  They want to snuggle up real close.  They want to play in the dirt.

I know because I still have a five year old.

And because I've learned from my mistake with Sugar, I let Spice have a lot of free time doing the fun things a five year old should do.  However, she's much more studious than her older sister and actually enjoys sitting at the table for a couple of hours to work on math, reading, etc.

The learning situation in our household has been more calm these last several weeks than ever.  I'm sure part of it is that Sugar just realizes school is part of our day whether she wants it to be or not.  But I believe the biggest part of what's helped settle down our days is that I'm not trying to shove every subject into her.  I believe reading, writing, spelling, punctuation, and grammar are a big deal (not that you could tell from my writing) so that IS something we work on daily and for the most amount of time.  Other than that, I kinda just let her tell me what she's interested in learning.  We spent about a week and a half learning about sharks.  And she just informed me that next she'd like to study dolphins.  This kid may not be able to multiply but she can tell you some amazing facts about a multitude of animals and bugs.  I love it.

Spice is much more interested in learning to read than Sugar ever was at her age.  She's sounding out words, writing, adding and subtracting, etc.

Something that I notice I have a hard time with is keeping up on housework with school or school with housework.  If I'm working on something with one of the girls and see that the dishes need to be done, it's hard for me to concentrate on just teaching the girls.  I get overwhelmed thinking I need to be doing all of it at once.  Or, I found that if I went to throw a load of clothes in the wash, the girls would scramble from the table and all focus would be lost.  For all of us.

Last week, for something new, I decided to load up our books and head to the library to do our school day.  It was amazing.  I didn't have to think about laundry or cooking or dishes.  I could just focus on the girls and what we were learning for the day.  They don't have the distraction of the animals or toys or our playground outside.

So.  We went again Monday and Tuesday.  It's been working out fabulously.  When we get home I can clean and cook without school related questions.

The girls have really enjoyed it and so have I.

I'm not sure how long we'll do this, but for now I see this lasting awhile.