{ fog }

Have you ever woken up on March 28th and wondered where you've been for the last two months?

Oh, just me, huh?

I woke up at 2 am.  I couldn't go back to sleep.  The anxiety set in and quickly I was so hot I could barely stand to have the covers on me.

I laid there.

Thinking about my life over the last couple of months or so.  How consumed with me I have been.  Sugar's schooling has been meh.  We do it a couple times a week or so.  She's doing great.  I'm just not doing great as her teacher.  My house isn't a disaster nor is it as clean as it should be.  Menu planning has gone out the window which leaves us to either eat out or have corn tortillas and refried beans night after night.  My husband has gotten used to making his own breakfast every morning, something I really feel I should do for him.

I feel like I've been a bad friend.  Daughter.  Sister.

My header reads, This Beautiful Mess.  that is my faith, my wifeliness, my mothering and my relationships.

My faith.

I have faith.

You just wouldn't know it by the way I live my life sometimes.  I feel like I should be on a billboard for the picture of a Christian Failure.

When am I gonna get this stuff right?

When will I be the wife, mama, teacher, sister, daughter, friend I'm supposed to be?  I feel like I go through this a lot.  This not measuring up stuff.  I can see why people give up.

I can.

The sun is shining.  The grass is greening.  Birds are chirping in the mornings now.  I feel like I should have hope instead of this heavy fog feeling around me.

Maybe tomorrow.