I started a new blog a coupla years ago. Or so. I don't know when I started it, I just know I've not kept up on it. Kinda like how this blog ended up being toward the end.
I wish over the last few years that I had done better journaling our lives. But a lot of the last few years I'd kinda just like to forget too, so I guess there's no winning.
It's so weird to just open this page and start writing and think that I can just pick up where I left off, but I don't know if it really works that way.
I could try.
My girls are big. Rather, they are old. 12 and nine. I'm not even sure how that is possible since the 12 year old was only a year old when I started this blog. How crazy is that? Time is moving so fast, and honestly, I'm a little panicky over it. I love these ages that they are, but I'm constantly reminded that I only have a few short years left with them at home. That breaks my mama heart. Then what do I do?!
I have plans for when they are older, and no longer need me to school them each day. I have things I'd like to do when I have more time. Sometimes I want to do those things now and will find myself discouraged that I don't get to do life the way I want until they are grown. Yet other times I'm terrified for them to leave, because they are my entire world.
School looks different for us this year. We joined a new co-op. One that helps keep me accountable, one that is a little more structured. It has been a great choice for our family. Our school days are long, but they are productive. I have really been enjoying my time with the girls each day as we get school done.
Josh is busy as ever. Well, maybe not last week, but in general. For the overtime they pay him, they could get a part time employee. He loves his job, and never complains about heading into work. I suppose I complain enough for two people. Some days I just really miss him being home at a normal hour.
About seven years ago I started trying to live a more active lifestyle; I started with running, then yoga, and biking. But found running to be the preferred exercise of choice, mostly because in 30 minutes of running, I've put in what it takes me 3 hours to do on a bike. In about seven months time I lost about 30 lbs. I maintained that weight for about 5.5 years. However, this last year has been harder than most, and I found it hard to get out the door to run. Some days I found it hard just to get out of bed. Over the last year and a half I have gained back 25 of the 30 lbs I lost. Insert all the eye roll emojis. I've been extremely disappointed in myself, complaining about it, and not doing anything about it. I've been highly annoying to my husband, and the couple of people I confide in about this.
I'm not sure what switched over the last week, but I've worked out six of the last seven days. Getting up about 5 AM each day. These last six days I have felt better than I have in over a year. I start to get so frustrated with myself, wondering why I've let myself get this way, fat and unhappy. But Josh is quick to remind me to look forward instead of behind, so that is what I'm determined to do. I know I can lose this weight again. I know I can be a runner again. I am choosing to commit to my health.
Emotional and physical.
Feels good to write some words. Let's see if I can write more someday soon.
