Shower

The alarm on my phone went off at 5 AM.

I was out of bed by 5:05 and out of the house by 5:15.

Arriving at the gym, I put in my earbuds, found my Pandora app and, much to my dismay, it wasn't working.

I walked in, scanned my my little card thingy to let them know that heck yes I am here at 5:30.

I found the bike I always use to be vacant but of course someone was right next to me.  I felt silly getting on a bike right next to someone when so many others were available.  But that's my bike.  The one I'm used to.  The one that was still set for my height because I was just on it at 7:30 PM last night.

There was about 15 minutes before yoga started so I rode a little while, still perturbed that Pandora was not working and that I'm sitting next to this guy when there's a ton of other machines I could have ridden on.  But the other ones weren't the ones I'm used to.

Amber showed up.  We signed into yoga, got our mats that smell like dirty, sweaty people (we really need to buy our own) and discussed how our arms were tired.  Because, hello, it hadn't even been 12 hours since we'd been here last.

Yoga was relaxing.  I'm thankful that the class isn't the freaky yoga I've heard about.  And if you're into freaky yoga, go for it, but I'm not really all about becoming one with my body and all that jazz.  I'm into learning how to stretch so I can reach past my belly button and maybe be able to touch all the way to my knees someday.

I drove home quickly.  Exceeding the speed limit by 5 mph.  I took the back highway to my house.  Took a left and was stuck behind someone going 35 in a 50 mph zone.  So much for the good time I made on the freeway. 

Entering the kitchen, I find that my husband made pancakes for the girls.  He wasn't thrilled with the recipe he'd used and he wasn't thrilled that I only have wheat flour in the house right now.  Makes for some hearty pancakes.  He felt bad that he didn't know how to make Spice's pancakes.  So, she got wheat pancakes.  Should make for a lovely attitude in her today.

Josh has been so supportive and encouraging.  Despite the fact that he stole my scale from me on Sunday.  He cares for the girls while I go to the gym if we can't find someone to watch them so we can both go.  He cares for the girls while I jump on the treadmill in the mornings and/or evenings. 

This morning was no different.  After saying good morning to the girls, I put on a pair of socks with my tennies (no socks for yoga) and hopped on the treadmill.  Thankfully Pandora was working.  I cranked up some Jerrod Niemann radio and got my heart rate up.  Staring out at the cars on our busy road.

Sweat pouring off my head and down some other places, I stepped off the treadmill, took my earbuds out, turned the TV on for Sugar and told Spice to be a good girl while I showered.  I set my iPhone on the back of the toilet while I showered.  Listening to country song after country song.  I kept turning up the heat of my water. 

Lingering.

I'm normally a 3-5 minute shower kinda girl.

Today I stood there.

Thinking about a funeral service I'm attending this weekend.  In going to the funeral I'm breaking plans with my 15 year old niece.  I hate to do it.  I've been going back and forth about it since Friday night.  Finally, last night deciding that I couldn't make the decision myself, I asked Josh what we should do.

"We need to be in Spokane."

And so, we'll head to Spokane for a funeral service instead of Portland for an Un-Valentine's Party full of awesome teenagers.

The shower got hotter, my mood even more blah now.

I'm not good at funerals.  But when your best friend of 17 years, who was there for you when your dad drown, loses her father-in-law...you go.  You cancel previously made plans to show your love and support.  And you apologize to the niece you love so much and hate letting down.

My thoughts turned to another friend.  Another friend who hurts.  A friend that I wish I had words for but don't.  It's a rare occasion that I'm without words, so when I am, it really bugs me.  I don't want to spout out reassurances, I don't want to say, "I'm sorry, it'll get better."  A friend doesn't lie.  So sometimes a friend says nothing and just listens.  Sometimes we're just here to hear.  To listen.  To be that venting place.  I'm thankful to be found trustworthy with this friend.

Ten minutes in the shower and I knew it was time to get out.

Just a little longer.

Because once I get out, I have to start school with Sugar.  I have to be prepared for battles and tears and butting heads.

Shower off.  Steamy room.  Not so clear thoughts.

Towel dry my hair.  Deodorant.  Mousse.  De-frizz.  Tank top and comfy pants.  Hoodie and slippers.

Finally ready to face my day.