Placing an Order for Larger Windows...Pronto

Do you all love text messaging as much as I do?

I really really really love to send and receive text messages. Makes my heart flutter! A trillion million things go through my mind when I hear the indicator that I've received a new text. Who will it be from? What's it gonna say? Will there be a picture? Is it going to be appropriate? You know, stuff like that.

One of the beauties of text messaging is that you can carry on with whatever you're doing and the person you're texting with has no idea but it's okay, you're still textversing (that's the completely made up version of texting and conversing)(in case you weren't already aware).

You can be doing dishes, combing a child's hair, changing diapers, going to the bathroom (oh, don't tell me you haven't!) reading a book or...

climbing through a bathroom window and the person on the other end is none the wiser.

Such was the case a couple of months ago when Amy Beth and I were having a textervation (text conversation...following me yet?) It was late. It was dark. It was cold.

And Spice locked me out of the house.

Locked.

Me.

Out.

The kid's not even two and she's already figured out how to dead-bolt the place. This could be a good thing, it could. But it wasn't this dark and stormy night.

So, Amy Beth and I are having our textervation. She has no clue I just yelled outside. I just continue texting back. She's no idea I'm frantically checking windows, praying to GOD that one of them will be unlocked. Nope, we just keep on-uh textin'.

Amy Beth can't tell I'm out of breath.

She doesn't know that I keep going back to the front door begging Spice to "pretty please with no gluten/dairy/eggs or peanuts on top OPEN THE FRIGGIN' door already!"

Nope.

To her, I'm calm. Cool. Collected. *snort*

Unlike the other time we had a textervation going on. She knew all about what was going on, whether she wanted to or not.

There came a point the night I was locked out that I had to set down my blessed iPhone. (God bless the iPhone) This moment came when I found, praise be to Jesus, that the bathroom window was unlocked! Of course the bathroom window is small, and ahem, I am not.

It was time to put the phone down for a minute and figure out how I was going to hoist myself into the window.

I stood on our air conditioning unit, opened the window and saw Clifford (our new cat) running up and down the hallway like a moron. Spice came into the bathroom, yelling, "HI!" like a moron...

Sadly, the air conditioner was not tall enough for me to get to the window. Blast!

I jumped off the ac unit, replied to the most recent text from Amy Beth, set the phone back down and got to thinking about what I could stand on that would boost me high enough to get to the window.

cue lightbulb moment...

Our garbage can.

I wheel the green thing on over. I step up on the ac unit, I then step up onto the garbage can, say a praise that it's dark and neighbors and passersby cannot see what I'm about to do and head right foot first into the window.

Nope.

Not gonna happen.

So, I started the Hokey-Pokey. Put my right leg in, took my right leg out, put my right arm in...

Ummm....anyway....

I ended up having to go head first.

Clifford's still running back and forth through the hall. Spice is still standing there, staring at me like I'm the moron and I'm cursing the fact that I'm as wide as I am tall and thinking, "why the hay aren't windows made 5'2" x 5'2"?"

I mean, COME ON! It'd make breaking into my house so much less embarrassing and a little more comfortable on my body and my pride.

I made it in. No thanks to Spice or Clifford. I then unlocked the house, retrieved my cell phone from the hood of my van and resumed my textervation with Amy Beth. With her none the wiser of my little mishap. You know, til later when I told her and she's like, "you're blogging that, right?"

Yep, just a couple months later. When my pride has recovered a bit.