Last night before bed I sat with my laptop and read through the names of the babies who were killed last Friday. This was the second time I've read through the list.
I cannot think of these children and their families without losing it.
And those teachers. So brave.
I shut down the laptop. Closed it.
I turned off lamps and Christmas lights, locked our front door and did what I always do as the last thing before bed.
Walked quietly into the girls' bedroom. Pulled covers over shoulders. Brushed hair out of peaceful, sleepy faces. Kissed baby foreheads. And whispered in their ears that Mama loves them, ohh so much.
I stepped out of their room, dimmed the hall light and headed to my room.
Tears were flowing.
20 mamas and 20 daddies didn't get that privilege last night and my heart. It aches.
I laid in bed sobbing. Josh's arms around me. He didn't say a word, just held me while I cried and prayed.
Since Friday I have prayed for these families. For strength and peace. For comfort. For marriages to be strong, to make it through. And then I've just said to God that I don't even know what these people need but asked Him to be so very present in their lives right now.
This mama's heart hurts but nothing in comparison to the hearts that hurt in Connecticut this night and every night from here on out.
Families in Connecticut, this mama in Washington lifts you up in prayer tonight.
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