monday

bah.

it is monday and it is not going so hot around this beautiful mess' parts.  (not parts as in parts...oh nevermind)

some of this post is whiny, so if you don't wanna hear it - there's a little x at the top right of your screen.  but some of it (the good, saturday part) is not whiny.

spice is 3.5 and not potty-trained.  however, she wants a diaper change after each time she wets her diaper.  i'm sorry, not happening.  that thing needs to be fuh-ull before i change it.  i know, that's not so sanitary or healthy or whatever. but i'm tired of changing them and buying them.

saturday we drove to see jim and emily for the day.  it's one of our favorite things ever hanging out with them.  emily and i took spice to goodwill outlet with us where i spent 14.92 on so many clothes for myself and my girls and a hoodie for josh.  everything was name brand.  ann taylor, hollister, gap, abercrombie..it was fabulous.  everything is washed and hanging up or folded (and not so much put away).  the place is pretty gross sometimes (this was probably the cleanest one i've been to though) but seriously, the deals are too amazing to get caught up in the fact that the stuff is used.  i really just don't give a rip about that.  i'm forever indebted to emily for showing me goodwill outlet.

besides the outlet, we had lunch and dinner together, played a game, talked, laughed.  hated leaving but loved leaving encouraged and blessed by them.  good friends make my world go 'round.

my sister, megan, told me about an app for my phone that i'm newly in love with.  heytell.  do you have it?  you just leave little voice messages for whoever has the app too and it's a blast.  well, i think it is.  but i'm easily amused.

loving my phone these days.  i updated it.  she's now sporting the iOS 5.  what's that you say?  no clue.  but it's made my phone more fun.  also, i probably shouldn't claim to have updated it myself.  i didn't know how, so i asked my techy friend, Cortland, how to do it. and now it's done.  and i owe him candy.  thanks, dude!

i have an appointment for my foot today.  i'll have x-rays done today to see how it's progressing.  wanna hear something funny?  well, it's funny to me.  last week, on monday, when we went in and they told me my ankle is sprained but there's no broken bone floating around, i lost it.  like, bawled my eyes out lost it.  relief and frustration just spilled outta me.  while i was bawling, apparently doc told josh that there's cracks and blood in my heel bone, so there is a fracture.  thankfully not severe enough to require surgery.  what's funny to me is that i didn't hear him say this.  josh was telling jim about it saturday and i was like, huh?  anyway.  that was news to me.  appointment is in 90 minutes.

speaking of the foot, it's doing okay.  i'm walking on it without my boot for about 5-10 minutes per day.  when i'm wearing the boot, i'm supposed to use crutches.  i haven't been doing well with that and i'mma thinkin' i should start because it definitely aches.  glad i can at least walk those 5-10 minutes though because 2 weeks ago there would have been no way.

after several months of not biting my nails - i did yesterday.  all 10 of 'em.  disappointed in myself.  but what's new there, right?

friday was one of the hardest days of my life.  for a few weeks now i've cried on and off throughout my days, knowing that the day was coming.  i feel like it's been a grieving process.  and as with any sort of grieving process it's going to take time.

so.  why was that day so hard?  it was the last time i'd see my mother for an indefinite amount of time.  she moved.  1000 miles away.  a week ago she lived 10 miles away.  now she'll be living 10 times that away.  i've known for a few weeks that this change was coming and while i'm happy for her, i'm sad.  depressed.  and a little bit miserable.  my kids took the news okay.  sugar did better than spice when i told them.  sugar wanted to make sure she could still go to the pumpkin patch with katie, but spice.  spice just looked at me.  she didn't say much til later on our drive to katie's.  then announced she was going to miss her grandma and asked why she had to move.

friday night we had my mom's birthday party.  and then it was time to leave.  sugar sat in my mom's lap and bawled.  i told spice to go give her love.  she told me no.  i don't know if she thought that by not saying goodbye she wouldn't leave or what.  i made her.  and then her tears were unstoppable too.  oh how it hurt this mama's heart.  it was not easy watching my girls sit in her lap.  all three crying.

my sister reached for my hand over an end table and said, "it's going to be okay.  we're going to be okay."  i'm the oldest, aren't i supposed to be the one encouraging her?  i couldn't speak.

it was my turn to say goodbye.  my mom hugged me.  told me she loved me and i couldn't say the words back to her at first.  finally, i choked them out.  and without looking at her i walked out the door.  this girl, she doesn't know how to say goodbye.

and now i need to stop typing.