Just Some Updates

Hiiii!!! I know, I know...it's almost been two months since my last post.

Getting rid of the internet was a very hard decision but it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Just ask my husband. He actually has clean clothes to wear each morning and dinner on the table at night. I was definitely neglecting my help meet role.

There aren't too many things to announce for the last couple of months, we're still working on our home. Almost half way finished with the siding. It's been fun to work together on it but I'd love to hire it done so that it would have been complete a couple of months ago. Ah well...

Jaylee will be two in about a week and I wanted to have her pictures taken. My friend Sara offered to do them and these are just a couple of shots I loved.



(Not sure how to fix the pics...sorry!)

Anyway, totally loved these shots. Josh knows I had them taken but he doesn't know the poses we did, I think he's going to love the one of her under the hood of the rig. She can be such a girly girl one minute and a tomboy the next. I love that about her.

I don't know what I used to blog about everyday, it's been two months since my last post and I feel like I don't have anything new to share!

Just wanted to show off the pictures I had done of my favorite little girl!

Have a good one!

When you don't have internet...

...you have more time to think of random pictures to take. Like this one.


There's really no explanation for this picture. My husband goes looking for his dust masks and shows up like this. My bra, over his face. I thought I was going to die. Then he gets the brilliant idea that I should wear the dust masks as a bra and that we should set the timer on my camera and actually take a picture to show the world.

It's things like this that make me realize it was such a good idea to get rid of the internet. That way I have more time to take wholesome family pictures.

So, this is what I've been doing in the last week. Real busy I am.

Some Things I Lack

I lack self discipline.

I lack self control.

It's just the way it is...baby.

No, I'm not going to sing. But seriously, those are a couple of things I lack. And sometimes (for me) the easiest way to endure temptation is to get rid of it, which I guess means I'm not enduring it. Oh, whatever. Anway, like chocolate. I love chocolate. My MIL gave me lots of it at Easter. I knew I couldn't just eat one piece at a time, so I had to throw some of it out, while I shoved a mouthful in.

So, remember my issue with my cell phone? I loooved my phone. Loved texting. Loved talking. And it cost me money. Which I really have been trying to be better with. Anyway, you know the outcome. I got rid of the cell phone.

This time...this time my area of lack of self control involves the computer. Involves blogging, MySpace, hotmail, recipes, etc. I love to be online.

L-O-V-E I-T!

And for the most part, so you don't absolutely think I'm a terrible mom, I am mostly on here when Jaylee sleeps. I don't always neglect her! But I'm not going to lie to you (oh this is so embarrassing) there are times when I'm on here and she's running around getting into everything and I don't even notice. Yep, I'm a bad mom.

But I'm not okay with it. I'm changing it. I'm going to do better.

I want to set a good example. For my daughter, my family, my friends. I don't want to be known as "that girl who's always online." I really don't. But right now, that would be a fair assessment of who I am and what I do.

I really wish I could keep my internet and my homekeeping. But, at this point in my life, I can't. I'm too wishy washy. I lack self control. When Josh leaves for work and Jaylee takes a nap, I basically have three choices.

1. Read the Bible.
2. Clean my house.
3. Get online.

Number three is always number 1 on my priority. I love to read my email. I love to send it. I love MySpace. I love to blog and read others' blogs too.

Anyway, I know. I'm getting longwinded about this whole thing. To make a long story less long, today I cancelled my internet.

Yep, cancelled.

And how ridiculous is it that my heart kinda hurts a lil? But it does.

Today is my last day. It will be cancelled tomorrow. I'll be going to the public library more now. I can use it free there. It just won't be the same.

As hard as it is, I feel good about it. I know I've made the right decision. It's just going to take awhile to get used to.

My posts may not be as often, so please stick around. I will post.

Maybe less posts will mean when I do post, it won't be so White Bread.

Mom Award

I have been handing out awards left and right these days and today I'm handing out another.

To me.

My sweet little girl is sick. She has a terrible cough. Terrible.

So terrible we've not been sleeping. None of us. And nothing is helping. This morning, as in, just-a-coupla-hours-ago, she's up for the day. But her bangs are stuck to her nose. So, I peel them from her nose. Her eyes are pretty much glued shut with ickies. So, I peel the ickies from her eyes. Now, by golly, she's ready for Tuesday!

Even though she only had about 3 hours of sleep, she's happy. She picks at breakfast and then decides it's time for a nap.

"Nigh-Nigh?" She says and has me follow her.

She leads me to her crib and she tries to climb in. Being the good mom that I am I chuck her in. She gets all snuggly with her "boogie" (a blankie) and off to dreamland she goes.

I come upstairs for a little MySpace fix and hear her coughing. Relentlessly.

Then she cries. Bad sign.

Head downstairs...and the poor girl is sitting up in a pile of vomit.

Take her out, strip her, start her bath, strip her bed, wash her hair, start the washer, check on her, make her bed, wash her body, dry, lotion, diaper, clothe, brush and dry her hair and back to bed she goes.

About 12 minutes.

Tops.

Yep, that's why I give myself an award.

Bridges and Realistic Fears

Today Jaylee and I went with Josh on a full day of deliveries for his work. We're way out "in the armpit of Washington" as Josh said, when a sign reads "Bridge work, Wednesday, April 18."

My first thought was, "nice, we won't have to stop for road work." But then I realized we had to cross that bridge-today. Today as in, before the bridge work was completed. Then in the 1/4 mile I had to think about it, I started to panic that maybe it wouldn't hold us as we crossed it. Maybe the bridge work was because there were holes all through it and we were going to have to dodge them and then possibly not make it. Maybe one of the poles holding the bridge up, broke, and then we'd be crossing a bridge with only three poles holding it up. What if it was a draw bridge and it's stuck in "draw" mode? Huh? Huh? What if, I tell you. What if?

We're getting closer. I can see the bridge up ahead. I think beads of sweat considered trickling down my head. And then we get to the "bridge." Seriously, I could have jumped the thing. I panicked for nothing. All the worry for naught. Pfft.

I don't like to waste a good panicking. If I'm gonna panic, I want it to be for something worth panicking over. Like a spider on the wall, 37 feet away. Or maybe my Dirty Dancing DVD won't work. Or a coffee shortage. Or chocolate becoming extinct. 'Cause you never know, it might...

Guess I'll cross those bridges when I get there, too.

Sarah's Friendship Day!

National Friendship Day isn't until August but I'm feeling overwhelmingly blessed lately by my friendships. And I don't want to wait until then to let you all know how much you mean to me.

So, this blog is for you. My friends. The people I love for loving me!

In random order...

Treena-a little quiz she filled out for me said it best, "sisters by marriage, friends by choice." So true. I love this girl. She understands me and still likes me! The girl I can burp in front of and always know I'll get a "good one" from. She knows how to make me feel good about myself. :) She is passionate about life, marriage, children, the Lord. I love to be inspired by her.

Melissa-Yes,she stole my boyfriend back in high school but I'm over it, remember? I love having a cancer buddy! She randomly sends me cards and most recently she introduced me to the love of my life...a beautiful, black, free flowing skirt that makes you never ever wanna take it off. There's no one else I'd want to lose my bedliner with. No one but Melissa who understands my need to be the one to drive.

My Mama-If there was ever a person to drive me crazy, it's her. But I could never do without her. She understands my odd fascination with numbers and license plates. She knows I'm spoiled but also knows it's her fault that I am. I love her. I just plain love her.

Kristie-I'm so thankful that I met her through Treena. It was Kristie's blog that made me think, "oooh, I wanna do that." Kristie is encouraging and inspiring. She's an amazing scrapbooker! Without her, most of my posts would go uncommented on!

My Mother-in-Law-She raised the most amazing son! I love what this woman has taught me over the last 10+ years. Even though I don't exercise it often, she's taught me that it's okay to just not talk sometimes. She's funny, even though I'm sure she doesn't know it or try to be. She's loving and giving, randomly dropping off an outfit for Jaylee or a pair of jeans for Joshua. Whenever we've asked her to watch Jaylee, she's always been available. She taught me that when I go to someone elses house for dinner, be helpful. Clear the table. Do the dishes. Be a servant. She's taught me by example.

Erica-It's taken us 22 years but I'm so thankful to Jesus for healing and restoring my friendship with my younger sister. Never have I met anyone more competitive (besides myself) than this girl. She hates to lose! I love her selfless heart. I love her laugh. Love that when she does laugh, her nose gets red and her nostrils flare. It's the cutest thing ever! The one thing I hate about her, about 5 minutes after she has a baby, she's back in her skinny clothes! :)

Lindsey-On Feb 21st, my post was dedicated to Linds. For good reason. Yes, it was her birthday but I wanted this girl to know how special she is in my life. 13 years we've been friends. She never turned her back on me. Always praying for me. I love that while in high school, when no one else thought I was funny, Lindsey always did. Every stupid thing I did to try to get attention, Lindsey was always there to laugh and encourage me.

Michelle-We've never met, but I consider us Blogger Buddies. :) One day she came out of Lurkerdom (yes, it's an actual place) and commented on my Sheryl Crow post. Her comment made me thankful I'm not the only one who's been there. She's encouraging and she's funny and I hope that one day we get to meet in person. We're only a little over an hour apart!

Candee-My sweet pregnant friend, I can't wait to see her belly! I was "in love" with her brother for all of high school! It was always fun to go to their house, because not only did I get to hang out with her, I got to stare at her brother! After Josh and I got married, Lindsey went off to college. This wasn't easy for me. We saw each other everyday for four years and then she was gone. Candee was there. She knows what I'm talking about when I say "Cabin 2" I love that when she has a sucker in her mouth, she drools. :) Her laugh makes me laugh. Her smile makes me smile.

Megan-Sweet baby sister. We've always had something special. I think part of it is we're very much alike and sometimes that's caused strife but for the most part, it's made us extremely close. She's the girl who let me lay my head in her lap for 3 hours and cry after Josh and I broke up in high school. She played with my hair and whispered that everything would be okay. She was only 10. She's the one that while I was 7 months pregnant played in a mud pool with me. Yes, a pool. Not a puddle.

Keri-Oh gosh, don't even know where to start with this girl. We met while working as Baristas. We drink the same coffee. We have the same love for Red Robin. My favorite memory of us is running down her road and across a busy street at 2 am to play "King of the Mountain" on a snow pile...in our unmentionables! She understands my need to name my vehicles. She understands that I like to have the windows down and the heater up!

Melinda-Probably my strangest friendship! We met online playing cards! She used to live in Kentucky and now resides in Florida with her husband. Wow, weird to say husband! They just got married and it's been fun to see their relationship progress. During a very bad time in my life she was there. She listened. But she would also ask if my decisions were ones I should be making. It's been a few years since we've seen each other and occasionally we'll go months without a phone conversation, but it's always easy to pick up where we left off.

Amber-The Lord has brought this girl back into my life at the most perfect time. Without her, my child would have no costume for the Harvest Party, my toenails would have gone unpainted while I was in the hospital and my husband would have gone without food. She not only understands my obsession with acronyms, she plays along. She makes me laugh til I PJAL (pee just a little) and while she may lurk on my blog, she's my number one commenter on MySpace. She loves clearance racks and McDonald's! A girl after my very own heart!

Sorry this post was so long but I just had to let you all know how much you are loved and appreciated. Thank you for being a part of my life.

I love you all!

The Best Something

Oh, how I wish this were me! I wish I were excellent at all of these tasks. Cooking, baking, decorating...

I like to do them all. Just haven't quite perfected any of them. What I love though is that the Lord is growing me. I never used to like to clean, however I enjoy it now. And it's something I'm getting better at. It's more often than once a month now! :)

I like to decorate but I used to think you had to spend a bunch of money to do so, now I make do with what I have on hand and try to pretty stuff up.

As far as cooking and baking, I'm okay at both. I love to cook, love to try new recipes. I want to be excellent at at least one recipe. You know how there's that certain person who makes the best cookies (Treena) or the best pasta salad (Erica) well, I want to be someone that makes the best something!

Just don't know what that something is yet.

Let me know if you figure out what my something should be!

Lurkers Part 2

You know who you are. I kinda know who are. Just come out with it, I say!

I posted here about Lurkers.

I'm okay with you lurking. I lurk too. My stat counter shows people from places I don't know people from. So, I'd just like to know who you are, how ya found me, where you're from and all that jazz.

C'mon, give a shout out to a fellow lurker. You can do it!!!

Put 'em On

Ever just need to do this? Or...maybe it's just me. I get my feelings hurt easily. I can get upset over the silliest, stupidest, pettiest things. (are these all words?)

And when I do get upset, I just think..."I need to put on my big girl panties!"

I wish I were a small girl in big panties but I'm a big girl needing big girl panties.

Ehh, whaddya do?

Traditions

As a kid we colored eggs for Easter and went on Easter egg hunts, loading our egg cartons with colored eggs and our bellies with sugar and that was what Easter was about.

Now, as an adult, who knows the true meaning of Easter Sunday, I want to start traditions with Jaylee.

Do we color eggs and have an egg hunt? Is that taking away from Christ, His death on the Cross and His resurrection? Is it okay to do both? Can we have a little treat of an egg hunt but still have the emphasis on Jesus?

I don't know.

So, this year, there will be no egg coloring, no egg hunt. Yet, she's still too young to teach her the meaning of Resurrection Sunday.

The last couple of years but even more so this year, I've just been in awe of Resurrection Sunday. Our Savior, came to earth so He could die for us. A death on the Cross. He died for the sins I've committed and for the sins I've yet to commit.

And not just for me.

For you, too. 2 Corinthians tells us that He died for all.

Because of how amazing it all is, I don't know that I want to downplay it with coloring eggs and going on an egg hunt. I don't know. I'm glad I still have another year or so before Jaylee understands that some people color eggs and get candy.

'Cause it just may take me that long to figure out what tradition we want to start with her.

My Ungrateful Heart

I feel just awful. Awful I tell you.

You know awhile back we sold my car. My car that I loved. And we were driving Holly. Our '85 Suburban that, if we're lucky, gets 8 mpg. Just as were starting to feel the crunch of our gas bill, Josh's parents offer us the little pickup. The 'Possum.

And the whole story behind that silly truck is pretty funny. From the name of it, to the tilt leather seat, to the bedliner flying out of it. The truck has some fun stories.

Yet, I want a new car. It's my downfall. New cars are my downfall! I love them! And they don't have to be new new. Just new to me. I love to find all the little compartments a vehicle has. I like to blast the radio. I like to put a steering wheel cover on it. I just like to have a new rig.

And since I stalled the 'Possum the other day in the middle of the road with a big ol' truck behind me, ohhhh I was hot. I was thinking, "That's it!!! I'm goin' out and gettin' me a new rig!" Not sure how I could do that on my homemakers income.

Maybe if I wore a short skirt.

With a low cut shirt.

And a push-up bra.

Yep, that'll do 'er. I'm sure that'd get me a new rig for sure!

I won't really do that. I'm not that desperate for a new vehicle.

Yet.

Nervous

Last Sunday I did something that I wanted to do yet was scared to do.

I signed up and paid for the Ladies Retreat with my church. I'm excited but I'm not. It'll be nice to have a couple days away from home to study the Word of God, but I don't know the other women very well. I'm sure they aren't out to get me or anything but I'm still a lil scared.

My mom is going, so that's a bonus. But I also don't want her to be my crutch. You know? I want to make friends, even though I'm terrible at it. I want to learn more about Jesus, even though half the time I read His word, I'm utterly lost. I want these things, I'm just nervous.

Really glad I have a month of losing sleep before it actually happens.

These are the things that go through my head...

What if I snore?
What if my morning routine is weird compared to someone elses?
Will they think I'm gross if I don't brush my teeth at night? (Cause half the time I don't!)
Are there private bathroom stalls or is it a big restroom where everyone can hear me potty?
Will there be iced hazelnut breves?!
Will there be a question time, where they ask a question about the Bible and then randomly choose someone from the group to answer, 'cause what if I don't know the answer?! Then what?!

Oh there are many others, but I'll stop there since it's making my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

How I felt this morning

I don't want to be White Bread

You ever just have one of those days where you compare yourself to everyone around you? I am so having one of those times. And lately it's been about my faith. I feel that all other women around me are more faithful, more spiritual.

More connected to the Lord than I am.

I don't like feeling this way. And to warn you, this post is a total venting on my part and I'm really sorry.

I love blogs. I am embarrassed to say that I will often spend an hour a day reading other women's blogs. I compare mine to theirs and so many times have thought of deleting mine because it just doesn't measure up to all the others. The other day I found a new one to read. And I just fell in love with this girl. She's close to my age but has the wisdom of someone closer in age to my mother.

She's the epitome of a helpmeet to her husband. She is frugal. She is loving. She's an encourager to not only her man but all the women who read her blog. I felt so inferior and I'm sure it'd grieve her to know that because I know that's not her intention. I plan to continue reading her blog so that I can gain some of the knowledge she's handin' out!

A woman spoke to my mom several years ago about the "White Bread" church she used to attend and my mom didn't quite understand what she meant. She later asked my aunt and my aunt told her that white bread contains no nutrients. It's not filling.

We were talking about it a couple of days ago and yesterday it hit me.

I have a White Bread blog. I just ramble. About a bunch of junk half the time. I'd love to hand out doses of wisdom while making you laugh and keep ya comin' back for more but at this point in my walk, I'm just not there. It'd be so easy to get down about it. Depressed. But I've resolved that I'm not going to. I'm going to continue my blog but I'm also going to be more open about my faith. It's not much right now.

That's for darned sure.

But I want to grow. And as I learn, I hope to share with you my heart.

Did you know

I used to live in a fifth wheel trailer?

Yup, I did.

My 8th grade year. You know the saying, "What doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger." This is one of those things. While it sucked living through it, it is now one of my favorite stories to tell. Most of the time no one believes me. My mom asked me the other day...

"Does it embarrass you to talk about it?"

"Heck, no, I love it."

And I do. It's funny. I'm sure for her, as a single parent of three daughters, it was probably one of the worst times of her life. However, we were young and quite resilient.

Wanna hear a lil about it? Okay, good. Be prepared.

This fifth wheel was old. And I mean old. Not one of those fancy shmancy kinds with plumbing or a microwave or heat or any of those frivolous items. It had a bathroom, just not plumbed for water.

There was a little stove where my mom was able to make us Helper Helper. I believe I've told you about that before. Helper Helper is Hamburger Helper without the hamburger. Meats expensive, don'tcha know?

Remember the old Halloween buckets from McDonald's that were orange with the black scary face?

Yep, that was the bathroom.

We had an upstairs, well, it consisted of two stairs leading to the bed my mom and I shared. I don't think we could sit up all the way without hitting our heads.

My sisters slept on the benches where the table was and during the night one of them (usually Meg) would usually fall off and hit the floor.

Okay, there was heat or there was supposed to be heat. It was propane and the pilot light would constantly blow out, so we'd most often wake up with it being about 17 degrees in the trailer.

Our trailer was parked in my aunt's driveway and we were allowed to shower there but that was it and we were usually afraid to do that, so, I'm thinking hygiene wasn't at the top of our list.

It was some of the most awful times we've been through but I remember laughing and having fun. I remember my mom trying to make everything special. I remember that even though it was chaos, we had a routine. I remember that we put FUN in dysfunctional.

Even though we weren't yet attending church or following the Lord, He saw us through. He provided the next place to live. Which is another post altogether.

Times get bad, man. They do. But He's never farther than our next prayer.

Hope you got a chuckle out of one of my favorite memories. I need to have my sisters write their version, they remember so much better than I do even though they were younger. If I ever get them to do it, I'll post their story.

Have a good one!

And the Award Goes Tooooo....

Treena. My sister in law. She had my child for five days!!! I didn't ask her to take her, she offered. She picked Jaylee up on Sunday and as they drove home, Jaylee threw up. Bugger. And then while there, Jaylee gets a yummy runny nose, which is Treena's absolute favorite thing in the world!!! (Please note the sarcasm.)

She brought her home to me today and she's all in one piece, happy as can be. While it was hard to have her gone it was so relaxing knowing that she was with Treena and her family. They love Jaylee and she loves them.

Treena, I love ya! I can't legally say you're my favorite SIL, but you are my favorite oldest SIL. :) Thank you for taking care of Jaylee. I appreciate it more than I could ever tell you.

Here's to you!!!

Jaylee's Home!!!!

Oh how sweet it is! I am such a happy Mama right now.

My husband came home from work for a few minutes just so he could see her. That warmed my heart to know he was just as excited as I was to have her home. She is a daddy's girl, so it shouldn't surprise me, but it was sweet to see that he took time out his busy schedule to let her know he missed her and was glad to have her home.

She's napping right now but once she gets up we're going to go out and play in the beautiful sunshine.

Today is a great day for up!!!

Twiddling My Thumbs

Only five more weeks of recovery and then I'm allowed to go back to my normal routine of things. Whatever that may be. Besides Jaylee being gone, I realize the thing I miss the most is not being allowed to vacuum. I love to vacuum. Not really sure why but I do. Growing up we did most of the household chores on Saturday mornings. Once a week we'd vacuum. Didn't know you could do it more than that.

But you can!

And I do! Probably every other day or so. I looked on Photobucket for a vacuum picture and found this. Loved it, too funny!

I went in for an appt. today and the doc asked me what I'm not doing that I'd like to be able to do.

"Vacuum."

He tells me that if I did that I wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning. Most of the time (like when I'm not all surgeried up) that would be an okay thing, I like my bed, however, I realize I like to do laundry. I like to wash dishes. I like to clean the bathroom.

I don't work outside the home, these things are what I do to be a helper and I'm not being a helper!!!

But don't you worry, I'm sure in five weeks when I'm given the green light to do these things....

I won't want to do them.

Well bugger

I totally messed up my link to my mom's blog over on the left. So, if you've tried to go there and couldn't, I fixed the ol' problem. I feel sheepish.

She's just started her blog. Hasn't quite got around to posting on a regular basis but I love what she has written. The woman kills me. She's hilarious. And pretty insightful. We've definitely had our times when I'd like to kill her (and I'm sure she could say the same) but for the most part I love her like a fat kid loves chocolate cake. Speaking of my sister...oh! Just kidding, Meg, I love you!

Anyway, check out my mom's blog over there on the left.

Maybe it's just me

But a few months ago I got really tired of this:

Dear Lord, thank You for today, thank You for my family, for my life. Hmm, did I get the clean clothes out of the dryer...Oh, sorry Lord. Please be with my husband today while he's on deliveries. Lord, please enable me to be the mama you want me to be for Jaylee. Hmm, did I put butter on my grocery list? Oh, sorry again, Lord. Jesus, if You could also just give me strength to get all my chores done today and give me a merry heart about it. Hmm, what should I make for dinner....

Have you done this? Do you do this? Is it just me?!

I've sort of remedied myself of it. How? I started writing my prayers in a journal, not a fancy journal, just a lil notebook that cost less than a buck. I date it at the top of the page and then I write out my prayers to the Lord. Writing my prayers has really helped me to focus on my prayer time, and not on the stuff that I feel I "should" be getting done. And I love to go back and read past entries to see how the Lord has worked in my life and the lives of my friends and family in just the last few months of doing this.

So, I just thought I'd share that random bit of information with ya, in case you get lost in your own thoughts while trying to spend time with the Lord.

Have a wondeful Wednesday!