my busy out of my comfort zone week

Whew!

This has been quite the week, friends.  Quite the week indeed.

And we still have a coupla days left.

The girls and I started back to school a couple of weeks ago and it's always my favorite when my mother-in-law asks the girls how school is going and if they're reading a lot and Sugar says, "no.  No we're not."

Awesome.  I'm sure that does her grandma/public school teacher heart a lot of good.

{sigh}

So I guess I'll just go ahead and admit that in the last couple of weeks maybe there hasn't been a ton of reading but yes there has been reading.  There's even been writing.  And holy cow, some math.  School is taking a much different approach this year in our household and so far we've had zero tears and only one bad attitude morning.  This is a miracle, folks, and I wish so much I'd started schooling my big girl this way from the get go.

Anyway, with school being back in session comes the flurry of activities.

Co-Op
Soccer
Choir

and for Josh and me, bible study in a small group.  {shudder}

So I signed Sugar up for soccer and poor Spice was a little too shy to join this year but she's been a trooper watching her sister and cheering her on.  We meet for that twice a week, Tuesday and Wednesday.  We've been doing that for a few weeks now and she's really been enjoying herself.  Last night I was a proud mama when she knocked a kid over and stole the ball from him.  Because last week, someone from the opposing team fell and she stopped what she was doing to make sure that kid was okay.  She's way nicer than me.

This week, on Monday, the girls joined Choir.  Oh, Lord.  Showing up to a church I don't know, filled with people I don't know, with a door God knows where and can I just say that I wanted to throw up.  What is my deal?  I swear the older I get the worse my anxiety is about crap like this.  I try to pretend in front of my girls that I have my shiz together because I do not want them to be anything like me when they are older.  But of course I waited til someone else got out of their car to see where they walked up to because from where I parked I could not see the door.

Door found, all was right in my world.

It's this sweet couple who leads Choir and they just donate their time and their talents to these sweet (assuming they're sweet) homeschooled kiddos.  The woman handed me a letter that says at some point they'll have each child sing in front of them on their own and all I can think about is what songs my girls know by heart.  Hells Bells?  Back in Black?  The soundtrack to Napoleon Dynamite?

You think I'm kidding.

My girls sat through Choir and we got in the van and they promptly told me, "that was sooo boring, Mom."

"But you LOVE to sing!"  I say in my uber convincing voice.

"Uh, yeah.  But to the songs on the radio.  Not that stuff."

Sigh.

Forever making grandmas proud, my girls.

So that was Monday of our week.

Then comes Tuesday.  Tuesday is soccer practice night.  And this Tuesday was the first small group bible study night for Josh and me. I did something I've never done before and I dropped my girl off at practice and entrusted her to the care of my friend Katie to take her home with her after practice because our small group started half way through Sugar's practice.  I may have been slightly sick to my stomach all day for worry about if the people at small group would like me.  And I kept thinking to myself, "do not laugh out loud.  do NOT laugh out loud."  Because I can laugh.  And usually at the most inappropriate times.  And loudly.  I also reminded myself not to talk.  Not to not talk too much, but to just not talk in general.

I mostly succeeded.

I had to talk when it was asked that would the person who brings snack for the night lead in prayer that evening.  I nearly stood up with a good loud, "HELL, NO!" but I kept seated.  Smiled.  And said, "no.  I will feed you, yes.  But I will never lead in prayer and probably just never pray at all."

Like ever, ever.  Amen.

And they didn't kick me out and I had a good time.  But I may have laughed and oops, oh well.  It wasn't ever at an inappropriate time.  Thank God.

What day are we up to?  Yes, Wednesday.  Yesterday.  Man, it feels like that day was so long ago.

Wednesday was just the day before today.  (The day I've been oh so scared of for the last couple of weeks)  Wednesday was Sugar's game and she did great!  Oh!  I forgot to tell you about our dog!

We got a dog.  A 1.5 yr old black lab who apparently is so obsessed with anything round that she absolutely FREAKS OUT.  I took her to soccer yesterday and she went nuts for all the soccer balls!  So Josh had to sit with her in the back she was just so excited and wanted to play with all of them and when there are nine (I think) fields going, that's a lot balls to play with.

So, soccer game was good.

Then I helped finish up some shirts with a friend and then we had dinner and yum.  It was 8 pm and I'd not really eaten all day, so I needed dinner.  I love food.  I came home and put the girls to bed and Josh and I went to bed and I laid there trying not to be nervous for today.  But that didn't work.  I got up around midnight to be sick and then again at 4 to be sick again and decided just to stay up.  Seriously a nervous wreck for today.

Today I had to help lead the homeschool co-op.  All I had to do was read a story to a bunch of 2-5 yr olds and then lead them in some exercises but oh my word I was such a mess with worry.  And now that it's over, I'm like, "really, Sarah?  All that sickness and ridiculousness and being short with your girls this morning over what?  OVER WHAT?"  Because it was fine and it was fun and I really like all those babes and those mamas.

Amber said yay to me for being all 33 and going to small group.  And I told her that I felt 13 and like the odd, ugly girl out showing up and she told me odd was part of my charm.

That's me.  Oddly charming.

I've done really big (to me) things this week.  Big things out of my comfort zone and it's been amazing and good and hard.  And the amazing and good didn't outweigh the hard, these things were really hard for me.  But how can we grow if we're always in our comfort zone, huh?

I learned this week that I can step out.  I can find the front door.  I can read a book to some kiddos.  I can sit in a room with a bunch of other adults without making too big a fool of myself.

And it's been good.

Really, really good.