Pulling out the Pregnant Card

Even though I'm Whiner of America and really good at getting my husband to do things for me that I could so do by myself, while I'm pregnant I don't believe in doing that.

I don't say, "I can't do that, I'm pregnant." Not that I don't want to sometimes, I just don't do it.

I don't say, "I'm sick of peeing every 15 minutes, can you go for me this time?" Not that I don't want to sometimes, I just don't do it.

I also don't say, "I can't change the litter box, I'm pregnant, you're going to hafta do it." I probably don't say this because we don't have a cat.

Anyway, I try really hard not to be a baby while carrying a baby. Josh commented on it the other night, so I was glad he noticed.

However, after the dumb thing I did today, I'm so pulling the Pregnant Card.

Our church has a Mom's Group thing that meets a couple of times a month. I've never been. I make the excuse that we live about 40 miles from church and it's so hard for me to go, blah blah blah...when, in reality it's because I'm skerd. I love these girls. I take care of some of their kids when Josh and I serve in the nursery but I still get nervous about the small group setting, where I may be asked questions about how often I read (or in my case, don't read )the Bible. I'm skerd they won't like me. I have a tendency to show my true colors too soon after meeting people (and I wonder why I only have Amber for a friend...)

Anyway...

I decided on Sunday, after I got the little postcard handed to me, that I would go this week. I'd make a trip of it. Go to Bible study, go grocery shopping, take Jaylee to lunch, possibly stop in at my mom's work and say hello, etc. Today, I'm all pumped. I get up. Get dressed. And I remember, "if you feed them, they will like you." so I proceed to whip up some Rice Krispie treats.

I drive the 40 miles to church. Walk in with Bible, purse, kid and treats in hand. Pastor Tom was sitting at his desk, singin' away, sees us and greets us. I ask if the ladies are meeting downstairs.

"Uh, Sarah, that was yesterday."

I, feeling a bit sheepish, say, "okay, here's some treats, see ya Sunday!"

He didn't let me leave. Talked to me for a bit, says he'll only take the treats because there's a home fellowship meeting that night and it'd be great to have the treats, blah blah blah. I know he's thinking, "you're a moron, can't believe you came on the wrong day, especially when my wife gave you a postcard that clearly states the women meet on Wednesdays not Thursdays."

But he didn't make me feel like a moron, he was nice, pastors are s'posed to be dontchaknow?

Yep, this is me, pulling the Pregnant Card. Can't help my retardness, this baby is sucking my brains out.

I wrote my post yesterday and left the computer. Kristie is always so great about commenting on just 'bout every post. By the time I'd gone to bed last night, she'd not commented.

I was out of bed before 5 this morning. Holy cow. And some of my first thoughts were about yesterday's post. I had sat here and typed away, mainly for myself, getting my thoughts out but this morning I was thinking that maybe I was sounding like a whiner. I came downstairs and decided I'd delete the post. You know, 'cause if I deleted it from my archives then that meant surely no one had already read it...

Uh huh...

But I come down here, check my email and in there are three encouraging comments on yesterday's post. It was so nice to be reassured that y'all know me and know that I wasn't complaining but venting what was on my heart. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for praying for and encouraging me.

I love you guys so much!

***************

In other random Culver news:

I've talked about it plenty of times. Housework is not my strong suit. I kinda enjoy it but usually fall so far behind in it that it becomes a huhuhuge chore. I get overwhelmed and the result is often my amazing husband helping me to catch up.

This has not been the case.

I've not used my dishwasher in two days, yet I have no dirty dishes in the sink. I've been doing them by hand! (I know, Mom, you're wondering if I'm ill) I've been doing them throughout the day, so there aren't many to do at a time. I can listen to music, talk with Jaylee, stare out the window and just enjoy my hands in the nice warm water. It's been relaxing!

Laundry, oh my, the FAPA part (fold and put away) is usually something that doesn't get done. I'll wash and dry a load of clothes. Throw it on my bed and start another load. During this time the dog has found herself a nice warm bed. I'll do 10 loads of laundry in a day because I fail to complete just one load a day. I see this huge pile of clothes, that were clean mind you, but are wrinkled, now covered in dog hair and there are so many of them I don't want to FAPA them.

Early last week I caught myself up. And have since kept up. I've washed, dried and FAPA'd one load a day since. We came back from Portland and within 10 minutes of being home I had started a load of laundry. It's been kinda nuts. I've just been so thankful to the Lord for giving me a desire to keep my home, I've been praying for it and He answered.

Sure, I'm probably nesting but it's getting addicting and I'm enjoying myself.

Been where I have been? Ask Jesus for a desire to enjoy the dishes or laundry or cleaning the bathroom. It may take a while to see a change in yourself but it'll happen.

That Prayer Request

Thank you to everyone who's praying for our family.

I think I'm just going to go ahead and say what I was requesting prayer for. I didn't in the first place because I was fearful. I'd had a bad day. I mean, it was good. But I felt like I was failing as a believer.

I'd decided on Sunday night that I was going to do my devotions on Monday. It's been a long time and I need to get back into that. I was looking forward to it.

Was.

I called Josh yesterday morning about something or maybe he called me...I can't remember and it really doesn't matter who called who, huh? Anyway...

While we're talking he tells me he wants to start a Bible study in our home.

Wow.

I was thinking, "is this really my husband I'm talking to?" I truly believe my husband is an amazing teacher. He would tell you that he's not. He feels a lil like Moses. But if you've ever read anything by him, like this here, or heard him explain something, you know he has a way of painting a picture in your head and making things clear.

SO...I totally think it'd be awesome to have a Bible study. But I worry about if we'll really follow through, if people will really come, etc. And then after my devotional time yesterday, I was bawling. I had opened up my Bible. I read a chapter and realized that I had no clue what I'd read.

And I remembered why I don't have my devotions regularly. I feel completely lost. I feel dumb that I don't understand what I've read and I wonder how I'm supposed to get to know Jesus better if I can't understand His Word.

Devotional time yesterday just wasn't a good time for me. The entire time I was thinking, "how can I be a helper to my husband and this Bible study if I don't know anything about the Bible?!"

I want to know Jesus. I want to follow hard after Him. I want to walk with Him and talk with Him. I want that close intimate relationship with Him. I want to have people talk to me and be able to respond to them and know that it's words of wisdom, not just spew from my mouth. Because you talk like the One you talk to. The better I know Him, the better I'll be able to talk to others.

Anyway.

So, I would still appreciate your prayers. Please pray for us to pick a day to have the study. Pray for people to come. Pray for me to be a helper to my husband. Pray for a direction in what to study.

You know, just those few things.

Prayer Request

There's a thing. Yeah, I don't know what else to call it. And since I'm not where I can share about it yet, I'm just going to ask you to pray for my husband and me.

Just pray for us.

Okay, thanks! :)

Can't sleep, here's why.

For five nights now I've tossed and turned. The turning part isn't so easy lately since my belly gets in the way. Here are some random thoughts that can keep a girl awake even when she's dead tired.

-did I love on Jaylee enough today?

-gas prices, holy heck, I'm so tired of the money spent on gas.

-my house has been clean for over a week. Really clean. It's really weird. I know that normal people keep a clean house all the time, me...not so much. My mom says I'm nesting, I'd like to think I'm finally growing up and taking responsibility for my home.

-the closet we'll be building in the kids' room (man, it's weird to have kid be in plural, I'm going to have two of them soon!) I keep designing the inside of the closet over and over in my head.

-sugar. My midwife told me I need to cut back on my sugar intake. That's rough. This morning I had to ask the Lord to help me get through my bowl of cereal without sugar.

-our Beagle. We're leaving for the weekend and she can't go. No one wants to keep her for us and I can't say as I blame 'em. I can't stand her either. But I'm panicking because we leave in a few hours and I've yet to know what to do with her. Thinking a trip to the pound....(just kidding, Melinda)

-embarrassment over having things others don't. I've been feeling guilty over what I have. Is this right? Is this the enemy just pestering me?

-two kids? Really? What were we thinking? Jaylee is two and a half. And lately she's been showing her true colors. Everyone tells me it's her age, she'll get passed it. But is being two really an excuse or am I failing to train her properly? How can I have another if I can't control the first?

-my dad. Sometimes I just get sad thinking about him. I really need to grow up.

-weight gain. I gained 58 lbs while pregnant with Jaylee and I didn't lose all of it. Starting to panic over that, so far I've only gained a couple this time around.

-friendships. Am I a good friend? Am I letting people down? Should I continue to make an effort with those that don't reciprocate? Honestly, I get tired of being the one to make the effort but I love my friendships and don't want them to end just because I got tired of being the one to call or whatever. How petty am I!?

-am I enjoying serving my husband? Does he know that even though I hate to do dishes, I'm thankful for the money he provides our family so I can buy the groceries to make the meals that make those dishes dirty?

-our 10 year anniversary is coming. Would it be weird to renew our wedding vows?

-labor and delivery. Pushing Jaylee out was a breeze, I had stomach muscles then. However, they've been cut since then, how will this next one find a way out!?


That's just a few of the things I have been mulling around at night. It's making me overwhelmed. I love to sleep and hate that I haven't been able to.

And on a very random side note, Happy Greysday! A new episode is on tonight! Woo hoo!

Fickle

I could never buy a fancy shmancy blog layout. I just couldn't. I like to change mine too much. Just really wish I knew how to make it all fancy shmancy all by myself.

My husband is home for lunch, suppose I should get some fixin's for him.

Hey, Mom...

Still laughing over the fishing pole. And it's been a coupla hours. Love you.

She's a Hoot

Sometimes I think if I didn't have a child or husband, I'd have nothing to blog about. Thank goodness for Jaylee today, otherwise you'd have to start visiting my archives and we wouldn't want you falling asleep at work or anything like that...

Today, I'm on the phone with Amber, and when I'm on the phone, Jaylee has this bad habit of thinking that's "free time" and she likes to do as many naughty things as possible.

Today was no different.

Amber can tell it's quiet in the house and asks if Jaylee is sleeping.

She wasn't.

I look over and she's unplugged my iPod from the stereo and is trying to stuff it into her little jeans pocket.

I tell her that that's a no-no. As if she doesn't already know. I ask her to bring it to me and she holds it up to her ear and pretends it's a phone.

"It's not a phone, Jaylee, it's an iPod." I tell her.

"Oh, HiPod!" She yells.

It's really hard to discpline your child when they're funny.

Her First Dance

Last night one of my favorite moments between Josh and Jaylee happened. My all time favorite of course was seeing him hold her for the first time. The man who said he didn't ever want to be a dad. The man who didn't think he'd make a good father. And in the first moment he saw her and held her, in his eyes, I could see his world change.

Yep, gettin' teary just thinking about it.

But last night was definitely up there on my list of faves.

Jaylee informs him she wants to dance. So, of course he obliges...you know because she has him wrapped around that lil pinky of hers. He plugs in my iPod and Alison Krauss' version of When You Say Nothing at All starts to play. Jaylee has my music talent and starts dancing like it's rap music. She's jumping all over the place to this beautiful slow song.

Josh picks her up.

"It's a slow song, Jaylee. Put one hand on daddy's shoulder and hold my other hand."

And they danced.

The man who said he didn't ever want to be a dad. The man who didn't think he'd make a good father....

I thanked the Lord that Jaylee has a daddy willing to take the time to show her he loves her.

Enjoying Serving

I received a book for Christmas, well, I received three books for Christmas but I saved this one for last because I knew that it would be one to teach me, one that I'd want to linger on awhile.

I'm only 30 pages in and I feel the Lord speaking to my heart. Honestly, I love and hate when that happens. I hate to see areas where I'm failing but love how gently the Lord shows me where I need to improve.

The author, whose name I can't think of at the moment, recalls a story of one day where, at the end of her day she realizes she had served her husband but had not enjoyed him. It was a busy day for her. He had called to see how she was doing and she spoke quickly and ended their conversation pretty fast. Later in the day she had dropped off his clothes at the cleaner, gone to the bank and some other errands I believe and then stopped at his office to let him know the rest of her plans for the day, but she kept the visit brief.

She said she realized at the end of the day, that while she had served him (clothes to the cleaners and other errands) she had not enjoyed him. She didn't take time to converse with him on the phone when he'd called her and had not taken much time for him at his office either.

How often have I done this?!

So often.

There are times where I'm so proud of myself for the chores I've gotten done throughout the day and I pat myself on the back that dinner is literally on the table when he walks in the door. But there are evenings where we'll have dinner, I'll finish my food and instead of lingering at the table to talk about his day, I'll get up and start on dishes or throw laundry in or read a book.

Yes, I've served my husband.

But I've not enjoyed him.

I'm looking forward to reading more and learning more. I'm looking forward to enjoying my husband, enjoying serving him.

Happy New Year, everyone!

We had the best time ever. Ever. Such a great night. To see some fun pictures of our night, check out Kristie's blog. I didn't take any pics with my digital camera (once again) so head over there and you can check out the fun we had.

It's 2008 now. 2007 is gone. I made resolutions last year, remember? And I knew then I'd probably only accomplish one of 'em. And one is all I accomplished. I started to write that I wish it had been that I'd grown a garden or learned to bake a pie but I'm actually proud of the one resolution I kept.

Jaylee knows her ABC's.

She'll shout them in Wal Mart for you if you'd like to hear. The lady passing by us the other day got a kick out of it. *sigh* We're now working on keeping our voices down in public. And not referring to women with short haircuts as men. 'Cause yeah, she did that. "Look mama, it's uh man!"

My Christmas shopping or handmade gifts (I didn't make any) were not done by August. I didn't quit biting my nails. I did lose 15 lbs of the 20 I wanted to lose but I guess morning sickness doesn't count for a healthy way to lose weight, now does it? And since I've gained all that back...

Bugger.

Anyway.

We were lying in bed and I told Josh that 2007 was a pretty busy year for us. My grandpa passed away, I got appendicitis, I got cancer, we went on lil mini vacations to Portland, Jaylee turned TWO, Josh walked the Portland Marathon with his sister, my grandma passed away, I got pregnant...

It was a full year. Of good things. And sad things.

But I realized I'm not a reflector. (If that's a term for a person) I don't really think about much. I'm not deep. I live each day as it comes and sadly, sometimes I don't learn from the day's mistakes that I've made.

I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to be someone who is more thoughtful. I want to think before I speak. I learned recently that that's sooo important. Words I said were hurtful. I didn't intend them to be, not at all, but they were.

I'm a loudmouth. I know this. My mom used to call me "mouth" when I was younger. I talk too much. Sometimes too loudly. And usually it's just a bunch of stuff that doesn't need to be said. I'll never be a quiet person. It's just not in me. But I'd like to be quieter. I'd like to think more and speak less.

And that, my friends is my only New Years Resolution this year.

It Got a Lil Worse

Yesterday was bad and it got worse. Didn't think it could? Me either.

We don't use our microwave very often so we keep it in the basement. Since I'd had Bad Day of America, I hadn't thought out dinner. So, I decided on leftovers. I take a plate of Chicken Lasagna downstairs, put 'er in the microwave, wait a coupla minutes and then I head up the stairs with the plate.

I'm three steps away from the top, when I trip.

Plate goes flying into the front door, which my husband was opening.

Food spills everywhere. I freeze. He freezes.

And there was nothing else to do but laugh. I mean really. Getting mad all day didn't do anything good for my mood, so I decided to take a different outlook.

Poor Josh. He knew my bad day. And I think he thought this would send me over the edge. He made sure I was okay. And I was. Just a lil hurt pride is all. I have no idea what I tripped over.

He offered to take me out to dinner and I really wanted to take him up on his offer. But I put on my Big Girl Panties and made the back up recipe of Spaghetti.

I'm off to go get my glasses now. We'll see how that goes. Maybe I'll have a spectacular picture of myself for you later.

And if that doesn't make you wanna come back to visit me, I don't know what will.

A bad day gets good then bad again

Today is not my favorite Thursday of all time. Thursdays used to be amazing. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Greysday, etc. But there is no Grey's because of this ridiculous strike. Pfft.

Anyway, this post is not about Grey's but about the fact that today has been a bad day and it would have a chance of looking up were Grey's Anatomy going to be on.

Today just didn't start off well. Jaylee and I just weren't hittin' it off today. My glasses were supposed to be in at the doctor's office today, I call and ask if they are in, she tells me they should be in at 11:30 but they close at noon, so I'm gonna have to hurry. I leave my house at 11:30, arrive there at 11:45, ask if they came, she seems annoyed and pretends to look for them.

"No, I guess they didn't arrive."

I drive the 15 minutes back to town, (this is where the day has a bright side) I decide to make myself feel a little better and I go through the McDonald's drive-thru. As I'm pulling away from the little speaker thing a girl comes out and posts a note about debit cards, I can't see it (no glasses) I pull up to the first window and she informs me they aren't taking debit cards.

And they don't take checks.

I know, you're thinking, "just pay cash!" I would, if I had some!

She says I can come in and use their ATM machine. Uh, no thanks, I came through the drive-thru because I'm lazy, I'm not going in there to be charged an extra $2.75 for my chicken sandwich.

"Let me talk to my manager." She says.

Figuring they'll let me do dishes to pay for my sandwich.

"We're going to give you your lunch for free today!"

"Whaaat?!"

"Free. Since our computer is down, you can have lunch free today."

I was ecstatic. Thrilled. Couldn't believe it. So happy.

Then the doctor's office calls my cell at 12:15, remember, they closed at noon.

"Oh hi, Sarah. Uh, it looks like your glasses were here."

Insert expletive here.

It's not about the accuracy

About a week or so before Christmas, I saw this post. Her blog is titled "Thoughts from an Overthinker" and I really do believe it suits her.

While reading this post though I was really hit hard with what she said. And I began wondering, why do we celebrate Jesus' birthday in December? Why are nativity scenes shown with the wisemen there?

I was really bothered.

I talked to my mom about it on Christmas Eve before our church service and she advised me to just ask Pastor Tony. There were quite a few people at church and he seemed busy, so I decided not to ask.

I didn't need to.

When Pastor Tony got up to pray before our service started, one of the first things he said was that the day, the season, was not about the accuracy.

Then, after some Christmas songs, and the Men's Choir, Pastor Tony got back up to share a bit.

He said again that Christmas is not about getting hung up on the accuracy of when Jesus was born. He said more than celebrating His birth, we need to celebrate His death and resurrection! Amen!

I was so overwhelmed. I know that the message wasn't just for me that night but it really felt like it. I was just so thankful to Jesus for answering my questions. He's always so loving in the way He teaches us.

**********************

We had a great Christmas. Well, it was great after we made the trip to a sleazy little mini-mart to get a gallon of milk because I had forgotten to get some the day before. I was glad that it was a sleazy mini-mart because they didn't care that I was wearing my nightgown and ragged slippers in there.

Josh gave me a new paper cutter, that I desperately needed. The measurements on my old one were off, so my scrapbook layouts wouldn't come out right and I'd get a lil peeved. He also gave me an attachment to my KitchenAid mixer. I shredded a 2 lb. brick of cheese in about 37 seconds last night, it was beautiful!

We gave Jaylee some clothes and the game Don't Spill the Beans. She calls it "Bob" and the only reason I can come up with is that the bowl for the beans is red and looks a little like Bob the tomato from Veggie Tales. But, who knows, maybe she's just a dork like her mama.

The greatest gift was a phone call from Treena, my sister-in-law. We're talking about the gifts we've received and then all of a sudden, she's in my driveway! Her family came from Portland and the surprise was so much fun. They're coming this weekend to celebrate Christmas but they wanted to visit for the day. Loved it.

I didn't take pictures with my digital camera, so I'll have to share them with you after they are developed.

I hope you and yours had a very Merry Christmas!

A Rerun

I'm going to repost a post I wrote a few months back. Mainly for myself. But maybe for you, too.

I see a lot of the stuff I wrote about creeping back into my life. And I'm not pleased with it. Some out of my control (may talk about it later) and some, like the issue with my cell phone and trips to Wal Mart, that I can control.

This time of year, when I know I'm getting presents from my husband, I always want diamonds. Silly, huh? Yeah, I know. But it's true. And one year I got them. Waaay before Jaylee was born but I got them. And I love them. I love shiny stuff.

Like diamonds and new vehicles....anyway...here's my original post:

I have a confession to make. I don't always listen to Christian music. *gasp* I know, you're all horrified but it's the truth. I feel better now just getting that out there.

Okay, bye.

Just kidding! :) I'm silly, huh? Anyway...

On Saturday we were driving somewhere, thinking it was SMT, Saturday Morning Tradition, we've done this for almost six years, we get up early, go get coffees and sometimes donuts, come home and get to work on our house or lounge around and wait for someone to need my husband's help. This weekend it was me needing his help. I really want our junk room complete. Anyway...again. So, we're driving and Sheryl Crow starts singing "Soak up the Sun." Totally, love the song. Right now I'm trying to think of all the words to make sure I really want to state that I love the song, can't remember them all, so maybe I should just say I like the beat. I'm starting to ramble. I did have a point to this blog, for once.

"It's not about having what you want, it's 'bout wanting what you got." I almost started spelling it the way I hear it in my head..."Snot bout having wut you waaant, sbout wanting wuuut youuu gottt" Now, I did spell it the way I hear it. Please don't stop reading. I seriously have a point.

Somewhere.

That line of the song really resonated with me. I am so quick to want what someone else has. So quick. Sometimes it's something material, sometimes not. I have been getting better but when Josh and I were first married, eight and a half years ago, I wanted. And I wanted some more.

My husband wanted to please me. So, he gave. And he gave some more.

I wanted a Honda Accord, we got one. I wanted a newer one, we got one. I wanted a dishwasher, we got one. I wanted a beagle, we got one (free to good home btw) I kept wanting. And I was so selfish. I was so ignorant. So blind to see what it was doing to me.

To us.

It didn't stop when it came to the cars. In 2002 I decided I wanted a 2003 Mitsubishi Lancer. I got one. It was beautiful. It was red. It was mine.

It was ridiculous.

We almost had to file bankruptcy because the payments were almost $400 per month. We were so stressed. We were miserable. I felt like I was drowning. Looking back it reminds me of the Veggie Tales movie with Madam Blueberry. She shopped at Stuff Mart and she always wanted more but each time she got more, she still was not happy. That was me.

Honestly, it's getting better. I truly believe it's a heart issue. I was not walking with the Lord. I wasn't seeking Him out, wasn't asking for His peace. I was just living for myself. Trying to fill a void.

Oh but I was so empty.

I'm not saying everything is perfect now. It's definitely not. I told you at the beginning I still covet. But I'm learning to repent of it, I'm learning to want what I already have. There was so much stress in the "stuff" that I had or did. So, I started eliminating it, a lot of it cold turkey.

1. My cell phone
2. Credit card debt
3. My car, it was paid for but we sold it to pay off debt. And, the reason it was paid for...instead of filing for bankruptcy, we remortgaged our house to pay it off. We will always be so thankful to my Uncle Eric who suggested that to us. Otherwise, well...I don't know what would have happened.
4. Daytime TV, no more soap operas!
5. Unhealthy friendships
6. Wal Mart, I used to go there a few times a week. Not for anything inparticular, just to go. I always left with at least $30 worth of stuff. Now, I don't go there at all. It's literally saving me hundreds each month.
7. Coffee. Oh, this was so hard to cut down on. But now, instead of 7-8 times a week, we go twice. Once on Wednesdays between noon and 3, because it's double punch day and 50 cents off each drink and then on Saturdays for SMT. This is saving us close to $200 per month.

I'm sure there are more things I could cut back on, but for now, this is where I am.

The relief that I feel being happy with what I have is amazing. It feels good to get out of bed in the morning. I'm not scared to check my mail. I'm learning to be okay with going to the mall and not walking out with a brand new pair of Lucky jeans, but oh how I miss them!

I've been blessed. I love my life. I love my husband. I love our daughter. I love our house. I love our '85 suburban, even tho' she didn't want to start this morning!

I think the Lord wants to see what we'll do with what He's already given us before He'll bless us further. Does that make sense? It does to me. I've really felt Him telling me that lately.

Sorry this post is so long. It was just really on my heart on Saturday and we were gone all day yesterday so I didn't get a chance to talk to you.

I pray you have just the best day today.

Tacky Christmas Sweaters Act II

You thought we'd boxed them up til next year, didn't you?

Oh, no. Last night was FACTCP (First Annual Culver/Thiemann Christmas Party) at our house. Amber decided we needed to bust the bad girls back out one last time before next Black Friday.

I made a new recipe, it wasn't too terrible, it's hard for me to find something to cook for this family because they don't like mushrooms or onions. And almost everything I cook has onions in it! But I found something and had they not eaten at McDonald's two hours before coming to our house, I think they would've eaten a lil more.

My husband wasn't finished with his food but I took his plate anyway, I really wanted to get to the opening of gifts!

The pictures don't show it, but our families were there. I promise.

I was a little worried about posting the pictures with us throwing up our gang signs since we live in an area where that's a big deal. So, just know that we have no idea what signs (if any) that we're throwing in the pics. :)

Oh Christmas Tree...

Last night I almost took 'er down. No, not the kid, however, it was a thought a time or 12.

The tree.

The Christmas tree. It makes me crazy. I want her gone.

I asked the husband last night if we could take it down. He said that we could but he had a sad look on his face. So, I decided it could stay up. Wouldn't want to make him sad. He may not buy me any more gifts for Christmas.

Speaking of...

There are 3 trillion presents under my tree. One for me. And the one that is for doesn't weigh anything. I think he forgot to put whatever was supposed to go in the box in the box.

I'm rambling. I know this. I'm alright with it.

That tree is in some serious danger today.

When I Knew

My sister asked me, "When did you know you were in love with Josh and that you were going to marry him?"

I was 16 when this boy walked into church. He was wearing a Cross Country t-shirt, Lee jeans, a pair of well loved running shoes and he was sporting a flat top hair cut. I told my friend, Lindsey, "I'm going to marry that guy."

I didn't know his name. I'd never seen him before. All I knew from the moment I saw him was that he had no fashion sense whatsoever but he made my heart skip a beat and I wanted to marry him.

It would be another month or so before we were introduced. Linds and I were trying to think of what his name could be. I told her I thought he looked like a "Josh" and sure enough, wouldn't ya know it!

Lindsey was dating a guy named David at the time. He was a couple years older than we were and he said Josh was in his Sunday school class, so he'd introduce us.

We started dating, sorta, shortly after. I was sooo into him and he was sooo not into me. So, after a few months of hanging out, it fizzled. I've never cried so hard in my life. Not ever. I was only 16 but I was in love with him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

A few months of pity parties would go by and of course I had random crushes at school but I wanted Josh.

One day in May, I was in my room, and my mom came in to tell me that Josh was at the door.

"And he's wearing spandex." She said.

I go to the door and sure enough, there he is, in all his road bike, spandex glory. It was a sight, I tell you.

He asked if I wanted to go for a bike ride. And I remember having to remind myself to breathe. He was everything, everything to me.

After that bike ride we started hanging out again. I turned 17 in June, school let out and we started hanging out even more. We'd talk about marriage but not in the sense that it would be each other we were marrying. But I knew he was the one.

In August, he told me he loved me. Told me were going to get married. He said that on our bike ride in May, after he left my house to ride home, the Lord told him, "that's the girl you're going to marry."

In December we got engaged. And in July of 1998, a month after my 18th birthday, we got married.

So, Erica, there's a really long answer to your questions.

We Shouldn't Have Laughed

but we did. Because it was funny. And before you read this and make up your mind that we are bad parents, please know, we already know this.

We had to go to Yakima tonight for one last Christmas present. We're driving along, talking about whatever, when Jaylee yells from the backseat,

"Loooook!!! Santy Claus, drinkin' uh beeeer!"

We look. We see a billboard of Santa Claus, drinking a bottle of Coke. We bust out laughing. And we really shouldn't have. Because we saw another billboard about a mile away.

"Loooook, Mama!!! Santy Claus, drinkin' uh beeeer! The clown is drinkin' uh beer."

Tears. I had tears I was laughing so hard.

We already know we're bad parents. Now I'm just telling all of you.

Trip to Leavenworth

Here are some pictures from our trip to Leavenworth this last weekend.

Jaylee and Annie in the sled. Jaylee loved being pulled through town on the sled. It was really nice that James and Lindsey live so close to all the fun stuff.

Lindsey and me getting ready to go down the hill. It wasn't a big hill, but there were a ton of people and I was skerd to hit 'em!

Jaylee and Annie right before the town lighting. It was so cool. There were sooo many people. We sang a couple Christmas carols, there was a prayer, and then a countdown to the town being lit.

Some of the trees that were lit up.

Linds and me at Gustav's. I was really excited for food!


It was fun to hang out with them and go to their church. Their pastor cracked me up. He preached on Isaiah 9:6. The names of the Christ Child. Loved the message on hope.

Because I'm hoping for a dad for Christmas. And if I don't get one this Christmas, I'll continue being hopeful.

Because there is always next Christmas.

Another Christmas Memory

Since I only have eight days until Christmas, I thought it might be fun to post a few more Christmas memories until the big day!

After we moved out of the fifth wheel we moved to "The Icky House" and to tell you the truth I don't know that we upgraded any.

The good thing about the place was that it did have a bathroom, an upgrade from the McDonald's bucket, the bad thing (or one of the many) was the Hallway to H-E-double hockeysticks we had to go through to get to it. It was a scary scary hallway I tell you!

The house was like a big open room, cement floor with some outdoor carpet thrown down in the living room. The only source of heat a wood stove. In case you didn't know, you're supposed to buy the wood to put in the stove. You're not supposed to send your daughters to the neighbors when it's dark and take a few pieces.

It was a wonderful time in our lives! It's so fun to be in 8th grade and live in "The Icky House" :) That year, my youngest sister, Megan, had this amazing teacher. She knew our family wasn't going to be having much at Christmas. So, she put us on every charity known to man.

We weren't aware of that until we get a knock on the door one day during Christmas break. My sisters and I were home alone but I wisely opened the door anyway.

A man was standing there with groceries and presents! So, of course I let him in. We were excited for the gifts but more importantly, there was food!

We arranged the presents around the tree.

An hour or so later. We get another knock on the door.

Uh huh. More gifts. More food.

When someone knocked the third time, the three of us looked at each other and the ever-growing mound of gifts under the Christmas tree. We were brilliant I tell you! We each grabbed some presents and hid them. We wouldn't want the next person to see how many we had and then take them to an actual needy family!

I think we ended up answering the door three or four times. Each with food and presents.

It was amazing. And even though at the time we weren't "church goin" folk, I knew. I knew He was providing. I knew He was letting us know He loved us.

His birthday, but He gave us the presents.

It was a great Christmas. "Icky House" and all.

A lil Tired

but that doesn't mean I won't answer the measly whole two questions I have left to answer.

My sister thought she'd outwit me and ask "why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle."

Pfft, I do have a husband you know. Who's smart. Good thing because I was about to google why it didn't stick to the inside. But Josh says it doesn't stick because it doesn't get air, so it can't dry.

Neener neener.

Then, Melissa decided to ask twice what my favorite high school memory was.

I can't think of just one. So, you get a few. Probably a lot.

One of my faves was my freshman year, I was in Home Ec. with 3 guys who cracked me up the entire semester. Matt, Aaron and Trace. I got in trouble everyday because of them. One day we had to cook. We were given a recipe and the exact amount of ingredients to use, basically, just follow the recipe and put 'er together. When we were done, we were to call the teacher over and she'd sample it. I was at a different cook station than the boys but could see them. Very early into the recipe, they messed up. And they didn't have extra ingredients. So, they started pilfering through the garbage can to see what the class before them had left. They used ingredients out of the garbage can!!! And when they were done they called her over to taste test their food. I was laughing hysterically. I couldn't control myself.
Wow, that was a long one. Maybe I'll post more of them later.

As a side note, we spent the weekend in Leavenworth with my friend Lindsey and her family. So beautiful there this time of year. I'll post a few pictures tomorrow.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Da Answers to Yer Questions

Treena, my SIL, asked:

Why do you only like gifts in a box and not a bag?

Well, as much as surprises drive me nuts, I love them. And I feel like a gift in a bag means the surprise is over that much faster. If it's in a box and wrapped, you have to peel off the paper and then get the box open. And sometimes you have a warped parent who has duct taped your box closed, so it takes even longer to open. Not that I have one of those warped parents or anything...

Treena also asked:

What is your all time favorite treat?

Oh bugger, I dunno. That's so tough. I have such a sweet tooth, or 20. Your chocolate chip cookies are definitely up there on the list. But as a kid, my favorite treat was on Friday nights. We'd have tacos, with a Pepsi, and then after dinner my mom popped popcorn and we had M&M's. So, that was super special too. Man, I think I'm gonna have to think on this one awhile.

Kristie asked:

Did you pick a name for the baby?

In short, no.

In long, we have a couple names we're liking. I'll tell you what they are and if you all don't like 'em. Pffft. :)

For a boy, we like Scott. I have a friend named Scott and I've always loved the name. And it helps when you know someone with the name and you like them. I love the name Silas, too, but my husband went to school with a boy named Silas, and he had a ponytail and my husband now refuses to even consider the name.

For a girl, we like Sadie. If we'd not chosen Jaylee for our firstborn, she would've been Sadie. However, since Jaylee was born, another little girl in our family has been born and her name is Sabrie. So, we aren't real sure if we can do that. It's just too close I think. Next up, would be Esther. I love it. And it's growing on my husband.

We don't have middle names whatsoever, and we still have five months, so I'm sure this will all change!

Erica, my sister, asked:

What is your all-time favorite book?
Who are you most afraid of Meg or me?

All-time fave, huh? I'm thinking the Mark of Lion trilogy by Francine Rivers. These books increased my faith and Francine Rivers can paint pictures in your head. I loved them.

Who am I most afraid of? I really would like to say I'm not skerd of either one of you, seeing as how you are four years younger and Meg is six years younger. But it would be a lie. You both terrify me. And the image I can't get out of my head is the time you guys bloodied your knuckles on each other, just for funsies. So, I'd say it's pretty equal. I fear you both. You're both ruthless. And it all boils down to the fact that I'm a lover not a fighter.

Corie asked:

If you could spend a day with one person, who would it be and why?

My dad. Hands down. Why? Because my time with him was so short. I will always praise the Lord for the last year I spent with him. I was 19 when he died. And the last year he was alive, Josh would drop me off at my dad's house on his way to work and I'd work with my dad during the day. I didn't know him very well growing up, so it was really an awesome time for us. I'd really just like one more day. Just one.

You can keep 'em coming, I'll answer more if you have them. Thanks for giving me something to blog about today.

How About YOU do the Work, eh?

I've gots me a bits of Blogger's Block. I went on a blogging frenzy yesterday and used up so much amazing material that now I've not a blasted thing to blog about.

There's a blog I've started lurking (just like the many of you who lurk and don't leave comments, yes, I know you're there!) and saw that she (whom after I've lurked awhile, I'm sure I'll linky to her) had her amazing blogging readers and lurkers ask her questions because she, just like me, was having a bit of Blogger's Block.

So, to you, my faithful readers, who comment and lurkers who do not comment, now's your big ol' chance.

You may ask me a question. You may ask three questions, or maybe 11. It's your choice. I'll probably answer anything. Probably. You may ask your questions in the comments section (*gasp* some of you may have to come out of Lurkerdom!) and then at the end of this amazing day, hopefully I'll have something to blog about.

Christmas Questionnaire

Since I've only blogged twice today, why not another?! questionnaire

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper! I hate gift bags!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real. You just can't beat that Freshly-Chopped-Tree-Smell.
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually 2nd weekend in December. I get claustrophobic if it's in my house too long.

4. When do you take the tree down? Christmas day after we open presents.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yeah, it's okay. Mixed with some Bailey's. :)

6. Favorite gift received as a child? New Kids on the Block everything. Pillow, sleeping bag, posters, cassette tapes. Oh how I loved them. Oh, and an engagement ring 9 years after that.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yeah, it's kinda cutesie though. I'd prefer a more adult looking one. You know, because I'm so mature and all.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Boys. My father-in-law, brothers-in-law. I just don't like buying for boys!

9. Easiest person to buy for? My sister Megan, she loves anything.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. I actually did that this year! Yeah.Me!

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Hmm...who reads this? lol, just kidding...Ohhh, the Christmas that Joshua bought me my engagement ring, he also bought me a couple of dresses. Horrid. Horrid. I tell you. I smiled. Thanked him and I think I actually wore them. Once.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Charlie Brown

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Day after Christmas. But the best shopping day of all is Black Friday.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Those dresses I was just telling you about...

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Sugar cookies. Almond Roca. Banana bread.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored, because that's what my husband likes.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Lil Drummer Boy and Silent Night.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? A little of both but luckily this year we get to stay home on Christmas Day!!!

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes, and did you know it's Donder and not Donner? I thought it was Donner. It's not. At least that's not how they say it on Ernest Saves Christmas.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve at my aunt's house. But I like what Michelle said, that they usually open one, like jammies on Christmas Eve. Think we might start doing that.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The weather getting ugly and keeping people from getting into town.

23. What do you want for Christmas this year? Love Spell body wash and lotion from Victoria's Secret.

24. Favorite ornament theme or color? Not sure. I bought some tacky ornaments and I'm loving those, so I think my old wood ornaments are out for next year. Tacky it will be!

25. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Sugar Cookies. Almond Roca. Banana bread. :)

A Christmas Memory

The month of December stirs so many memories. I'll share a few.

This is my twelfth Christmas with my husband.

The first Christmas, I was 16 and we'd barely known each other over a month. He got me a stuffed bear and a tub of popcorn. I got him a wallet.

The second Christmas, I was 17 and we'd been dating just over a year. He got me an engagement ring, and I don't have a clue what I got him.

Our first Christmas as a married couple was strange for me. I was 18. Still so immature and used to the traditions my mom had instilled in me while growing up. I was used to getting a tree the first weekend of December (and watching my mom use a kitchen knife to trim it to fit in the stand) and I was used to a bunch of decorations and Christmas baking and Christmas songs and wrapping presents.

And there was none of that. And it was turning out to be the worst first married Christmas, ever! I may have shared before, so forgive me if I repeat myself, but we had no tree for the longest time. A few days before Christmas, we'd eaten dinner and I was fed up. I got up from the table and started to head out the door.

"Where you going?" He asks.

"I'ma gonna git me a tree!" I answered.

I was tired of waiting and in my stubborn mind I realized, "my mom didn't wait around for any man so she could get a Christmas tree, I don't need to either!"

Such a naughty frame of mind.

He went with me. And neither of us was happy. We got the lil thing home and I realized-we had no decorations. I wish I'd known more about making stuff on my own then, I could've made some ornaments. Instead, I bought a "first ornament" I also cut out a snowflake and I think my mom bought us an ornament too.

So...we had three ornaments that first year.

Each Christmas since has gotten better. I'm not nearly as stubborn and I'm enjoying the traditions that we've started as our own family. One being, we go up in the hills and cut down our own tree. This year, Josh took a day off and we left early in the morning, went sledding and then hunted the "perfect" tree.
Jaylee loved sledding and she loved playing in the snow.
But I think she liked eating it even more.
This isn't the tree we chose, but it's where Jaylee chose to take a rest and pose for a picture.

We got the tree home and Jaylee wanted nothing to do with decorating it. But she was excited to help put the star up.

And here she is, in here finished glory.


While I enjoy the memories and traditions my mom had for my sisters and me growing up, I take them and add to them, instead of having my mind set that things have to be the way they were when I was little. Feel free to share a Christmas tradition your family has.

19 weeks and 3 days

is not cute on me. Good thing my hair is!

Sorry I didn't post a picture last night. Jaylee got a fever and then started vomitting, that was fun.

I'm not a fan of this picture but really, who am I trying to impress?

Did I mention my husband moved the computer to our scary basement? That's why you see scary stuff all around me. At least it's warm in the basement.

Anyway, there are the matching hair and eyebrows. I'm rather enjoying it.

I Gots My Hair Did

My mother came over this morning to watch my child so I could go get my hair did. It was going to just be a cut but I decided to get 'er colored, too.

Husband asked what color.

"I'm going back to my natural color."

"Do we know what your natural color is?"

Since I had about 5" of roots, I thought she'd be able to work with that.

And she did. And now my hair matches my eyebrows. Amazing how that can be. It's been 13 years since they've done that!

Then I continued driving. I drove to a mall. All by myself. For hours! Did I mention I was all by myself? I was.

I was and I was lonely.

I passed the Cinnabon and a lady and her lil girl were sharing a milk and Cinnabon and I missed my lil girl (and I missed a Cinnabon, too).

But I pressed on. I finished my Christmas shopping. And I came home to a sweet girl I'd missed so much. It's so weird to me how I can miss her when I am with her 24! Hours! A! Day! EVERYDAY! But I did miss her.

And it was good to snuggle her when I got home.

And it's good to have eyebrows that match my hair.

Bugger, it's Monday

Usually I'm a fan of Mondays but today I'm tired. So, I'd like it to be Saturday. Then I could ask Josh to take care of Jaylee while I nap. Ooooh how nice that would be.

Friday night Amber and I went to my church's Ladies Dessert and Ornament Exchange. While there, I told a couple of the ladies I wanted a dad for Christmas. I've picked the perfect man for my mother. I tell them who he is and they agree. And he just happens to be at the church that night. Considered asking him first, "can you swim?" because really, that's important ya know?

But I didn't ask him that.

Instead I added to my most embarrassing moments list.

He was standing out by my car as we were leaving, so...I took a deep breath and said, "Mr. Jonas, do you date?"

His reply: "I'm married."

Thought about then asking, "So, that probably puts a damper on you marrying my mother?"

His wife doesn't come to church. I apologized, felt a bit sheepish, and told him I'd be praying for her.

I was really embarrassed. But mostly I'm sad. I really wanted him to be my dad for Christmas. I really wanted him to marry my mommy.

Guess I'll have to find another random man to ask if he dates. I just really had my heart set on that one.

For your enjoyment...

Amber made this for us. Us as in her and me but I'll say us as in you all and me.

She's on the left. I'm on the right. I can't stop watching it. Tears are streaming down my face. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Click here.

Jesus vs. Santa

*edited below*

Growing up my sisters and I believed in Santa Claus. We believed he came through the imaginary chimney of every apartment, house, duplex or fifth wheel we lived in. The smaller gifts under the tree were from our Mom but our main present said, "Love Santa" (in my mom's handwriting, just took me a few years to put that together).

I remember the day I found out Santa wasn't real. But even more, I remember the day my sister Erica found out he wasn't real.

Because I was the one who told her.

She was pestering me. Driving me nuts. The way younger sisters are supposed to I guess.

And I was a mean-spirited older sister. So, I told her. And she was crushed. Broke her heart. I actually felt bad for hurting her feelings. And I felt even worse when she sobbed to my mom about it and I got in trouble.

Growing up, Josh's family didn't do the whole Santa deal. Their emphasis was on Jesus. That Christmas was about Jesus. Growing up, we weren't part of a church, so I had no clue that was what Christmas was about.

When we got married we talked about what we'd have our children believe.

We didn't see eye-to-eye. He said our children wouldn't believe in Santa. I said they would. He told me that that's not what Christmas is about. I agreed but debated, "what harm is there in letting a child believe in something for a little while?"

He really had no answer.

It was a really good thing Jaylee wasn't born for seven years after that.

Before Jaylee was born, I was talking to my Aunt McKenna. She has a son a few years older than Jaylee and I remember talking to her about what her and my uncle were going to do for Landon at Christmas. Let him believe or not believe in Santa.

The response she gave me changed my heart toward allowing a child to believe in Santa Claus.

She told me they would not be talking about Santa at Christmas. She said that her and my uncle wanted Landon to trust them. How could they let him believe in Santa, whom he can see (on television, at Wal Mart, etc.) and also teach him about Jesus, whom he can't see, and then down the road, saaay when he's seven or eight, break the truth to him that Santa isn't real? First, he'd probably not understand being lied to and second, if they lied to him about Santa being real, who's to say that Jesus is real then?

Her point hit me. And I had to tell Josh he was right, it'd be best not to allow our children to believe in Santa.

I don't want to mislead Jaylee. I want her to trust me. And allowing her to believe in Santa, even for a few years, would be lying to her.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season.

*yes, I took Jaylee to get her pictures taken with Santa (not that it worked out). She was afraid. Asked who he was, so I told her he was a clown. A guy who dresses in silly clothes. She replies with, "oh." When she's older we'll discuss it further.*

Ever just wanna cuss?

Not me. Never me. I never use naughty words. At least not out loud...very often...

It's just been one of those days. One of those days where it's already bad and it's not even 9 a.m.!

I've done my dishes, well my dishwasher has done my dishes, I sent my Christmas cards out (then had a panic attack that people would think they are ugly) (I made my own this year) I got coffee for the husband that lately I'm adoring more than ever, I've bathed my child, cut her toenails and fingernails, cleaned out her ears, checked on her dog bite (which is almost non-existant now) I've gotten dressed (including a bra!), brushed my teeth and made banana bread.

I feel like I've accomplished alot in the 2 and a half hours I've been awake.

But it just feels like a bad day.

And I don't know why.

And I hate this feeling.

Okay, done venting now. At least for the moment.

Our Weekend

We had such a great weekend!

It started with Friday. Amber calls and tells me she'd like to watch Jaylee so Josh and I can go on a date. I'd really been wanting to do this but we don't have a babysitter and she's fun to have along, so we usually just take her. However, it had been one of those days that I just needed some time with my husband and once again, Amber pulls through! (Seriously not sure what I'd do without ya sometimes.)

We enjoyed dinner together and then went to my sister Megan's house and hung out there for a bit. They have an XBox 360 and Guitar Hero, which I've never heard of or played. But I got the chance and it was okay. I lack in the rhythm department and I think it's a crucial part of the game. And...I'll be honest, if I'm not the best at something right away, I don't want to play. I'm a brat like that. :)

Saturday we were up bright and early. Maybe not bright but it was early. 6:30 early. We had to park Josh's parents camp trailer downtown for the 19th Annual Sunnyside's Lighted Farm Implement Parade. It's very redneck but it's so fun!

After we parked the trailer, we SMT'd, then I took Josh to work and headed over for pictures with Santa at a local breakfast place. We joined Amber and her girls. Jaylee refused to go near Santa. She turned her head away from him. After that we drove across town for Sugar Cookie Decorating with Mrs. Claus. They provide the cookies and every possible cookie topper imaginable. Jaylee just ate it all. She downed icing, sprinkles, worms, marshmallows, milk, frosting and the list could go on. While busy "decorating" her cookie, Santa shows up behind her. She didn't know at first, kept "decorating", but then it was as if she smelled him (which is quite possible.) And the staredown began.

She didn't take her eyes off him. She leaned back and stared. He was making funny faces at her and she was immobile. Then, she started to tremble. He lost the staredown. Left. And she went back to eating sugar. I'll get a picture up soon for you to see. It really was hilarious.

After Joshua got off work we hooked an innertube to the 3-Wheeler and raced around the pasture. Jaylee got cold and went in for a nap and the neighbor kids came to entertain my husband. He drove them around the pasture for quite awhile.

Evening came and so did the parade! We took Amber's girls with us and the three girls sat on the sidewalk and watched in wonder as the floats and big rigs passed by with all their lights. They were so good and we all had a hoot.

Yep, that was our weekend. Simple but fun. Just the way we like it.

She's Moving!!!

Uh huh, I'm calling the baby a she. More importantly, she's moving. Today I'm really feeling her. Love it. It's fun. I'm actually pregnant and not just ill for funsies.

I'll post later about our hilarious weekend.

Ooooh!!! Funnn!!!! And The Grizzly, too!

This is what it looks like at our house today. The picture with the tree is what I see when I step outside and am looking at my pasture. If you look closely, to the left of the tree, you can see a really tall pole. This pole is the makings of a larger than life swing set for our child(ren). But at this point, it seriously just looks like a 20 foot high cross. Before my husband got it set in the ground, it looked like we had a cannon aimed at the neighbors. Picture on the bottom is staring north of my house. That's my yard. So beautifully covered in snow!! I love it!

And then, Ladies and Jellybeans-we have, The Grizzly. The Grizzly is this hunk of immobile metal that sits in our driveway. Like it? Want it? My husband purchased her this summer to remove her diesel engine to put into Holly, our mobile Suburban. You'd think since he got the parts out of Griz he could uhh...get rid of 'er. Oh no. He's become attached. Likes that she sits there, with her window down, so the cats can get in there and breed. What's the deal with her name? Amber is really good with naming vehicles. In the town we live in, the high school colors are red and black and the mascot is....the Grizzly. So, we have a red and black Suburban. It's only right that she be named The Grizzly. Seriously though, she's free to good home.

Took Jaylee out in the snow this morning. She loved it for all of 2 minutes and then she realized her hands were cold. Yes, I would have put gloves on her, but she doesn't like them.

And just a side note, a lady at the store asked me the other night if I was pregnant. She really took a chance, guess she's never heard Brian Regan's take on asking a woman if she's pregnant. Anyway, it was kinda fun that someone besides me can tell I'm pregnant. :)

Pregnancy Update

A couple of friends have asked for a pregnancy update, so I now feel I can blog about it.

I'm nervous to talk too much about it because I don't want people to roll their eyes and harrummpphh in disgust that I'm posting yet again about this beast growing inside me.

I call her a beast because that's what she's been. No, we don't know that she's a she, maybe he's a he. That's quite possible, there is that 50/50 chance dontchaknow. We won't be finding out the sex of the baby until May. It's killin' me since we could find out next Friday at my ultrasound but we waited with Jaylee and the surprise was really fun.

Anyway, back to the beast. :) I know, I really shouldn't call her that, seeing as how she's only 5 inches long and just a few ounces, how could anyone so small be a beast, but really, this kid has his/her moments. Those first, ohhh, 13 or 14 weeks I really wanted to curl up and die. Poor Jaylee is now addicted to television because it was the only social interaction she had. "Teebee" as she calls it was quite the babysitter as I laid on the bathroom floor, sometimes for most of the day. No tricks worked. Crackers, un uh. Tea, gag me. Prescription for nausea...well, I won't even tell ya what that did to me.

The last couple of weeks have been pretty darn good, thank You, Jesus! I still visit that porcelain throne but only a few times a week. I'm gaining weight, which I'm not thrilled about but need to get over. It's going to happen, I must face it.

So far my blood pressure has been great, about 90/68. Really praying it stays that way. The end of my first pregnancy it was extremely high and I had to be put on magnesium, that wasn't much fun.

No baby movement yet, but I'm looking forward to it. We have no names picked. Seriously. Feel free to throw any out there. I'm sure my husband will nix 'em all like he's been doing to me. But feel free nonetheless!

Thanks for asking about how I'm doing (Kristie, Mindy) it's fun to feel free to talk about it!

17 weeks and 3 days. Just 22 weeks and 4 days to go!

She'll be going to Kindergarten in Diapers

I'm just sure of it. Sure.of.it.

On Sunday morning, I change her diaper and dress her for church. About 30 minutes later we leave for church, which is about 40 minutes from our house.

After church we get lunch and run a billion errands. Josh asks me at the end of our errands,

"Have you changed Jaylee since this morning?"

He knows the answer to the question, he's been with her the entire day, too. But still I tell him,

"Nope."

We get on another conversation, load her in her car seat, forgetting we still have not changed her-and drive home.

40 minutes away.

We get home and I realize I never did change her even though we'd talked about me changing her.

It's been seven hours since she was last changed. I'm feeling that rush of mommy-guilt that happens 298 times everyday. So, I finally go get a diaper. She gets herself all situated, waiting for me; she knows the whole routine because she's 2 1/2and should be out of diapers by now!

She's dry.

Seven hours and I pull off a dry diaper!

I rush her to the potty. She laughs. Thinks running is a game. She sits there. Does nothing.

I let her go free. Leaving her in her birth day glory. Everyone knows a kid loves to run around like that, she's no different.

She goes in my room, grabs a pair of my dress shoes and walks around the house in them.

A few minutes later she comes up to me in a state of panic.

"Mommy, toilet." She points to my shoes.

Uh huh. My shoes were her toilet.

I'm really excited we're having another one of these. It was a really good idea on our part.

The Assassin Strikes Again

You're going to be disappointed in me. Tacky Christmas Sweater pictures...not so exciting. But I have good reason! You have to read a really long post to understand.

In May of 1997 I went camping with Josh's family and friends. I went camping with him then because you know when you're dating, you love to do exactly what your significant other loves to do. So, this meant I loved to go camping. *Serious eye roll going on over here*

While camping, the boys decide we should go in a boat. Obviously pre-July 1999 because we all know how much I love boating now, huh?

I can't remember everyone who went boating. I do remember being there. Along with Josh and his friend Ken. We're in the boat. It's moving pretty fast. I'm not thrilled. All of a sudden, not sure how he does it, Ken flips us.

Uh huh. He did. I'm out of the boat!!! Current is moving. I'm in a state of panic. I grab a rock wall. I live.

Fast forward a couple of months.

My husband used to own a Datsun 240 Z. Actually, he used to own two Datsun 240 Zs. This is what they are supposed to look like. These cars are two-seaters. No back seat. No wonder we don't have either of them anymore with one child and another on the way. Anyway...

Okay, now I can start my story.

Round about July 5th, 1997, we were up at Mt. Rainier. We, as in Josh, me, his family and some friends. (Not we, as in Amber and me as she likes to think "we" means.) Really digressing, aren't I? It's my story, I can take as long as I like.

So, we are up at Rainier and we, as in Josh, me, his 9 yr old cousin, Paul, and Josh's friend..........you guessed it: Ken, decide to go for a drive.

The four of us.

In the Z.

The two-seater Z.

The one with two seat belts.

Ken wants to drive. Josh and Paul lay down in the back. I take shotgun. We go for a drive and on our way back down, signs are reading 15 mph because of the curves. I think Ken may be dyslexic. He may have thought the sign read 51 mph, because we came out of one of the curves looking like this:

Uh huh. We did. We hit a rock wall. Rock walls and I that summer of '97, we saw a lot of one another.

So, after these two events my mother started to call Ken, The Assassin.

I tell you all that to tell you why my Tacky Christmas Sweater Picture isn't the greatest.

Amber and I go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. All dolled up. We have a hoot until I realize I've missed two calls from my husband. I call him back.

"I'm in the ER with Jaylee." Are the first words he says to me.

My heart stops, my tears start. Those aren't words you want to hear.

Jaylee was bit by a dog on her face. Whose dog I ask? I really should have guessed. Uh huh. The Assassin's. Okay, not his, but his parent's and isn't that close enough?

She's fine. Totally and completely. Honestly it would have been nice if it'd taken her down a notch, but it really hasn't. She's completely unaware of what did it to her; no fear of dogs in the least. But here are pictures of us in the hospital, me with TCS, Jaylee with a dog bite, and Josh with blood on his shirt.



The puncture in her ear went all the way through. Should have put an earring in before they super-glued it shut! And the puncture on her face wasn't so deep as it was wide. The doctor, whom I'll call Mark Sloane, decided he didn't need to stitch her. Said it'd scab over just fine. And it has.

I called my mom, let her know The Assassins latest attempt.

"Is it not enough he tries to kill you and Josh, now he's going for the children?!"

We got a good laugh.

So, that was our exciting Day after Thanksgiving.

Ken, we love ya. You know we do. But we have to harass you at least a lil bit. :)

They're here, they're here!

Our fanny packs have arrived!!! They are so not tacky enough.

I can't wait to remedy that lil problem.

Not Intended to Offend Those Who Like Tacky Christmas Sweaters

Because I like them, too. Mostly I like to laugh, point and snicker at those who wear them. Soon though, I will be the target of mockery. Because soon, soon as in Day After Thanksgiving, I will be sporting one such tacky Christmas sweater.

Last year Amber and I shopped the day after Thanksgiving (TDAT) and it was decided pretty spur of the moment. We've been talking about this years TDAT since probably Christmas last year. We've decided to make the occasion...uh...special.

Why and how we've come up with what we've come up with...not sure. But I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it.

Up at 4 a.m. Dressed in the finest apparel:

1. Tacky Christmas sweaters (which we found for 2 bucks at a thrift store yesterday)

2. Green and Red hats. (also found at a thrift store for .59) One says, "Merry Christmas" the other, "Let it Snow"

3. Fanny Packs. Yes, fanny packs! We looked for them at all the thrift stores but there were none! So, I got online and found us some. Pretty excited for them. We're going to decorate them with puffy paints and other random Christmasy stuff.

4. Leg Warmers. Uh huh. Leg Warmers. A red and green pair so we can swap and have one of each.

5. Earrings and Necklaces to match of course.

I'm really excited. I can't wait. I already can't sleep very well at night because I'm too excited.

Don't worry. There will be pictures. You'll get to laugh, point and snicker.

My Personal Cheerleader

Uh huh. I'm so cool I have my very own. She may only be two, but she's amazing!

I went in on Friday for my follow-up appointment so Deb could see that I'd gained back about 4 of the 15 pounds I'd lost. She was proud.

She puts the lil thing on my belly to hear the baby's heartbeat and when she pushes down on my belly I grimaced. It hurt. She was concerned.

When you first go into the office, they hand you the cup. The one you're supposed to go potty in. Like I said before, this makes me nervous. I get stage fright. But I went.

Barely.

Anyway, after she realizes I'm having some pain in my abdomen she asks if I can pee again.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked.

"Just a little, that's all we need." She replies.

I tell her I'll try but I'm not making any promises. Jaylee follows me into the restroom.

The loud noise from last time is still there. I don't really have to go. And Jaylee is wandering around the room which is irritating me. I'm trying to concentrate. I'm just about ready....

"Go, Mama! You can do it, big girl! Yeah!" Uh huh, she started cheering me on.

I died. It was the funniest thing ever. Can you tell I'm trying to potty train her?

Last night and this morning

Here is my sweet little ladybug. Or, as she referred to herself, "badabug". She wasn't too sure about putting the outfit on at first. I informed her it wasn't going to kill her or bite her (her daddy thinks ladybugs bite) and then I told her after she put it on, we could look in the mirror. This brightened her spirits. She was a fan. We went to our church's Harvest Party. The children play games and earn stickers on their game sheet. When the game sheet is full, they turn it in to receive their bag of candy. Jaylee is still a little young for the games, so basically we stole the stickers and ran! :)

Today has already proved to be more interesting than yesterday...see these beasts?
These are my neighbors pets. Over the course of the eight years we've lived here, we've woken up to them peering in our bedroom windows, or seen them in our pasture, or standing next to our car in the middle of the road. It's always been okay. Because I've been able to call and say, "Hi, Kathi, it's Sarah. Thumper is under the carport." And she's come over and taken care of the issue.

It didn't work like that today. I look out and see Nick. Nick is the overgrown goat. And Nick is standing in their backyard eating their rosebushes. I see the gate wiiiide open. I'm thinking, "it's okay, only Nick got out, I can handle this."
Why do I have to handle it you ask? Because the neighbors moved. They moved. But not their animals.

So, I do what must be done first.

I put on a bra.

I open the gate that separates my backyard from their pasture. I look around and see that only Thumper remains. Thumper is the cow. Which means Keiki, the horse, is somewhere. After a few minutes of coaxing the goat who is almost as big as the horse, I get him in the gate. Wasn't easy, as I had a cow bumping my back the whole time. I find the oats. Scoop 'em up and here comes the horse. They look so much smaller when I'm IN my house.

He comes up.

I pray he doesn't try to kill me.

And after some time, all is well with my world.

Animals are safely in their pen.

There is a reason I own a Beagle and not a horse.

I got a laugh

the other day.

I've said before how I have a MySpace account and I can't tell you how much I love it. If not for MySpace, well I wouldn't have had dear ol' Amber to keep me company this last year.

Anyway, MySpace has allowed to get in touch with friends from High School that I haven't talked to, well, since High School. Most recently I found a friend from youth group.

My display picture was of my dad and me on my 17th birthday. He sends me a message, asking about life in general and then says, "That's a good picture of your dad on your profile. How is he?"

I laughed so hard. I mean, it wasn't really funny, but it really was. How do you break it to someone that your dad drown eight years ago without making them feel like a donkey? So, I just replied that he was fine, I suppose. And that he had drown.

Really how do you break that news? I didn't know how to say it. He replied with an apology, saying he felt like a jerk and wondered how he could have not known. It's been a week and I'm still getting a good laugh out of it.

'Cause I'm sick like that.

Geeeesh!

I had a doctor's appt. today. I dropped my child off with my mother and went alone. The last trip with her-horrible! I vowed to never do it again if I don't have to.

They call my name. And then the favorite part...weigh in. She weighs me, charts it, then says, "I think I should check it again." I told her it was right, I had just weighed myself before coming in. She looks disturbed.

She hands me a lil plastic cup and sends me into the restroom. I freeze up. Sorry, can't do this. There was this really loud banging noise going on upstairs of the office and it totally threw me off.

Anyway...

We go into the room, she takes me blood pressure and then we get to listen to the heartbeat! Yeah, this thing that's trying to kill me really is in there!

She tells me Debbie will be in shortly and leaves.

I hear my midwifes voice in the other room and I can tell she's on the phone. I lay on the paper covered bed, staring out the window into the beautiful day and pray that she's on the phone forever. Why? Because it's peaceful in that room! No clingy, whiny toddler. No dog. No smells that get to me. Just me. All by my lonesome.

Of course it came to an end.

She comes in.

She's mad.

"Is this right? You've lost 15 pounds!?"

I nod.

She's still mad.

Tells me that I must gain weight from here on out or she's sending me back to my GI doctor because she thinks something could be wrong with me. UGH! I have to go back in 2 weeks instead of 4.

I asked her for a C-section, she just looks at me.

Part of me was serious.

Obviously I didn't get my wish. I'm still 11 weeks 5 days pregnant. Sick as a dog and now worried too since she thinks something is wrong with me.

On the way out she made me get on the scale again. She thought the nurse messed up.

The nurse didn't mess up. She hummphs and tells me, "Gain some weight, I'll see you in 2 weeks."

So, Jaylee and I went out to lunch and so far I've kept 'er down!

Dancing on Streets that are Golden

My grandma passed away last Saturday.

It's sad that she's not here anymore, sad that Jaylee will never know her. But really, how exciting is it that she's in Heaven?! She's no longer in any pain. Her body works perfectly. She's with Jesus!

It helps me to not be as sad when I think about how much better her life is now.

Her graveside service is today. I think the hardest part of all of this is watching my two aunts and three uncles grieve the loss of their mommy. The family has been through a lot of grief and I understand that it's part of life but sometimes you wonder just how much a family can take.

Thank you to everyone who's been praying for my family and me.

When there is something serious that needs to be talked about, I am not the person for the job. I make light of everything, trying to find humor in the worst of situations. Like when I had cancer or any time I talk about my dad drowning.

I get uncomfortable and find it easier to be funny than put on my Big Girl Panties and deal with the situation at hand.

This last week I haven't been able to be funny. I've had to deal with a serious situation like a big girl. For once.

My grandma is dying.

I don't like death.

I don't like assisted living places.

I don't like these Big Girl Panties I'm having to wear.

But I'm dealing. Jaylee and I have been going almost every day to spend time with her. She's not had any nourishment in nine days. Her body is shutting down. She's so skinny.

I've never been this close to death before and it's not that it freaks me out, at least not with my grandma, it's just weird to watch it happen. I'm thankful that she's a believer, I have peace knowing that soon she'll be with Jesus.

My thoughts about all of it are so jumbled. It's just been a very sad and tiring week.