I'm going to be a slacker.

Last year my New Year's Resolution was to not live wired for regret.

I did a little better with that.  I think.  While I did stuff in 2012 I'm not super proud of, I didn't spend a lot of time dwelling on it.  Yay, me.

I started my list for this year.

It looked a little something like this:

Lose 10 lbs.
Run a half marathon.
Ride my bike at least once per week.
Gym 3x per week.
Fold AND put away laundry.
Make Josh's breakfast 3x per week.
Spend 30 minutes of one on one time with Sugar and Spice.
Send a letter once a week.
Email someone daily.

and on and on.

Those are things I want to do.

They're important to me.

But I think another thing I need to do is start going a lil easier on myself.  I suppose it's tied into not living wired for regret.  Same but different.  (Brian Regan, anyone?)

I've had enough people tell me, that I'm starting to believe it's true, that I'm pretty hard on myself.

In Chelsea's words, "I can tell you what's wrong with you, but not how to fix you.  Do you want to pass that on to your girls?"

No, no I do not.  I don't want to pass that lovely little characteristic on to my sweet girls.  I'd much rather them get my fantastic ability to use sarcasm at any time.

So Chelsea tells me what's wrong with me.  She's really good at that.  (love you!)  However, she can't fix me.  That's something I've gotta do.  I have to let stuff go.  I have to be okay with being me.  The screw up that I can be.  And boy can I be a screw up.

I did all the laundry but I didn't get it all put away in a timely manner.

Big freaking deal.  It's not the end of the world.

I made breakfast for Josh only two days this week.

Hey, better than none!

I went over the grocery budget.

Um, hello.  Not a big deal.  At least I'm actually trying to budget.

So that list above, the half marathon, the weight loss, etc.  Yep.  I have a year to get those things done.  I wanna do 'em.

But if I don't.  I'm just gonna let it slide and not feel like a complete and utter failure.

This goal of mine was basically my goal for what 32 would look like for me.  So for the last five months of 32 and the first 6 months of 33, we're gonna keep it up.

2013 is about offering myself a little slack.

Taking down Christmas and getting back in the groove of real life.

The Christmas tree is unornamented.  Deornamented?  Um.  You get my point.  There aren't ornaments on my birch branches.

I've kept the branches in the living room, though.

All decorations are down in the basement, neatly organized and ready to come out next December 1st.

If not for the 17 trillion Legos in my living room you'd have no idea we just had Christmas.

It's always fun while it lasts but I'm more than ready for it to be gone on December 26th.

Our Christmas morning was quiet and sweet, the rest of the day too.  We watched movies, read books, played with Legos and ate too much.

The rest of the week was spent with family and friends and while I'll miss that too, I'm looking forward to getting back to our routine tomorrow of school and housework.

I'm also looking forward to getting back to the gym.

Today in fact.  My favorite yoga instructor (who had the nerve to move away) is in town and will be in class today.  I cannot wait to see him!

I plan to sit down tonight and write out some goals for 2013.  I want to not be afraid to fail.  I want to have something to strive for.

Is Christmas still around at your place?  Are you setting goals for 2013?  

32 and I are gonna be tight.

Hello, Thirty-two.

We're going to be fine friends this year.

This year we're going to enjoy life.

We're going to relax.

Dare I say, we're going to offer ourselves a little more grace?

Yes.  We are.

We're going to let down our curly, frizzy hair and we're going to not be so hard on ourselves.

Thirty-two, we're going to laugh more and probably snort while we do it.

We're going to love harder.

And probably get hurt while we do it.

You and I, Thirty-two, we're going to do more.  We're going to stop being so scared of everything.

Everything = failure.

Thirty-two, are you excited for this?

I know that I am.

I know that I'm ready.

I'm ready to make this my year.

Thirty-two doesn't mean I'll have my shit together.

But it does mean that I can learn from my mistakes.

Offer myself some grace.

Pick myself up, dust myself off.

And try, try again.

I'm still going to forget those clothes in the washer until they've been in for two days.

And have to be re-washed.

I'm going to forget to thaw the hamburger and we'll hafta go out to dinner.

I'll probably buy more Starbucks than I should.

I bet I'll yell at my kids.

And roll my eyes at my husband.

This year I'm going to be intentional.

I want my words and my actions to matter.

And when I screw up my words, and when I screw up my actions, 

I'm not going to berate myself.

Because remember?  This is the year we're easing up on ourselves.

I'm going to accept my crazy self for who I am.

Who I was created to be.

I'm going to quit worrying so much.

I have to.

My life is good and it is full and I really wanna enjoy every minute.

Like, really enjoy.

I think I'm going to like being 32.

Yes I do.

It's time for the reward

On my journey to get healthy and lose weight, I decided that should I reach my goal (which I did) I'd buy myself a fancy shmancy pair of jeans from my fave store as a reward.  A good job, Sarah, present.

I've been at the same weight for nearly 6 months, I don't think I'll be losing much more.

I think it's time to buy those jeans.

But I want to make a day of it.

You see, I've reached my one year anniversary of this whole deal and I wanna celebrate.

I've decided I'mma get myself a babysitter, get my hair did, go shopping for those jeans and get myself another tattoo.

Oh, and buy myself lunch.

Because I like food.

This is going to be an expensive day.  Maybe I should sell that dog bed, huh?

Wired for Regret...no more

The other night Josh and I were talking about how I roll.

Always living in the past.  Always wishing I'd done something better.  Something different.  Always regretting choices and decisions I've made.

It's tiring.

Exhausting, really.

Josh said, "You're just wired for regret, Sarah."

wham!


Wired for regret?

Why yes, yes I am.

I realized that I'm really freaking tired of it too.  I'm tired of beating myself up for past mistakes.  I'm tired of dwelling on every negative thing I've ever said or done.

I have a few goals for 2012, but the main one is to not live "wired for regret."

2011 was an awesome year for me.

Sure there was sucky stuff, too.  I made my share of mistakes.

But I'm not going to regret them.  I'm just not.  I lived my life in 2011.  I'm going to grow from the positive and negative choices I made last year.

I'm going to make bad choices again this year.  It's inevitable.  But I'm not going to beat myself up over them anymore.  I'm just going to continue to grow through them.

Looking forward to this year.  To 2012 and all that's in store.

Ain't Happenin'

I never use the word "ain't" ever, ever.

My dad used it.  Always drove me nuts.  Now it makes me laugh to think about it.

Anyway, there's just no possible way to be 125 on Friday and I'm choosing to be totally okay with that.  125 will come eventually.  I'm guessing in the next two weeks instead of two days.

In the last week I've ridden 5 days, logging 115 miles.  Yesterday my ride to the gym started out with a downpour, thunder and head wind.  People were looking at me like I was crazy.  I think I kinda was.  I just didn't want some stupid weather to put a damper on my plans to ride.  So I didn't.

My legs feel great and I'm hoping to be able to sport a pair of shorts this summer.  We'll see on that one.

While I was halfway to the gym last night a woman parked her van near the pathway, got her two girls out with their bikes and she was walking behind them.  Then, after a little bit, she started to jog.  I'd guess her to have been nearly 75 lbs overweight.

I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to get out there and do that.  Physically or emotionally.  But in my head I was like, "ROCK ON, SISTER!"  She was out there.  She was doing it.  And her girlies were getting some fun in as well.

Anyway, that was totally random but I just thought it was totally awesome, too.

Update on the Dumb Idea

Remember my dumb idea from a few days ago?

I think I need to keep updating on here for accountability.  Otherwise I'll never reach my goal by next Friday.  I still might not but I know this'll help.

Monday I had 9 lbs to lose before next Friday.  Today I have 7.  It's not healthy for me to weigh too often but this is a big deal!  I have an extra 10 bucks and SIX Blue Moons riding on this!

Yes, the ante has been upped.  My friend, Chelsea, emailed me and told me if I reached my goal next week that a six pack was on her.  You better believe I'm trying extra hard now!

Which means I only ate one Hershey bar yesterday instead of two. ☺  Baby steps.

I rode my bike to the gym last night.  And btw if you saw my post on Monday before I corrected it, I had stupidly said it was 60 miles round trip on my bike.  hahahhahahahhaha, right.  like I could do that.  Not sure why I put that but it's about 30 miles round trip.  Yesterday was a head wind the entire way there.  Took an extra 20 minutes to get there and felt like I was riding up hill the whole way.  Holy crap I was tired.

My legs no longer feel like they want to fall off the day after a ride but my butt sure is sore.  I need callouses. What an attractive place to get one, no?

I haven't had Starbucks since Saturday.  My heart hurts.  I haven't had a Blue Moon since Friday.  Again, my heart hurts.  Next Friday is going to be a very exciting day.  I may not have reached my goal by then but you better believe whether I've met the goal or not I'm loading up on both.

So.

Exlax and water til prom!  Here I go!  ☺

(not really having exlax and not really going to prom)

(but i am trying to drink more water!)

Dumb Idea

I'm usually full of 'em.  And definitely am this time.

I got on the scale on Saturday.  I'm down 19 lbs from the end of January.  I have 9 lbs to my goal weight.  When I set these goals back in January, part of me wanted to have achieved the weight loss by June 3rd.  Part of me wondered if it was realistic.  Especially since I didn't believe in myself enough to even think I'd get this far.

Well, now I'm close.  I'm close to my goal weight.

But I'm also close to June 3rd.

My mom was here for a little bit on Saturday and I asked how the heck I was going to be able to lose 9 lbs in 13 days.

Her response:  You can't.

Well, GAME ON!

She had asked me a few days before what I wanted for my birthday.  I told her I'd like gas money toward my birthday trip I'm taking myself on.  So Saturday she said that if I reached my goal weight of 125 lbs, she'd give me an extra 10 bucks on top of what she was already giving me.

I don't know if it's possible to lose 9 lbs in 13 days.  I really don't.  But I plan to ride to the gym (30 miles round trip) three times this week.  I also cut out Starbucks and my beloved Blue Moon until June 3rd.

Did you read that?

No Starbucks OR Blue Moon til June 3rd!!!

It's only been 2 days and I feel like I'm going to die.

I also need to quit the snacking.  I need to stop eating Hostess Cupcakes and Twix and KitKat for lunch.

It's time to drink more water.

Pray for me...  ☺

the measures i'll take for the sake of blog material

So as not to wake up in the night all freaky like normal, I've decided not to write about anything that I fear people will be offended by, I'll also not write anymore about stuff that makes me look crazy.

I guess this concludes my blog.

Goodbye.

Not really.

In fact, you're about to think I'm crazy and that's totally okay.  What I'm doing, I'm doing for you.  Because I'm selfless like that.

Ladies and gentlemen(man) I've decided to get a gym membership.

Uh huh.  I have.  Last night I sent Amber a text asking if the gym she goes to has kickboxing.  Indeed it does but only one day a week.  She lists off a few other things they have.  One of those things being yoga.  Now, I've heard yoga can be all funky and try to make me find my happy place but if it gets me in better shape and has me touching my toes instead of just my belly button, I'm all for it.

Several years ago (and boy do I mean several) I joined the club that is just a half mile from my house and did some aerobics with my sister-in-law, Denise.  And with aerobics you have to have a sense of rhythm which is not something I was given by God.  I was given a sense of direction, sense of smell, etc. but rhythm is nowhere to be found on my list. 

That aerobics class made me want to gouge out my wrists with a spoon.  It was awful.  I made a huge fool of myself.  And at that time I wasn't as used to it as I am now.  I also didn't have a blog at that time, so there wasn't anyone to share the fun with.  Well, I'm sure Denise got several laughs but at that time she was too nice to me to laugh at my face.  We're older, wiser, closer and we more easily laugh at each other ourselves now.

Back to the gym thing.  Basically the texts back and forth with Amber last night was almost enough of a work out that I don't need the membership.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  Discussing spandex and sweat and bodily functions really made my night.

I warned her ahead of time that anything that happened during any workout would be blog material.  She's tough.  I think she can handle it.

Pretty sure I'm going to make the biggest fool out of myself.  Sad thing is, I'll be paying to make a fool out of myself.

And, it's all so I can come home and blog about the adventures I have.

The things I do for you, my reader friends.

And for my emotional and physical well-being.

Write, post, delete. Story of my life.

On Saturday morning, in the wee hours, I wrote a post about my new iPhone and how we the people often are more preoccupied with our handheld devices than we are with the people and responsibilities around us.

I wrote about being hurt by such a thing and how I don't want to be the offender now that I have a new fancy shmancy phone.

Some people read it and even commented.

I kinda panicked though.  I don't want anyone thinking I'm pointing fingers.  Because you know the saying that if you're pointing fingers you still have four pointed right back at yourself.  So true in my case.  I admit I've been that person who has ignored those around me while checking texts and emails, etc. 

I've deleted the other post because I don't want to offend anyone.

And I'm just going to say this, I will not be the girl you're with who you feel is more into her phone than she is into you.

The end.

10 New Year's Resolutions I can keep

Every year I make resolutions that I never keep.  I get depressed about it and my new year starts off knowing I'm setting myself up for failure.  This year, I'm going to keep 'em.  I will.

No, really.

I can sooo keep these.

Sarah's 2011 Resolutions:

1.  to gain a minimum of 5 lbs.

2.  procrastinate a little more

3.  not cook dinner at least twice a week.

4.  be impatient with my husband

5.  raise my voice at my children

6.  wear a sweatshirt and ponytail 6 days of the week

7.  drink too much coffee

8.  eat more chocolate

9.  go to bed too late

10.  mop once every Blue Moon

oooh, Blue Moon.  maybe I need 11 resolutions.

11.  drink one Blue Moon per...per mood swing.

Yep, that covers 'em.  And I'm sure on December 31, 2011 I will be able to cross them all off my list.

And we all know how much I love to make out lists and check off the items!

What are your resolutions for 2011?