Nose Sting

{You know, when you're about to cry but don't wanna and your eyes well up and your nose burns?}  Yeah.  Nose Sting.

Spice came down the stairs yesterday morning in tears.  When I asked her why she was crying, her response broke my heart.

"I miss *sob* Maugiieee."

Maugie is my mom.

The crying stopped as soon as I asked if she wanted to call her.  Her eyes lit up and she sniffed but smiled the smile only Spice can give.

She and my mom talked for a bit and that was enough to calm my sweet babe.

Later in the day my mom sent a text saying the box I'd sent her had made it.  Inside was a gift I'd left unwrapped. Something I knew she'd love more than anything else she'll open in that box.

A little wooden thing I got from Hobby Lobby that has Snoopy and Charlie Brown on it.  My mom, she loves Peanuts.  As soon as I saw it, I knew I'd have Sugar color it for my mom.

My mom loved it, of course.

I knew that she would.

Her text was full of emotion.

And I steeled myself not to cry.

But that nose sting was there.

In my busying of "stuff to get done before my surgery" I had it in my head that I needed to get our spare room ready for my mom to come stay for Christmas Eve as she has the last coupla years.  I was thinking of ways to make the room special for her.  Thinking about what dishes I was going to make that I'd need to make sure I kept the onions out of.  I was thinking about how I'd be neglected during any conversation because her and Josh talk so much.  And that we needed to bring the rocking chair downstairs so she had a place to rock.  Because my mom, she needs to have a chair that rocks.

And then as quickly as all those thoughts ran through my head I realized something that hurt my heart and made my nose sting again.

She won't be here for Christmas this year.

But yesterday it dawned on me.  It's not just hard on me.  Or just hard on my kids.

It's hard on her, too.


I'm going to miss her something fierce tomorrow night when we're opening up our jammies around the tree with Christmas music playing softly in the background.  Kids exhausted but wild with excitement.

But I know she'll be missing us.

I bet it makes her nose sting just a little too.