I've known you for 17 of your 31 birthdays!
I love that.
Mostly, I love you.
Happy Birthday, Candee.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
You say Potato, I say Potahto. You say foolish, I say I needed it.
I had my hernia surgery 12 days ago.
Yesterday, at day 11, I went for a bike ride.
And I did the really foolish thing and posted it to Facebook. I think my posting that to Facebook was more foolish than the ride itself.
Yeesh.
Sunday night, Christmas, I was in so much pain. From laughter. I was laughing harder than I've laughed in a long time. Long time. I never realized how much of your stomach you use to laugh til that night. I was crying from laughter but also from the pain it was causing. My BIL was killing me. At least it felt that way. The laughter felt great but my insides...oh my insides.
The next day Megan and I were to do the crazy shop after Christmas deal. The way I was feeling Sunday when they left I wasn't sure I was going to be up for it. But, I took a coupla Tylenol PMs and got a good 5 hours of sleep. (stupid Hunger Games book kept me reading til early morning) And I felt amazing. We shopped all day, walking all over the place and I couldn't believe how I felt. Almost like new. I told Josh I wanted to go for a bike ride the next day on his lunch break. He checked my bike over, aired my tires.
Tuesday I woke up and felt awesome again. He called me around 11 asking if I was still in the mood for my ride. It was warm outside, and even though I'd been doing some housework, my tummy and back felt fine.
I told him I was going to go for the ride.
In my head I had planned about a 15 mile ride. I figured that'd be about as far as I could go in the amount of time I had. Normally 15 miles wouldn't take me an hour but it's been a month since I've ridden and I was 11 days post-surgery. I thought it was a good plan.
I always start out too fast. Always.
Yesterday was no different. I was cruising my road at 18 mph, feeling great. And then I hit a wall just a couple miles in. I turned back much sooner than I planned. I could tell my body wasn't too thrilled with me. While I felt great in my legs, arms and chest, my stomach was hurting.
At 5.5 miles and just one mile from home I very nearly called Josh to come get me. But I knew I had another mile left in me. I was in a lot of pain when I walked in the door. Josh had to take my shoes off me because I couldn't bend over to do it. He helped me out of my jersey and got me a glass of water with some Ibuprofen.
I rested for a couple of hours and then resumed my daily household activities of dinner, dishes, family.
While a bike ride 11 days post-surgery may seem foolish, it was what I needed. I needed that fresh air. I needed to prove to myself that I'm still strong enough to get on my bike, that I'm not going to let these random, freakish, ridiculous ailments get me down. Not only physically but emotionally.
I'm tired of sitting. Tired of being waited on. That's not how I roll.
I wondered how I'd feel today, if I'd be regretting what I did. I don't. Not even a little. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, renewed. I won't get on my bike today.
But soon. Very, very soon.
Yesterday, at day 11, I went for a bike ride.
And I did the really foolish thing and posted it to Facebook. I think my posting that to Facebook was more foolish than the ride itself.
Yeesh.
Sunday night, Christmas, I was in so much pain. From laughter. I was laughing harder than I've laughed in a long time. Long time. I never realized how much of your stomach you use to laugh til that night. I was crying from laughter but also from the pain it was causing. My BIL was killing me. At least it felt that way. The laughter felt great but my insides...oh my insides.
The next day Megan and I were to do the crazy shop after Christmas deal. The way I was feeling Sunday when they left I wasn't sure I was going to be up for it. But, I took a coupla Tylenol PMs and got a good 5 hours of sleep. (stupid Hunger Games book kept me reading til early morning) And I felt amazing. We shopped all day, walking all over the place and I couldn't believe how I felt. Almost like new. I told Josh I wanted to go for a bike ride the next day on his lunch break. He checked my bike over, aired my tires.
Tuesday I woke up and felt awesome again. He called me around 11 asking if I was still in the mood for my ride. It was warm outside, and even though I'd been doing some housework, my tummy and back felt fine.
I told him I was going to go for the ride.
In my head I had planned about a 15 mile ride. I figured that'd be about as far as I could go in the amount of time I had. Normally 15 miles wouldn't take me an hour but it's been a month since I've ridden and I was 11 days post-surgery. I thought it was a good plan.
I always start out too fast. Always.
Yesterday was no different. I was cruising my road at 18 mph, feeling great. And then I hit a wall just a couple miles in. I turned back much sooner than I planned. I could tell my body wasn't too thrilled with me. While I felt great in my legs, arms and chest, my stomach was hurting.
At 5.5 miles and just one mile from home I very nearly called Josh to come get me. But I knew I had another mile left in me. I was in a lot of pain when I walked in the door. Josh had to take my shoes off me because I couldn't bend over to do it. He helped me out of my jersey and got me a glass of water with some Ibuprofen.
I rested for a couple of hours and then resumed my daily household activities of dinner, dishes, family.
While a bike ride 11 days post-surgery may seem foolish, it was what I needed. I needed that fresh air. I needed to prove to myself that I'm still strong enough to get on my bike, that I'm not going to let these random, freakish, ridiculous ailments get me down. Not only physically but emotionally.
I'm tired of sitting. Tired of being waited on. That's not how I roll.
I wondered how I'd feel today, if I'd be regretting what I did. I don't. Not even a little. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, renewed. I won't get on my bike today.
But soon. Very, very soon.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Nose Sting
{You know, when you're about to cry but don't wanna and your eyes well up and your nose burns?} Yeah. Nose Sting.
Spice came down the stairs yesterday morning in tears. When I asked her why she was crying, her response broke my heart.
"I miss *sob* Maugiieee."
Maugie is my mom.
The crying stopped as soon as I asked if she wanted to call her. Her eyes lit up and she sniffed but smiled the smile only Spice can give.
She and my mom talked for a bit and that was enough to calm my sweet babe.
Later in the day my mom sent a text saying the box I'd sent her had made it. Inside was a gift I'd left unwrapped. Something I knew she'd love more than anything else she'll open in that box.
A little wooden thing I got from Hobby Lobby that has Snoopy and Charlie Brown on it. My mom, she loves Peanuts. As soon as I saw it, I knew I'd have Sugar color it for my mom.
My mom loved it, of course.
I knew that she would.
Her text was full of emotion.
And I steeled myself not to cry.
But that nose sting was there.
In my busying of "stuff to get done before my surgery" I had it in my head that I needed to get our spare room ready for my mom to come stay for Christmas Eve as she has the last coupla years. I was thinking of ways to make the room special for her. Thinking about what dishes I was going to make that I'd need to make sure I kept the onions out of. I was thinking about how I'd be neglected during any conversation because her and Josh talk so much. And that we needed to bring the rocking chair downstairs so she had a place to rock. Because my mom, she needs to have a chair that rocks.
And then as quickly as all those thoughts ran through my head I realized something that hurt my heart and made my nose sting again.
She won't be here for Christmas this year.
But yesterday it dawned on me. It's not just hard on me. Or just hard on my kids.
It's hard on her, too.
I'm going to miss her something fierce tomorrow night when we're opening up our jammies around the tree with Christmas music playing softly in the background. Kids exhausted but wild with excitement.
But I know she'll be missing us.
I bet it makes her nose sting just a little too.
Spice came down the stairs yesterday morning in tears. When I asked her why she was crying, her response broke my heart.
"I miss *sob* Maugiieee."
Maugie is my mom.
The crying stopped as soon as I asked if she wanted to call her. Her eyes lit up and she sniffed but smiled the smile only Spice can give.
She and my mom talked for a bit and that was enough to calm my sweet babe.
Later in the day my mom sent a text saying the box I'd sent her had made it. Inside was a gift I'd left unwrapped. Something I knew she'd love more than anything else she'll open in that box.
A little wooden thing I got from Hobby Lobby that has Snoopy and Charlie Brown on it. My mom, she loves Peanuts. As soon as I saw it, I knew I'd have Sugar color it for my mom.
My mom loved it, of course.
I knew that she would.
Her text was full of emotion.
And I steeled myself not to cry.
But that nose sting was there.
In my busying of "stuff to get done before my surgery" I had it in my head that I needed to get our spare room ready for my mom to come stay for Christmas Eve as she has the last coupla years. I was thinking of ways to make the room special for her. Thinking about what dishes I was going to make that I'd need to make sure I kept the onions out of. I was thinking about how I'd be neglected during any conversation because her and Josh talk so much. And that we needed to bring the rocking chair downstairs so she had a place to rock. Because my mom, she needs to have a chair that rocks.
And then as quickly as all those thoughts ran through my head I realized something that hurt my heart and made my nose sting again.
She won't be here for Christmas this year.
But yesterday it dawned on me. It's not just hard on me. Or just hard on my kids.
It's hard on her, too.
I'm going to miss her something fierce tomorrow night when we're opening up our jammies around the tree with Christmas music playing softly in the background. Kids exhausted but wild with excitement.
But I know she'll be missing us.
I bet it makes her nose sting just a little too.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
No Title...'cause what can you title something like this?
Yesterday I tweeted that I wanted to scream, punch and kick at God. And then I quickly deleted it.
I mean, am I allowed to say that?
I kinda don't care if I'm allowed to say that or not.
It's how I feel.
I've started to write some ugly words. And I've backspaced them all.
Praying is the last thing I feel like doing. But I'll do it. I'm asking you to do the same. If you're so inclined.
The words of my friend, Laura:
Josiah Courage Sims
I mean, am I allowed to say that?
I kinda don't care if I'm allowed to say that or not.
It's how I feel.
I've started to write some ugly words. And I've backspaced them all.
Praying is the last thing I feel like doing. But I'll do it. I'm asking you to do the same. If you're so inclined.
The words of my friend, Laura:
Josiah Courage Sims
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Traditions
December 21st: Traditions
What are your traditions of Christmas? Is there any one thing that spans generations or your family or just in your life?
"It's tradition!" {name that movie}
{my sisters will}
There aren't any traditions from childhood that I've kept going with my children. Mostly because I'm horrible at keeping with stuff like that. My friend, Kristie, she rocks making traditions with her sweet family.
Two years ago I did start a simple tradition that I'll be able to keep going and that is to buy my girls matching jammies that they open on Christmas Eve.
I do this so that pictures on Christmas morning are of them looking cute, instead of just in their undies and/or diaper or with them in a white trashy t-shirt dirtied from yesterday's breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I know they won't always love having matching jammies and when they don't, I'll just get them coordinating ones.
I also get Josh jammie pants.
Last year my kids and my sister's kids went to my mom's to decorate Christmas cookies. I was hoping that would start to be a tradition but the jackwagon (my mom) moved to Vegas.
What?
Bitter still?
Only slightly.
I'll get over it.
(I first wrote that sentence, "I'll get it over." And I wonder why I shouldn't mix wine with Percocet.)
This year my sister, BIL and niece and nephew will come over in the early evening to open gifts. My mom sent gifts to us and I was going to give them to Megan to have at her house but I knew she'd open them so I kept them. She'll hafta wait til Christmas.
I'd love for that to be a new tradition.
Mostly, on Christmas, I just want to not have to leave my house. I want as many people that want to come over - come over. But there's so much hustle and bustle in the days leading up, I just want to be in my own home, with my snuggly babes and their new presents and my sweet little Percocet.
I wanna love it and hug it and call it George.
What are your traditions of Christmas? Is there any one thing that spans generations or your family or just in your life?
"It's tradition!" {name that movie}
{my sisters will}
There aren't any traditions from childhood that I've kept going with my children. Mostly because I'm horrible at keeping with stuff like that. My friend, Kristie, she rocks making traditions with her sweet family.
Two years ago I did start a simple tradition that I'll be able to keep going and that is to buy my girls matching jammies that they open on Christmas Eve.
I do this so that pictures on Christmas morning are of them looking cute, instead of just in their undies and/or diaper or with them in a white trashy t-shirt dirtied from yesterday's breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I know they won't always love having matching jammies and when they don't, I'll just get them coordinating ones.
I also get Josh jammie pants.
Last year my kids and my sister's kids went to my mom's to decorate Christmas cookies. I was hoping that would start to be a tradition but the jackwagon (my mom) moved to Vegas.
What?
Bitter still?
Only slightly.
I'll get over it.
(I first wrote that sentence, "I'll get it over." And I wonder why I shouldn't mix wine with Percocet.)
This year my sister, BIL and niece and nephew will come over in the early evening to open gifts. My mom sent gifts to us and I was going to give them to Megan to have at her house but I knew she'd open them so I kept them. She'll hafta wait til Christmas.
I'd love for that to be a new tradition.
Mostly, on Christmas, I just want to not have to leave my house. I want as many people that want to come over - come over. But there's so much hustle and bustle in the days leading up, I just want to be in my own home, with my snuggly babes and their new presents and my sweet little Percocet.
I wanna love it and hug it and call it George.
A prompt about lists? {swoon}
December 20th: Lists
Do you make lists? Do you like to cross them off physically or do you put them in your iPhone or Blackberry? Do they work?
Do I make lists? bahahahaha.
Of course I make lists. I make lists to make lists.
Here's how making a grocery list goes at my house:
Throughout the week I scratch down on a piece of paper things that I need.
On shopping day I look at that list and rewrite it plus add more to it.
Then I rewrite that list again.
And lastly I rewrite it again but in order of the layout of whatever store I'm shopping at. If my final draft has one screw up or one item placed in the wrong spot, I will rewrite it.
Ask my husband.
Or my sister. I was late to her house a couple of weeks ago for our shopping trip because I needed to make a final draft of my list.
The only list I have going right now is actually on my phone. Which is odd. I rarely do that. The times I do are usually to remember the name of an author or a book. Or a license plate (but I can usually just memorize those). Or funny quotes from Amber or my sister.
My list right now is our Christmas day menu:
Breakfast:
Mini Pecan Rolls
Sausage crescent roll casserole
Mimosas
Snacks throughout the day:
Baked Brie bites
Bacon wrapped pineapple bites
Christmas mojitos
Cheese and crackers
Peanut butter ball {possibly}
Dinner:
Prime rib
Potatoes gratin w/Gruyere
Roasted Brussels sprouts
Roasted peppers w/mozzarella and red onion salad.
Red wine - have to decide what to buy
My next list needs to be the grocery list for the ingredients for everything. I can't fathom the idea of walking around the grocery store right now (did I mention I brought home my catheter) so we may end eating out of our freezer. Which, thankfully is stocked.
Do you make lists? Do you like to cross them off physically or do you put them in your iPhone or Blackberry? Do they work?
Do I make lists? bahahahaha.
Of course I make lists. I make lists to make lists.
Here's how making a grocery list goes at my house:
Throughout the week I scratch down on a piece of paper things that I need.
On shopping day I look at that list and rewrite it plus add more to it.
Then I rewrite that list again.
And lastly I rewrite it again but in order of the layout of whatever store I'm shopping at. If my final draft has one screw up or one item placed in the wrong spot, I will rewrite it.
Ask my husband.
Or my sister. I was late to her house a couple of weeks ago for our shopping trip because I needed to make a final draft of my list.
The only list I have going right now is actually on my phone. Which is odd. I rarely do that. The times I do are usually to remember the name of an author or a book. Or a license plate (but I can usually just memorize those). Or funny quotes from Amber or my sister.
My list right now is our Christmas day menu:
Breakfast:
Mini Pecan Rolls
Sausage crescent roll casserole
Mimosas
Snacks throughout the day:
Baked Brie bites
Bacon wrapped pineapple bites
Christmas mojitos
Cheese and crackers
Peanut butter ball {possibly}
Dinner:
Prime rib
Potatoes gratin w/Gruyere
Roasted Brussels sprouts
Roasted peppers w/mozzarella and red onion salad.
Red wine - have to decide what to buy
My next list needs to be the grocery list for the ingredients for everything. I can't fathom the idea of walking around the grocery store right now (did I mention I brought home my catheter) so we may end eating out of our freezer. Which, thankfully is stocked.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Frustration
December 19th: Frustration
What was one of the biggest frustrations you had this year? What will you do to deal with it in 2012? Or, will you even have to?
Definitely my ankle saga. I was at the peak of my fitness when I hurt my ankle and wasn't able to ride my bike for 5 weeks. I could barely walk. I missed a few weeks of yoga. I was pissed. I cried more out of frustration than pain, even though there was a lot of that.
I was frustrated that I had been busting my ass for months and then all I could do was sit on it.
It's better now. Not completely. I'm not sure if I can run yet. I try jogging to my mailbox every once in awhile. Then it aches for the rest of the day. Every once in awhile I'll move wrong and I'll cry out in pain. It's embarrassing.
The next frustrating thing...just as my ankle is healing and I can get back to working out, I find out I have a hernia along my incision from my cancer/colon surgery.
I haven't gotten my thank you cards out to those who helped out during that the ankle deal by bringing meals or taking my kids or cleaning my house and now this.
So, Friday as in 3 days ago I had surgery to put in a piece of mesh and repair it. My surgeon (same one who did my appendectomy and hemi colectomy) said that it'd be three, maybe four incisions and I'd most likely be in and out the same day.
Awesome. I can do that, no prob.
Well, my 3 incisions turned into 9. My in and out procedure turned into an overnight stay.
I'm pissed. It's a week before Christmas and I can hardly move. I can hardly get off my couch to walk. I'm not allowed to work out for several weeks. I can't pick up my kids. I can't cook or clean for them. It may sound like a vacation but when you can't do the things you're so used to doing, you realize just how much you enjoy doing those things.
I even tried to clean the toilet today but couldn't bend down. I wasn't supposed to try but I noticed it was dirty and wanted to make it not dirty. Then I tried to wrap presents and that was the dumbest thing I did for the month.
It's a weird feeling to feel like you can't even walk. I have to hold my belly. The staples freak me out. I'm afraid they're going to catch on something.
I handle pain well. I go nearly twice as long between pain meds than I'm supposed to. What I don't handle well is immobility. I don't handle being out of control of my household well. It makes me mad.
Also I've not been allowed to eat. I'm a girl who likes to eat. A lot. Add that to my list of frustrations.
My list of IOUs for my friends is looong. Here's a public thank you to those who brought meals last time, this time. Who cleaned my house last time or took my babes. And who've done that this time. I truly do not deserve friends and family like you. But I'm so grateful for you. You'll have your thank you card. I promise. I just suck at getting them in the mailbox.
Okay, I'm done venting about my stupid ailments. I know I could have it so much worse.
What was one of the biggest frustrations you had this year? What will you do to deal with it in 2012? Or, will you even have to?
Definitely my ankle saga. I was at the peak of my fitness when I hurt my ankle and wasn't able to ride my bike for 5 weeks. I could barely walk. I missed a few weeks of yoga. I was pissed. I cried more out of frustration than pain, even though there was a lot of that.
I was frustrated that I had been busting my ass for months and then all I could do was sit on it.
It's better now. Not completely. I'm not sure if I can run yet. I try jogging to my mailbox every once in awhile. Then it aches for the rest of the day. Every once in awhile I'll move wrong and I'll cry out in pain. It's embarrassing.
The next frustrating thing...just as my ankle is healing and I can get back to working out, I find out I have a hernia along my incision from my cancer/colon surgery.
I haven't gotten my thank you cards out to those who helped out during that the ankle deal by bringing meals or taking my kids or cleaning my house and now this.
So, Friday as in 3 days ago I had surgery to put in a piece of mesh and repair it. My surgeon (same one who did my appendectomy and hemi colectomy) said that it'd be three, maybe four incisions and I'd most likely be in and out the same day.
Awesome. I can do that, no prob.
Well, my 3 incisions turned into 9. My in and out procedure turned into an overnight stay.
I'm pissed. It's a week before Christmas and I can hardly move. I can hardly get off my couch to walk. I'm not allowed to work out for several weeks. I can't pick up my kids. I can't cook or clean for them. It may sound like a vacation but when you can't do the things you're so used to doing, you realize just how much you enjoy doing those things.
I even tried to clean the toilet today but couldn't bend down. I wasn't supposed to try but I noticed it was dirty and wanted to make it not dirty. Then I tried to wrap presents and that was the dumbest thing I did for the month.
It's a weird feeling to feel like you can't even walk. I have to hold my belly. The staples freak me out. I'm afraid they're going to catch on something.
I handle pain well. I go nearly twice as long between pain meds than I'm supposed to. What I don't handle well is immobility. I don't handle being out of control of my household well. It makes me mad.
Also I've not been allowed to eat. I'm a girl who likes to eat. A lot. Add that to my list of frustrations.
My list of IOUs for my friends is looong. Here's a public thank you to those who brought meals last time, this time. Who cleaned my house last time or took my babes. And who've done that this time. I truly do not deserve friends and family like you. But I'm so grateful for you. You'll have your thank you card. I promise. I just suck at getting them in the mailbox.
Okay, I'm done venting about my stupid ailments. I know I could have it so much worse.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Prompt catch up
December 16th: Volunteer
Did you volunteer anywhere this year? Did you learn something in the process? Would you volunteer in 2012?
I can only think of the time we spend in the nursery at church. Every other month or so we have the entire month in the nursery. I've learned that no one wants to work in the nursery. One of the reasons we're in there every other month instead of every third month. Not many volunteer for the babies. It's understandable. Babies cry. When one starts, the other 4, 5, 6, or 7 follow suit. Almost all the babies have a thing for Josh. One baby only wanted him. Some of them we just want to take home with us, they're so fantastic.
We'll volunteer in 2012 even though I'd rather not. I know, that sounds terrible but we've been in the nursery for the last 6.5 years. I'm kinda ready to do something else at church. Preach maybe? Kidding.
December 17th: Ordinary Joy
How have you experienced ordinary joy this year?
Teaching. This school year has been going pretty well. I find joy in watching Sugar learn. And Spice is learning right along with her.
Clean laundry basket. I've done so much better with my laundry duties this year. I find joy in an empty laundry basket.
Cooking. I love, love, love to be in my kitchen.
My bike. She makes my heart happy.
Any moment spent with Amber is full of joy. We can just be sitting on the couch, not even talking to each other, staring at our phones or the tv and I just enjoy being with her. Being able to sit in comfortable silence with someone is a big deal.
December 18th: Time
Did time move quickly or slow for you this year? Was there ever a moment where you felt you blinked and the year was half over?
This year flew. I know that it can't go any faster or slower than the 24/7/365 but it just seemed to go so quickly. We were busy. The gym. House projects. Travels. Just life in general. It's been good.
Whew. Caught up.
Did you volunteer anywhere this year? Did you learn something in the process? Would you volunteer in 2012?
I can only think of the time we spend in the nursery at church. Every other month or so we have the entire month in the nursery. I've learned that no one wants to work in the nursery. One of the reasons we're in there every other month instead of every third month. Not many volunteer for the babies. It's understandable. Babies cry. When one starts, the other 4, 5, 6, or 7 follow suit. Almost all the babies have a thing for Josh. One baby only wanted him. Some of them we just want to take home with us, they're so fantastic.
We'll volunteer in 2012 even though I'd rather not. I know, that sounds terrible but we've been in the nursery for the last 6.5 years. I'm kinda ready to do something else at church. Preach maybe? Kidding.
December 17th: Ordinary Joy
How have you experienced ordinary joy this year?
Teaching. This school year has been going pretty well. I find joy in watching Sugar learn. And Spice is learning right along with her.
Clean laundry basket. I've done so much better with my laundry duties this year. I find joy in an empty laundry basket.
Cooking. I love, love, love to be in my kitchen.
My bike. She makes my heart happy.
Any moment spent with Amber is full of joy. We can just be sitting on the couch, not even talking to each other, staring at our phones or the tv and I just enjoy being with her. Being able to sit in comfortable silence with someone is a big deal.
December 18th: Time
Did time move quickly or slow for you this year? Was there ever a moment where you felt you blinked and the year was half over?
This year flew. I know that it can't go any faster or slower than the 24/7/365 but it just seemed to go so quickly. We were busy. The gym. House projects. Travels. Just life in general. It's been good.
Whew. Caught up.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Stuff I like
December 15th: Things
Many people believe that things are not important, so whether things or something more grand, what are three most important things in your life right now?
Sweet. An excuse to actually list materialistic crap without feeling guilt for it.
Three important things in my life right now, in random order:
My rig. I have a 2003 Dodge Grand Caravan. She has heated seats. Cup holders. And the reliability factor. I like to drive and I do a lot of it so I'm thankful for my van. Yeah, she's a "mom" rig and that totally loses the fun-ness that I love in a vehicle (oh, the days of my sporty looking red Lancer) but I love that I have room for 6 passengers or that I can pull the seats out and have room for a ton of groceries, tile flooring or my yoga mat..
Yep, love my van.
My gym membership. I know I could have gotten in shape and lost weight without it but it was definitely a great motivator for me. I haven't made any friends there, really. I try to. But Amber is the only one there who thinks (knows) I'm funny. I think the guys there just think (know) I'm a total moron. I smile. I wave. I say hello. They'll have none of it. Their loss, man. Their loss.
I'm thankful Josh works with the owner of the gym and I get a sweet discount. I'm thankful for the instructors that have helped me get to the healthiest place in my life that I've ever been. I'm thankful for their patience with Amber and me and our ridiculous inappropriateness that we try so hard to keep to ourselves but often fail at.
Lastly, and this is probably the most materialistic of all. My cell phone. I keep in touch with my friends, my family, Twitter, Facebook with that thing. The ability to text with my friends and family is hugely important to me. I've been without a cell phone, I know it's possible to be. I just don't want to ever be again. :)
And you? What are your three important material things?
{notice how I didn't list my bike? she's not a material possession to me. she's my love.}
Many people believe that things are not important, so whether things or something more grand, what are three most important things in your life right now?
Sweet. An excuse to actually list materialistic crap without feeling guilt for it.
Three important things in my life right now, in random order:
My rig. I have a 2003 Dodge Grand Caravan. She has heated seats. Cup holders. And the reliability factor. I like to drive and I do a lot of it so I'm thankful for my van. Yeah, she's a "mom" rig and that totally loses the fun-ness that I love in a vehicle (oh, the days of my sporty looking red Lancer) but I love that I have room for 6 passengers or that I can pull the seats out and have room for a ton of groceries, tile flooring or my yoga mat..
Yep, love my van.
My gym membership. I know I could have gotten in shape and lost weight without it but it was definitely a great motivator for me. I haven't made any friends there, really. I try to. But Amber is the only one there who thinks (knows) I'm funny. I think the guys there just think (know) I'm a total moron. I smile. I wave. I say hello. They'll have none of it. Their loss, man. Their loss.
I'm thankful Josh works with the owner of the gym and I get a sweet discount. I'm thankful for the instructors that have helped me get to the healthiest place in my life that I've ever been. I'm thankful for their patience with Amber and me and our ridiculous inappropriateness that we try so hard to keep to ourselves but often fail at.
Lastly, and this is probably the most materialistic of all. My cell phone. I keep in touch with my friends, my family, Twitter, Facebook with that thing. The ability to text with my friends and family is hugely important to me. I've been without a cell phone, I know it's possible to be. I just don't want to ever be again. :)
And you? What are your three important material things?
{notice how I didn't list my bike? she's not a material possession to me. she's my love.}
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
A real job...I gots one.
December 14: Jobs
Did you change jobs in 2011? What did you do? Did you change careers? If you didn't, did you do something that made you proud in your work? Do you plan to make a change in 2012?
I suppose you could say I went from being a Kindergarten teacher to a first grade teacher. I know that seems lame since I'm not an actual certified teacher or anything but this school year has been a pretty big deal around here.
Probably because we're actually schooling. :)
Last year was mostly me just banging my head against a wall and keeping myself from gouging out my wrists with spoons.
This year we're learning. We're playing. We're reading. Adding, subtracting. And laughing at Spice all along the way. Oh the joy and disruption that three year old makes to our days.
Back in April (I think) there was a tweet from a restaurant that was changing locations. They were hiring. They wanted a resume. They wanted you to come dressed for an interview. It took everything I had to not go and apply for a job. My friend, Megan worked there, enjoyed her job and got out of the house a few hours a week. It sounded fantastic. But at that point I was 6.5 yrs from having had a "real" job. I haven't worked outside the home since late 2004. My resume would have been a joke. My interview attire would have been spandex. And I probably wouldn't have been able to find the front door.
(remember, I have issues with those)
Obviously I didn't go.
Which turned out to be a good thing because they just closed up shop a few weeks ago.
I can imagine doing other jobs besides the one I'm doing now. I'm not going to lie. I loved my days at Pier 1. I loved my days as a barista. If I could have any job right now it'd probably be coffee. I absolutely love making coffee and serving coffee. It makes people happy. I like to make people happy.
The only change I plan to make in 2012 is to give myself credit for the job I actually have, whether I'm given a paycheck or not. I'm a teacher. I'm a mama. I'm a wife.
These are my jobs and I'm blessed to have them.
Did you change jobs in 2011? What did you do? Did you change careers? If you didn't, did you do something that made you proud in your work? Do you plan to make a change in 2012?
I suppose you could say I went from being a Kindergarten teacher to a first grade teacher. I know that seems lame since I'm not an actual certified teacher or anything but this school year has been a pretty big deal around here.
Probably because we're actually schooling. :)
Last year was mostly me just banging my head against a wall and keeping myself from gouging out my wrists with spoons.
This year we're learning. We're playing. We're reading. Adding, subtracting. And laughing at Spice all along the way. Oh the joy and disruption that three year old makes to our days.
Back in April (I think) there was a tweet from a restaurant that was changing locations. They were hiring. They wanted a resume. They wanted you to come dressed for an interview. It took everything I had to not go and apply for a job. My friend, Megan worked there, enjoyed her job and got out of the house a few hours a week. It sounded fantastic. But at that point I was 6.5 yrs from having had a "real" job. I haven't worked outside the home since late 2004. My resume would have been a joke. My interview attire would have been spandex. And I probably wouldn't have been able to find the front door.
(remember, I have issues with those)
Obviously I didn't go.
Which turned out to be a good thing because they just closed up shop a few weeks ago.
I can imagine doing other jobs besides the one I'm doing now. I'm not going to lie. I loved my days at Pier 1. I loved my days as a barista. If I could have any job right now it'd probably be coffee. I absolutely love making coffee and serving coffee. It makes people happy. I like to make people happy.
The only change I plan to make in 2012 is to give myself credit for the job I actually have, whether I'm given a paycheck or not. I'm a teacher. I'm a mama. I'm a wife.
These are my jobs and I'm blessed to have them.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Splurge
December 13th: Splurge
Did you splurge on something this year? Did the troubled economy prompt you to hold back or did you just give it all for something?
In May I bought a pair of running shoes. I felt like the hundred dollars I spent was splurging but it was the best thing I did for my shins. Then, in August I bought my bike and that was spending a whole lot more. Buying that bike gave me something I didn't know I had in me.
Passion.
I have things I enjoy. I enjoy reading or writing. I enjoy eating and cooking. I enjoy running or yoga.
But cycling?
I don't have the vocabulary to adequately say how I feel when I'm on my bike. Had I read a post like this a year ago I would have thought the writer to be an idiot. Who would be so crazy about bike riding that they'd call it a passion?!
But now I'm that crazy person.
There's a freedom on my bike like I've not experienced before it. When I'm on my bike (I've named her Tennessee btw) it's like that feeling you got when you first rode on two wheels at age 5 or 6. That first sense of freedom is how I feel every time I clip into my pedals.
So yeah, I've splurged well over a thousand dollars on sporting goods this year but I wouldn't return either item. And usually when I fork out a chunk of change I immediately have buyer's remorse. Not this time (even though I see my bike is on sale now).
Then a couple of weeks ago we bought new flooring and new kitchen cabinets. Huge expense. But one that will increase the value of our house and will also just make our house better all around.
I keep checking the status of those freaking cupboards, I'm so excited! It's going to be a huge job when they get here (they aren't finished) but it will so be worth it in the end.
Did you splurge on something this year? Did the troubled economy prompt you to hold back or did you just give it all for something?
In May I bought a pair of running shoes. I felt like the hundred dollars I spent was splurging but it was the best thing I did for my shins. Then, in August I bought my bike and that was spending a whole lot more. Buying that bike gave me something I didn't know I had in me.
Passion.
I have things I enjoy. I enjoy reading or writing. I enjoy eating and cooking. I enjoy running or yoga.
But cycling?
I don't have the vocabulary to adequately say how I feel when I'm on my bike. Had I read a post like this a year ago I would have thought the writer to be an idiot. Who would be so crazy about bike riding that they'd call it a passion?!
But now I'm that crazy person.
There's a freedom on my bike like I've not experienced before it. When I'm on my bike (I've named her Tennessee btw) it's like that feeling you got when you first rode on two wheels at age 5 or 6. That first sense of freedom is how I feel every time I clip into my pedals.
So yeah, I've splurged well over a thousand dollars on sporting goods this year but I wouldn't return either item. And usually when I fork out a chunk of change I immediately have buyer's remorse. Not this time (even though I see my bike is on sale now).
Then a couple of weeks ago we bought new flooring and new kitchen cabinets. Huge expense. But one that will increase the value of our house and will also just make our house better all around.
I keep checking the status of those freaking cupboards, I'm so excited! It's going to be a huge job when they get here (they aren't finished) but it will so be worth it in the end.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Hopping on the Resonating Reflections Train
Since I've been a sucky blogger lately I've taken cue from Wendy and decided to use prompts from Resonate 11. Whatever that is.
Basically I'll get a prompt per day that will help me decide what to write about. I'm excited for it since I've been in a writing funk.
I'm several days behind so this is going to be a really long post to get myself caught up. There will be a quiz at the end so you should read all the way through. Okay, no quiz at the end but I hope you're not completely bored outta yer mind.
December 1: Memory
What's the first thing you remember about 2011? What stands out in your head?
The first thing I remember of the year is offering Papa John's delivery to a friend. I know, random.
Besides that though would have to be choosing to take my physical health seriously. When I decided to join the gym I had no idea what I'd be doing for myself. For once I actually took my decision seriously. I made a decision to get healthy, to lose weight, to run a 5K. Soon I was addicted to my bicycle and yoga. And in the process lost 33 lbs. I feel so much better. So. Much. Better.
December 2: Make
This is a two pronged prompt! What did you enjoy making this year? Did you "make the Dean's list"? Or maybe you made a really good wine, or maybe you made some furniture. And, what do you look forward to making during the holidays? Cookies? Homemade gifts?
Hmm. I'm not much for making anything except a fool of myself. I'm amazing at that. And I didn't make the Dean's list but my sister, Erica, did! Man, I'm trying to think of what I've made and I don't think there's anything worth noting. I made some good decisions. I made some poor decisions. I'm learning from both. And what do I look forward to making during the holidays? Nothing. I enjoy consuming what others have made. So, get to baking, please. I'm hungry.
December 3: Book
What was your favorite book you read this year? Was it for school or work? Or, was it for fun? And how did you read it? On your Nook or your Kindle? Or, do you still enjoy reading on an actual, physical book? Why did you like it?
Um. I know I've read something. A lot of somethings. I'm just terrible with remembering what I've read. I think right now the book I'm loving most is Sugar's History book. I'm learning right along with her and it's absolutely fabulous. I've read some Nicholas Sparks book too. I know, fluff. I just finished The Other Boleyn Girl which is a fiction account of Anne Boleyn. It was long but good. Also, I'm an actual book holder. Props to all you with your Nooks and Kindles but I'm okay with cutting and killing trees. Give me paper and pages. Give me the experience. Not the technological device.
December 4: Miracle
Do you feel you experienced or witnessed miracle this year? How so?
I ran a 5K, to me that was a miracle. Sitting on my arse for several years and being in terrible shape, it was a big deal to me to run that. Also, riding my bike 90 miles in 7 hours was pretty good too. Did I ever blog about that? I'm not seeing a post about it in my archives. Anyway, that seemed miraculous to me that I didn't die or kill my husband in the process. We did the ride for our 13th anniversary (my idea) and it was amazing and excruciating and I can't wait to do it again on my new bike.
December 5: Songs
By now many radio stations are playing Christmas and other holiday songs. What is one of your favorite holiday songs?
Mary Did You Know and Baby, It's Cold Outside
December 6: People
Who did you meet in 2011? Who do you want to meet in 2012?
I met seven of my Twitter friends. They all live about 45 minutes from me and ended up meeting them for a Scentsy party, a bowling night and a karaoke night. So much fun to read their tweets, learn a little about them in 140 characters or less and then hang out with them in person. Good, good people. Freaking funny, too. Even Curtis. :)
Who do I want to meet in 2012? More Twitter friends. More bloggy friends.
December 7: Quit
Did you quit something this year?
I quit biting my fingernails for four months and then I had a minor (but what felt like a major) catastrophe happen and I started back up. I need to get back to quitting that. I loved my hands and that's a first. I've always, always hated my hands.
December 8: Goodbye
Did you have to say goodbye to someone in 2011? Did they move away or did you lose them unexpectedly? How did you react? What would you say to them now if they could hear you or read your message?
My mom moved away. Unexpectedly. I suppose I reacted well outwardly. Inwardly I was a wreck. Well, and my tweets probably reflected my negative feelings toward it too. It's hard to feel parent-less. Honestly, I felt a sense of abandonment. I know that seems lame and like I should grow up but I am lame and I don't feel like being a grown up. If my mom could read my words and I know she will: *waving* Hi, Ma. Can't wait to see you next month! I promise to say goodbye when you have to leave this time instead of being a jackwagon and just walking out the door like last time.
December 9: Travel
Where did you travel in 2011? Who did you travel with? What did you learn while you were there? Where do you hope to visit in 2012?
We went on the family vacation from hell. I traveled with my small family and our idiot Beagle. I learned that I do not like to camp and I'm sorry that I'm such a wuss but seriously, I just don't like it. And my husband has agreed I don't ever have to go again but he'll continue to take our kids. Next summer I will have weekends of mini vacations and I've told myself that I will not feel bad about it. I'm a good mom and wife in other areas (not sure what they are but there has to be something) so if I don't camp with them it's not the end of the world. Where do I hope to visit in 2012? Hmm. I'm hoping for a grand vacation. Like a real one where I have to go on a plane. I'd love to go to San Diego to visit Melissa. There's a bike ride in Utah that Josh and I want to go on, so we're getting that planned. Amazingly, we already have people who have offered to keep our kids so we can go. I'd also love to go to Mexico this year.
December 10th: Television
Which television shows, series, program or otherwise did you discover this year? What resonated with you? Did you finally start watching "Modern Family"? Or, maybe you followed Oprah to her new network? Whatever it is you stumbled across, tell us about it.
You all know we aren't big television watchers around these parts but we do have two shows we watch regularly now. 2 Broke Girls and Parenthood.
Seriously, 2 Broke Girls KILLS ME. It's hilarious. Josh and I sit and laugh so hard. Sometimes I have tears running down my face. And I'll randomly tweet the one-liners so as not to forget them. So freaking funny.
Parenthood. It makes me laugh and cry. They put the fun in dysfunction. A family that is madly in love with each other...I love it. Thankful for that recommendation.
December 11: Without
What can you do without in 2012? What did you feel was holding you down this year? Was it a job? A relationship? Or, could it be something really simple - like an outfit that just went out of style.
I want to skip this question so badly. So I'm going to.
December 12: Fear
What were you afraid of in 2011? How did you let fear control you? What will you do to confront it in 2012?
I was afraid of failing the gym deal. Josh didn't even think I'd stick with it. I did, though. So, I guess I didn't let fear control me. For once I worked through it. I have other stuff to confront in 2012 but I'll deal with that when 2012 gets here.
Okay. I'm caught up. Yay me.
Basically I'll get a prompt per day that will help me decide what to write about. I'm excited for it since I've been in a writing funk.
I'm several days behind so this is going to be a really long post to get myself caught up. There will be a quiz at the end so you should read all the way through. Okay, no quiz at the end but I hope you're not completely bored outta yer mind.
December 1: Memory
What's the first thing you remember about 2011? What stands out in your head?
The first thing I remember of the year is offering Papa John's delivery to a friend. I know, random.
Besides that though would have to be choosing to take my physical health seriously. When I decided to join the gym I had no idea what I'd be doing for myself. For once I actually took my decision seriously. I made a decision to get healthy, to lose weight, to run a 5K. Soon I was addicted to my bicycle and yoga. And in the process lost 33 lbs. I feel so much better. So. Much. Better.
December 2: Make
This is a two pronged prompt! What did you enjoy making this year? Did you "make the Dean's list"? Or maybe you made a really good wine, or maybe you made some furniture. And, what do you look forward to making during the holidays? Cookies? Homemade gifts?
Hmm. I'm not much for making anything except a fool of myself. I'm amazing at that. And I didn't make the Dean's list but my sister, Erica, did! Man, I'm trying to think of what I've made and I don't think there's anything worth noting. I made some good decisions. I made some poor decisions. I'm learning from both. And what do I look forward to making during the holidays? Nothing. I enjoy consuming what others have made. So, get to baking, please. I'm hungry.
December 3: Book
What was your favorite book you read this year? Was it for school or work? Or, was it for fun? And how did you read it? On your Nook or your Kindle? Or, do you still enjoy reading on an actual, physical book? Why did you like it?
Um. I know I've read something. A lot of somethings. I'm just terrible with remembering what I've read. I think right now the book I'm loving most is Sugar's History book. I'm learning right along with her and it's absolutely fabulous. I've read some Nicholas Sparks book too. I know, fluff. I just finished The Other Boleyn Girl which is a fiction account of Anne Boleyn. It was long but good. Also, I'm an actual book holder. Props to all you with your Nooks and Kindles but I'm okay with cutting and killing trees. Give me paper and pages. Give me the experience. Not the technological device.
December 4: Miracle
Do you feel you experienced or witnessed miracle this year? How so?
I ran a 5K, to me that was a miracle. Sitting on my arse for several years and being in terrible shape, it was a big deal to me to run that. Also, riding my bike 90 miles in 7 hours was pretty good too. Did I ever blog about that? I'm not seeing a post about it in my archives. Anyway, that seemed miraculous to me that I didn't die or kill my husband in the process. We did the ride for our 13th anniversary (my idea) and it was amazing and excruciating and I can't wait to do it again on my new bike.
December 5: Songs
By now many radio stations are playing Christmas and other holiday songs. What is one of your favorite holiday songs?
Mary Did You Know and Baby, It's Cold Outside
December 6: People
Who did you meet in 2011? Who do you want to meet in 2012?
I met seven of my Twitter friends. They all live about 45 minutes from me and ended up meeting them for a Scentsy party, a bowling night and a karaoke night. So much fun to read their tweets, learn a little about them in 140 characters or less and then hang out with them in person. Good, good people. Freaking funny, too. Even Curtis. :)
Who do I want to meet in 2012? More Twitter friends. More bloggy friends.
December 7: Quit
Did you quit something this year?
I quit biting my fingernails for four months and then I had a minor (but what felt like a major) catastrophe happen and I started back up. I need to get back to quitting that. I loved my hands and that's a first. I've always, always hated my hands.
December 8: Goodbye
Did you have to say goodbye to someone in 2011? Did they move away or did you lose them unexpectedly? How did you react? What would you say to them now if they could hear you or read your message?
My mom moved away. Unexpectedly. I suppose I reacted well outwardly. Inwardly I was a wreck. Well, and my tweets probably reflected my negative feelings toward it too. It's hard to feel parent-less. Honestly, I felt a sense of abandonment. I know that seems lame and like I should grow up but I am lame and I don't feel like being a grown up. If my mom could read my words and I know she will: *waving* Hi, Ma. Can't wait to see you next month! I promise to say goodbye when you have to leave this time instead of being a jackwagon and just walking out the door like last time.
December 9: Travel
Where did you travel in 2011? Who did you travel with? What did you learn while you were there? Where do you hope to visit in 2012?
We went on the family vacation from hell. I traveled with my small family and our idiot Beagle. I learned that I do not like to camp and I'm sorry that I'm such a wuss but seriously, I just don't like it. And my husband has agreed I don't ever have to go again but he'll continue to take our kids. Next summer I will have weekends of mini vacations and I've told myself that I will not feel bad about it. I'm a good mom and wife in other areas (not sure what they are but there has to be something) so if I don't camp with them it's not the end of the world. Where do I hope to visit in 2012? Hmm. I'm hoping for a grand vacation. Like a real one where I have to go on a plane. I'd love to go to San Diego to visit Melissa. There's a bike ride in Utah that Josh and I want to go on, so we're getting that planned. Amazingly, we already have people who have offered to keep our kids so we can go. I'd also love to go to Mexico this year.
December 10th: Television
Which television shows, series, program or otherwise did you discover this year? What resonated with you? Did you finally start watching "Modern Family"? Or, maybe you followed Oprah to her new network? Whatever it is you stumbled across, tell us about it.
You all know we aren't big television watchers around these parts but we do have two shows we watch regularly now. 2 Broke Girls and Parenthood.
Seriously, 2 Broke Girls KILLS ME. It's hilarious. Josh and I sit and laugh so hard. Sometimes I have tears running down my face. And I'll randomly tweet the one-liners so as not to forget them. So freaking funny.
Parenthood. It makes me laugh and cry. They put the fun in dysfunction. A family that is madly in love with each other...I love it. Thankful for that recommendation.
December 11: Without
What can you do without in 2012? What did you feel was holding you down this year? Was it a job? A relationship? Or, could it be something really simple - like an outfit that just went out of style.
I want to skip this question so badly. So I'm going to.
December 12: Fear
What were you afraid of in 2011? How did you let fear control you? What will you do to confront it in 2012?
I was afraid of failing the gym deal. Josh didn't even think I'd stick with it. I did, though. So, I guess I didn't let fear control me. For once I worked through it. I have other stuff to confront in 2012 but I'll deal with that when 2012 gets here.
Okay. I'm caught up. Yay me.
Monday, December 05, 2011
Obligatory Post
I've gotten emails and texts about my lack of blogging.
I suppose it's not very nice to leave a post up about my dead dad and the dumb missing him for weeks on end, huh?
So.
Here's a new post. But I've really got nothing to say at the moment.
Other than there was a spider crawling on my bed near my leg a few minutes ago and I nearly used my laptop to smash him.
Instead he got the slipper.
One other thing, the Christmas tree is going up tonight. I know. A Christmas miracle. The lady at the lot says, "isn't it a little early for you, hon?" She knows I hate the thing. How she remembers is beyond me. Anyway. Tree is going up tonight.
Sanity is going down.
I suppose it's not very nice to leave a post up about my dead dad and the dumb missing him for weeks on end, huh?
So.
Here's a new post. But I've really got nothing to say at the moment.
Other than there was a spider crawling on my bed near my leg a few minutes ago and I nearly used my laptop to smash him.
Instead he got the slipper.
One other thing, the Christmas tree is going up tonight. I know. A Christmas miracle. The lady at the lot says, "isn't it a little early for you, hon?" She knows I hate the thing. How she remembers is beyond me. Anyway. Tree is going up tonight.
Sanity is going down.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Sucker Punched
A couple of nights ago I wasn't in the best mood.
I should have been.
Tons of work has been getting done around here and the other evening was definitely a productive time. But I was grouchy and so was Josh. And it's such a rare occasion for him to be like that, so when he is, it totally throws my game.
I was mad.
Partly at him.
Partly at nothing, just felt like being grouchy.
And I just felt - off.
And I just felt like there was something that could easily make me better.
My dad.
I wanted to call my dad. I wanted to drive across town. I wanted to pull in the driveway of my grandparent's place, with the shop where my dad ran his business and had a room he called home.
I wanted to go in there, plop myself down in the swivel chair and watch him work. I wanted there to be that ridiculous uncomfortable silence we always had. I wanted to talk to him about anything superficial. I wanted to listen to him talk football or Coors Light. Or about that girl he dated who called me a stick in the mud. I just wanted to be near him.
I wanted to see his smile.
And hear his laugh.
I wanted to talk to him about life.
I wanted my dad.
I just wanted my dad.
But of course that can't happen. Hasn't been able to happen for 12 and a half years.
So I went to bed upset. But was so emotionally drained that I didn't have much time to dwell on the poor me my dad is dead. And I quickly fell asleep.
Today.
Today while putting on my make up I felt a wrenching in my heart. And what very nearly felt like a physical punch to the gut. I was consumed with...with just a sadness. A sadness I can't fully explain. Just a holy crap, I miss my dad like mad, wish I could hug him just.one.more.time kinda feeling.
And I totally lost it.
Grief often hits when we least expect it. It just happens to be extremely inconvenient when it hits while you're applying mascara.
I should have been.
Tons of work has been getting done around here and the other evening was definitely a productive time. But I was grouchy and so was Josh. And it's such a rare occasion for him to be like that, so when he is, it totally throws my game.
I was mad.
Partly at him.
Partly at nothing, just felt like being grouchy.
And I just felt - off.
And I just felt like there was something that could easily make me better.
My dad.
I wanted to call my dad. I wanted to drive across town. I wanted to pull in the driveway of my grandparent's place, with the shop where my dad ran his business and had a room he called home.
I wanted to go in there, plop myself down in the swivel chair and watch him work. I wanted there to be that ridiculous uncomfortable silence we always had. I wanted to talk to him about anything superficial. I wanted to listen to him talk football or Coors Light. Or about that girl he dated who called me a stick in the mud. I just wanted to be near him.
I wanted to see his smile.
And hear his laugh.
I wanted to talk to him about life.
I wanted my dad.
I just wanted my dad.
But of course that can't happen. Hasn't been able to happen for 12 and a half years.
So I went to bed upset. But was so emotionally drained that I didn't have much time to dwell on the poor me my dad is dead. And I quickly fell asleep.
Today.
Today while putting on my make up I felt a wrenching in my heart. And what very nearly felt like a physical punch to the gut. I was consumed with...with just a sadness. A sadness I can't fully explain. Just a holy crap, I miss my dad like mad, wish I could hug him just.one.more.time kinda feeling.
And I totally lost it.
Grief often hits when we least expect it. It just happens to be extremely inconvenient when it hits while you're applying mascara.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Oh Em Gee
It is freaking snowing.
Like SNOWING.
I want my mommy.
Or summer.
Neither are likely to happen until 2012.
My life totally blows.
Today I took a snow day from school before it actually started snowing. I've been on a rampage in our house to purge it. I'm being pretty ruthless. Oh, you love that stuffed dog?
TOO BAD!
toss in the black garbage bag of death.
Now, if it's a pair of itty bitty sandals that both girls wore as babies? Now that's where this mama's heart gets all weepy and sappy and just can't part with it and ohhh, let's put deez widdle fings in a twophy case where everyone can see how cute your feet used to be!
I'm a whole lot of ridiculous.
Totally aware.
I have five bajillion magazines sitting on the floor next to me that need to be gone through. I could just toss them out. But you know that most amazing recipe for that most amazing somethingorother? Yeah, it's somewhere in that stack of magazines and were I to throw them out without going through them? Well, that would be a tragedy.
My children are down for naps, I have Starbucks in my hand and the heater is on. I'm thinking it's a good time to sort thru those mags.
Hopefully there's no cute itty bitty baby shoes on every page or I won't be able to toss 'em.
Like SNOWING.
I want my mommy.
Or summer.
Neither are likely to happen until 2012.
My life totally blows.
Today I took a snow day from school before it actually started snowing. I've been on a rampage in our house to purge it. I'm being pretty ruthless. Oh, you love that stuffed dog?
TOO BAD!
toss in the black garbage bag of death.
Now, if it's a pair of itty bitty sandals that both girls wore as babies? Now that's where this mama's heart gets all weepy and sappy and just can't part with it and ohhh, let's put deez widdle fings in a twophy case where everyone can see how cute your feet used to be!
I'm a whole lot of ridiculous.
Totally aware.
I have five bajillion magazines sitting on the floor next to me that need to be gone through. I could just toss them out. But you know that most amazing recipe for that most amazing somethingorother? Yeah, it's somewhere in that stack of magazines and were I to throw them out without going through them? Well, that would be a tragedy.
My children are down for naps, I have Starbucks in my hand and the heater is on. I'm thinking it's a good time to sort thru those mags.
Hopefully there's no cute itty bitty baby shoes on every page or I won't be able to toss 'em.
When I grow up I wanna be a bear
I typed out the title to the post before I've even really thought about what I'm going to write. Most likely whatever I write about, by the end, will have no relation to the title.
Surprise.
Surprise.
It's cold. I hate the cold. I considered quitting shaving a coupla weeks ago when I saw frost on the grass when I woke up in the morning.
I remember when Josh and I mowed lawns for a living (oh the glory days) (not really, 40+ lawns isn't always fun) and we would always get excited to wake up to frost on the grass. It meant that the grass would not be growing anymore and our mowing days were dwindling. There were a few customers who wanted their lawns mowed into late November and I think even a couple we did into December.
I used to like the frost.
But now I don't.
Growing up my mom always made it seem so exciting when we'd set the clocks back and she'd light candles and turn on lamps and make it cozy in our house. I used to love Fall. Now, as an adult, as a parent, I realize why the heck she was so excited about it getting dark earlier.
Meant she could tell us it was bedtime and since it was dark, we wouldn't and didn't question her. Did I not learn to tell time til I was a teenager or what??
I like that it gets dark earlier only so that if the girls missed their nap for the day (like yesterday, grrr) I can put them to bed at 7 and it's dark and sometimes they'll fall asleep.
I like the coziness of the house in the Fall evenings. I love the colors of the leaves in the Fall. Until they all fall off the trees and we have a bajillion leaves to pick up.
But I don't like how early it gets dark. I can no longer ride my bike to the gym during the week because my bicycle is not equipped with headlights (hehe, except when it's cold) (sorry) and Josh isn't a big fan of me riding in the dark. I rode to the gym on Sunday because class is at 3, lasts an hour and was still light enough for me to head home afterward. He ended up meeting me when I was 13.5 miles into my ride home. Totally coulda made it the rest of the way in the dark but I'm thankful he was willing to come get me.
During the dead of winter I usually stop shaving my legs. Lucky Josh, huh? It's my only way to make sure I'm going to stay warm. But I couldn't stick with it. I went a coupla weeks but prickly legs in spandex does not feel good.
In case you were wanting to know that.
My scale is my new best friend (sorry, Amber). It's showing some loooow numbers these days. I've decided to buy new clothes soon. And first up will be a pair of fancy boots. With fur. I bought a dress while visiting Treena this summer and yes, it's a summer dress but it has warm colors and I'm thinking if I pair it with boots and a sweater, I can get away with wearing it. Or maybe my sense of style is completely wrong and I'll look like an idiot. This is most likely the case.
Apparently I need a stylist. The one I've asked to help isn't willing. *ahem*
So. Furry boots. They're on my list.
That way I don't need to grow out my leg hairs.
Also. Feeling more tired lately. I need to start setting my alarm. I often wake up at 7:45 in the morning lately! That's awful! So maybe I am turning into that bear. Getting ready to hibernate. Can you imagine? No diaper changing. No cooking or cleaning. No school. Just sleep.
Precious, precious sleep.
However, there would not be corn dogs if I were hibernating. Nor would there be peanut butter Snickers. Or Starbucks.
Maybe I don't wanna be a bear when I grow up after all.
Surprise.
Surprise.
It's cold. I hate the cold. I considered quitting shaving a coupla weeks ago when I saw frost on the grass when I woke up in the morning.
I remember when Josh and I mowed lawns for a living (oh the glory days) (not really, 40+ lawns isn't always fun) and we would always get excited to wake up to frost on the grass. It meant that the grass would not be growing anymore and our mowing days were dwindling. There were a few customers who wanted their lawns mowed into late November and I think even a couple we did into December.
I used to like the frost.
But now I don't.
Growing up my mom always made it seem so exciting when we'd set the clocks back and she'd light candles and turn on lamps and make it cozy in our house. I used to love Fall. Now, as an adult, as a parent, I realize why the heck she was so excited about it getting dark earlier.
Meant she could tell us it was bedtime and since it was dark, we wouldn't and didn't question her. Did I not learn to tell time til I was a teenager or what??
I like that it gets dark earlier only so that if the girls missed their nap for the day (like yesterday, grrr) I can put them to bed at 7 and it's dark and sometimes they'll fall asleep.
I like the coziness of the house in the Fall evenings. I love the colors of the leaves in the Fall. Until they all fall off the trees and we have a bajillion leaves to pick up.
But I don't like how early it gets dark. I can no longer ride my bike to the gym during the week because my bicycle is not equipped with headlights (hehe, except when it's cold) (sorry) and Josh isn't a big fan of me riding in the dark. I rode to the gym on Sunday because class is at 3, lasts an hour and was still light enough for me to head home afterward. He ended up meeting me when I was 13.5 miles into my ride home. Totally coulda made it the rest of the way in the dark but I'm thankful he was willing to come get me.
During the dead of winter I usually stop shaving my legs. Lucky Josh, huh? It's my only way to make sure I'm going to stay warm. But I couldn't stick with it. I went a coupla weeks but prickly legs in spandex does not feel good.
In case you were wanting to know that.
My scale is my new best friend (sorry, Amber). It's showing some loooow numbers these days. I've decided to buy new clothes soon. And first up will be a pair of fancy boots. With fur. I bought a dress while visiting Treena this summer and yes, it's a summer dress but it has warm colors and I'm thinking if I pair it with boots and a sweater, I can get away with wearing it. Or maybe my sense of style is completely wrong and I'll look like an idiot. This is most likely the case.
Apparently I need a stylist. The one I've asked to help isn't willing. *ahem*
So. Furry boots. They're on my list.
That way I don't need to grow out my leg hairs.
Also. Feeling more tired lately. I need to start setting my alarm. I often wake up at 7:45 in the morning lately! That's awful! So maybe I am turning into that bear. Getting ready to hibernate. Can you imagine? No diaper changing. No cooking or cleaning. No school. Just sleep.
Precious, precious sleep.
However, there would not be corn dogs if I were hibernating. Nor would there be peanut butter Snickers. Or Starbucks.
Maybe I don't wanna be a bear when I grow up after all.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Hi, I'm not dead
Relieved, aren'tcha?
I have stuff I could blog.
Like Spice wearing 6 pairs of underwear over her diaper.
Like Sugar's tooth is loose and I now understand why my mother had such a fascination for wanting to pull my teeth out when I was a kid.
Like how I've met several of the most funny peeps ever from Twitter, in real life in the last week. Last night I laughed harder than I've laughed in ages because of these folks.
I could also tell you that I'm considering pole dancing classes. I could also tell you that when I mentioned this to Josh his response, after laughing aloud, was to ask if I needed a job.
I could tell you how when I talked to my FIL on the phone yesterday he told me he loved me before he hung up. And how, having your dad say those words is salve to any heart wound.
I could tell you how it's weird to not have my mom around. How it hurts my mama heart when Spice says, "I miss her." Or Sugar says, "it feels like we'll never see her again." They voice aloud what I keep to myself.
There was also the instance last week that I never shared. When I went to Victoria's Secret to buy new undergarments, as mine are too big, and before going to VS I was tweeting with my friends about male associates at VS and it was brought up that men would be on a waiting list to get that job. Well, let me just tell you that I about DIED when I was holding a hot pink thong and some kid, some male kid says to me, "are you finding everything you need?" I choked. And dropped the panties. And told him that I was finding everything I needed. Then immediately tweeted that THERE IS A MALE ASSOCIATE IN VICTORIA'S SECRET! And that I was old enough to be his mom. You know, if I'd birthed him at 14.
It was funny. Maybe you had to be there. Or on Twitter.
I could tell you about an email from Chelsea that I got this morning talking about her horse and his parts and how we almost assaulted him for no reason. Thank goodness she paid a vet to come check him out so we uh, didn't have to check him out for all the wrong reasons.
There's also the funny little story about how I decided it was a good time to get back on my bike only to fall off the bike. Twice. And have a bruise that takes up almost the entire left thigh.
Today I was at McDonald's with friends when I run into a friend of mine from high school (I mighta mentioned him a time or 12 on this blog. I always try to disguise who he is though.) :) He had his niece and nephew with him. And his nephew (who happens to be the son of one of my best friends, Candee) got stuck up in the toys at McDonald's. I told him he was going to have to get his own nephew. He told me that I was going to have to get his nephew. And so. Me. The girl so scared to death of heights, climbs into the toys at McDonald's. Climbs to the top. Finds the sweetest little boy with a tear running down his cheek just staring at me in the netted tunnel. And while I'm coaxing him along, I'm yelling at his uncle that I'm going to kill him when I get down. If I ever get down. And he, of course, just smiles. So, sweet little man and I make it through the tunnel and down the slide to his uncle. Where I'm thanked for my bravery. I sent him a message later telling him that he owed me for saving the life of his nephew.
Well, that's a little of the excitement around here. Spice wants a diaper change. Sigh...
I have stuff I could blog.
Like Spice wearing 6 pairs of underwear over her diaper.
Like Sugar's tooth is loose and I now understand why my mother had such a fascination for wanting to pull my teeth out when I was a kid.
Like how I've met several of the most funny peeps ever from Twitter, in real life in the last week. Last night I laughed harder than I've laughed in ages because of these folks.
I could also tell you that I'm considering pole dancing classes. I could also tell you that when I mentioned this to Josh his response, after laughing aloud, was to ask if I needed a job.
I could tell you how when I talked to my FIL on the phone yesterday he told me he loved me before he hung up. And how, having your dad say those words is salve to any heart wound.
I could tell you how it's weird to not have my mom around. How it hurts my mama heart when Spice says, "I miss her." Or Sugar says, "it feels like we'll never see her again." They voice aloud what I keep to myself.
There was also the instance last week that I never shared. When I went to Victoria's Secret to buy new undergarments, as mine are too big, and before going to VS I was tweeting with my friends about male associates at VS and it was brought up that men would be on a waiting list to get that job. Well, let me just tell you that I about DIED when I was holding a hot pink thong and some kid, some male kid says to me, "are you finding everything you need?" I choked. And dropped the panties. And told him that I was finding everything I needed. Then immediately tweeted that THERE IS A MALE ASSOCIATE IN VICTORIA'S SECRET! And that I was old enough to be his mom. You know, if I'd birthed him at 14.
It was funny. Maybe you had to be there. Or on Twitter.
I could tell you about an email from Chelsea that I got this morning talking about her horse and his parts and how we almost assaulted him for no reason. Thank goodness she paid a vet to come check him out so we uh, didn't have to check him out for all the wrong reasons.
There's also the funny little story about how I decided it was a good time to get back on my bike only to fall off the bike. Twice. And have a bruise that takes up almost the entire left thigh.
Today I was at McDonald's with friends when I run into a friend of mine from high school (I mighta mentioned him a time or 12 on this blog. I always try to disguise who he is though.) :) He had his niece and nephew with him. And his nephew (who happens to be the son of one of my best friends, Candee) got stuck up in the toys at McDonald's. I told him he was going to have to get his own nephew. He told me that I was going to have to get his nephew. And so. Me. The girl so scared to death of heights, climbs into the toys at McDonald's. Climbs to the top. Finds the sweetest little boy with a tear running down his cheek just staring at me in the netted tunnel. And while I'm coaxing him along, I'm yelling at his uncle that I'm going to kill him when I get down. If I ever get down. And he, of course, just smiles. So, sweet little man and I make it through the tunnel and down the slide to his uncle. Where I'm thanked for my bravery. I sent him a message later telling him that he owed me for saving the life of his nephew.
Well, that's a little of the excitement around here. Spice wants a diaper change. Sigh...
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Saturday Links
If I have the time (or patience) and if I remember, I'd like to start a new Saturday tradition on my blog.
I'd like to link you to my favorite posts from other bloggers that I've read that week.
Let's take a look at some posts I hope you enjoy as much as I did:
I didn't know the word 'penis' could be mentioned so many times in one post. It's not a dirty post. It's just a really funny post.
I'm a big fan of trying to find alternatives to over the counter stuff to deal with colds or other illnesses (except mental illness, apparently) and this post was an excellent resource and full of info.
I love Amy Beth. I don't think I've ever "met" someone with a bigger heart. This isn't a happy post. Or a funny post. It's a real post. To her. To thousands of others. And it hurts my heart. I am thankful for her honesty.
I'm a big fan of friends. Reading this made me long for close friends like this. I have close friends. Yet I don't feel I'm taking the time to make this deep connection. I need to change this.
And this post. This post hit too close to home.
I'd like to link you to my favorite posts from other bloggers that I've read that week.
Let's take a look at some posts I hope you enjoy as much as I did:
I didn't know the word 'penis' could be mentioned so many times in one post. It's not a dirty post. It's just a really funny post.
I'm a big fan of trying to find alternatives to over the counter stuff to deal with colds or other illnesses (except mental illness, apparently) and this post was an excellent resource and full of info.
I love Amy Beth. I don't think I've ever "met" someone with a bigger heart. This isn't a happy post. Or a funny post. It's a real post. To her. To thousands of others. And it hurts my heart. I am thankful for her honesty.
I'm a big fan of friends. Reading this made me long for close friends like this. I have close friends. Yet I don't feel I'm taking the time to make this deep connection. I need to change this.
And this post. This post hit too close to home.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Vlog Beagle Edition
If we talk on the phone or see each other in person at some point today...
I am not drunk.
I am not incoherent.
I am not crazy.
(okay, I'm a little crazy, but I'm taking pills for that.)
What I am is sleep deprived.
and video and my lip service - totally off. what is up with that? apparently i'm doing something wrong. *sigh
Please excuse the children. And my shoving of them. ☺
I am not drunk.
I am not incoherent.
I am not crazy.
(okay, I'm a little crazy, but I'm taking pills for that.)
What I am is sleep deprived.
and video and my lip service - totally off. what is up with that? apparently i'm doing something wrong. *sigh
Please excuse the children. And my shoving of them. ☺
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Things that make me laugh or snort.
This post from Kelsey this morning, it made me snort.
Spice telling me she liked my boot but to me it sounded like she said she liked my boob. Which wouldn't have really surprised me because, really, who doesn't? But she was talking about my black boot. And it is pretty cool.
While getting into my jammies the other night Sugar came into my room and was looking at my belly. She touches it. "Your belly is still pretty, even if it's squishy."
I find it hee-larious that the guy Amber and I have been torturing has dubbed us, "Osama bin Amber" and "Muhammed al Sarah"
A few years ago Amber and I went to Seattle for the NKOTB concert (glory!) and we borrowed my mom's GPS. We named her "Dominatrix" because she was so bossy. Yesterday on my mom's drive to her new state, the GPS stopped working. She sent me a text and used the name we dubbed the GPS years ago. I thought it was funny that she remembered. But I guess how can you not, right?
Katie saying she's 5'5".
I met with 7 other girls yesterday to press 65 gallons of apple cider. (Katie's brilliant idea) We had a pretty great system worked out. Everyone doing something and then changing jobs every now and then. At one point Candee and I were the ones filling the jugs. She was on one side of the table holding the funnel, I was on the other side pouring the cider. My arm was tiring so we decided to trade. So we switched sides of the table. And after we did, I realized we were idiots. Why we didn't just switch funnel and bucket of cider, I don't know. Other than we're dorks. We got a good laugh out of it though.
My girls were playing 'Amber and Sarah' the other day. "Do you wanna go to the gym?" "Let's do yoga!" We're hardcore gym-goers. Obvs.
I called Josh this morning.
Me: Hey, where are ya?
Him: I'm in Pasco, where are you?
Me: I'm in the kitchen.
Him: Right where you should be, woman.
Spice telling me she liked my boot but to me it sounded like she said she liked my boob. Which wouldn't have really surprised me because, really, who doesn't? But she was talking about my black boot. And it is pretty cool.
While getting into my jammies the other night Sugar came into my room and was looking at my belly. She touches it. "Your belly is still pretty, even if it's squishy."
I find it hee-larious that the guy Amber and I have been torturing has dubbed us, "Osama bin Amber" and "Muhammed al Sarah"
A few years ago Amber and I went to Seattle for the NKOTB concert (glory!) and we borrowed my mom's GPS. We named her "Dominatrix" because she was so bossy. Yesterday on my mom's drive to her new state, the GPS stopped working. She sent me a text and used the name we dubbed the GPS years ago. I thought it was funny that she remembered. But I guess how can you not, right?
Katie saying she's 5'5".
I met with 7 other girls yesterday to press 65 gallons of apple cider. (Katie's brilliant idea) We had a pretty great system worked out. Everyone doing something and then changing jobs every now and then. At one point Candee and I were the ones filling the jugs. She was on one side of the table holding the funnel, I was on the other side pouring the cider. My arm was tiring so we decided to trade. So we switched sides of the table. And after we did, I realized we were idiots. Why we didn't just switch funnel and bucket of cider, I don't know. Other than we're dorks. We got a good laugh out of it though.
My girls were playing 'Amber and Sarah' the other day. "Do you wanna go to the gym?" "Let's do yoga!" We're hardcore gym-goers. Obvs.
I called Josh this morning.
Me: Hey, where are ya?
Him: I'm in Pasco, where are you?
Me: I'm in the kitchen.
Him: Right where you should be, woman.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
monday
bah.
it is monday and it is not going so hot around this beautiful mess' parts. (not parts as in parts...oh nevermind)
some of this post is whiny, so if you don't wanna hear it - there's a little x at the top right of your screen. but some of it (the good, saturday part) is not whiny.
spice is 3.5 and not potty-trained. however, she wants a diaper change after each time she wets her diaper. i'm sorry, not happening. that thing needs to be fuh-ull before i change it. i know, that's not so sanitary or healthy or whatever. but i'm tired of changing them and buying them.
saturday we drove to see jim and emily for the day. it's one of our favorite things ever hanging out with them. emily and i took spice to goodwill outlet with us where i spent 14.92 on so many clothes for myself and my girls and a hoodie for josh. everything was name brand. ann taylor, hollister, gap, abercrombie..it was fabulous. everything is washed and hanging up or folded (and not so much put away). the place is pretty gross sometimes (this was probably the cleanest one i've been to though) but seriously, the deals are too amazing to get caught up in the fact that the stuff is used. i really just don't give a rip about that. i'm forever indebted to emily for showing me goodwill outlet.
besides the outlet, we had lunch and dinner together, played a game, talked, laughed. hated leaving but loved leaving encouraged and blessed by them. good friends make my world go 'round.
my sister, megan, told me about an app for my phone that i'm newly in love with. heytell. do you have it? you just leave little voice messages for whoever has the app too and it's a blast. well, i think it is. but i'm easily amused.
loving my phone these days. i updated it. she's now sporting the iOS 5. what's that you say? no clue. but it's made my phone more fun. also, i probably shouldn't claim to have updated it myself. i didn't know how, so i asked my techy friend, Cortland, how to do it. and now it's done. and i owe him candy. thanks, dude!
i have an appointment for my foot today. i'll have x-rays done today to see how it's progressing. wanna hear something funny? well, it's funny to me. last week, on monday, when we went in and they told me my ankle is sprained but there's no broken bone floating around, i lost it. like, bawled my eyes out lost it. relief and frustration just spilled outta me. while i was bawling, apparently doc told josh that there's cracks and blood in my heel bone, so there is a fracture. thankfully not severe enough to require surgery. what's funny to me is that i didn't hear him say this. josh was telling jim about it saturday and i was like, huh? anyway. that was news to me. appointment is in 90 minutes.
speaking of the foot, it's doing okay. i'm walking on it without my boot for about 5-10 minutes per day. when i'm wearing the boot, i'm supposed to use crutches. i haven't been doing well with that and i'mma thinkin' i should start because it definitely aches. glad i can at least walk those 5-10 minutes though because 2 weeks ago there would have been no way.
after several months of not biting my nails - i did yesterday. all 10 of 'em. disappointed in myself. but what's new there, right?
friday was one of the hardest days of my life. for a few weeks now i've cried on and off throughout my days, knowing that the day was coming. i feel like it's been a grieving process. and as with any sort of grieving process it's going to take time.
so. why was that day so hard? it was the last time i'd see my mother for an indefinite amount of time. she moved. 1000 miles away. a week ago she lived 10 miles away. now she'll be living 10 times that away. i've known for a few weeks that this change was coming and while i'm happy for her, i'm sad. depressed. and a little bit miserable. my kids took the news okay. sugar did better than spice when i told them. sugar wanted to make sure she could still go to the pumpkin patch with katie, but spice. spice just looked at me. she didn't say much til later on our drive to katie's. then announced she was going to miss her grandma and asked why she had to move.
friday night we had my mom's birthday party. and then it was time to leave. sugar sat in my mom's lap and bawled. i told spice to go give her love. she told me no. i don't know if she thought that by not saying goodbye she wouldn't leave or what. i made her. and then her tears were unstoppable too. oh how it hurt this mama's heart. it was not easy watching my girls sit in her lap. all three crying.
my sister reached for my hand over an end table and said, "it's going to be okay. we're going to be okay." i'm the oldest, aren't i supposed to be the one encouraging her? i couldn't speak.
it was my turn to say goodbye. my mom hugged me. told me she loved me and i couldn't say the words back to her at first. finally, i choked them out. and without looking at her i walked out the door. this girl, she doesn't know how to say goodbye.
and now i need to stop typing.
it is monday and it is not going so hot around this beautiful mess' parts. (not parts as in parts...oh nevermind)
some of this post is whiny, so if you don't wanna hear it - there's a little x at the top right of your screen. but some of it (the good, saturday part) is not whiny.
spice is 3.5 and not potty-trained. however, she wants a diaper change after each time she wets her diaper. i'm sorry, not happening. that thing needs to be fuh-ull before i change it. i know, that's not so sanitary or healthy or whatever. but i'm tired of changing them and buying them.
saturday we drove to see jim and emily for the day. it's one of our favorite things ever hanging out with them. emily and i took spice to goodwill outlet with us where i spent 14.92 on so many clothes for myself and my girls and a hoodie for josh. everything was name brand. ann taylor, hollister, gap, abercrombie..it was fabulous. everything is washed and hanging up or folded (and not so much put away). the place is pretty gross sometimes (this was probably the cleanest one i've been to though) but seriously, the deals are too amazing to get caught up in the fact that the stuff is used. i really just don't give a rip about that. i'm forever indebted to emily for showing me goodwill outlet.
besides the outlet, we had lunch and dinner together, played a game, talked, laughed. hated leaving but loved leaving encouraged and blessed by them. good friends make my world go 'round.
my sister, megan, told me about an app for my phone that i'm newly in love with. heytell. do you have it? you just leave little voice messages for whoever has the app too and it's a blast. well, i think it is. but i'm easily amused.
loving my phone these days. i updated it. she's now sporting the iOS 5. what's that you say? no clue. but it's made my phone more fun. also, i probably shouldn't claim to have updated it myself. i didn't know how, so i asked my techy friend, Cortland, how to do it. and now it's done. and i owe him candy. thanks, dude!
i have an appointment for my foot today. i'll have x-rays done today to see how it's progressing. wanna hear something funny? well, it's funny to me. last week, on monday, when we went in and they told me my ankle is sprained but there's no broken bone floating around, i lost it. like, bawled my eyes out lost it. relief and frustration just spilled outta me. while i was bawling, apparently doc told josh that there's cracks and blood in my heel bone, so there is a fracture. thankfully not severe enough to require surgery. what's funny to me is that i didn't hear him say this. josh was telling jim about it saturday and i was like, huh? anyway. that was news to me. appointment is in 90 minutes.
speaking of the foot, it's doing okay. i'm walking on it without my boot for about 5-10 minutes per day. when i'm wearing the boot, i'm supposed to use crutches. i haven't been doing well with that and i'mma thinkin' i should start because it definitely aches. glad i can at least walk those 5-10 minutes though because 2 weeks ago there would have been no way.
after several months of not biting my nails - i did yesterday. all 10 of 'em. disappointed in myself. but what's new there, right?
friday was one of the hardest days of my life. for a few weeks now i've cried on and off throughout my days, knowing that the day was coming. i feel like it's been a grieving process. and as with any sort of grieving process it's going to take time.
so. why was that day so hard? it was the last time i'd see my mother for an indefinite amount of time. she moved. 1000 miles away. a week ago she lived 10 miles away. now she'll be living 10 times that away. i've known for a few weeks that this change was coming and while i'm happy for her, i'm sad. depressed. and a little bit miserable. my kids took the news okay. sugar did better than spice when i told them. sugar wanted to make sure she could still go to the pumpkin patch with katie, but spice. spice just looked at me. she didn't say much til later on our drive to katie's. then announced she was going to miss her grandma and asked why she had to move.
friday night we had my mom's birthday party. and then it was time to leave. sugar sat in my mom's lap and bawled. i told spice to go give her love. she told me no. i don't know if she thought that by not saying goodbye she wouldn't leave or what. i made her. and then her tears were unstoppable too. oh how it hurt this mama's heart. it was not easy watching my girls sit in her lap. all three crying.
my sister reached for my hand over an end table and said, "it's going to be okay. we're going to be okay." i'm the oldest, aren't i supposed to be the one encouraging her? i couldn't speak.
it was my turn to say goodbye. my mom hugged me. told me she loved me and i couldn't say the words back to her at first. finally, i choked them out. and without looking at her i walked out the door. this girl, she doesn't know how to say goodbye.
and now i need to stop typing.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday Random dreadlock version
sitting on the couch. foot elevated and icing. still confused over the verdict on my foot.
questioning my every homeschool day lately. i love our choice of books this year. i just wonder if Sugar is learning anything. josh says she is. but i'm better at seeing where she's struggling where he's better at finding where she's excelling. we all have subjects we're better at than other subject. unfortunately Sugar's weak subject (math) is the same weak area i had. addition isn't as easy as it seems.
i went to yoga last night. text after text with amber about how she wasn't a fan of my poor decision making. she also told me that if i ended up having to amputate because i'm not resting it - and become a peg leg - we'll be "secret friends" and that cracked me up. took me back to high school and the "secret friends" i had. they were boys and they were dumb.
apparently so was i.
anyway. yoga. i went and took my boot off and amber would not quit getting on my case about how dumb i was to be there. and what if i accidentally came down on my foot blahblahblah. she was right (Lord, please don't let her read this, I'll never hear the end of that confession) and i decided to put my boot back on. i did yoga with my boot on. and it was awkward but i was there. and i was sweaty. and in pain. and it was beautiful.
lindsey called yesterday. it's amazing how after children we now have to set up phone dates. the timing needs to be just right so we can actually hear each other or not be interrupted. she called to talk about my foot. and within the first few minutes of talking to her i was bawling. it wasn't just about my foot. it's other stuff. stuff i'm not ready for. stuff my heart hurts about. and having her familiar comforting voice just did me in.
45 minutes of conversation and i hung up feeling comforted and loved.
my father-in-law blesses my socks off. he called yesterday to talk to me about stuff. before we hung up he asked if i needed anything from the store. i did. a gallon of milk. i've driven with my boot but i don't feel like it's safe and i probably won't be doing it again. so i asked if he'd get the milk for me. and he did. i fed him. and we visited. and i just think about how lucky i am to have that man in my life.
we don't watch much tv around this house but there are two shows we watch now. one is Parenthood. it's on late (for us) but is so worth staying up for. (no judging) i love the show. i love the characters. crosby in particular. and if josh and i were to have more babies (that's a whole nother post) and that baby were a boy, i truly think i'd wanna name him crosby. josh might object but he's never really gotten his way much, so why let him now?
i'm currently considering dreadlocks. i've wanted to for years. but am just now really, really getting into the idea. my cousin said she'd do it for me. my husband said he wouldn't kill me. but amber said she wouldn't wash 'em for me. i need to do more research. if i choose to do it, i'm committing to a year. if i love them, i'll keep them. if i don't love them, after a year they can be gone. and really...what's a year of our lives, huh?
voter pamphlets have come in the mail. ads all over FB, Twitter, etc. i'm always overwhelmed. i panic for our country. our state. and our town. panic doesn't do any good. josh reminds me of this almost daily. anyway. i just need to keep myself informed. and figure out who and who not to vote for. it's important stuff.
i admit that i bribed my child with a root beer float for breakfast on saturday if she has a happy attitude about school this week. yesterday was okay. we'll see how today goes.
sugar's soccer season ended but her coach wants to keep meeting for practice until it's too cold or too dark. they don't have games again til spring but he's kinda hardcore. i like him.
if you read my blog in a reader, step on out. my sil redesigned my blog header (again) and i'm pretty in love.
i have a hair appointment today. yes, i'm getting my hair cut for the second time in a year. crazy stuff!
and lastly...and most importantly...today is my mother's 51st birthday. happy m'birfday, mama. oh how i love you.
questioning my every homeschool day lately. i love our choice of books this year. i just wonder if Sugar is learning anything. josh says she is. but i'm better at seeing where she's struggling where he's better at finding where she's excelling. we all have subjects we're better at than other subject. unfortunately Sugar's weak subject (math) is the same weak area i had. addition isn't as easy as it seems.
i went to yoga last night. text after text with amber about how she wasn't a fan of my poor decision making. she also told me that if i ended up having to amputate because i'm not resting it - and become a peg leg - we'll be "secret friends" and that cracked me up. took me back to high school and the "secret friends" i had. they were boys and they were dumb.
apparently so was i.
anyway. yoga. i went and took my boot off and amber would not quit getting on my case about how dumb i was to be there. and what if i accidentally came down on my foot blahblahblah. she was right (Lord, please don't let her read this, I'll never hear the end of that confession) and i decided to put my boot back on. i did yoga with my boot on. and it was awkward but i was there. and i was sweaty. and in pain. and it was beautiful.
lindsey called yesterday. it's amazing how after children we now have to set up phone dates. the timing needs to be just right so we can actually hear each other or not be interrupted. she called to talk about my foot. and within the first few minutes of talking to her i was bawling. it wasn't just about my foot. it's other stuff. stuff i'm not ready for. stuff my heart hurts about. and having her familiar comforting voice just did me in.
45 minutes of conversation and i hung up feeling comforted and loved.
my father-in-law blesses my socks off. he called yesterday to talk to me about stuff. before we hung up he asked if i needed anything from the store. i did. a gallon of milk. i've driven with my boot but i don't feel like it's safe and i probably won't be doing it again. so i asked if he'd get the milk for me. and he did. i fed him. and we visited. and i just think about how lucky i am to have that man in my life.
we don't watch much tv around this house but there are two shows we watch now. one is Parenthood. it's on late (for us) but is so worth staying up for. (no judging) i love the show. i love the characters. crosby in particular. and if josh and i were to have more babies (that's a whole nother post) and that baby were a boy, i truly think i'd wanna name him crosby. josh might object but he's never really gotten his way much, so why let him now?
i'm currently considering dreadlocks. i've wanted to for years. but am just now really, really getting into the idea. my cousin said she'd do it for me. my husband said he wouldn't kill me. but amber said she wouldn't wash 'em for me. i need to do more research. if i choose to do it, i'm committing to a year. if i love them, i'll keep them. if i don't love them, after a year they can be gone. and really...what's a year of our lives, huh?
voter pamphlets have come in the mail. ads all over FB, Twitter, etc. i'm always overwhelmed. i panic for our country. our state. and our town. panic doesn't do any good. josh reminds me of this almost daily. anyway. i just need to keep myself informed. and figure out who and who not to vote for. it's important stuff.
i admit that i bribed my child with a root beer float for breakfast on saturday if she has a happy attitude about school this week. yesterday was okay. we'll see how today goes.
sugar's soccer season ended but her coach wants to keep meeting for practice until it's too cold or too dark. they don't have games again til spring but he's kinda hardcore. i like him.
if you read my blog in a reader, step on out. my sil redesigned my blog header (again) and i'm pretty in love.
i have a hair appointment today. yes, i'm getting my hair cut for the second time in a year. crazy stuff!
and lastly...and most importantly...today is my mother's 51st birthday. happy m'birfday, mama. oh how i love you.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Just give me a Band-Aid...or Ice.
Well.
I went in yesterday to find out the results of my CT scan. I was preparing myself for setting up a date and time for surgery and thinking that I'd have to call someone to school my kid and take care of the other kid and then another person to feed my husband.
But I don't have to do that.
Cue sigh of relief.
No surgery.
And apparently no broken bones either.
Whaaa?
I know. That's what I'm thinking. Still.
Confused. Relieved. Frustrated.
Broke. Not broken. Just broke. Or will be as soon as the bills for all this crap start pouring in.
Doc explained that after my MRI and CT they've decided that the first x-rays I had done in Oregon right after I hurt myself were flawed. The other stuff I've had done shows no signs of there being a bone broken off my ankle.
A sprain on the inside, yes. Crazy pain, can't put any weight on it anymore, yes.
(I over-did it for a coupla days, thinking I could kinda walk on it and then paid for it Saturday afternoon and all of Sunday. It was bad. Freaked me out bad. Thought I needed an emergency room or epidural bad)
I'm supposed to continue icing it. Elevating it. And not walking on it. For at least 6 weeks. Possibly longer. Then I'm to expect it to take a full year to fully heal. I don't have that kind of time. I need to be better pronto.
I can't be off it for six weeks. I have two kids. A husband. A house to run. And a bike to get back on.
So very thankful I don't need surgery. Josh and I were just reliving the last two I had and how unfun those were. (unfun is not a word, btw)
As relieved as I am, I'm equally frustrated that I'll be paying a couple grand for procedures I didn't need done because some x-rays were flawed at the very beginning.
Shoulda just put some ice on it in the beginning and called 'er good.
I went in yesterday to find out the results of my CT scan. I was preparing myself for setting up a date and time for surgery and thinking that I'd have to call someone to school my kid and take care of the other kid and then another person to feed my husband.
But I don't have to do that.
Cue sigh of relief.
No surgery.
And apparently no broken bones either.
Whaaa?
I know. That's what I'm thinking. Still.
Confused. Relieved. Frustrated.
Broke. Not broken. Just broke. Or will be as soon as the bills for all this crap start pouring in.
Doc explained that after my MRI and CT they've decided that the first x-rays I had done in Oregon right after I hurt myself were flawed. The other stuff I've had done shows no signs of there being a bone broken off my ankle.
A sprain on the inside, yes. Crazy pain, can't put any weight on it anymore, yes.
(I over-did it for a coupla days, thinking I could kinda walk on it and then paid for it Saturday afternoon and all of Sunday. It was bad. Freaked me out bad. Thought I needed an emergency room or epidural bad)
I'm supposed to continue icing it. Elevating it. And not walking on it. For at least 6 weeks. Possibly longer. Then I'm to expect it to take a full year to fully heal. I don't have that kind of time. I need to be better pronto.
I can't be off it for six weeks. I have two kids. A husband. A house to run. And a bike to get back on.
So very thankful I don't need surgery. Josh and I were just reliving the last two I had and how unfun those were. (unfun is not a word, btw)
As relieved as I am, I'm equally frustrated that I'll be paying a couple grand for procedures I didn't need done because some x-rays were flawed at the very beginning.
Shoulda just put some ice on it in the beginning and called 'er good.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Joy in Clutter
*apparently I didn't hit publish after I wrote this. go figure. I wrote it two weeks ago.*
It's after noon and breakfast dishes still sit in the sink, in what had been hot, soapy water but is now cold, soapless water with a ring of grease around the edges.
Clean dishes still in the dishwasher, waiting to be put away.
The dryer just buzzed letting me know the clothes are dry and need to be folded. And put away.
The bar is covered in school books, cookbooks, color crayons, a Nile River project and a three year old's clean clothes that she needs to take upstairs. And while I'm being honest, there's a Starbucks cup, 10 chocolate chips (math manipulative) and a stray noodle.
There's a laundry basket on the living room floor that has been turned upside down to be used as a platform. A barstool just randomly placed out there, too. A memory game. And books all over the couch and end tables.
There's also a fat Beagle snoring.
And there are two happy little girls.
School is done for the day, lunch has been made and devoured. And my house looks...it looks lived in.
Loved in.
It's a bit chaotic looking, to some, I'm sure. If you stopped in right now, you'd trip over a pair of little girl flip flops and a blankie that shouldn't be there. If you stopped in right now my house would not look magazine cover worthy.
And I'm okay with that.
I'm learning to find joy in the chaos of clutter.
These last few weeks of life for us have been some of the most beautiful productive days. Time spent together making these crazy little messes. My husband enjoys a very clean home {who doesn't, right?} but he says that he really hasn't minded coming home to a house that is less than perfect. He's been coming home to happy, contented children. And a wife who is finding herself more relaxed.
We're having fun. We're enjoying each other's company. Our home is not perfectly cleaned but it's perfectly lived and loved in.
There can be joy in the chaos of clutter. I just have to choose to find it.
It's after noon and breakfast dishes still sit in the sink, in what had been hot, soapy water but is now cold, soapless water with a ring of grease around the edges.
Clean dishes still in the dishwasher, waiting to be put away.
The dryer just buzzed letting me know the clothes are dry and need to be folded. And put away.
The bar is covered in school books, cookbooks, color crayons, a Nile River project and a three year old's clean clothes that she needs to take upstairs. And while I'm being honest, there's a Starbucks cup, 10 chocolate chips (math manipulative) and a stray noodle.
There's a laundry basket on the living room floor that has been turned upside down to be used as a platform. A barstool just randomly placed out there, too. A memory game. And books all over the couch and end tables.
There's also a fat Beagle snoring.
And there are two happy little girls.
School is done for the day, lunch has been made and devoured. And my house looks...it looks lived in.
Loved in.
It's a bit chaotic looking, to some, I'm sure. If you stopped in right now, you'd trip over a pair of little girl flip flops and a blankie that shouldn't be there. If you stopped in right now my house would not look magazine cover worthy.
And I'm okay with that.
I'm learning to find joy in the chaos of clutter.
These last few weeks of life for us have been some of the most beautiful productive days. Time spent together making these crazy little messes. My husband enjoys a very clean home {who doesn't, right?} but he says that he really hasn't minded coming home to a house that is less than perfect. He's been coming home to happy, contented children. And a wife who is finding herself more relaxed.
We're having fun. We're enjoying each other's company. Our home is not perfectly cleaned but it's perfectly lived and loved in.
There can be joy in the chaos of clutter. I just have to choose to find it.
Friday, October 14, 2011
cry baby sarah
*edited at the end of the post*
my appointment to find out the results of my mri is in 90 minutes.
i was going to put on make up just now and decided against it. if he tells me i need surgery, i'm scared i'm going to break down and cry. i don't want my make up to run.
mostly i don't want to cry in front of him. remember, this is a guy i see on a weekly basis, a guy we ride with. i don't want to look weak.
okay, more than i don't want to cry in front of him, i don't want him to tell me i need surgery.
it's not that i'm afraid of surgery. i'm not. i had the town's best general surgeon do my appendectomy and hemicolectomy and now i'd have the town's best orthopedic surgeon working on me. it's not the surgery.
it's the recovery.
i've worked my butt off for the last nine months. i feel like it's all going to go to pot now. i know the work wasn't for nothing, i know that. it's just frustrating that after so little time i'm going to have to start over.
the swelling is almost completely gone but now it hurts. it hasn't hurt all week til now. well, it's hurt when i'm up on it but mostly, i've not had any pain til last night. i didn't sleep well. it just ached.
and right now it just hurts.
i'm wearing my fancy boot. i'm thankful my jeans fit over it.
my fil is taking me to my appointment while my mil watches my girls. thankful for family. so thankful.
sorry for whining. i know i'm blessed like crazy.
i'll update this post later today when i know what's going to happen.
happy freaking friday, friends!
UPDATE:
*so, i don't have much for news as far as what action will be taken, but a little more news as to what i did to myself. i have a CT scan in 90 minutes. the mri report was three pages long. THREE PAGES LONG. in Doc's words, "you did a number on it." the inside of my ankle is sprained (you can see the bruising, hurts like a mother today.) there's fluid surrounding all of my ankle. there are three ligaments coming off the outside of your ankle bone (i think that's what he said) and the middle one is the one that stayed intact and pulled bone off bone, the front one i ruined. also, 'cause the rest of that is not enough, i dropped my heel. i really don't know what that means other than, "HOLY CRAP!" results from CT on Monday.
all i gotta say is, at least i did this having fun. it wasn't just an "oops i fell" moment. it was a "i was having the time of my life with my family and friends" moment. i'm sad it happened but not sad how it happened. i'd redo the day over again in a heartbeat even knowing the outcome.
my appointment to find out the results of my mri is in 90 minutes.
i was going to put on make up just now and decided against it. if he tells me i need surgery, i'm scared i'm going to break down and cry. i don't want my make up to run.
mostly i don't want to cry in front of him. remember, this is a guy i see on a weekly basis, a guy we ride with. i don't want to look weak.
okay, more than i don't want to cry in front of him, i don't want him to tell me i need surgery.
it's not that i'm afraid of surgery. i'm not. i had the town's best general surgeon do my appendectomy and hemicolectomy and now i'd have the town's best orthopedic surgeon working on me. it's not the surgery.
it's the recovery.
i've worked my butt off for the last nine months. i feel like it's all going to go to pot now. i know the work wasn't for nothing, i know that. it's just frustrating that after so little time i'm going to have to start over.
the swelling is almost completely gone but now it hurts. it hasn't hurt all week til now. well, it's hurt when i'm up on it but mostly, i've not had any pain til last night. i didn't sleep well. it just ached.
and right now it just hurts.
i'm wearing my fancy boot. i'm thankful my jeans fit over it.
my fil is taking me to my appointment while my mil watches my girls. thankful for family. so thankful.
sorry for whining. i know i'm blessed like crazy.
i'll update this post later today when i know what's going to happen.
happy freaking friday, friends!
UPDATE:
*so, i don't have much for news as far as what action will be taken, but a little more news as to what i did to myself. i have a CT scan in 90 minutes. the mri report was three pages long. THREE PAGES LONG. in Doc's words, "you did a number on it." the inside of my ankle is sprained (you can see the bruising, hurts like a mother today.) there's fluid surrounding all of my ankle. there are three ligaments coming off the outside of your ankle bone (i think that's what he said) and the middle one is the one that stayed intact and pulled bone off bone, the front one i ruined. also, 'cause the rest of that is not enough, i dropped my heel. i really don't know what that means other than, "HOLY CRAP!" results from CT on Monday.
all i gotta say is, at least i did this having fun. it wasn't just an "oops i fell" moment. it was a "i was having the time of my life with my family and friends" moment. i'm sad it happened but not sad how it happened. i'd redo the day over again in a heartbeat even knowing the outcome.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Undeserving
Katie is on her way with dinner for my family.
Amber just left after doing my dishes, cleaning my bathroom and vacuuming my house.
I have two more meals coming over the next couple of days.
Kristie sent a Starbucks gift card.
Friends/family have sent texts with encouraging words
These girls and their loving on me is almost too much. My heart is happy. Full.
Not sure what I did to be so blessed with these friends but I sure am thankful.
Wednesday Ankle Random
I'm posting for the second time in less than an hour in hopes you will not see the post below. I'm so tricky...
It's 8:30 am. My children are still in bed! The same one even as they've been doing often lately. This late morning is fabulous and not typical. Sugar is usually bounding down the stairs around 6:30, sometimes before. With Spice following around 7. I thanked the Lord for this miracle.
My MRI is at 10:15. I have to be at the hospital at 9:45 with no metals of any kind. Took me hours to take out all my piercings.
I'm kidding.
The doctor from the clinic I went to in Oregon called this morning to confirm what Doc said to me on Monday. He hadn't wanted to say for sure at the time but called after the radiologist had looked 'em over. It was nice of him to call and follow up. Even though I was a little delirious going in there on Saturday, I do remember him being very kind.
A few people think I'm ridiculous for not taking my Vicodin prescription in to be filled. I just don't do that. After the surgery to take out part of my colon, I came home, took one or two doses of the Percocet for pain and decided not to take any more. My thinking, if I can birth a coupla kiddos without drugs, I should be able to handle a little pain. Some of you are shaking your heads at me, and that's okay. I know some of you are right there with me, though.
Also, the ankle just doesn't hurt that bad. Every once in awhile there will be sharp pain or a dull ache but for the most part, as long as I'm not up walking, I'm pain free.
My husband has been a rockstar. Going into work early, getting off work in time to get Sugar to soccer practice, coming home to make dinner, do dishes, help me get in and out of the bath, putting the girls to bed. He is incredible. But we aren't surprised by this are we?
Such a random side note but as I wrote out 'surprised' I was reminded that my dad, who was normally a decent speller, always spelled it, 'surprized.' Okay, told you that was random.
My mom came down with the flu and can't watch the girls like she'd planned. So I suppose I should actually wake them up, feed them and get them dressed so they can go to my appointment with me.
Happy Wednesday!
It's 8:30 am. My children are still in bed! The same one even as they've been doing often lately. This late morning is fabulous and not typical. Sugar is usually bounding down the stairs around 6:30, sometimes before. With Spice following around 7. I thanked the Lord for this miracle.
My MRI is at 10:15. I have to be at the hospital at 9:45 with no metals of any kind. Took me hours to take out all my piercings.
I'm kidding.
The doctor from the clinic I went to in Oregon called this morning to confirm what Doc said to me on Monday. He hadn't wanted to say for sure at the time but called after the radiologist had looked 'em over. It was nice of him to call and follow up. Even though I was a little delirious going in there on Saturday, I do remember him being very kind.
A few people think I'm ridiculous for not taking my Vicodin prescription in to be filled. I just don't do that. After the surgery to take out part of my colon, I came home, took one or two doses of the Percocet for pain and decided not to take any more. My thinking, if I can birth a coupla kiddos without drugs, I should be able to handle a little pain. Some of you are shaking your heads at me, and that's okay. I know some of you are right there with me, though.
Also, the ankle just doesn't hurt that bad. Every once in awhile there will be sharp pain or a dull ache but for the most part, as long as I'm not up walking, I'm pain free.
My husband has been a rockstar. Going into work early, getting off work in time to get Sugar to soccer practice, coming home to make dinner, do dishes, help me get in and out of the bath, putting the girls to bed. He is incredible. But we aren't surprised by this are we?
Such a random side note but as I wrote out 'surprised' I was reminded that my dad, who was normally a decent speller, always spelled it, 'surprized.' Okay, told you that was random.
My mom came down with the flu and can't watch the girls like she'd planned. So I suppose I should actually wake them up, feed them and get them dressed so they can go to my appointment with me.
Happy Wednesday!
Some before(ish) and after(ish) pictures
This post has been in draft for a bit. I've updated it (it was started in July). Finally getting the courage to post it.
I've been asked for some before and after pics of this whole weight loss dealio for quite awhile now.
So I started looking through my camera for pics when this whole thing started. And I kinda don't wanna even post 'em.
But I'm going to.
The things I do for you. ☺
In this first picture I'd already lost 11 lbs. I don't have any from the very beginning (un)fortunately.
Looking through pictures even in May and early June with about 20 lbs lost, I can see that I'm not very toned. Until I really started hitting the bike hard, I didn't firm up. I'm down 30 lbs now, teetering between 119-121. I've gone from pushing a near D cup to a B cup. Jean size from 12 or 14 down to a 4. My legs and arms are even more toned than they were from July's picture. My tummy, while smaller than my start date, still has loose skin that I'm not sure will ever go away. Partly from having a coupla kiddos and partly from that fabulous surgery I had to take out 2 feet of my colon.
I've been asked for some before and after pics of this whole weight loss dealio for quite awhile now.
So I started looking through my camera for pics when this whole thing started. And I kinda don't wanna even post 'em.
But I'm going to.
The things I do for you. ☺
In this first picture I'd already lost 11 lbs. I don't have any from the very beginning (un)fortunately.
 |
| I had just gotten off the treadmill. Thrilled as you can see. please ignore the dirty dishes & crap on my microwave. |
 |
| 142 lbs here |
 |
| beginning of July, I can see love handles here but 3 months later I hardly can. This makes me so happy. |
 |
| 125 lbs. 28 lbs lost. Goal Reached |
I'm choosing not to panic (anymore) about my ankle and being out from exercise. This will not set me back. I need to be thankful that my body was healthy at the time of my injury, I know it will help me recover that much faster.
So, for those of you who've emailed or commented on certain posts asking for pictures...here they are. ☺
Again, thanks for your encouraging words along the way. Couldn't have done it without you guys!
And if I can do this...YOU can too!
And if I can do this...YOU can too!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Ankle Saga Continues
It's broken.
My ankle is broken.
What I thought was just a foolish trip into Urgent Care turns out was not so foolish after all. It was goodJosh and Treena forced me to go we went in, good that we had x-rays done.
I went into Doc's office yesterday figuring he'd tell me to stay off it for awhile, that I'd hurt it pretty good but it'd be fine in no time. Instead he told me I did something rather extensive to it. From your ankle bone down about an inch is a cord. When you roll your ankle badly, sometimes this can break. Mine was strong enough that it didn't break. Instead, I pulled bone off bone. I have a piece of bone just floating around in there, I guess.
This is a picture of what it looked like at the doctor's office yesterday:
I have an MRI schedule for tomorrow morning to see the extent of the damage and what kind of surgery I might need. He told me I'd need a screw and a washer. I said, "fantastic, then Josh can do it since we have those items at home." He laughed.
We were out of everything as far as groceries. My kids ate rice cakes for lunch even. Josh wanted me to make a grocery list and said he'd shop for me. So I'm cutting coupons and asked if he'd actually use them. He said he would. As I'm making the list I'm telling him where in the store each item is, the shelf it's on, etc. Then I said that I'd just go. And ride in one of those scooters.
We got home. I iced it for awhile. My husband read and sang to the girls, he put groceries away. Brought me chocolate. Cut his own hair. Started a bath for me and consoled me when I burst into tears while sitting in there. Put a pillow under my foot in bed. And told me he loved me. I don't deserve him. Not one bit.
My mom came today, with a coffee. Took me to the medical supply place where they fitted me for a boot. It's sexy. She also took my girls home with her. I have a day to myself. And I don't have to feel bad at all for sitting and doing nothing. I'm one thankful girl right now. Not sure what I'd do if she weren't here. You know, besides keep them with me. ☺
My ankle is broken.
What I thought was just a foolish trip into Urgent Care turns out was not so foolish after all. It was good
I went into Doc's office yesterday figuring he'd tell me to stay off it for awhile, that I'd hurt it pretty good but it'd be fine in no time. Instead he told me I did something rather extensive to it. From your ankle bone down about an inch is a cord. When you roll your ankle badly, sometimes this can break. Mine was strong enough that it didn't break. Instead, I pulled bone off bone. I have a piece of bone just floating around in there, I guess.
This is a picture of what it looked like at the doctor's office yesterday:
 |
| Attractive, no? |
I didn't.
We were out of everything as far as groceries. My kids ate rice cakes for lunch even. Josh wanted me to make a grocery list and said he'd shop for me. So I'm cutting coupons and asked if he'd actually use them. He said he would. As I'm making the list I'm telling him where in the store each item is, the shelf it's on, etc. Then I said that I'd just go. And ride in one of those scooters.
 |
| Yes, those are bags under my eyes. I don't sleep anymore. It's fab. |
Not even a little.
 |
| Currently what she looks like. {sigh} |
My friend, Katie, called last night and asked when she could bring me dinner. I told her she didn't hafta do that. Her response, "I didn't ask if I could. I asked when I could." I love bossy friends like that.
So. I'm sitting. Texting with Denise about changes to my blog that she's making. Texting with Treena about changes to my life that are happening that I'm less than thrilled about but have no control over. And mulling over a blog post I need to write that I keep typing and deleting.
Try not to be jealous.
Monday, October 10, 2011
I miss my bike the most.
We went to my SIL's for the weekend. It's our favorite way to spend a weekend. To make it even better, Jim and Emily and their crew met us there on Saturday. We watched my nieces soccer games, had lunch and then headed across the street to the high school to play our own soccer game. I had never played soccer before. I'm the type of girl who is always afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone else. So, no contact sports for me. Until that day. So much fun. I had sweat pouring off my back, tears from laughter at certain times and mud on my fancy running shoes that are no longer used for running.
Until after the soccer game. When I decided it was a good idea to ask my 15 year old niece if she'd like to race home. And so I'm running. Faster than I've run since I was her age and it was freeing and amazing. But then I hit an uneven part of the concrete, rolled my ankle and down I went. Breena sat with me til the rest of the family showed up and while we sat there I told her I was going to cry. It hurt. But I didn't wanna cry. I wanted to be tough. So I didn't cry.
When I pulled my sock away from my foot so I could look I think a few of us almost passed out. The bulge was kinda grody looking. It was decided {against my wishes} that I needed to go to Urgent Care. Josh went and got our van. Joel, one of Breena's friends and my current hero, picked me up and put me in the van.
Josh and Treena took me in. I felt like a moron. I got to take off my shoe and sock and get a good look. What you can't really see is the bulge on top too, besides on the side. It was pretty awesome.
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| I felt silly when they made me ride in this. My first time in a wheelchair. Yay me. |
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| Yes, that's a bag of Doritos and a milk jug you see. My niece likes weird snacks. At least it's not Nutella at her bedside... |
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| Took the splint off so I could ice it for a bit. This is 24 hrs(ish) after it happened. |
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| Husband takes TLC to a whole new level. He's fabulous. |
So, x-rays were taken but no radiologist to read them. The doctor said it's not broken but asked if we had someone to take the x-rays to. Lucky for us one of the guys we ride bikes with is an Orthopedic Surgeon. I sent him a text with a picture of my ankle and he quickly called to find out what happened. I have an appointment with him in an hour so he can look at the CD with my x-rays.
That's the excitement around here. I can't walk. Or ride my bike. And I'm kinda flipping out over that.
I miss her already. Let's look at a picture of her {my bike} so we can have a moment of silence.
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| this was the day i brought her home. {sigh} |
Update: It's broken. MRI is next. We'll see the extent of damage and what surgery is needed. I pulled bone off bone. Because I'm hardcore like that.
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