So the four days I planned off turned into two
I blame Netflix.
They sent a faulty dvd and I needed it fixed, stat.
So, here I am.
When Josh was here at lunch we talked about the whole computer deal and time spent on it.
What I'm realizing is that if I spent 13 hours straight playing with my kids, loving on them, interacting with them - at the end of the day I'd still lie in bed at night and feel guilty that it just wasn't enough.
That somehow I've failed.
Obviously my expectations of myself in certain areas still needs some work. Obviously...
I just need to get it through my thick skull that if everything in my life is in order that it's okay to check my email, FB, Twitter, Netflix, etc.
Can I just say how tired I am of the guilt that I feel constantly. Unnecessary guilt. Am I the only one? Part of me hopes, yes. Part of me hopes, no. Do you lay in bed at night unable to sleep and think of everything you didn't do during the day that you think you should have done? Do you remember every single harsh word you said? Do you lay there and beat yourself up and watch the hours tick away on the clock?
Just me?
Bugger.
I need to fix it. I'm losing sleep. Panicking at night. Just sure that no one I love knows I love them. That the last load of laundry that I skipped out on folding means I'll never stay on track with laundry again.
I realize I sound a little neurotic. (You're like, "a little?")
Okay, I'm done now. Netflix is sending me a new dvd and my kids are taking all my kitchen equipment into their bedroom...surely trouble is being cooked up in there.
2 comments:
we are human; we will fail. Period. The God that created us; the one that knows every single thing about us...even the things we don't even know about ourselves...purposely created us to be who we are and loves us just the way we are. No more; no less. there are always things we could do better but at the end of the day the Creator of the Universe seeks after us; wants a relationship with us. If we keep that as our perspective we can never completely fail. Just have to remember to let Him love you the way that you are :) Love you muchly!
First - I love your new page layout. :)
Second - I understand guilt and it is a direct hit from the enemy and he wants you to wallow in it until you are completely defeated and can't go on. Remember who you are and whose you are. You are the daughter of the God Most High. The one and only King!!! That makes you his princess and his beautiful bride. He is so absolutely CRAZY about you and loves you like no other. Rest in HIM!
Third - You are a beautiful and amazing wife, mom, and friend.
Also, you make me laugh so hard, cry my heart out, ponder ever so much, and make me strive to be a better person.
Keep writing and sharing your life because it is touching others lives.
Take a big breath and let it all go. :)
Post a Comment