Every once in a while, but not too often, I'll let myself really think about my dad.
Like, really think about him.
Tonight is one of those times.
These 10 and a half years without him have made it hard to remember things about him. And tonight I find myself panicking about it.
One of my favorite things about my dad was his laugh.
Tonight, I realized that I can't hear it in my head anymore. I used to be able to play it over and over if I wanted to. Tonight I can't.
Oh, my heart hurts.
A few months back we were at a harvest party for Josh's company and there was a guy there who had hands just like my dad. Hands that worked but were perfectly manicured. That guy probably thought I was crazy because I kept staring at his hands all night.
I've mentioned before that a couple of years ago I saw a guy from the back who looked exactly like my dad. Same build, same stance, same bushy hair coming out of a baseball cap. I wanted to run up and hug him.
That woulda been awkward.
I'm sad to have this memory of my dad, his laugh, gone from my memory. I've emailed a girl whose family was very close with my dad for many years, asking if they have any home videos of him that I could borrow. Is that silly?
Even sillier, will you pray they do? And that they'd loan them to me?
I'm kinda missing him right now.
His laugh the most.
7 comments:
My mom, my aunt and two of my cousins got together to listen to a recording one of them made of Grandma. She sort of interviewed her.
When they heard her laugh they about burst into tears. I was much younger and didn't remember it as poignantly - but it was still great.
I hope you find a recording. It will be a great blessing.
This post makes my heart ache for you.
Nothing silly at all about asking to borrow any old home videos.
Yes, I will.
I wonder, do you see your dad in your girls?
You are NOT silly at all! And I will pray they have videos. They say that the sound of a person's voice is the first memory that fades - so for your sake, and for the sake of all of us who have lost someone close to us, I hope you find a video or a recording of some sort to help you savor that memory!
I pray that they do have videos for you, it is so great to watch home videos of my Dad and remember his voice and laugh and how he moved. I often see men who remind me of my Dad too, and I stare or watch every movement thinking of how it reminds me of him. I hope they have the videos for you, that would be really cool.
Wow. This post put me in tears, Sarah. My heart hurts for you right now. I will pray for that, and for healing of your heart.
Love you!
hope you know i love you and feel for you on this one! ☺
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