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i learned to make tortillas recently.  my friend candee's mom taught me.

i'm enjoying the rainy day.

we recently took an unplanned trip to seattle.  we were gone for 12 hours and it was such a fantastic day there.

i celebrated with my friend sara at her wedding shower yesterday.  i loved being introduced as her twitter friend and having her family laugh at us.  twitter, it's like a dating match up site...but for friends. :)

i bought a new shirt that i love and earrings, too.  i've already lost them.  the earrings, not the shirt.  that would be awkward...

attending a newold church is different.  there are friends there.  it is close by.  i am home by 11.  there's no rush to get out the door.  there's no 40 minute drive.  i'm still not sure how i feel about being there.

josh's grandma broke her hip.  then his grandpa was in the hospital too.  and it's strange.  it's strange because they are getting older.  they are older.  and i can tell it's weighing on my husband.

my mom was in the hospital last week.  and she lives a thousand miles away now so i can't just go help.  i can't just be at her side.

for a girl who likes change, some of it i do not.

my ex-stepdad sent me an email on mother's day.  unexpected and sweet.

i don't like mother's day.  i equate it with valentine's day.  

if not for a handful of people i would delete facebook.  i am so tired of it.  i really am.  it's sad that out of the 306 friends facebook says i have, a handful ruin it.  but a handful keep me there.

sugar said damnit the other day and i thought josh and i were going to die laughing.  she spent time at my aunt's house and picked it up there.  we only say bastard, pissed, crap and the f word here.  so she didn't learn damnit from us.  ;)  i'm kidding on the words we use.

mostly.

i have a stepdad.  i have for like 7 months.  i've never met him.  odd, right?  I KNOW.  one sister has met him.  the other will soon.  i sent him a text along these lines, "and so we save the best for last."  

i ride my bike with the crew on saturdays and josh goes on sundays and we so rarely get to go together.  for years i know he would have loved for me to love cycling as much as he does and now that i do, we have children and we have no babysitter and we have to do this hobby that we love separately.  it's hard.

i'm noticing an impatience in my 6 yr old these days.  she gets it from me.  it's ugly to see the parts of you that need to change coming out of your child.  i want better for her.  i want her to be so much better than me.

josh just called and he can tell something is wrong with me and he asks and i tell him nothing.  he knows me well though.  usually he pesters me til i tell him, right now he didn't.  maybe he's over me.  kiddiiiing.

my friend natalie came to visit last week.  so much fun hanging out with her.

my hair is extremely big and curly today but with no product in it, it's very soft.  

i got my feelings hurt so badly a week and a half ago and i steeled myself to not cry until i got home.  so i waited til i got home and josh saw my face and asked what was wrong and i was a blubbering mess of an idiot.  and he's quick to tell me when i've overreacted and when yes, it's okay to have my feelings hurt.  that was one of those times.  i didn't overreact.  but i cried my bitty heart out.

we refinanced our house. did i mention this already? we started 12.5 yrs ago with a 7.5% interest rate, or maybe it was higher.  then we went to a 5.  and now we've just refi'd at 3.25.  i'm a happy camper.  10 more years and this bad girl is paid off.  and 8 yrs early at that.  sooner if we tried harder.  we'll see...

i was mad at God last week.  honestly i still am.  friends of mine are hurting and i just don't get it.  and i get so mad.  and i just ask why.  why God why.

am i allowed to do that?  well i've done it.

i'm going to go make dinner now and start laundry and make it look like i've done something other than not doing anything all day.