it's not magic, folks.

2014 is coming up.  In case you haven't looked at a calendar recently.

I, like many of you, have been thinking about my goals for the New Year.  I think I made some last year, but I'm not sure I met them.  I don't even remember them.  But I've been focused on living more intentionally and that's what I plan for 2014.  Be intentional with my time, my goals, my people, my health.

While thinking about my health/fitness goals for 2014 I kept thinking about running.

Running may as well be a four letter word.  I would much rather ride my bike for three hours than run for 30 minutes.  You think I am exaggerating. I am not.

Dead serious.

So yesterday while I'm thinking about running and goals I text Jessica.  (side note: I always wonder if she rolls her eyes when a text from me comes through because they are so random.)  I asked her if someone who is not a runner, who in fact HATES to run, could make a goal to run a half and full marathon in the same year.  I loved her first reply: "hmm."

I love that she doesn't just jump in with an answer I want to hear but takes the time to reply what I need to hear.  (I've told you guys before, you need a Jessica in your life.) (Just not mine, she's taken.)

Off and on all day yesterday I was thinking about running.  Thinking about it makes me groan.  Roll my eyes.  Get crabby.  Why do I hate it so much?  This morning while blow-drying my hair I realized something.

I don't hate running!

I hate not being the best at running.

Realizing that I don't want to do something just because I am not, nor will I ever be, the best was a pretty ugly realization.  That says so much to me about so many areas of my life.

So I shut off the blow dryer, got out my favorite Sharpie and a piece of paper and penned my 2014 goals.

I'll start in February with a 3 mile run, St. Patrick's Day always has a 5 or 10k, I'd like to do the 10.  In May I'm going to attempt my first half marathon.  13 miles.  Then July holds STP.  Seattle to Portland on my bicycle.  200 miles.  October holds the Portland Marathon.  I really considered a full as one of my goals, but I honestly am not feeling it at this point.  Maybe as the months and training goes on, I'll get there, but for now I'm going to be proud of myself for the halves I've signed up for.

I'm going to do this.

It's not going to be easy.  And I'm going to want to give up.  It's not always going to be fun.  But it's always going to be worth it.

(and now begins the real reason for this post)

With the New Year approaching I've seen many FB posts with people wanting their friends to join their weight loss programs.  Get results!  No pills!  No this!  No that!  But lots of results!  Almost like magic!

I call bullshit.

Yeah, I said it.

Weight loss is not magic.

A healthy life is not magic.

It's hard work and it's determination.

To achieve a healthy lifestyle, to achieve weight loss, to see results - literally takes blood, sweat, and tears.

I can attest to this because I have fallen off my bike, scraped my elbows, knees, wrists.  I have sweat from workout after workout and I have cried because I'm tired of those workouts and I have cried from falling off my bike.

But not all tears were out of pain.

Many were out of success.

I've been extremely frustrated by these posts.  These ads.  These gimmicks.

Friends, I'm sorry to say, but losing weight is not easy as 1, 2, 3.  It's not as easy as signing up to receive pills, or shakes, or meals.  It's not counting calories, or cutting out bread, or meat, or sugar, or beer (Oh, Lord, not the beer! don't take mah liquid gluten!)

It is, however, about cutting down on those things.  Not eating (or drinking) as many of those things.  Stop depriving yourself of those things you love, you'll just end up binging on them later and you'll beat yourself up for it, give up, feel defeated and be a Sad Pants Sally.

But it's also this:

It is about getting off our asses and moving.

It is sweating and it is hard.

It is time consuming and it is hard.

It is self-control and it is hard.

It is determination and it is hard.

It is not magic.

It is not pills.

It is not shakes.

It is not sugar-free, carb-free, gluten-free, meat-free, fat-free, taste-free.

It is, however, persevering.  It is not giving up.  It's about failing but starting again.

You don't have to pay someone to help you lose weight.  To tell you what you can and cannot eat.  What pill to take or shake to down.  I can say all of this because I've lived it.  I've done it.

That picture on the left (153 lbs).  I can't believe I was her.  That picture on the right (123 lbs), I wish I still looked like that.  But over the course of a few months, I've eaten more and exercised less and I have 10 extra lbs to show for it.  However, I'm back on track, paying attention to portions (still eating chocolate and drinking beer) and getting up at 6 AM (ew!) to work out at home.  I've also been to the gym once this week and will go again tonight.

But I'm not the only one who has busted her ass to make improvements, to better herself, to lose weight, to get healthy.

A couple hardcore, amazing examples of people I know:

My friend Melissa is engaged to a guy named Matt.  Matt was in a mountain biking accident four years ago that resulted in him being paralyzed.  Reading through his blog posts from that time and seeing that immediately after his accident he could hardly move his arms, at one point couldn't even lift a single pound but I asked today and found that he is lifting, get this, 60 lbs!  How can he do this?  Because the man hasn't given up.  Because he busts his butt.  Hours upon hours.

Not only can Matt lift 60 lbs, he's also standing.  Standing!

He didn't get to this point because he sat and did nothing.  He hasn't gotten stronger because he popped magic pills.  It's his determination to never give up.

So freaking inspiring.

*i know Matt's story is not one of weight loss, but it is a story of what can happen when you are determined to change your life, to not give up, to work hard, and see results.*

Another friend of mine, Mark, used to weigh 307 lbs.  He's Josh's height (5'8"ish).  One day the man decided to take control of his health.  It hasn't been an overnight change.  And it wasn't a month or six months.  It wasn't a year.  It was more than that.  His journey started in 2006.  But it was in January of 2011 that shiz got real and Mark started running. He has run and pedaled mile after mile to lose 130 lbs.

Let me type that for you again.

The dude has lost 130 lbs.  

He's held the same weight for several months.

It wasn't magic, guys.  It wasn't some pyramid scheme that got these guys where they are today.  It was a lot of freaking hard work!  It was hours of their time.

Three years ago Jessica was posting her running updates to FB.  What I loved most about her updates wasn't that she made the work out seem easy, she made it seem doable.

Friends, changing your life to get healthy, to get fit, is never easy.  And it's not magic.

But it's always doable.

And it's always worth it. 

small changes

This morning I started my day off with today's workout from this blog. (click link to check it out)

Fairly short.  Not at all sweet.  (like me)

It was good.  I'm glad it's over for the day.

As I've been thinking about this weight gain and lack of working out I've just felt so down.  And for a solid 2.5 years I was feeling really good.  I want to get back to that feeling again.  I may not be able to put all the miles in on my bike that I'd like to, I may not be able to hit the gym three times per week like I used to, but I can pay attention to the amount of food I'm consuming, I can pay attention to what kind of food I'm consuming.  And I can also do some home workouts to keep my heart rate up.

I'm not that girl who will cut out everything bad and replace it with all that is good for me.

I like beer too much for that.

Lately I've been enjoying a candy bar at least every evening.  But I only enjoy it for the few seconds I'm eating it and then I'm sad pants.

I think a candy bar per week sounds much better.

I just want to start making a few healthier decisions here and there.

I want to feel strong again.  I want to be strong again.

But I also don't wanna overwhelm myself (like I'm known to do) by jumping in all the way.  Baby steps, Sarah.  Baby steps.

where i post my stupid weight

Nearly two months ago I posted that it was high time I start losing weight again.  And in those two months I've lost exactly zero pounds.

Awesome, no?

I just haven't had any oomph to get out the door and off my ever growing arse.

I went running last Friday morning.  I haven't run in I don't know how long.  But I decided to put on some spandex and my running shoes and hit some pavement.  I ran 3.2 miles and the next day I wasn't sure I'd be able to get out of bed.  So freaking sore!  It's been nearly a week and I still feel sore.

I need to do something.  Something different.  Something that's going to inspire me to work hard.  So I'm going to go back to posting about this shiz on my blog.  I'll weigh in weekly, posting that bit of fabulous news here and make you folks my accountability partners.

Please and thank you.

I know tomorrow is Friday, but I know what I weigh right now, so let's just get this crap started.

Let's start with my goal.  My goal is to get back to my 123 that I was a solid two years.  It's been nearly a year since I've seen that on the scale.  My incentive is a brand spankin' new pair of jeans.  I almost always buy my jeans second hand.  The last pair I bought in Portland were new and fairly inexpensive, but you get what you pay for with jeans.  They're cute, but they don't fit well.  You should feel one with your jeans. :)  The jeans I love are about $100.  I haven't spent that much on a pair of jeans in about 10 years.  So, this is a pretty exciting incentive for me.

I currently weigh (ugh) 135 lbs.  This kinda freaks me out.  Especially to post it for the world.  But I think this is what I need to help me get back on track.

12 lbs.  I can do this.

I have a wedding to go to mid February, I'd like to have reached my goal by that time.

Go, Team!

it's time to start losing weight again.

I've been feeling pretty yuck about myself since about April.

Gaining weight is never good for me and that's exactly what I've done since April.

Ew.

Life kinda took over and I stopped going to the gym.  Or I'd hang out with friends instead of utilizing my gym time.

And now I have about 14 lbs to show for my lazy ways.

I'm back to feeling the way I did when I first started my journey to get myself healthy.  No, I'm not that 153 lb girl I was, but I feel like it.  Nothing fits right, nothing looks right.  I wanna stay home so I don't see anyone I know.

Yuck.

So, it's time.  It's time to get back to healthy.

Healthy isn't lazy.

I have to remind myself it took me a few months to gain this weight, it's going to take time to get it off, too.

Here goes.

Again.

yoga clothes shopping experience

Today I went shopping for some new yoga clothes.  I've been wearing the same pair of athletic pants for about a year and a half and I'm just sure that at any moment they are going to rip right down the middle and my bare ass will be exposed to all of class.

Well, not completely bare.  You know what i mean.

I think.

So I'm in TJ Maxx and I find some "active wear" section and there is not much of a selection but whatever.  I grab a size medium pants and they just look big.  It was weird.  So I grabbed the small and they looked ridiculously small.

What the hoo ha hay?!

I didn't get the mediums because while I used to buy my clothes a size bigger (knowing full well I'd be growing into them at any given time) I no longer do that.  I buy clothes that fit.  Fit fit.  Just right fit.

I grabbed the small and felt like I needed to suck it in while I paid for them.

Three work out(ish) shirts and one pair of yoga pants later I head out the door.  When I get home I put on one of the tops.  Now, you can suck in your belly all you want but I'm here to tell you that you cannot, as much as you try, suck in your boobs.  Those bad girls are just there.  And so I'm squishing them and maneuvering them all over the place to get them in.

Those pads they put in there?  Yeah, I ripped those out immediately.  Thank you, work out shirt, but I have enough of my own shiz in there without your help.

It was then time to suck it in to put on the ultra cozy tight yoga pants.  I've never had official yoga pants before and these are truly from the Lord.  (right, Curtis)  Again, sucked in my tummy while I'm pulling 'em on but there's no sucking in of the thighs or rear and there may have been a teensy weensy little stretching noise as I got em up and over the buttocks.

Such a strange word.

Anyway, the point of this post (am I supposed to have one?) is that clothes, like shoes, should come in half sizes.  I coulda used a small and a half.

PMS Remedy: A work out, a sister, a mother, and a goodnight of sleep

Sorry about yesterday's post.

Ugh.

I don't know about you, but for me, PMS is a real biatch.  I've said this a couple of years ago, but I used to not believe in it.  Used to not think that PMS was a real thing.  Because in the household I grew up in (my mom and two sisters and me) it wasn't allowed.  I think my mom feared being overtaken by PMS.  So, it just wasn't really talked about but dude.

It's real.

And it's ugly.

I notice it more when I'm not sleeping well or going to work out.  Oh, and when I'm not eating very healthfully.

I'm trying to step up my workouts but I have been eating like crap this last week.

My mood yesterday was the pits.

Just waking up this morning I can tell I'm better.  I feel like the time I spent at the gym, and my walk to the gym with Amber were contributing factors in my mood.  Then after the gym I saw my sweet baby sister and my mom.  We put in a movie but talked too much to watch it.  Did my heart good.

Came home to a husband who listened to me talk his ear off.  Then had a solid six hours of sleep.

The sun is shining.  We have great plans for the weekend.  My coffee is great.

And so is God.

Today will be a good day.

Let's set a goal, shall we?

The four of us are leaving soon(ish) to warmer temps.

My body is in no shape to be seeing the sun whilst in a swim suit.

I'm canceling my membership to the gym I've loved for two years now.  Life is changing and I'm just not able to leave the house as frequently as before.  It's time to start working out from home.

My bicycle and I have been separated for a couple of months now, a situation that needs to be remedied immediately.  While a good hour at the gym feels great, nothing leans this girl out like time on the bike.  I must get back to pedaling.

I've gained two pounds.  This isn't much.  And for the most part I'm not concerned.  But the fact that I've lost a lot of muscle and let it turn into blubber isn't making me very happy.

So.

Here's my goal.

10 pounds in three months.  Totally doable.  Just a little over three pounds per month.

That would put me at 115.  A number I haven't seen on the scale since I was about four months pregnant with Sugar. Which woulda been a little over eight years ago.

115 seems ridiculous.  But I want to do it.

I was trying to think of what I could reward myself with and then it hit me, duh.  Vacation.  

And a new swim suit!

Two years later.

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary since I signed up for the gym and took control of my health, my weight.

Two years.

Crazy.

These last two years have been quite a ride.

Some things I'd change.  Some things I wouldn't.

Getting up early to hit the gym is something I'll never regret.

The hours away from home riding my bike, I don't regret.

I worked hard to lose it, I've worked hard to maintain it.

2011 was my year to get healthy.

2013 is yours.

Taking down Christmas and getting back in the groove of real life.

The Christmas tree is unornamented.  Deornamented?  Um.  You get my point.  There aren't ornaments on my birch branches.

I've kept the branches in the living room, though.

All decorations are down in the basement, neatly organized and ready to come out next December 1st.

If not for the 17 trillion Legos in my living room you'd have no idea we just had Christmas.

It's always fun while it lasts but I'm more than ready for it to be gone on December 26th.

Our Christmas morning was quiet and sweet, the rest of the day too.  We watched movies, read books, played with Legos and ate too much.

The rest of the week was spent with family and friends and while I'll miss that too, I'm looking forward to getting back to our routine tomorrow of school and housework.

I'm also looking forward to getting back to the gym.

Today in fact.  My favorite yoga instructor (who had the nerve to move away) is in town and will be in class today.  I cannot wait to see him!

I plan to sit down tonight and write out some goals for 2013.  I want to not be afraid to fail.  I want to have something to strive for.

Is Christmas still around at your place?  Are you setting goals for 2013?  

Thursday Random

i'm finally finding the decorating me.  no.  i cannot decorate.  but i'm finding, finally, what i like.  and it's a lot of color and maybe a lot of color that doesn't necessarily go together and i'm sure anyone who comes over after i've finished doing what i want to do to the place will think i've lost any marbles i may have had.

i have zero sense of style.  zero.  i don't know how to put anything together.  i'm always asking my friend Melissa if i can put such and such together.  thank God she can put stuff together.

we did not keep up with school throughout the summer the way i intended.  this doesn't bother me in the slightest.  it did.  now it does not.  i ordered books yesterday for Spice who just turned four in may.  she'll start some kindergarten work, not because i'm pushing (i learned with my first one, don't push - wait for your kid to show interest) but because the kid loves to sit and write and i think it will be fabulous for her.  we'll be starting with Get Ready for the Code, Book A.  for Sugar, we'll finish up last year's books and move on to this year's books.  i asked Josh if he was concerned that we hadn't finished last year's.  "nope."  talked with another homeschool mom friend of mine who has kids older than mine and she tells me they've never finished a book.  oh the relief to know life doesn't end if a book isn't finished.

i'm thinking school will start on Sept. 10.

i read on Pinterest the other day that putting eucalyptus oil (or Vick's) on the bottom of your feet stops coughing.  Spice came home from Mt. Rainier with a cold and i rubbed it into her feet before bed, put socks on her, and she slept through the night without a cough.  sweet deal!

i rushed my cat to the vet the other day because his cheek was swollen and his eye was watery.  my kids can be puking, fevery, rashy, and i don't take them in.  but Clifford?!  it's just nothing ever happens to Cliff.  Cliff happens to everything else.  he's fine.  they shaved part of his face, he just stood there.  they gave him a shot, he just stood there.  never has there been a more laid back cat.  i love that dude.

til 4 am when he's standing on my chest meowing in my face because he wants out.

watched where the red fern grows the other night.

the end of the movie, the mama said, "i guess God doesn't want families separated."

no.  no, He doesn't.

sometimes that's in our control.  sometimes we can choose our family to be whole and we opt not to.

and other times it is out of our control and all we can do is rest assured God's got us covered.

i've seen both lately.  both hurt my heart.

there was a hailstorm here recently, i dunno a few weeks ago or so.  just got the quote back for the damage on my van.  4 grand!  crazy, huh?  we have a $500 deductible and i don't really feel like shelling that money out to have the van fixed.  it's not a big deal to me.  i don't know why i even took it in in the first place.

speaking of my van, i took that bad girl apart the other day.  i took my seats out and you know those little runners where all the fishy crackers and McDonald's fries go to live forever?  i took those runners off and i vacuumed and i vacuumed some more.  she looks new again.  i have to mix it up with my van.  make her feel new so i don't wanna go out and buy a new rig.  it's so hard.  i love me a new car.  we have no debt.  no car payments.  no credit cards.  a ridiculously low mortgage payment.  we could afford a new car.  well, we could afford PAYMENTS on a new car.  but it's not gonna happen.  we've agreed to never put ourselves in that position again.  the next "new" car i get will be used and paid for with cash.  like 20 years from now.

today is thursday and that means yoga and Bern's.

and yoga and Bern's makes my heart happy.

oh.  and my mom is moving back from Vegas.  so there's that.

What hard work can do

Today I was looking to find a pic of the "old me" to see if there was actually that much of a difference in how I looked before going to the gym and riding my bike.

I figured Facebook would probably be the best place to find old pics of myself.

I found one from two summers ago, it was taken in July 2010, about seven months before I started going to the gym.

And then I got a current photo, one from our Memorial weekend camping trip.

And then I put them side by side.

There's a difference.  For sure.

It was a good reminder for me today that hard work pays off.  I needed that reminder as I was hauling stuff up from the basement for our yard sale.  Thinking it was a waste of time.

But the hours I spent at the gym and the miles I put on my bike were not a waste of time.  I accomplished something I didn't think I was able to accomplish.  I lost 30 nasty pounds in about 7 months and have maintained that for the last year.

Hard work pays off.

So I'm going to keep plugging away at this yard sale stuff and know that my hard work won't be for nothin'.

8 Takes of my Weekend

1. Friday night was date night.  Kind of last minute plans.  Good plans.  We ate at PF Changs.  I had a coupla Mai Tais and may have gotten tipsy.  I may have also sang Rihanna's S&M at the top of my lungs in the van.  And said, "Go, Team!" to the barista at Starbucks in the drive-thru when we ordered coffee so I could be sober for Target.  Oh, that Target on that Friday night.

He's pretty much a whole lot of hottness.

2.  Date night turned into Date Morning and Josh and I were able to ride with our friends on Saturday morning.  It was a grueling 40 mile ride.  There were times I'd fall off from the pack, they'd have to slow down and wait for me and then times when I'd power through on the hills and be up with the cool kids. I almost puked a coupla times.  I haven't been that worn out from a ride since our 90 miler back in July.  In 9 days I've ridden 135 miles.

Thankful he puts up w/my self-portraits.

3.  Last minute decision to Spring Barrel with my sister and Tracy was a hoot.

we're a good time, this sister and me.

i love that i look tall. for once. thank you, shoes.

yes, i have a sticker on my head. no, that's not our limo.

4.  I got to hold a 3 week old baby.  Oh my womb.  

5. I went to Body Flow yesterday for the first time in two weeks.  Totally sucked.  My abs were like, "haha, SUCKER."  

6.  I rode my bike to Body Flow and while I was on my way there I got "woo hoo'd!!!"  By my sister-in-law.  I'd take that over the creeps who often hang out their window to whistle.  Seriously, guys.  SERIOUSLY.

7.  Oh, Seven.  Or 37, which is my fave number.  After 63.  Hey, I had to throw some random into a weekend post.

8.  I saw several motorcycles at Starbucks yesterday (I stopped there on my bike) and one guy had the nerve to say, "I bet you haven't ridden as far as I have today."  And I said, "I bet you haven't burned as many calories as I have."  To which he had no reply.  TAKE THAT.

Another move out of my comfort zone

I've been going to the gym for over a year.

I remember in the days leading up to my first time entering those doors, I was sick to my stomach.  So worried people would stare at me.  Laughing at the fat girl.

It wasn't until I'd been there awhile that I realized all these fit men and women may have previously been "the fat girl" or guy.  But, like me, they were doing something about it.  There are some people, like my husband, who are just thin.  Yet he'd be the first to tell you he doesn't feel like he's fit.

I never realized until this last summer that there's a difference between being thin and being fit.  Several years ago when I lost weight before there was no exercise involved.  Just food modification.  At that time in my life I wouldn't have been able to run 7.5 miles without walking the way I did back in May.

So now, after over a year of hard work, getting out of my comfort zone, I am thin.  I'm fit.

And I feel good.

But.

But I realized I'm back in that comfort zone.  I go to Body Flow (tai chi, yoga, pilates) between two and three times per week, I know the peeps in class, I ride my bike but no further than 30 miles, and I've maintained this exact weight since August.

I feel I've gotten into a bit of a rut.

So when my sister asked me to join her at Body Pump a couple of weeks ago I decided to go for it.  Why not.  Some moves, some weights.  I could do that.  Not too much out of my comfort zone but definitely using other muscles.  I liked it.

And then sweet baby sister of mine told me I needed to try Zumba.  Emily's been telling me to try it too.  Easy for these girls to say.  They've got moves.  I've got...nothin'.

Yesterday I decided to go for it.  I mean, why the heck not?

So even though I've been going to the gym for a year, yesterday felt like that first time all over again.  My stomach hurt, I was starting to sweat (and I hadn't even started working out yet!) and panic set in.  What if people made fun of me?  What if I looked like an idiot?

Screw it.

I reminded myself that at least I was doing something.  I coulda been sitting on the couch with my laptop and Oreos.  (oh, like I had been earlier in the day..)

And this is what went on.

Source: Uploaded by user via Bea on Pinterest

I went to Zumba.  I didn't have rhythm.  I looked silly.  But I was there.  Outta my comfort zone.  And I was spending time with my sister.  My sister who can shake it shake it.

All that blabber up there to say - if you aren't happy with where you are physically - do something.  Anything. No one thinks anything of newbies at the gym.  No one is thinking, "look at the fat girl."  No one cares if your shorts are riding up your thighs.

You can do it.  I promise.

The double dog dare that ended em all

Have I ever talked to you about mine and Amber's double dog dares?  D3s if you will.

If so, sorry.

If not, still sorry.

It started several years ago when she double dog dared me to call Starbucks (or was it McDonald's?) and ask if they delivered.

And I can't remember them all but the most recent ones are as follows:

Last year about this time we started going to Body Flow together and we developed a bit of a crush on our instructor.  I double dog dared her to friend request him on FB.  He didn't know us at the time.  We were just the girls in the back who slipped out as quickly as possible.  And so she friend requested him and nothing.

Nothing.

And we had to go back to class and she had to face him.  Not that it mattered, he probably had no idea it was the girl in the back row of class that had even sent that request.

He did finally accept the request.  And we now have a fabulous friendship with him at the gym.  Whether he likes it or not, the three of us are great friends and we're much more than the girls in the back row.

Another D3 was when we went shopping in Tri-Cities and decided to go to an adult store.  Amber D3'd me to do a "check in" on Facebook so everyone would know I was there.  I did it.  And tagged her in the post.

Then there was the incident(s) before Christmas when we went shopping.  We went to Wal Mart to pick up her girls' bicycles in the layaway department.  The lady took Amber's info and left to look for the bikes.  While she was away, the phone started ringing.  And ringing.  I D3'd Amber to answer it but it quit ringing.  She thought she was off the hook.

She was wrong.

It started ringing again.  She looks around.  Answers the phone: "Layaway, this is Amber."

we totally rode those bikes thru the store & out the door.

And I busted up.  Couldn't breathe.  Died laughing.

She spent a couple of minutes on the phone with some woman before hanging up on her.  

Later, that night we were at the mall and I was buying a pair of boots at Journey's and the guy selling me the boots had a ponytail.  It was slicked back, short and it just kinda grossed me out.

She dared me to touch it.  And I couldn't do it.  I failed the D3.

Last week I met Amber at the gym for Body Flow.  I rode my bike to the gym.  We were there early (of course) and sat down to wait for our class to open up.  As I stood up to go in the room she reminded me to grab my helmet and we both just looked at it and I knew.

I knew what she was going to make me do.

"Wear it."

And so.  For an hour of yoga I looked like this:

Yep.  I wore my helmet throughout the entire class.

And now she's resigned from D3s.  She won't do anymore.

She says she won.

I say I won.  Hello, who wore the helmet?

So there was this one time I got hit by a car

True story.

And since I am alive and well to tell about it, I will.

And we can laugh at me.

And my stupidity.

On Saturday night I got this brilliant idea to ride my bike to church.

Our church is approximately 35 miles from our house.  I figured I could make it in 3 hours.

What I didn't figure in is that at the time I wanted to leave (6 am) it's still dark.  I have no reflective gear or flashy lights or anything like that so I waited a little longer for the sun to come up.  I left the house about 6:30 and made my way to church on the highway.

At what I figured was my half-way mark I stopped my bike, checked my phone for the time and called Josh to let him know where I was.  I also took a drink of water.  Because I have to stop my bike to take a drink.  Hey, I dye my hair blonde and apparently me drinking water whilst riding my bike is a bit like a blonde trying to chew gum and walk at the same time.

I just can't do it.

It was 8 when I called Josh.  I knew I wouldn't make it to church on time.  We had to be there at 9 to work in the nursery.  I was mad.  Had I been able to leave at 6 I would have been on time.

So I'm pedaling.  And pedaling some more.

There's a small stretch where I had to get on the freeway (talk about intimidating) and cross a bridge that has very little shoulder.  Josh had told me I'd have bust my butt across that bridge.  I'm getting close to the bridge when Josh and the girls drove by me.

"Oh, please God, let him pull over."  I was tired.  And still had probably 6 miles or so to go.  I took the off ramp, went over another bridge and there he was, waiting at the bottom of the hill for me.

Hallelujah.

All that to get to the night I was hit by a car...

So the next day, Monday, I decided to ride to the gym.  Josh got home early and I knew I could make it to the gym before dark.

What I didn't count on is that my legs would be DEAD from my 31 mile ride the day before.

When I bike to the gym I'm usually cruising around 15 mph.  I was seeing 12 mph.  It was miserable.  My legs just weren't moving like they usually do.

I get into town and there's a stretch when I first enter Prosser that I can cruise at about 22-24 mph for a bit, it's a little downhill and I've usually gotten my second wind.  Yeah, this night?  Not so much.  I was lucky to hit 14-15 mph.  So, I'm behind schedule, and it's dark.

I look to my right to see if there's a car on the highway I'm about to cross.  I see a Suburban and realize if it pulls up to the stop sign far enough, I can glide behind it just fine and not have to stop.

I'm running late!

So the Suburban is in my mind.  I look ahead of me and see more cars, all of which I think are heading straight, and not realizing that one is actually in the left turn lane.  Suburban pulls up far enough that I can ride behind her, I'm about to cross when I realize that a small car is in the left turn and will be turning into me before I get across.

Slow motion.

Thankfully she wasn't driving very fast.  Thankfully there was no one coming from the other direction.

I knew she was going to hit me.  There was no way for me to move any faster.  And had I stopped she would have hit me much harder.

I yelled to God.  Out loud.  I can't remember exactly what I said but I'm pretty sure the word, "help!" was in there somewhere.

She came to a stop.  Against my bike.  She didn't even hit me hard enough to knock me over.  It jarred my bike and pushed me but I was able to stay on.  I clipped out of my pedals, stopped my bike and she stopped her car.  She opened the door and at the same time we asked if the other was okay.

We both were.

And we carried on.

I called Josh right away and said something like this, "Honey, I'm fine, I was just hit by a car but I'm fine."

Him:  silence.

Me:  I'm okay, just wanted to let you know.  Can you pick me up after the gym?

Him:  Um, no.  Let me come get you now.

We argued about that.  I wasn't going to let a little bump keep me from the gym.  I got there 10 minutes late for class and could not concentrate.  I finally ended up sending him a text during meditation to come get me.

My bike has a scratch.

I do not.

I'm a lucky chick.

It coulda been a whole lot worse, especially because I foolishly went without a helmet that night.

I won't be stupid like that again.

So yeah, there was this one time I got hit by a car.  Good conversation starter.  Or blog material.

The things I do for your entertainment.

It's time for the reward

On my journey to get healthy and lose weight, I decided that should I reach my goal (which I did) I'd buy myself a fancy shmancy pair of jeans from my fave store as a reward.  A good job, Sarah, present.

I've been at the same weight for nearly 6 months, I don't think I'll be losing much more.

I think it's time to buy those jeans.

But I want to make a day of it.

You see, I've reached my one year anniversary of this whole deal and I wanna celebrate.

I've decided I'mma get myself a babysitter, get my hair did, go shopping for those jeans and get myself another tattoo.

Oh, and buy myself lunch.

Because I like food.

This is going to be an expensive day.  Maybe I should sell that dog bed, huh?

Victorious or Beaten - I'll take both

I remember at the end of February last year posting about feeling like I was in a fog.

And even though I was exercising and losing weight and feeling amazing - that fog was there.

I wasn't myself.

Well, I take that back.  I was me.  Just a less happy version of me.

I'm amazed at how amazing and awful I felt at the same time.

I was out of shape and overweight and that was visible.  Anyone could see it.  My efforts to take over that area of my life and make it new were visible.  I shared those efforts here, with you.  On Facebook.  On Twitter.  In person.

I'm not going to make light of my weight loss journey.  That was a huge battle.

For me, though.  It's the internal battles that are most difficult.  Those are the ones I don't talk as much about.

And there has been battle after battle waging.

And I've lost.

I've lost.

The end of summer was rough.  I was my strongest physically, yet my weakest emotionally.  I started taking an anti-depressant at the recommendation of my counselor.

I knew what was causing my depression.  And it wasn't something meds could fix.

I took them for a month and then quit.  (not recommended by my counselor or doctor)  This may not have been my wisest decision seeing how I got pretty down and out once I hurt my ankle and couldn't bike or gym.  But I've been fine without them.

Things have changed since I hurt my ankle.  Not just physically but emotionally.  Good stuff.  Hard stuff.  Heart stuff.

Since October I've had my good and bad days.  Many, many bad days.  Pity parties.  Anger.  Depression.  Anxiety.  (for me those two go hand in hand) The list could go on and on.  But in the last few weeks, I guess at the beginning of the year when I decided to no longer live wired for regret, I've felt happier.  Content. In love with life again.  With my life.  It's been slow but steady.  And lately I've found myself with happier days than depressed days.  It feels good.  I feel good.

Yesterday I got on my road bike for my first serious ride since October 1.  I rode 16.5 miles to the gym.  Did an hour of yoga and rode 16.5 miles home with a head wind.  I felt strong.  Physically.  And emotionally.

I've said 2011 was awesome for me, and it was.  But 2011 was rough for me, too.  I can't re-do it.  I wouldn't want to, though.  Every trial I'm faced with, whether I come out victorious or beaten down, I learn something.

And I'm learning God's grace is amazing.

So freaking amazing.

Stuff I like

December 15th: Things
Many people believe that things are not important, so whether things or something more grand, what are three most important things in your life right now?


Sweet. An excuse to actually list materialistic crap without feeling guilt for it.

Three important things in my life right now, in random order:

My rig.  I have a 2003 Dodge Grand Caravan.  She has heated seats.  Cup holders.  And the reliability factor.  I like to drive and I do a lot of it so I'm thankful for my van.  Yeah, she's a "mom" rig and that totally loses the fun-ness that I love in a vehicle (oh, the days of my sporty looking red Lancer) but I love that I have room for 6 passengers or that I can pull the seats out and have room for a ton of groceries, tile flooring or my yoga mat..

Yep, love my van.

My gym membership.  I know I could have gotten in shape and lost weight without it but it was definitely a great motivator for me.  I haven't made any friends there, really.  I try to.  But Amber is the only one there who thinks (knows) I'm funny.  I think the guys there just think (know) I'm a total moron.  I smile.  I wave.  I say hello.  They'll have none of it.  Their loss, man.  Their loss.

I'm thankful Josh works with the owner of the gym and I get a sweet discount.  I'm thankful for the instructors that have helped me get to the healthiest place in my life that I've ever been.  I'm thankful for their patience with Amber and me and our ridiculous inappropriateness that we try so hard to keep to ourselves but often fail at.

Lastly, and this is probably the most materialistic of all.  My cell phone.  I keep in touch with my friends, my family, Twitter, Facebook with that thing.  The ability to text with my friends and family is hugely important to me.  I've been without a cell phone, I know it's possible to be.  I just don't want to ever be again. :)

And you?  What are your three important material things?

{notice how I didn't list my bike?  she's not a material possession to me.  she's my love.}

Some before(ish) and after(ish) pictures

This post has been in draft for a bit.  I've updated it (it was started in July).  Finally getting the courage to post it.

I've been asked for some before and after pics of this whole weight loss dealio for quite awhile now.

So I started looking through my camera for pics when this whole thing started.  And I kinda don't wanna even post 'em.

But I'm going to.

The things I do for you.  ☺

In this first picture I'd already lost 11 lbs.  I don't have any from the very beginning (un)fortunately.

I had just gotten off the treadmill. Thrilled as you can see.
please ignore the dirty dishes & crap on my microwave.

142 lbs here

beginning of July, I can see love handles here but 3 months later
I hardly can.  This makes me so happy.

125 lbs.
28 lbs lost. Goal Reached

Looking through pictures even in May and early June with about 20 lbs lost, I can see that I'm not very toned.  Until I really started hitting the bike hard, I didn't firm up.  I'm down 30 lbs now, teetering between 119-121.  I've gone from pushing a near D cup to a B cup.  Jean size from 12 or 14 down to a 4.  My legs and arms are even more toned than they were from July's picture.  My tummy, while smaller than my start date, still has loose skin that I'm not sure will ever go away.  Partly from having a coupla kiddos and partly from that fabulous surgery I had to take out 2 feet of my colon.

I'm choosing not to panic (anymore) about my ankle and being out from exercise.  This will not set me back.  I need to be thankful that my body was healthy at the time of my injury, I know it will help me recover that much faster.

So, for those of you who've emailed or commented on certain posts asking for pictures...here they are. ☺

Again, thanks for your encouraging words along the way.  Couldn't have done it without you guys!

And if I can do this...YOU can too!

Tuesday seems like a good day for a random list

Why do the clothing items with the least amount of material cost the most?

Nothing of the last six months of my life has been easy.  I have been out of my comfort zone physically and emotionally.  I am a stronger person for it.

Things I've observed on the pathway I bike on: Couples never say hi.  A woman alone will almost always ignore me.  While a man alone will always smile and say hi.  I've come to the conclusion women are rude and men are friendly.  Me?  I smile and say hi to everyone.  Always.

My mother-in-law currently has all her grandchildren (except the newborn) at her house.  They slept there last night.  She's nuts.  But with the last name, it's kind of a given.

I have a secret.  (oh but don't we all)

I had two of my favorite people over on Friday night and it's so nice to just be me and know they love me.  I can be obnoxious and moody and loud and they love me just the same.

A friend emailed me that she had a dream her and I were strippers.  It's nice to know I have a friend who dreams of me being naked.

I ran three miles with my aunt and uncle yesterday, then later in the day I rode 35 miles to the gym and back.  I don't recognize myself.  Physically.  Emotionally.

I'm shocked how strong and weak I can feel at the same time.

Today is a really great hair day.  Which means I will not see anyone I know.

At yoga last night we learned some new moves.  I felt a little like I was making my own p*rn movie at times. ☺ Okay, not really.  (but yeah, kinda)

Saturday is the 12th anniversary of my dad's drowning.  I can so do this.

I ran into a friend from High School last week and instead of ducking or running from the situation (like I normally do) I talked to him and it was good.  It's been several years since we've chatted and I loved that it was just easy and as if no time had passed. This time I didn't break out into a sweat talking to him. ☺

I'm spending an entire weekend with friends!

The secret I have?  I'll share it tomorrow.  (it's not what you're thinking)