I gots The Crazies

Growing up in a house full of girls (my mom, two sisters and me) there was a whole lot of estrogen goin' on.

Like, a whole lot.

However, we weren't allowed to use PMS as an excuse for our poor behavior.  I'm pretty sure my mom knew that if she allowed us to wallow in PMS our household would have added chaos to the already dysfunctional status.

So, we hiked up our BGP's* (though they were a lot smaller BGP's for me at that time) and dealt with the horomonal wars that raged in us.

*Big Girl Panties

Honestly, as a teenager and in my early to mid-twenties I really thought the whole horomones and PMS thing was a joke.  I didn't buy into it.  I just did not believe it was a real deal.

Until I had children.  Actually, until I got pregnant with Spice, now age two.

While pregnant with her I noticed that I was moodier.  Angrier.  Quick tempered.  Even more so than my normal self (whatever constitutes as normal for me).

I chalked it up to pregnancy.

But after delivery and two years later, I notice I still get like this.  It hasn't been until the past several months of monitoring my attitude/behavior/feelings that I've pin pointed that it comes at the exact same time every month.

Go figure.

I now believe in horomones.  I now believe in PMS.

What I don't believe is that it can ruin your life and that you can't control how you react to it.

Yesterday was the beginning of what is now known to me as "The Crazies."  Thankfully it is only a couple of days where I feel almost out of control of myself and my emotions. 

There came a point yesterday - and honestly, I can't believe I'm admitting to this - that I got so frustrated and so angry that I threw a chair across my kitchen.  Why?  Because my living room was feeling a little cluttery.  My dishes were not done and it felt a little stuffy in my house.

I didn't know what to do.

I panicked. 

And I threw a chair. 

I have a pretty little scuff mark of blue on my kitchen floor now, too. 

I called Josh.  I told him that when he got home he'd have to take the girls far, far away from the house so I could clean it and gain a moment of sanity.

"Uhh, okay."

Wrong answer, dude.

I wanted him to tell me it was going to be okay.  That he understood (how can he?) and that he would just absolutely love to take the girls for me but that he would actually prefer it if I would light some candles and take a bath and he would clean the house for me.

Are you laughing yet?  Because writing out exactly what I wanted him to say and reading it to myself is making me laugh.

We hung up with him agreeing to take the girls out for a walk when he got home.

I slammed my cell phone shut, threw myself in the my chair and as quickly as I threw myself in the chair I stood back up.

I was not going to let these feelings - this rage - eat me up and ruin a beautiful afternoon.  You know, any more so than the throwing of the chair...

I opened up the windows to let the cool Fall air flow through my house, I took the energy that I normally use to be frustrated and I put into getting my dishes done.

There wasn't any elaborate prayer, but I did say, "God, I just need help."  I was embarrassed at my actions and preferred not to talk to Him about it in that moment.

While doing the dishes I asked the girls to clean the living room.  Piece by piece, toy by toy, they got it clean.  And just in time for me to vacuum.  By the time Josh got home, everything was done.  He still offered to take the girls but instead of wallowing in my ridiculousness, I chose to go with them.

We went to the park and then we went for a walk.  The outing, the air, the talk with Josh about how I feel - it was good.  It lifted the heavy. 

Josh and I talked about some things that I can do ahead of time, when I know these days are coming and these are a few things that I believe will help "The Crazies:"

• have a meal plan for the week with all ingredients for all meals
I find that if just one thing isn't in order - like forgetting an ingredient - I can be sent over the edge. and throw a chair.

• keep the house tidy
For the most part this is easy enough, but I need to make sure I keep the girls picking up their stuff throughout the day so that I'm not overwhelmed come 4:30 that there are toys everywhere.

• pray
Why is it that I find the simplest thing the hardest thing?  Especially when I know how calming it is to my soul?  I really need to pray more, fuss less.

• have praise music playing quietly
I've seen the affects it has on our entire household if I have praise music playing.  It's soothing.  Comforting.  And it's so good to praise God even when it's the last thing we feel like doing.  Really helps take the focus off ourselves.

and the last one...

• recognize that it's just going to be a rougher coupla days and allow myself some grace.
I'm really good at beating myself up for my failings.  And more so during my crazy days.  What I want is to just allow God's grace to penetrate my soul and allow myself to actually accept it. 

A few simple things that will help during my few days of crazy.  Maybe I'm the only one who gets like this and finds these things to be helpful.  Or, maybe you get like this too and didn't even recognize what it was, the way I haven't for so long.

Whatever the case may be, I just want this down on my blog so that I can come back to it when the need arises.

What are some things you do to help keep yourself sane during The Crazies?  Assuming, of course, that I'm not the only one who has 'em.