I had my sights set high yesterday when my sweet family left.
I was going to turn in early and sleep super late. I was going to take a 10 minute shower (instead of 3) I was going to shave both legs, and dance around the house to the current pop music, as loud as it would go.
In my underwear.
But it just wasn't meant to be I suppose. At about 3:45 it began to rain, waking poor Shadow. He began to pace. Then nudged me. Petting him just didn't cut it. He wanted me to get up.
Can you believe I obliged?
Me either.
At 3:45 a.m I got out of bed to feed a dog. Not a baby.
A dog.
Do you think I could go back to sleep after this?
Nope. I laid there for a little over an hour, til 5:15 when I couldn't stand it any longer.
I did shower. But I think it was only 5 minutes long. I didn't shave my legs. I washed my hair and thought about how my sweet family is 4 hours away, snuggled in the cab of a truck.
Together.
I thought about how Sugar was promising to take care of Spice as they left. I thought about how amazing my man is that he'd take two kiddos in the rig with him, for what could turn out to be a four day stretch.
He's cool like that. It was no big deal to him.
I stepped outta the shower, looked in the mirror, contemplated make-up for about .5 seconds. I wrestled on a pair of jeans, buttoning them with a rubberband. Did I really just admit that?
Yep.
I worked at cleaning the upstairs, looking at the beds of my sweet girls. Missing them.
Then stepped on a toy.
Didn't curse but may have thought about it...
Threw my hair up in a ponytail. Grabbed a lightweight jacket and headed a couple towns over for a coffee, croissant and some alone time.
It lasted all of three minutes. Seriously.
Talked to Josh on the phone. He said Spice didn't sleep last night. My heart hurts for all of them. Nights like that mean a long day for them today.
Took Josh's weekly paperwork to his boss. Snuggled their kitten and considered taking it home.
Okay, maybe I just considered getting one of my own. I love cats. Love them. It's been so long since we've had a snuggly indoor kitty. (Roger, Popcorn, Bekker, Bella, Britney, Briggs.....)
Came home to an empty (besides Shadow) house. Started laundry.
I'm back upstairs now, Pandora radio in the background (Garth Brooks is playing) and I've made a large dent in the craziness of this 495 sq ft. mess.
I need to go into town again soon.
And I'll do it without loading two girls into their carseats. I'll walk into the store without the, "when we get inside, don't touch anything and please don't ask for candy," routine.
Sure, I'm kinda lonely. But before my sweet husband left, he told me to enjoy this time for myself.
And I'm going to try.
5 comments:
some alone time makes the together times soooo much better :)
Isn't it ironic that when we dream of "alone time" we have it all planned out. Every minute of what we would do if we had the chance to do what *we* wanted to do - even for 5 minutes...........and then when the opportunity arises we feel lost and have no idea what to do first - and waste all that precious time figuring out what to do - or wondering when we will no longer be alone? Yeah, I do that, too!
This reminds me of those dates with my husband where I just keep noticing other kids and thinking about my own.
We moms are funny creatures, huh?
I so know what you are feeling..I always look forward to alone time and then when I get it I miss the kids so much it hurts (even though they drive me crazy sometimes)I usually end up sulking during my alone time. One of these days I will allow myself to enjoy it (probably someday when they are older) but for now I will continue to miss them when they aren't here. Also want to add that I love following your blog (and a few others) I am new to this, and really enjoying it but its funny how many people out there are so much like yourself :-)Most of the blogs I follow could be my sisters, mother and friends in disguise....
God bless you Sarah for your honesty and transparency. You got me almost crying here cause I totally get what you're saying. May God's Grace rest on you and may you look up to receive it.
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