Check Up

I went in today for the first of my six-month checkups. For two years I've gone in every three months to have my liver function checked. They're on the look out to see if my cancer has returned.

The lab slip came in the mail a couple of weeks ago. The return address always causes a lump in my throat. I know what's inside the envelope.

I was on the phone with a friend today and I remembered I needed to have my blood work done. Today has been better than yesterday (by far) but still my mood is blah. I wasn't really excited about getting the girls changed into clothes fit for public, going out into public and then dealing with the public.

Our community hospital makes me want to commit myself.

Alas, today wasn't so bad. I was registered fairly quickly. They had to change my insurance information since we've changed that with Josh's new job. Now, I'll get a bill for the full amount instead of just 20%.

That gives me the shivers.

The girl registering me asks if I know where the lab is.

I tell her I do.

I've walked that hallway many many times.

The girls and I hold hands, we round the corner and we're almost to the door of the tiny waiting room when Spice trips over nothing and bloodies her nose. She's screaming because that's what she does best.

I offer her food.

Because that's what I do best.

She calms down and we enter the room. No one was in there but us and that was glorious.

They called my name and the girls and I went into an even smaller room. Sugar knows what to do. She stands very still by the door and watches. Spice sat on my lap and I had to keep her grubby hands from trying to grab the needle.

The girl who stuck me, stuck me good. It hurt this time. Usually it doesn't.

She hands Sugar some pretty princess paper to color when we get home and tells us to have a nice day.

I load the girls into the hot van and I'm thinking how I deserve a coffee. It's hot. I've been taking care of the girls alone for a couple days. I was just screened for cancer, etc.

But I drove home.

Leaving the hospital parking lot I told the Lord that I really don't even know what to pray every time I have my blood drawn. I trust that He had a plan with the whole cancer deal and that He still has a plan now.

I'm just praying that no cancer is still part of that plan.