Ten Years on the Farm

Today marks 10 years since Josh and I unlocked the doors to this house. Our first house.

I was going to write this sappy, deep, meaningful post about the last 10 years.

But instead I'd like to tell you about the llama. We all know I don't do sappy, deep, meaningful posts. Hello, who was I trying to kid?

Our neighbors have a llama. The last couple of days he (she?) has decided to jump their fence and wander around our driveway. (three houses share this driveway.) I was wondering how he was getting out, so yesterday I went out there and as soon as I got out there I spooked him and he took off toward the fence and jumped it!

Then, today I'm headed out to check my mail and he's in my yard. I run back into the house to grab my camera and well...you're welcome.

Just munching on the grass and weeds in my yard.

Hanging out in my pasture...I went to close the gate because I'm scared he's going to leave the driveway and be hit by a car. When he saw me coming to close the gate....HE CHARGED ME!!! I had to run for my life. I haven't run in about 13 years. For anyone on our road today who may have seen the chubby girls running wildly with a camera dangling around her neck...uh, sorry. I'm sure that wasn't a pretty sight.

Obviously I wasn't so scared that I quit taking pictures. Because, hello, even though he lives next door, I just can't get enough of the llama on the loose.

He's heading over to jump the fence. Which he did several times today. Totally and completely cracks me up.

I'm sure I should tell the neighbors but I'm doubting they'll do anything.

In the ten years we've lived here there have been countless animal stories. One of my favorites was about six years ago. I was sitting in this very room, at this very computer on a very windy day, when I look out the window and see a cow staring in my window.

A cow.

At my window.

He didn't look familiar, you know...'cause I can sooo easily tell all the cows apart around here. ☺ So, I herded him him into our pasture, shut the gate and figured someone would come get him. Someone did. He was gone the next morning.

Another time I was doing dishes and there was a horse in my backyard.

And then a cow.

A couple months ago there was a donkey...or two.

And there are always chickens.

Mind you, we don't have any farm animals (well, besides the girls.)

Ten years here and I think we're just gettin' this party started. Can't wait to see what kind of animals the next ten years bring us.

Glad I don't have John's problem

After eating worms last night, I decided I didn't want that to happen again. I needed to find an answer.

So I Googled.

God Bless Google.

Apparently what happened to me last night is not uncommon. But still!

I found a website with several people talking about similar situations. Okay, maybe not similar...but they still wanted to know about the worms.

A few people offered suggestion/solutions. Storing bay leaves in your dry goods or placing peppermint gum in your pantry were a couple I found interesting.

But after reading one guy's problem, I feel a little better about myself.

John says:
"I found a couple in my pants the other day, those darn things are everywhere!"

Thank yooouu, John.

Monday Summary

Today I made meal after meal.

And didn't quite clean up after all of them.

Then it was time to meet my husband at the truck stop so I could pick up Sugar and give him all the food I'd so lovingly slaved over for the last three hours.

On my way out the door I realized someone had a stinky diaper.

And it wasn't me.

So, I had to change Spice and then throw her in the van. It wasn't until we were half way there that I realized she didn't have a coat on or socks or shoes. It was all of 40 degrees outside. Mother of the Year committee, I'm nominating myself this year.

After that it was time to go home and put together some sandwiches for the wee children and then lay them down for naps.

Then Shadow (our Golden Retriever) decided to vomit this huge, nasty, green hair ball. I panicked and didn't know what to use to pick it up. I had a Ro-Tel can that I'd emptied into one of the dishes from today, so I went to scoop the puke into that only to have some red remnants from the can spill onto my carpet.

Stupid dog. Stupid puke. Stupid red stain.

The girls and I played with Legos for a while but both children think it's more fun to destroy than to build. What's with that?! Then Sugar thought it'd be funny to play this game where she pretends to be hurt and I take her to the doctor to get better. So, we did that for awhile.

Dinner was some leftovers of one of the meals I made for Josh. It was good but a lil too salty. It had onions, pimentos, and green peppers in it and my girls loved it. (there were other ingredients as well, but I was impressed that they ate it.)

Then came bath time.

Read: Free babysitter time. Kidding...

I wash the girls and go on and on with my "don't splash water all over the floor" spiel only to turn around and hear water splash all over the floor. Sigh.

As I head out the bathroom door to clean up some toys in the living room Sugar yells that Spice pooped in the bathtub.

I removed the children as quickly and as safely from the tub as motherly possible and threw towels on 'em. Rescued My Little Pony x 5 and got a cup (not a Ro-Tel can) and scooped poop.

We played some more. (not in the bathtub)

Then it was time to clean up toys and read for a bit.

The girls were so quiet as I left their room. It was so sweet and peaceful.

And then the phone rang.

The children's father decided he wanted to say goodnight to his offspring.

Soooo, I had to go in there so he could talk to them and they were thuh-rilled. But bawled as he said goodbye and I left the room.

Good times.

I then decided I hadn't made enough of a mess in my kitchen and I needed to bake some oatmeal cookies.

So, I make the oatmeal cookies and decide to eat batter while a batch of cookies bakes. I scoop (how many times will i use that word in this post?!) some dough into a bowl, pour a glass of milk and sit down to Facebook.

Batch number one finishes. I head in to the hurricane that is my kitchen and decide to clean up a bit. As I'm going to put the lid back on the oatmeal I see something moving in it.

Crawly things.

In the oatmeal.

The oatmeal I dumped into the batter.

The oatmeal that I'd been eating.

I think I'm going to need another Ro-Tel can.

Ode to Denise's Amazingly Organized Lists

In honor of my sister-in-law, Denise, today I'll make a list post.

After a very long, very full, very wonderful day yesterday I sat down after the girls went to bed and made my to-do list for the week.

Here's what she looks like:

Monday:
Vacuum/Dust
Laundry+FAPA (fold and put away)
Make new tabs for my filing cabinet
Clean the pantry

(so far today I've vacuumed and made a week's worth of meals for Josh for the truck this week and kept my kitchen almost clean!) (now I'm pooped and not sure if I'll get the other stuff done!)

Tuesday:
Clean the bathroom including sweeping and mopping
Sweep entryway
Sweep and mop kitchen

Wednesday:
Heading to Yakima and will be gone most of the day so I made that my Get out of Chores Free Card day.

Thursday:
Laundry+FAPA
Clean tops and fronts of kitchen cupboards and cabinets
Vacuum/Dust

Friday:
Menu Plan
Clean out fridge and freezer
Wash the baseboard trim in the living room

Saturday:
YARD WORK!

Menu for the week:
Breakfast
Egg holes and sausage
French Toast Casserole
Toast and Eggs
Cereal
Pumpkin Chocolate chip muffins
Pancakes and bacon

Dinner
Calzones
Pesto Pizza (had this last night, it was pretty good in spite of my lack of making a decent crust)
Beans and Cornbread
Spaghetti, garlic bread and green beans
Fried Chicken and biscuits with corn
Meatballs and mashed potatoes
Leftovers

(Denise, I'd like an ode post now. ☺)
(and even though it makes me nervous, I'll let you make up the title. ☺)

Fun in Progression

A couple of weeks ago the girls and I went in the truck with my husband.

We were headed to Oregon with a load of something and we were going to be unloading that (whatever it was) and picking up something else. I was pretty giddy about this trip because it was a double exciting whammy for me. On our way from re-loading (it was lumber, I remember) we were headed up to Emily's where we'd be staying for the weekend and in the process of getting up to her house we'd be driving right past Josh's sister's house (you know, kinda).

Josh's sister is my SIL, Treena, you know in case you forgot. I love her like crazy. It was the day before her birthday (her and Emily share one) and I wanted to surprise her. So, we showed up on her doorstep! In the excitement I totally forgot to have Josh take our picture. We couldn't stay long as we'd be hitting Portland traffic if we did. Traffic's bad enough in a car, in a Peterbilt it's even worse. Anyway, we had fun surprising her and then it was time to head out for the rest of our weekend.

(this is the part where I don't tell you that 20 minutes from emily's house we get a call that we were loaded with the wrong crap and had to drive back down and re-load yet afreakinggain and making us three hours later to emily's than originally scheduled)

Ahem. Anyway.

We get to Jim and Emily's and she has dinner ready. Within minutes of finishing dinner we realize it's time for a Starbucks run. This is when the laughter and picture taking begins. Ohh how I wish I could post the picture. My phone is pretty slow with the whole picture taking thing and let's just say sometimes it captures a person at just the wrong moment. Which can actually turn out to be just the right moment and have me in hysterics.

But I'm not going to post it because that wouldn't be nice.

Instead I'll get on with the rest of this post and the pictures that I can post.

Emily's birthday was on Saturday and Gayle was coming over so we could start the Birthday Girl's festivities. Goodwill Outlet would be first, because what better way to start your birthday evening than by pilfering through someone's unwanted junk? Then it was to be Sushi for dinner. (gagging)

yep, we're adorable.

had this been a weee bit bigger, I totally woulda bought this for my husband. We left without it but with 30+ lbs of other goods.
Sushi on a conveyor belt. I'm trying so hard to pretend I'm a big girl.

This was as close as I wanted to get to eating it but I actually did put it in my mouth. And later into a napkin.

Gayle loved it as much as I did. You're welcome Gayle for this picture.

Birthday Girl was all about it!

We left about 12 minutes after we arrived and we were still hungry. Birthday Girl decided bread sounded good. Hello, when does bread not sound good, right? We drive until we see Panera. Which I've never been to. But apparently they have clowns.

And if I see a clown, I've got to have my picture with one.

Such a good sport.

Why yes we did have some soup and bread with our massive amounts of butter thankyouverymuch.

The fun didn't end there! After soup, bread and tiny cups of water it was off to dessert!

But not before a little rat tail action behind me. That guy has better hair than I do! We went to Olive Garden for dessert. Each of us getting something different and each of us stuffing our faces too quickly for me to get a picture of what we ate. Let me just say, the five pounds I gained from that Pumpkin Cheesecake were totally worth it.
Birthday Girl and her bestest friend. They're pretty stinkin' cute, huh?

After our appetizer (sushi) and dinner (Panera) and dessert (Olive Garden) we headed out for coffee (Starbucks). I didn't get a picture of said coffee because I was too busy throwing myself in front of Gayle to get to the cashier before she did. I totally took her.

We took pictures in the photo booths at the mall. You know the ones. You go inside a little booth, pull the curtain and sit nicely while they take your mug. FYI, three adult woman do not comfortably fit in those booths. You know, in case that was on your agenda for this weekend. And one photo booth session didn't prove to be enough, so we forked out another three bucks and did it again.

Seriously, one of the best weekends of my entire life.

Thank you, Emily and Gayle for letting me be a part of such a special time! Loved it!

lonely

i know i said i have a fun post full of pictures coming. and i do. it's just that today is one of those days.

a day where i'm sad.

and lonely.

and just trying to be happy.

in every place.

this place.

this place being my home. my town. my friendlessness.

i love my house. mostly. i love the rooms that have been remodeled with my husband's hardworking hands. but the rooms that aren't done or aren't finished drive me nuts. the house is 3/4 sided and 4/4 unpainted. drives me up the wall.

my town is ugly and gross. gang ridden. and being the minority in this town means our billboards are in a language i don't speak. but it's where we live. and it's where we are. and my husband loves it here. despite what anyone (even me) says about it. i wish i felt his sentiments.

having my husband away from home is hard. fall makes me love our house even more. it's cozy. the sun going down early is no longer one of my favorite things. it makes it easier to put the kids to bed early but other than that i find i get depressed over the early darkening hours. i want my man here to snuggle on the couch with.

i want a friend. one who lives nearby. someone to hang out with. someone who enjoys just hanging out on the couch like i do. a confidante.

i miss that.

told my husband the other night how it's weird to not have a best friend. how it feels so lonely. he didn't say, "well you have me" because he knows there's a difference. he definitely is my best friend but there are just some things i don't believe men care to hear about. and that's what a best friend is for.

and i now feel so bottled up inside with all the things i think or things that go on during a day that i've no one to tell.

it's lonely.

it's hard.

Three

I have a post full of pictures coming soon. Pictures that make me smile.

Until then, will you do three things for me?

You will?!

Great!

In the comments section I want you to leave me the answers to these three things:

1. The name and web address of your favorite blog

2. Your blog address (can you tell I'm in need of new reading material?)

3. A prayer request. What can I pray for you about? If you don't want to leave your prayer request in the comments section, please please please email me. truckfamily@gmail.com

Happy Tuesday, friends!

I'll be Buried with the Thing

The wind blew a bunch this weekend. And blew our plans that we'd made for outdoor work to heck so we hightailed it indoors.

There's always something to be done in here.

Always.

But instead we rearranged furniture. Because that's what I do best. I'm so good at being bossy and my husband is buff and looks hot while moving furniture.

We're a great pair.

Our kitchen is pretty small. Well, it's decent sized. It's just when you put in a dining table you basically have to climb over that table to get anywhere else in the house. There's just no good place for the table or the fridge. There are, however, lots of great places for crumbs and dog hair.
Or so it seems.

Remember my post about our kitchen table? I thought I'd be fine moving the table to the basement or our upstairs. Both are places that collect the unwanteds of the main floor. Sometimes my kids go there. Okay, not really.

We decided if we moved our fridge to a really ridiculous place in the kitchen we could put the really nice dining set in the kitchen and take our very used but much loved set to the basement or wherever.

So, we moved furniture and some more furniture and then it was time for Table of Olden Days to head downstairs.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't part with her. This table and I are stuck to one another. My husband just looked at me and sighed. I shoved the ol' girl into a corner in the living room and have decided when the girls get another marker fetish they can do it at the table.

The comfy chairs and beautiful wood of the new table definitely have their appeal and I love having them in my kitchen.

But I just can't give up the one whose been there for me eleven years.

We have a Winner!

I'm currently on the phone with Treena. This month's giveaway sponsor.

I asked her to pick a number between 1-14.

She's picking.................

Number........................................

.........................................................................

NINE!!!

Natalie!!!!

Sweet deal! Since I already have your address I'll get this shipped to you within the next day or so.

Thanks to everyone who entered and a HUGE thank you to Treena for donating this amazing prize!

Can you believe it? Seven more months til my birthday! I'm totally stoked.

Belated Bloggy Birthday Giveaway!

It's that time of the month again and I'm late!

<center><a href="http://joshua24-15.blogspot.com/"><img src="http://i601.photobucket.com/albums/tt94/memoriesbydesign/Lil-House-Birthday-Giveaway.jpg"/></a></center></td>

Last month my SIL emailed and asked if I'd like to have anyone donate the prize for the giveaways. I'm no dummy, I said, "heck, yes!"

After receiving all the goods from her for this month's giveaway, it's taking every bit of restraint to not keep it for myself. Because I love all of it. All.of.it!

Do you love to scrapbook or make cards? Know someone who does? This is the perfect giveaway for you! (um, or your friend.)

Look at all of that amazing papery goodness!

So, here's a detailed description of the picture you're looking at.

The back of the picture is the paper. 15 sheets of background and texture paper and 8sheets of cardstock (thicker paper.)

In front from left to right:
An acrylic stamp set
Accessories in a cute lil baggie
2 pre-made cards with envelopes
3x3 Kraft album
Another baggie full of accessories

Isn't that so awesome!? Do you see now why I want to keep it all to myself?

All you'll need is an acrylic block and some ink pads and you're in business to make your own cards or scrapbook layouts.

If you don't scrapbook or paper craft of any kind, please enter anyway. Christmas is right around the corner and this would make a great gift!

Rules:
Leave a comment to enter.

If you comment anonymously, please leave your name.

If you'd like two chances to win, copy the code at the top of this post and write your own blog post about this giveaway. Then come back and leave another comment letting me know you've done that.

Winners are chosen randomly through random.org or by me writing your name on a piece of paper and my husband doing the drawing.

After the winner is announced you have 48 hours to contact me to redeem your prize. You can contact me at truckfamily@gmail.com If I don't hear from you within the 48 hours, I'll choose another winner.

Entries for November's giveway are open til Monday morning. I'll announce the winner some time on Monday.

Thank you, Treena, for donating November's giveaway!

S.O.S.

I realized something.

I was given Spice as a way to humble me.

This is the child I swore I'd never have. The one that cries when not given her way. The one that hits back when being disciplined. The one that screams in the grocery store just because she can and knows that I'm completely mortified.

She's the child my husband deserves or so his mama says.

But if you ask my mama she'd tell you I was a good girl-so why do I get Spice??

To humble me.

So I won't roll my eyes in the grocery store the next time a child screams because his mama took the grocery list from him.

So I won't think "well, if she spanked that kid, she wouldn't act that way!"

Spice is unlike any of my other kids. You know...all two that I have. She's really quite beastly. I feel bad saying it but it's true. She's a monster. It's one of her many nicknames. You call out, "Monster!" and if she was the obedient type, she'd come running. However, she's hardly obedient, so she just looks at you and smirks.

And sometimes she glares.

Seriously, not even 18 months old and the child glares.

Yesterday I'd just had it. I was worn out. Her endless crying is driving me crazy...crazier. I told my husband that I'm considering getting a babysitter for her. Yes, I'm a SAHM but I'm considering paying someone to take care of her. No, it won't happen, but just letting myself think about that is a little piece of heaven.

So, Josh went through a list with me of all our parenting tricks. Okay, they aren't tricks, but he was just asking me questions about what I do when she screams, hits, disobeys, etc. I answered correctly to all of his questions and he says the most insightful thing: "Well, I don't know what ta tell ya."

Brilliant.

Last night I laid in bed and took this issue to the Lord. I told Him I just can't do this. I can't parent this baby. I don't know how. I'm failing her. I told Him. And I waited for this neon flashing light that was supposed to give me direction for how to take care of things from here on out but I got nuttin.

Sometimes He just doesn't answer right away.

I realized I have a whole lotta friends that are more experienced in the ways of the kiddos and I've decided to come to you for help.

Help.

Please.

For once, I'm not looking for sarcasm. I'm looking for wise council. I've never in my life felt so defeated as I do right now.

If you're unsure of what to say, can you just pray, please?

Spice is the cutest lil bug. I love her so so so much. But she cries a lot. A lot. If you pick her up, she shuts up. But I can't hold her all day. If she's gotten in trouble and I flick her hand or swat her leg, she hits me back.

Help.

Please.

It'll be cute tomorrow and maybe a few years from now but tonight it just makes me tired.

We had a really good day. Until Spice decided to ruin it. I don't know what got her diaper all in a bunch but man we had a rough afternoon.

I needed a few minutes to veg. A few minutes to just zone out. Because I'm a good mom like that. So, I checked my email. And then I checked Facebook and I realized the girls were giggling with the occasional scream from Spice.

When I checked on them, I found them in the hallway with Crayola markers strewn everywhere. Mostly on their faces.

It's funny, right? I know. But we were supposed to take family pictures this weekend. And even though I scrubbed them, it's not completely gone.

Aren't they the funniest? I love them. Even when they make me tired.

A New Schedule...a very Flexible Schedule.

Before I write out my post, I want to thank everyone who left comments or emailed me in regards to my last post. Thank you for loving me and praying for me.

In an effort to get some priorities in order and enjoy my life more, I've been working on a schedule for myself and our household.

It's almost funny to say that because we're such a fly by the seat of our pants kinda family. But contrary to popular belief, this family of four does like some sort of structure.

I wrote out two lists (yes, a list) one with things that need to be done everyday. Like making beds and brushing teeth and putting on a bra.

The second list is all the chores that need to be done weekly divided up from Monday-Saturday. One of my new goals is to have Sunday truly be a day of rest.

Here's an idea of what my list looks like (this is still a rough draft):

Monday: Vacuum and Dust, 2 loads of laundry
Tuesday: Clean the bathroom, sweep the entryways (front door and sliding glass door) and sweep the kitchen.
Wednesday: Run errands, clean up around the outside of house (read: clean up after the dogs)
Thursday: Vacuum and Dust (yes, again. I do this way more than I should so I'm cutting it back to twice a week) load of laundry, mop kitchen and bathroom
Friday: Clean out the fridge, menu plan, grocery shop and sweep the entryway again
Saturday: Change the sheets on beds and do any maintenance stuff needing done.

It's pretty basic. But I think that's good for me.

One of the nice things about being a SAHM is that my days are flexible. If I'm needed somewhere besides home on a certain day, my chores for that day can wait a week and it won't be the end of the world. (Must remember this when I freak out!)

Already my day has run much smoother than any day I've had in a long time.

I think I could get used to this.

Time to Relax and Enjoy

During the hard conversation I had with my mom, she brought up something that I'd love very much to deny. To say she's wrong. That she doesn't know what she's talking about. And pffft.

However, after mulling over her words these last few hours and talking them over with Josh, I know there's quite a bit of truth in her words.

She says I need to relax.

If you were to stop by my house right now you'd think all I do is relax. There are dirty dishes in the sink, a pile of papers on the counter, crumbs on the kitchen floor, toys in the living room and a garbage can in the bathroom that was dumped over by the dog that I've yet to clean up.

It looks like I relax a lot.

But did you notice how I could tell you everything that is out of place? I can tell you absolutely everything that's messy in my house right now. And I could tell you everything I haven't done that I should have done today. I can tell you all the bad stuff. Because I dwell on my bad stuff.

All of it.

All the time.

I make plans and I make lists. And if I can't follow through with each and every plan and item on my list, well then heck, forget it all. Then I get down on myself. I'll sit and stew about it and it affects my relationships with my husband and children.

My mom said that I don't just enjoy them.

And I believe in a way that she's right. I am always feeling that I am failing them in one way or another. Since I'm just laying all of this out here, I may as well tell you there are many many nights I will lay in bed and sob. Sob. For every wrong thing I did toward my family during the day. For every moment I was impatient. For not taking the time. I will lay there in bed, choking back these sobs and asking God why He'd let me be part of this amazing family that I have when I am such a mess of a girl.

If my house is not perfectly clean-it is completely messy. There seems to be no middle ground. When I finally decide to clean it, my children are starved for attention because I've become so focused on getting the house spic and span that oops! Forgot you need food and clothes and some lovin'.

I'm so scared to be the girl that I was so many years ago. The girl who didn't cook or clean ever or take care of her sweet husband. And in my fear of being her again, I'm crippled. I focus on the negative. And I can't see past it. I just sit there. Bound by my fear.

I can't see my computer screen. It's a good thing my fingers know how to type without me seeing. The tears are blinding me.

I know deep within my heart that this is something I need to go to the Lord about. But that requires asking for help. I don't ask for help. I have a line that I say often, a line my husband laughs at every time I say it. And sadly a line that my daughter uses as well.

I can do it myself.

But I can't do this myself. I can't learn to live without fear by myself. I can't learn to let the small things go and just relax by myself. I can't learn to let the big things go by myself.

I need to lay this at His feet. This feeling of needing to do it all. This feeling that if I don't do it all, that I'm a failure.

I need to give this up. Not entirely sure all that 'this' is. But all of it needs to go. Because it's killing my insides. And threatening closer...deeper relationships with the ones I love most. It's crippling me and making me no good to anyone around me.

I need to learn I don't have to do it all for it to be good enough.

But I think most importantly I need to learn that I don't have to do it all for me to be good enough.

It's time. It's time I take this heavy burden that I've brought upon myself and give it to Jesus.

Doing Hard Stuff

I feel like I can breathe.

I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

And my heart.

Doing hard stuff is, well, hard. The reward of doing hard stuff, however, is amazing.

And freeing.

I very recently read a post on atrophy in relationships. It hit me straight in the heart.

After reading that post I realized I had four...four relationships that I believe are in atrophy.

After today, I feel I'm down to three.

Today I had a very long, difficult and emotional talk with my mom.

My mom.

She's not someone I've mentioned too often lately on my blog. Because it's hard to blog about someone you don't talk to or see very often. This isn't something that's easy on my heart. My mom is someone I love. Love deeply. But when you love deeply, you hurt deeply.

And we've hurt each other.

We talked today for over an hour. Face to face. Hard stuff. Especially for people who don't like confrontation.

I'm not going to sugar coat it and say everything is perfect, because it isn't. But it's going to get better. We decided to try harder, to put out more effort.

It's not easy. It's so hard. But I'm looking forward to the benefits that come from putting forth effort.

Now, it's working on the other three relationships...

Just the Normal Random Post Since I can't Think of Anything Else to Write About

Hmm.

Think I'm bloggy funked.

Shall we do another random post, since I seem to be sooo good at those?

Okay, good. I was hoping you'd agree.

I love that I'm doing my "diet" again. I love the freedom to have Starbucks and McDonald's and not feel like I have to deprive myself of them and still manage to lose 3 lbs in this last week.

I've had Spice all to myself the last coupla days and I'll tell you what...I think I know why she normally cries all the darned day. She just wants to be an only child! She's a peach when her sister's not around to quarrel with.

Speaking of an only child, I loved that about going to my dad's when I was little. I was an only child (as far as we knew) and it was wonderful. He loved me, I loved him (we didn't say this of course) and I didn't have to share him or the presents he bought me. ☺

My mom is picking up Sugar tomorrow morning to keep her overnight. Considering making a rule that if you take one child then you must take two. But I'm not going to press my luck. At least not this time.

My husband and I have been looking at a map lately and we're seriously looking into a birthday trip for me (well, and him and our girls, too) across the US to meet some of my wonderful bloggy friends and IRL friends. (Yes, I do have a couple of those.) You may get an email in the next few months from me, inviting myself over.

Next Friday we're headed outta town to visit friends. I'm so excited that I have butterflies.

My daughter decided to get into the Q-tips the other day when her mama (oh, that'd be me) decided to play just a few minutes of Bejeweled on FB. It was cute and hilarious and of course I took her picture. And then I made her pick them all up and put them in the garbage.

Thirteen years ago this month is when I noticed my husband for the first time. It'd be another month before we were introduced but this is when I noticed him. I truly believe love is blind because that flat top and t-shirt tucked into the Lee jeans woulda made me run any other time than then.

A coupla months ago my neighbor girl brought over a puppy and announced they had a new dog. It was (notice the past tense) a Dachsund. I asked her, "what kinda dog is he?" She informs me he's a Rottweiler. A month goes by and he's not grown a lick. I ask her again, "um, what kinda dog is he?" She then informs he's a miniature Rottweiler. Ahhh. He annoyed (past tense again) the heck outta me and they'd often bring things to our house that Tanner had taken. Today I come home and see him lying on the side of the road. He might have bugged me but my heart hurts for them today.

My husband will be home in about 30 minutes. He's been in Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Utah in the last two days. Looking forward to seeing him and my four year old daughter.

Speaking of my four year old daughter. Josh calls me yesterday and tells me that Sugar had a bit of a meltdown yesterday morning because she couldn't find her shoe. They looked all over the Peterbilt. Sooo many places for a shoe to be in there, you know. After about 20 minutes of looking, he finally tells her to put her tennies on so they can run in the truck stop. They return to the truck and she's playing in the back for a bit when she yells, "Daddy, I found my shoe!" He asks her where it was.

"In the fridge."

Why he didn't look there in the first place, I'll never know.

My Happy Heart

Did you know a happy heart is contagious? It really is.

Yesterday I read Natalie's post and realized I should really try to be more thankful instead of letting myself be all funky.

This morning I had a friend {unexpectedly} walk in my door, plop down at my kitchen table and tell me that her car had just been stolen.

After she left I checked my email and received an email stating many of the things I have to be thankful for.

And I do. I do have so much to be thankful for. So, as they come to me, I'm going to write them out. In completely random order because that my friends, is how I roll.

I'm thankful for:

A SIL who is bold enough to email me with everything I have to be thankful for. To remind me that I've got it freakin' good.

My children. Both of them even. =) They are happy and they are healthy. They make me crazy but oh, how I love them.

This roof over my head. This house I've been blessed with for nearly ten years. Would I choose this town to live in? No. But I love this house.

My neighbors. I trust them.

My dishwasher, and washer and dryer. Yesterday morning I loaded all of them and put them to work. Three major tasks I didn't have to do, my servants did it for me.

My van. It's reliable. It's spacious. It has heated leather seats. And most importantly-cup holders.

Losing 1.4 lbs in 4 days while drinking Pepsi and eating muffin batter. {okay, so that's not all I ate.}

My amazing husband. He was up at 3 am for work this morning. He called to tell me if he gets home early enough tonight he'll watch the girls so I can grocery shop and do whatever I want this evening. He loves me. He truly does. Oh, that I may be worthy to be his wife...

Friends. I don't have many, I really don't, but I treasure those I have. Even if you're only in this black box, I'm thankful for you. For your emails of encouragement and the occasional phone calls. Thank you.

My church. We aren't as involved as I'd like to be but I love the people there and I love the teaching there.

Coffee. I've been drinking home brew a whole lot lately and I've come to enjoy just sitting at the table with my girlies and drinking a warm cup of coffee.

Fall colors. Though I hate to be cold, isn't this the most beautiful time of year?!

Dogs that are patient with my girls.

My mother and father-in-law. There just aren't words. They've done so much for me, for our family. Thankful they only live about 3 miles from me.

There's more, I'm sure. But I just wanted to list off some of them. Partly to remind myself and partly so you don't always think I'm a big downer. =)

What are you thankful for?

Every Minute Counts, Even if it's Just Two

I believe life begins at conception.

I believe a baby is a real person at conception.

I know that sometimes things happen and a baby doesn't always make it to birth. This breaks my heart and even though it's hard, I have to trust that the Lord has a plan.

I know that sometimes things happen and a baby is born and lives only a short amount of time. But he still lived.

Wyatt, a baby who wasn't supposed to make it to birth-did. Wyatt lived for two short minutes, but the point is-he lived.

Wyatt's mama, Danielle, is seeking to get a birth certificate for her son. The state of Tennessee is not recognizing the fact that Wyatt lived and they are denying her this certificate.

Please take a moment and read the petition. If you live in TN and/or have family or friends in TN, please pass this information along. And if you feel that two minutes counts for living, please sign the petition.

Maybe it's just me

Anyone else feeling panicky about the health care situation?

Are you a soon to be homeschool mom who's FREAKING out about that little fact?

Have you been without chocolate for too many days in a row?

Missing someone?

Worried that with winter coming the blues are going to get even worse, even though you aren't sure they could get worse?

Do you sometimes consider deleting all the blogs you read because you're sick of feeling like the worst wife/mom on the entire planet? Seriously, I'm lucky to get out of bed most days. But to clean, cook, wipe noses/butts, laundry, smile, etc. just seems too much sometimes.

Think you're all alone?

Dreaming of some time alone with your husband but don't have anyone who can watch your children? Even though people offer, you know it just wouldn't be right to dump your kids off.

Wishing for restored relationships with family and friends?

Are you dieting and sure that you're going to fail again? Because you have 5 million times before?

Scared to live in America, the Land of the Used to be Free, Home of the Brave?

Trying to spend money more wisely and failing?

Wondering when you stopped seeing eye to eye with your spouse when it comes to training and disciplining your children?

Wishing Jesus would just come back already so we don't have to deal with everything listed above?

Going Top-less

Muffin Top-less! This is the first post in my newly (but not so new) created weight loss blog:

I created a blog several months back. Maybe even a year ago.

I was on a journey to lose 19 lbs.

Oh, if it were only 19 lbs. Since then, I've gained another 10. I now have 29 lbs to lose to be at my normal body weight.

I've been thinking of every excuse in the book for why I've gained another 10 lbs to my already overweight status. I'd like to blame the 17 month old baby who cries all the time. Or the 4 year old who's learning she has a mind of her own. Or that my husband has a job that can keep him away up to five days a week. Or the poor relationships I have with my family and friends.

Do you see a pattern there? I do. It's blaming others.

That's awful.

If the weight itself weren't bad enough, blaming others for me being fat is just downright disgusting.

What made me decide to do this again? To blog about being fat and trying once again to lose weight?

This weekend my husband decided I needed a new pair of jeans. I own two pair. The first pair I can't button all the way, so I use that famous pregnancy trick of using a rubberband, but I'm not pregnant so I shouldn't be using that trick. The other pair of jeans have holes in both knees and every time I put them on, I end up putting my foot through the knee hole first by accident and making the holes even larger.

Back to buying the jeans...

We head out on Saturday to get the jeans and I'm having a horrible time finding a pair that I like. I don't believe skinny jeans in size 521 should be legal. I also was not a fan of jeans with slashes through them and hot pink material shining through the back. There were also jeans with holes and if I'm going to have jeans with holes in them, they're going to be earned not bought! And did you know that they don't sell jeans already equipped with rubberbands? Such a bummer.

I finally find a pair that will probably (sadly) fit. No holes, no slashes, no tapered leg. I head to the dreaded dressing room. The room with two full-length mirrors. Side note: If I could shower with my clothes on, I would. I hate seeing myself without clothes. Side note over. I shove off my still tied tennies and unbutton and slip off my holey jeans. And then I made a horrible mistake.

I looked in the mirror.

I saw my legs. The front of them and the back of them. I saw the cellulite. I saw that you can't tell where my calves end and my ankles begin.

Then I made an even more horrible mistake.

I lifted up the back of my shirt. There was no need for me to do this. I was only buying a pair of jeans. But I just had to look. It's like when you're passing a car accident and you don't wanna see if someone is gushing blood but you just can't turn away. It was then that I saw...

I saw my back fat. I saw the fat that spills over my bra. I saw my pretty tattoo that is now stretched out.

I saw what my husband sees every time I take my clothes off.

And I was thoroughly disgusted with myself. I hate looking like this. And I hate that I've let it go on another four years. It's gotta stop.

It's gotta stop now.

Today is the first day to a new me.

If you wanna follow my journey, feel free. Just keep the fat jokes to a minimum. ;)

Take it or Toss it but I think it's worth Taking

A couple of years ago when Sugar was about two I was out with her and some family. I don't remember exactly what she did but whatever it was, I got after her about it. And then I was scolded.

If you ever wanna get someone's back up, just tell 'em they're not parenting right.

Even though I had a few choice words on the tip of my tongue for the woman scolding me, I simply said, "You raised your kids and now I'm raising mine."

To which she replied, "well, I did a better job."

Uh huh, she said that.

I dropped it.

Did I forget it? Obviously not. But I also considered the source and decided to leave the conversation there.

I think if I could tell any new parent or parent-to-be a couple of the most important things about being parents it would be this, you're going to get a lot of advice.

Take some and toss the rest.

Look at the children (whether they are still children or are now adults) of those who are giving you the advice, are the children happy? obedient? respectful/honoring to their parents? If so, take their parenting advice to heart. If they have wild, outta control kiddos that you're thankful aren't yours, then maybe the advice they're giving you on how best to raise your baby should just be taken with a grain of salt.

The other non-asked-for parenting tip I'd like to give is this:

The most important word* to teach your child to obey would be, "stop."

Why?

Last week we were walking across a dimly lit parking lot with very few cars. Attached to this parking lot was a mall parking lot with a lot of cars. Some parked. Some cruising along. Josh was on his cell phone, I was carrying Spice and Sugar wanted to run.

"Can I run to the truck, Mama?!"

The truck was in the mall parking lot.

"No, but you can run to that red car right there. When you get to it, stop." The red car was at the edge of the parking lot we were in. What I didn't realize was that at the edge of the parking lot ending was a strip where cars were whizzing past.

She goes running. Those long legs flying (kinda Phoebe style) and her long, dark hair flowing behind her.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a car coming from our right, cruising fairly fast but they are in the mall parking lot. In those few seconds I have enough time to panic but not enough time to do anything if she decides to disobey and continue on for the truck.

Sugar gets to the red car.

Stops. Turns back to look at me and waits.

And zooom, that car in the mall parking lot goes by.

Had she not obeyed in that moment and continued on toward our truck, she would have been hit by that car. I shiver just thinking about it.

If I could do it again, knowing there was an area so close to the car I told her to stop at, where cars were cruising along-I would have just had her walk with me.

Over these four years of training her we've had to discipline for disobedience. Just teaching a child to stop when you say can be a life or death situation and I totally learned that last week.

Stop, or any other command for that matter, needs to be obeyed the first time whether it's "stop touching the lamp" or "stop pulling up my shirt in public" or "keep your hands to yourself" or "stop at the red car." If a child doesn't take you seriously with the little stuff like a lamp or indecent exposure, what's going to make them obey when it's a life or death situation?

Sugar isn't perfect. I'll be the first one to say it. But in that moment she was obedient and for that I'm thankful.

*Maybe "stop" isn't the most important word but in that moment last week, to me, it was.

He Heard Me

On my way to an appointment last week (yes, the appt.) I noticed my shoulder was hurting me. My right one if you really wanna know. It wasn't that big of a deal right then just a bit annoying.

Then the next day I noticed that the pain was centered around my shoulder blade and made it difficult to move my arm. I was getting a bit more annoyed.

By the end of the week I couldn't take my clothes off without help. And medication wasn't touching the pain.

I wasn't sleeping because there wasn't a comfortable positition that I could find.

I was down right miserable.

I kept telling Josh, "if it's not better by Friday...or by Sunday..." Monday came and I could hardly clean my kitchen. You don't realize how much you use both arms to do everything until you're down an arm.

(did that sound funny to anyone else?)

(okay, good. you too, huh?)

Moving on.

I'm not one to run to the doctor over silly stuff, and while the pain I was in did not even one little bit feel silly to me, I just didn't know why I was in pain and that seemed silly to me. Maddening really. But I just did not want to call a doctor. What would they be able to do for me besides hand me a big fatty bill? If they'd accept second born children as payment I woulda gone in about 16 months ago.

Hello, I'm totally getting off subject.

So, back to Monday while I was doing dishes. I got pissed. It was day seven of incredible pain and I was done. Sick of it.

I yelled. I cried.

"Lord, heal me now!"

Wouldn't ya know? I woke up Tuesday morning healed.

Completely healed.

I think He was just waiting for me to rely on Him, to call out to Him.

I'm slow. It took me seven days to cry out. When I finally did, He heard me and He answered me.

The Night My Husband Learned Not to Interrupt

Tonight I'm sitting here at the computer and my husband is installing a light fixture that's been missing since...ohhh, about 9 years ago.

We are on top of things around here!

Anywho.

So, he's just a few feet away from me and I start to say something. I don't get out more than two words and he says,

"No. Probably not."

We both start to laugh.

And then he says, "okay, what were you going to ask?"

I tell him...

"I was going to ask if you'd like me to take my clothes off right now."

We both got another really good laugh and then he asked what I was really going to ask him. I actually wasn't going to ask him anything, I was going to tell him something.

I entered us into a contest for a trip for two. I find out Friday that I win. Yes, I'm thinking happy thoughts.

And begging the Lord pretty please.

Through the Years

Inspired by this post by MckMama.



In June of 1980, three weeks after the eruption of Mt. St. Helens, a little girl is born to a single mama. I am that little girl and my mama was just 19.

In 1981 I would meet my dad for the first time but I would never in my 18 years of knowing him, call him "Dad".

Late Summer of 1983 my mom married my step-dad and he's the man that for the next 12 years (tho' the marriage didn't last that long) I will call "Dad".

In May of 1984, I become a big sister when Erica is born. It will be approximately 22 years before we are friends. Six weeks after she's born, we move from WA to Alta Loma, California. I meet my step-dad's mom and step-dad. My grandmother introduces me to Ritz crackers and peanut butter while watching cartoons in bed. My grandfather introduces me to Chocolate and Peanut Butter ice cream from Baskin Robbins. I believe this is the year that I fell in love with all things chocolate and peanut-buttery. Praise the Lord for 1984.

In 1985 we move to Phoenix, AZ and I start Kindergarten. I remember during a nap that I had a dream my stepdad came home with bandages on his face. When I woke up...he came home and indeed did have bandages on his face. He'd burned himself when a radiator cap busted. 24 years later, it still freaks me out I had a dream about it and it happened. I finish Kindergarten in G*view, WA and meet Peter Herrera. He's the first boy I have a crush on and this crush will last through my freshman year of high school. I fall asleep on the bus almost daily and my mom always has to pick me up from the bus garage.

In 1986 my youngest sister, Megan, is born. We move to Fontana, CA and I start year round 1st grade. For Christmas my biological dad gives me a boy Cabbage Patch doll because I told him I wanted a brother.

In 1987 my sisters and I would live with my grandma and my two young aunts for a couple of months while my mom and stepdad look for work and a home in Seattle, WA. At 7 years old, I watch and fall in love with Dirty Dancing. Though I wasn't old enough to watch it on the big screen then, 20 years later I would be. We move to Seattle, my teacher eats cow tongue and it takes 45 minutes to get to school by bus. My mom has left my step-dad, I finish 2nd grade in G*view, WA. My new crush is Matt Sorensen. This crush will last until I meet my husband. I get chicken pox and have to miss my Valentine's Party.

In 1988, I get a Nintendo for my birthday. My sister is bit by a dog. And I start third grade at the same school I attended for second grade! It's the first time I have a best friend. Her name is Rachel Clark.

In 1989 we move to Selah. In 4th grade I have to do a report on Hamsters and present it to the class. My first time public speaking made me sick. It wouldn't be the last time I get sick before public speaking. This is the year my dad starts sending me flowers for Valentine's Day. And also the year he will join in the force that cleaned up the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska. And for my 9th birthday he sends me Moose Slippers.

While shopping with my mother in Shop-Ko, we separate so I can buy her a gift. I have to go potty and can't find a restroom. I wet my pants. Since it's winter of 1990, my jeans steam off the car's seat when we get home. This will be laughed about til 2009. For a few months of fifth grade we move back to G*view but then return to Selah. My fifth grade teacher is my first male teacher. In a drawing at the end of the school year I win the prize of taking home the class gerbils. This thrills my mother to no end...

I stay in Selah until a month into my 7th grade year when, in 1992, I make the decision to move back to G*view and live with my grandma for a couple of months. I end up finishing out 7th grade in Selah, I win a prize for the best colored picture. I win a Pepsi and a Snickers bar. Still one of the best contests I've ever won.

From 92-94 we move four times. We move out of our apt. into and then out of the fifth wheel, into the Icky House and then back to G*view for my high school career. It's 1994 and it's the year that will change my life.

Summer of 1994 we start going to church, I give my heart to Jesus on a school bus. I have a crush on a boy named PeeWee. And I make friends with three girls who will be my best friends even 15 years later.

In 1995 my best friend, Lindsey and I attend a soccer game. Before the game starts a boy named Trevor asks me out. I have my first real boyfriend. I join Cross Country. Our church gets a new Youth Pastor. Trevor and I break up. I start dating a boy named Eric who is well over 6' tall and I decide then that the man I marry must be tall. But it won't be Eric. We break up.

One Sunday night in October of 1996 while attending evening service at our church I meet the cutest boy I've ever seen in my life. He's wearing a Cross Country shirt that's tucked into his Lee jeans, running shoes and he's sporting a flat top. I don't know his name but I tell Lindsey, "he looks like a Josh and I'm going to marry him." I'm 16 years old. We're introduced in November and start dating shortly after our introduction. I fall head over heels. He's 5'8" and doesn't really like me. We date though for a few months then he breaks up with me. I'm completely devastated and have decided life is not worth living.

Josh comes around to my way of thinking in May and we get back together. Half way through my Senior year of High School, we're engaged in December of 1997.

One month after my 18th birthday we get married. Josh buys me my first car, an '82 Honda Civic hatchback and a grey cat we name Roger. To thank him, I'm the worst wife ever. I don't cook or clean. I don't do laundry and we spend a lot of time and money eating out and going to the movies. I beg him for a baby, he says no but I gain 30 lbs anyway. 1998 was a tough year.

To celebrate our first anniversary we head to DisneyLand and Sea World and while we're there my mom calls with the news my dad has drown. We fly back immediately. 1999 is even tougher. We buy a house, I'm 19 and Josh is 21. For Valentine's Day Josh buys me a Beagle. And I'm sure it's to pacify my desire for a baby.

Over the course of the next several years, I'm still overweight, a bad wife and bad keeper of my home. We start a lawn mowing business and I decide to lose weight using the Weigh Down Diet. This is successful and I lose 35 lbs.

In June of 2003 Josh quits his job and starts driving a Peterbilt around the Northwest. He's gone 5 days a week. I get my first real job as a barista in an espresso stand in town and make friends with a girl named Keri. She's single with no kids and I think her life is perfect. I've lost all focus on Jesus and my marriage. My life is falling apart around me.

In 2004 I apply at Pier 1 imports even though they "aren't hiring" and am given a job within the week based on my nice handwriting. I fall in love with sales and am actually good at this. I'm promoted to Assistant Manager within a few months. I can now support myself. My husband and I separate and file for divorce. I live on my own for the first time in my life and I've never been more miserable. Josh and I still talk on the phone occasionally. One night we make the decision to make our marriage work. I move in with Lindsey and her husband for a few weeks. Then in with my mother for a couple of weeks. And then back home. I recommit my life to Jesus and my heart to my husband. I quit working at Pier 1.

In 2005 Josh quits driving truck. I learn what it means to be a keeper of the home. My house is clean most days. I cook more than we eat out and the highlight of my life is the day I give birth to the most amazing little girl. We start attending a new church.

Life is going great. My marriage and my little girl are wonderful. I start blogging. I don't have many friends who live near me. That changes in October of 2006 when I get a MySpace account and reconnect with my friend Amber from high school. We become inseparable.

Last day of February 2007, Josh and I go out to dinner. We come home and I have the worst stomach pain I've ever had. At 1 in the morning we decide to go to the ER. It's confirmed I have appendicitis. I have an appendectomy and go home the next day. A week later I go in for a follow up and am told that when my appendix was removed so was a malignant tumor. 4 days later I have another surgery removing half my colon and 41 lymphnodes and leaving me with a 6" scar down my belly. The rest of 2007 is great. Amber and I fulfill our lifelong dream of seeing Dirty Dancing on the big screen. We drive 400 miles round trip to watch Johnny get Baby out of the corner. Josh and I hem and haw and decide in July we'll try for another baby. I get pregnant in August.

In April of 2008 our Beagle dies. Our "first born" and we realize how much we loved her in spite of her driving us insane. Exactly one month later in May of 2008 I give birth to another baby girl. And she cries for the next 17 months (and counting) of her life. We'll never hem and haw about having another baby. November of 2008 Amber and I fulfill another dream and see New Kids on the Block in concert 3 hours away from home (and my baby), I use a breast pump that is hooked to jumper cables outside of my van. It's quite memorable and totally worth the embarrassment and any picture she may have taken...

In April of 2009 my husband quits his very steady 7-5 Mon-Fri job and we load up as a family and drive around in a Peterbilt 5 days a week. People think we're nuts but support us anyway. I find creative uses for plastic bags, blog about it and still have friends.

It's fall of 2009, a new year right around the corner. And the beginning of a new chapter.

Birthday Giveaway Winner Is.....

The winner of a one year subscription to Martha Stewart magazine is.... wait for it....

wait.for.it.....

......

Amy!!! I think this is the first time Amy has ever left a comment, and this weekend was the first time I've visited her blog. She's a newlywed and I'm totally loving the photos they've posted of their honeymoon. Very cool!

Congratulations, Amy! Email me by tomorrow (Tuesday) night at truckfamily@gmail.com with your address and I'll get this (possibly already read) magazine in the mail to you. Plus the little postcard says to allow 6-8 weeks for delivery of your first issue...AND it says you'll get a free tote bag. How fun is that?

Thanks to everyone who entered!