my heart talking

My cats are roaming the house sneezing.  The dogs nails are clickity clacketing on the floor.  And they're driving me crazy.

It's early early for me to be awake but Josh was up and out of bed at 4:30 so I thought the least I could do (since I didn't make breakfast) was to sit with him while he ate his oatmeal and drank his coffee.

I'm so kind that way.

My girls slept together last night in Spice's bed.  Actually, we all fell asleep in her bed last night.  We spent some time together on our big, new (to us) gold couch and then we all curled up in her bed, sang a couple of songs and then it got very quiet.  I woke up before Josh did, but he ended up sleeping in there for about an hour.  It's cozy, that bed.  Those snuggly girls.

Yesterday was not a great day, but last night was a great night.

I hope that's what my girls remember when they are older.  The good.  I don't remember my childhood hardly at all, but I hope my girls remember.  We are trying to make it good.  We are trying to make it fun.

We are trying to make it love.

Josh is pretty fabulous when it comes to anything children.  I think because he's yet to fully grow up himself.  For me, to play with the girls (i hate to admit this) is a chore, I try try try to think of something to play and it lasts for five minutes and I'm dying.  For Josh, play comes easy.  His imagination runs wild and then he lives it out.

They have the very best dad.

We see how quickly time is passing.  How important these days to love them are.  Our job, our gift, to raise them and protect them.  It doesn't stop when they are four and seven or fourteen and seventeen.  The time feels so short and sometimes I feel a sense of panic.  I want to put the brakes on.  I want to hold on tight to four and seven.

I've loved every stage.  Well, except for Spice's crying stage, which lasted until...wait, we're still waiting for that crying stage to end.  No.  I really have enjoyed their growing up.  Sure I'm sad on occasion when no longer am I needed for a certain something or other, but I love their independence.  Sugar's especially.  She believes she can do anything herself.

And don't tell her different.

I don't want to baby or coddle them in an unhealthy way.  I want them to grow.  Thrive.  And be successful, capable women.

I just hope they're like 45 when they decide to go out on their own.

Those girls and this time and that daddy of theirs, make my bad days not so bad.  It makes them good.  And gives my heart a good talking to.  This heart of mine needs a talking to a lot lately.

Last night in that bed with my three favorite people, I got what I needed.  A reminder that this life I live is blessed and sweet and oh so worth living.

So worth living.