Rough.
Day.
I'm really wanting to lose weight and I'm really sucking at it. I was stuck at 135 forever and hated it. Now I'm pushing 145 and really wishing I could go back a coupla months when I felt fat at 135.
I finally packed up every piece of size 2 and extra small clothing I own. It's all washed and folded nicely. Waiting to go to a store tomorrow where I'm hoping to make a lil cashola for my trip this weekend.
Packing up these clothes was hard. Embarrassingly hard. I have such an emotional attachment to these clothes. They represent a time when I was thin. A time where I was excited to get dressed in the morning because I didn't worry about covering up this fat roll or that fat roll. I loved my jeans. I loved wearing skirts because at that time I didn't have cankles.
Now...now I have a couple different outfits. I feel fat. I feel frumpy. And skinny people are wondering, "um, then why don't you do something about it?!"
Easy to say.
Not always so easy to do.
Part of me feels like packing those clothes up and taking them to be sold means I've given up on ever wearing them again. That I'm succumbing to being overweight forever. I don't want to feel that way. I don't want that to be the truth.
Josh didn't want me to get rid of the clothes.
"You'll never be able to afford those brands of clothes again if you lose the weight."
He's right.
At the time I had no kiddos and worked at an espresso stand making great tips. I could pay cash for fun clothes. And I really liked it.
I'll never be able to pay $97 for a pair of jeans again.
Enough of the clothes talk.
Let's move on to parenting!
I'm bad at it.
Spice is the naughtiest baby I've ever met. She will sit at the table and cry/scream until food is placed in front of her. I just stare. Sugar was NOT like that. I thought it was because I was this amazing (pfft) mom and she was just a good girl. Not so. I'm still the same mom, I just have a kid with a completely different personality than her sister.
Josh tells me all these things I need to be doing to work with Spice. It's easy to say when you're 500 miles away...
She's teething. Molars are coming in and she's letting me know it. The other day I couldn't put her down. I'd try and she'd clench her chubby legs around my waist as hard as she could. Had I not been so appalled, I may have found it funny.
She's a beast.
Shall we move on to my housekeeping skillz?
I don't have any.
Moving on.
Right now I'm just wish everything that needs to be done before tomorrow evening were already done.
And wishing it were Saturday morning.
9 comments:
oh man!!
So sorry you had a stinky day!!
Hoping that tomorrow is better!
I hear ya, sister.
I actually think you interviewed me about my day yesterday before you wrote this post. Minus the kid part...except my dog thought I was a bad momma yesterday.
This week has totally body slammed me.
I'm sorry Sarah! Those kind of days really stink=(.
You are a wonderful mom though, and don't let the enemy tell you differently.
I will say a prayer for you today!
Luvs!
I don't have kids, but I completely understand the, "I feel so fat" and how it can ruin your whole day. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a hard day... praying that it gets better for you!
Hey thanks for sharing about your day, I am sure every mom has had days like this! So it is refreshing to have someone be honest about it!
I look forward to following your blog, you are a great writer :)
Autumn
It's only a day and Saturday is ALMOST here.. and size 2 - I'm not feeling too bad for ya.. I've never been a size two! But really be patient with yourself. I think your a great mom and this diet stuff.. I hate it HATE IT....but I too am having a few extra rolls that I need to loss...just not easy!!
Have a wonderful weekend!!!
I totally understand!!! some days the only thing to do is go to bed early...=]
I had the same feelings you did at 133. I thought it was my "low maintenance" weight yet was still too high. Now My DREAM is 133. And fyi? 145 sounds real good to me now. And several weeks away.
Hello. I recently found your blog and have enjoyed reading it so much.
I am a little older than you (okay, maybe lots older), but I can still remember days like the one you are talking about. My kids are both grown or nearly so now, but I can still remember some of those times when I wanted to just go outside and scream at the top of my lungs that I couldn't take it anymore. It doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, it just shows that you and your kids are simply human, just like the rest of us. Hang in there. I'm not saying the challenges will get easier, I'm just saying they will change as the kids get older.
Anyway, in the end you'll find out it was worth it. Even the weight gain, the money problems, and the everyday frustrations will become something to laugh about when you look at the children you have raised and they have become wonderful, compassionate, generous human beings. The road is long and hard, but the journey is worth it. But watch out for the unexpected curves and detours, they can be scary. In the end though, you will reach your destination.
Blessings to you and your family.
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