Growing up all I ever ever ever wanted to be was a Mama.
I love my mother. And even though life growing up with her as my mother was nuts, I love how she raised me. You know, for the most part. =) She doesn't read my blog, no worries.
Raising my two sisters and me on her own...well, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. I know I have my days where it can be 8 a.m. and I'm watching the clock until 5 p.m. wondering when my relief man will be walking in the door.
She didn't have that luxury.
Anyway.
For a girl who has only ever wanted to be a mama, I'm sure not very good at it. Today especially.
From about 8 this morning until about noon I was on the phone non-stop with one thing or another, trying to get stuff resolved with a couple of different things, talking to family about certain stuff that's coming up in our lives, etc. I was also on the phone and online with eBay customer support. I'm not sure I said or did anything nice with my girls in this time.
I do know that Jaylee completely destroyed my kitchen and living room in the process. I know that she begged to take a bath and I allowed her and that while unsupervised (you can call CPS now, I'll have her bags packed) she made the bathroom just as wet as she was. I shouldn't leave her unsupervised, since it hasn't been ruled out about drowning being hereditary...
She was horrible.
Alison was whiny. Clingy. Fussy. And did I mention whiny?
They were trying to get my attention. They just wanted a minute of my ever-lovin' time for crying in the dark.
I hate days like today. I hate days where I have failed as their mommy. All they want is for me to look at them, love on them, talk to them. And all I've done today is shoo them, shush them, and growl.
My house is a disaster. (Don't ask why I'm not cleaning it at the moment. I'm needing a breather.) We have a friend coming for dinner, so I know I should clean and maybe decide what I'm cooking.
I'm just bummed. I'm bummed that today my girls felt less important than every other thing that came at me. I'm mad at myself for not taking the time with them. ACK!
I love them with all that I am. They are my world. And by the way they've been treated today ya'd never know it. I hate failing. Especially in this area. I want to be the perfect mom. And I'm so not. I know we'll have good days and bad I just feel like I've been having more of the bad.
Something's gotta change.
8 comments:
You didn't fail! The day is not over yet and you can still spend some time with them. I'm not a mom, but I do know life consists of many random things that simply need to be resolved. You're a champ for juggling it all! Your girls love you, don't be so hard on yourself. XO, N
I think you caring so much makes you the best mom ever .. I'm just saying....
Now hold on just a darn minute.
This thinking that a "good" mom spends every minute paying attention to her kids is modern thinking, and it comes from upper middle class moms who have the luxury to do so.
Did the Proverbs 31 woman spend every second playing Candy Land with her toddlers? Was Mary jumping rope with Jesus in the driveway all day?
Kids need our attention, but they need other things too. You are not just a mom. You are also a daughter, wife, (sister?) cousin, niece...Being a good mom means you have your priorities, but it does not mean your children never have to wait. It sound like you were doing things that need to be done and now that they are done you can focus on your kids. This does not mean you were a bad mom today and will be a better mom tomorrow. It means you are balancing work with spending time with your kids and that makes you a good mom, period.
It doesn't hurt one bit for kids to entertain themselves. I'm sure there have been days where you have done fun things and given them plenty of attention. It's all about balance. Keep it up, Mommy!
Hey, we all have our days where we wanna kick ourselves in the butt for not doing things right. Today will be a better day, my friend!
Oh Sarah! ((HUGS))
You are not failing as a mama!
Just like someone else said, just you worrying about it makes you a good mom.
I would be willing to bet (and I am not a gambler) that your girls know without a doubt how very much you love them. And, I would also be willing to bet that they will never remember that day. So, you shouldn't either. I hate to see you beat yourself up over it.
We all have days when we feel less than perfect. And, ya know what? We are.
So, if you feel like you are having more bad days than good, just pray your way through 'em!
phew...so glad to hear YOU'RE NORMAL!! chin up. and looks like today is a better day already by the post you have up there.
You are an incredibly loving and giving mom! I admire you. And I get what you're struggling with - sometimes I feel this way too. It's not just about spending time with your girls, it's about building a relationship with them so that they know that you love them, that you are for them, and they can trust you to do what's best for them. We want to have their hearts. It's about taking the time to train them up in the Lord. That desire is so strong in my heart as well!
I think sometimes we feel guilty because we need to confess to the Lord when we've been distracted as moms. We won't be perfect in this life, but the Lord is gracious to transform us into His likeness when we rely on His strength. Be encouraged that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! Love you.
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