Friends, I'm exhausted. I realized it this morning.
I am emotionally drained.
To the point that I'm thinking a panic attack is in order. Along with a trip to McDonald's and Starbucks.
My purse. Last Thursday we got some not so wonderful news and had to make a trip to Wal Mart for some unexpected groceries. I left Wal Mart and 40 minutes later I realized I'd left my purse in the cart. I'd already gotten Spice's jammies on (Sugar was with her daddy) but I had to dash back to the store. I was praying like crazy. While it would suck to have to replace everything in my purse, there'd be no way to replace my journal. I was mortified to think of anyone reading it. Ugh! I called Josh. Sent a text to my mom and my friend Melissa to please pray. I parked right next to the cart return where I'd placed my cart and my purse was not to be found. I went to Customer Service and praise God, some man had returned it! Nothing was touched. Not even my six bucks cash. Everything was there. I still get all shaken up when I think about it though. I was so scatterbrained in that moment.
Job. I posted a week (was it two?) ago that my husband is getting a new job. He is. The timing of everything is sketchy and scary. And let me put it to you this way...as of April 1st my husband will not have a job if this new one does not come through. Needless to say, I'm worried. Josh isn't so much. He's confident that all of what's happening is perfect timing and that there's no need to worry. Can you guess which one of us looks at the glass half full while the other one looks at it as half empty?
Marriage. In my life right now there are four marriages that are looking grim. People I love. Care for. Hurt for. Pray for. I know their marriage struggles are not about me but it's amazing how you can let others hurts and needs affect you to the point of being ill. I realized this morning I've been praying for these other marriages and have been failing to pray for my own. Josh and I have hit bottom and have come through by the grace of God but just because we've already been down a dark road doesn't mean we're immune to it happening again. I still need to be praying for us.
Money. Right now Josh makes decent money, not a fortune but comfy. We have - literally - 52 cents in our savings account. We've never ever been wise with our money but we've always paid all our bills and have been able to eat out when we want, have Starbucks, internet, cell phones, vehicles, etc. The glorious life, right? Pfft. Well, with this job change it's very likely our income will be cut tremendously. I'm in the process of reducing our insurance on our vehicles (I finally looked up what I'm actually paying and what I'm paying for and realized we have more coverage than we need) I'm working up the nerve to cut our cell phone down to one. Josh's boss pays 3/4 of our cell bill. Come April first she'll pay 0/4 of our cell bill. We can't afford it. I'm tired of bills. Not the ones I must pay but the ones I don't need to pay. The ones I've brought upon myself. Cell phones, internet, car payments, etc. They make me tired. I'm tired of being tired.
Alison. Our Spice of life. Oh, my sweet baby girl. We had her allergy tested and the results came back last Thursday. Before the doctor told me the results, her exact words were, "I'm sorry, this is as bad as it gets." She's highly allergic to eggs, gluten and wheat and dairy. Oh, and she's allergic to peanuts. Since Friday we've had to get creative with her food. It's not been easy since I'm trying to cut back on groceries. This weekend we'll be headed to Portland, OR so I'll be able to hit up Whole Foods and hopefully be able to stock up on a bunch of ingredients for her. I've decided not to grocery shop this week for our regular stuff (eating up what we already have on hand) so I can save up and use it at Whole Foods. Since she was two weeks old I have felt so ill-equipped to be her mama. This just tops it off. I want to help her. I want to do something for her. I want to do it right. I'm panicked that this is just one more thing I'm going to fail at.
Family. I've had to make a big decision in my life that wasn't easy to make. I feared it would disrupt some of the good relationships I've been having with my family. But big decisions needed to be made despite rocking boats. Still waiting to see the ripples from it.
Fat. That's me. Still. I'm currently on a rewards system with my husband. For every five pounds I lose he'll buy me a present. There's a purse I want at Target and he says when I lose five pounds I can have it. But then the dummy went and bought ice cream last night after dinner. I think he doesn't want to have to buy me the purse. Maybe he likes me fat rolls afterall, huh?
Dinner. It's 6:30 and I'm about to give the girls the same meal they've had 3 times already since Friday. Spaghetti. It's easy and allergy free.
Okay, I'm done with my pity party. Thanks for letting me vent. I'll be back tomorrow with the winner of the giveaway.
11 comments:
Lovin' ya and prayin' for ya, friend. Hang in there. I am here to talk whenever you need.
Luv,
Mary
Life's throwin' ya a quick 1-2, it sounds... with a 3-4-5-6-....
I'm SURE there are blogs out there with recipes/tips/etc. for the kind of food stuffs you need for Spice. I can't think of any off hand but I know I've run across some in the past. I bet you can get a lot of great help that way.
Your finances sounds about how our situation was when ours finally kicked us in the butt and we woke up. We had $14 in our checking acct and not a dime in the house. Have you checked out Dave Ramsey? You should - his strategies will work wonders with your $$. www.daveramsey.com
Hang in there!! I'll be praying for ya all!!
If I lived in Washington, or even the west coast, i would load up the kids and invite myself over. How about a phone call today instead? If the kids will allow me to have a few minutes of phone time, i will try to call you this afternoon.
love you
I know I have come across a couple of blogs that have done some features on less expensive ways to prepare those types of foods - of course I just did a search and can't find them now. I will keep my eyes open and see if I can't find them. Whole Foods usually has coupons on their website.
I am so, so happy your purse was recovered - intact. I can't imagine. I thought mine had been stolen once (I had left it in the car) and I had absolute panic.
Thinking positive and happy thoughts for you guys.
have i mentioned my food allergies in the past? yep, drank goats milk w/ my cereal and took pork rinds to summer camp for my "snack time"...UGGG. but the good news is that i grew out of it, so fingers crossed for sweet spice.
yep sounds like a boat load on you sarah. HE's gotcha though. cling to that and watch Him work wonders.
Isn't spaghetti wheat??
My mom and sister have major food allergies and while the lifestyle change is hard, it's really doable! Your daughter will feel so much better and I'm thinking her behavior will calm down as well when she is not eating food that she is allergic to! Good luck. I'm sure it's so overwhelming, but I know you can make the change. There are some great cookbooks out there that can definitely help!
Thank you sweet friends for your encouraging words.
@Sammy, yes, spaghett is wheat - unless made with rice noodles! :)
praying!! Love you!!
Oh honey. HE has plans for your family. HE has already been down this road, he knows what is ahead. Just picture Him leaning over looking at you and smiling and saying" Oh Sweetheart, If you only knew.." Have you ever heard the song "Safe" by Phil Wickham? Look it up if you haven't. It helped get me through the last few months. I'm praying for you!!
There is a reason for all of this...there is, there is! Part of what you're dealing with - money, new job, etc. - seem to parallel my own life.
Thinking of you & praying for you.
I'm sorry things have been crazy lately. I miss you and I'm thinking we need a date. Soon.
Love you!
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