Some blatherings, more so than normal.

Dear Diary is on hiatus, did you notice? Didn't think so.

At this very moment my baby girl is sucking on Shadow's paw. Uh huh, she is. Stop her! Naaa, dirt builds immunities. We like immunities.

I lay her on one area of the carpet, turn around, and find her completely across the room. Five months old and already on the go. I really love this baby. She brings the most amazing joy to our family.

Our sweet older daughter...oh my goodness. This girl. Still, mouth wide open for pictures. I have a love/hate for the pictures she's been taking lately. I know she'll grow out of it. I know I could tell her to smile nice. But part of me, the part that wants to just let her be a little girl, says what the heck...just let her smile like a moron. I mean that in the most loving motherly way, of course. There's the part of me that just wants the nice picture though!

As I type, Shadow has moved away from the baby and has decided to roll around the way the baby does. I think he knows I think she's cute and he wants to be cute too. Dorky dog. I do love him but his hair drives me up the wall. It's all over. I love to vacuum but I used to do it every 3 days, now I must do it every gosh darn day!

My husband's contract with his company is up in 6 days. The manager of the store believes they'll come to him with an offer. Josh is trying to decide if he wants to stay there or not. We just have other aspirations. I guess we'll see in six days.

The colder weather is welcomed. It's weird to wear socks and tennies and not my flips. My feet almost didn't know what to do being all covered up. The thing about Fall that I don't enjoy-we have trees. Trees with big leaves. Big leaves that like to fall out of trees. That part blows. hehe I don't enjoy the raking of leaves. "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Find the fun and snap! the job's a game!" Ya gotta love Mary Poppins. Guess I'll try to make leaf raking fun.

The Lord has been speaking to my heart in the last couple of weeks. Josh said to me a couple of days ago that I haven't been myself lately. I don't know how to describe it. I was trying to tell my SIL about it some but the words just don't come out right. I'm slacking in many areas of my life. My faith, my wifely-ness, my mothering and my relationships. I am an all or nothing kinda girl. Mostly nothing. Seriously. I get on these kicks and I'm totally stoked about something and if I fail at whatever I'm trying to do, whether it be daily devotions, making breakfast for Josh, consistent parenting, being a good friend...if I slip, I want to give up trying altogether. What's the point of doing any of it, if I can't do it all? And especially if I can't do it all perfectly. Thus, is the way my thoughts tend to go. It's not right. I know that. But it doesn't change that that's where I am.

I was up at 1 a.m. this morning. Up as in, out of my bed, sitting on the couch up. Bible in my lap. Asking the Lord to just show me. Help me. Something.

Nothing.

Or maybe I just didn't hear. I don't know. So, I go back to bed. Tossed. Turned. And realized, I haven't repented. I haven't asked Him to forgive me in the areas I'm slacking. So, I did. I just laid it out there. I fell asleep quickly.

The next three hours were pretty good hours of sleep. I woke up excited. I'm going to try again. Try harder. And try with His help, His strength. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. And oh, how I'm weak.

My posts may be more sporadic as I figure some stuff out.

Stick with me, I'll be around.