I lack self discipline.
I lack self control.
It's just the way it is...baby.
No, I'm not going to sing. But seriously, those are a couple of things I lack. And sometimes (for me) the easiest way to endure temptation is to get rid of it, which I guess means I'm not enduring it. Oh, whatever. Anway, like chocolate. I love chocolate. My MIL gave me lots of it at Easter. I knew I couldn't just eat one piece at a time, so I had to throw some of it out, while I shoved a mouthful in.
So, remember my issue with my cell phone? I loooved my phone. Loved texting. Loved talking. And it cost me money. Which I really have been trying to be better with. Anyway, you know the outcome. I got rid of the cell phone.
This time...this time my area of lack of self control involves the computer. Involves blogging, MySpace, hotmail, recipes, etc. I love to be online.
L-O-V-E I-T!
And for the most part, so you don't absolutely think I'm a terrible mom, I am mostly on here when Jaylee sleeps. I don't always neglect her! But I'm not going to lie to you (oh this is so embarrassing) there are times when I'm on here and she's running around getting into everything and I don't even notice. Yep, I'm a bad mom.
But I'm not okay with it. I'm changing it. I'm going to do better.
I want to set a good example. For my daughter, my family, my friends. I don't want to be known as "that girl who's always online." I really don't. But right now, that would be a fair assessment of who I am and what I do.
I really wish I could keep my internet and my homekeeping. But, at this point in my life, I can't. I'm too wishy washy. I lack self control. When Josh leaves for work and Jaylee takes a nap, I basically have three choices.
1. Read the Bible.
2. Clean my house.
3. Get online.
Number three is always number 1 on my priority. I love to read my email. I love to send it. I love MySpace. I love to blog and read others' blogs too.
Anyway, I know. I'm getting longwinded about this whole thing. To make a long story less long, today I cancelled my internet.
Yep, cancelled.
And how ridiculous is it that my heart kinda hurts a lil? But it does.
Today is my last day. It will be cancelled tomorrow. I'll be going to the public library more now. I can use it free there. It just won't be the same.
As hard as it is, I feel good about it. I know I've made the right decision. It's just going to take awhile to get used to.
My posts may not be as often, so please stick around. I will post.
Maybe less posts will mean when I do post, it won't be so White Bread.
3 comments:
I have never thought your post as "white bread." You have made me laugh and cry and best of all think. That's right, sometimes I think. I'm proud of you little girl. If this is something that is bothering you take care of it and you did. Jesus says, "woe to the world becase of offenses (enticements to sin),...If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you..." I know this sounds extreme, but He was making a point. So if your computer is an enticement then you did the right thing. You have colored in the lines, He is proud.
I'm proud of you Sarah! Way to go! I think what you are doing is the very defintion of self-discipline. It takes a lot to do that. I love you!
Hey there Sarah! I saw your blog on Kristie's and thought I'd check it out! You are NOT WHITE BREAD! You are obedient to the things that God puts on your heart! Enjoy the time away from the computer, but know that your words are inspiring and encouraging.
Blessings to you -
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