These 10 Years

I've really been enjoying my book, Feminine Appeal.
I shared with you a few posts back about enjoying serving my husband, something I'm learning from this book.
A few years back, okay nine and a half years back...we were given a journal for a wedding gift. Inside the front cover were "rules" of the journal. It was something to write in to encourage one another, to resolve conflicts, just to say "I love you" etc. I was reading through past entries and my heart was broken.
See, for several years, I was only one who wrote in the journal. I thought Josh read it but never replied. The first entry was about three months after we were married and I wrote pretty often for awhile, then as I realized I was the only one writing, I got a little bitter. Okay, a lot bitter. And my entries stopped being about how much I loved him or missed him while he was at work, and became more, "why don't you do this for me, why aren't we spending much time together, etc."
Let me also tell you that during this bitter time I was not a good homekeeper. I wasn't working yet I filled my day reading books, going shopping, do anything I could so I wouldn't have to be at home. My husband would work hard all day and come home to a messy house and no meal prepared for him. He'd been serving me all day long and I couldn't give him a hot meal?
My heart hurts remembering my foolish, selfish, childish behavior. I'm so thankful that Jesus has helped me see that in myself and has helped me to overcome it. Mostly I'm thankful for His forgiveness of my sin.
A few years into our marriage Josh started driving a semi-truck and was gone Sunday night to Friday evening. I could've gone with him but didn't. (another post, another time) We spent even less time together. My love language is quality time, you wanna make me feel loved, spend time with me!
Since he was never home, I stopped feeling loved. Things went downhill. Again, another post for another time...
Back to the journal...
One day I found the journal and considered tossing it. Why keep it if I'm the only one writing in it, what's the point? But decided to look in it, one last time.
And holy moly!
He'd written in it!
Page after page he wrote. Pouring out his heart. He'd not just never written me back, he didn't even know I'd written in it! Didn't remember the journal. He apologized. He read all my entries and could see my heart change through them. He saw that I became bitter about how much he worked and how little time we spent together.
Rereading it yesterday, this is where my heart broke:
"Whatever I do with my hands, I do for you."
The first time I read it, it didn't really hit me. But yesterday, thinking back to all the years those hands of his have worked hard to provide for me, I was in awe of him. All those cold mornings he'd be outside rolling tanks at the gas company or the year he pushed a lawn mower 12-14 hours a day, or the couple years he drove truck, shifting gears, tarping loads of lumber, hay, pipe, etc. And now back at the gas company, back to rolling tanks in extremely cold weather. And then, I remembered the pictures I took from the other night, after he finished working on my car, in freezing temperatures.


These are the hands of the man who has provided for me for the last nine and half years of my life.
These are the hands of the man who goes into the bathroom, gets a brush, and brushes my hair.
The hands of the man who busts his knuckles repairing our rigs.
The hands of the man who cuddles, tickles, rocks and disciplines our daughter.
The hands of the man who hold me while I cry for no reason.
These are the hands of the man who has served me for the last nine and a half years, without complaint.
I think now is a good time for me to start serving him. I may feel almost ten years late but I'm not going to let my pride stand in the way of the next 50+ years I have of serving him.

**Originally published January 28, 2008**


I wrote that almost 7 months ago. Some things have changed. We now have two daughters that he loves and takes care of.

I wanted to show you again, the hands of the man who takes care of me. The hands of the man who has taken care of me for the last ten years.

There just aren't words, friends. I don't even know where to begin in telling you how amazing he is. Those who know him personally, know what I'm talking about.

He's just incredible.

He is the most selfless person I've ever known.

I was 18 when we got married. Barely 18. A girl with sooo much growing up to do. And he saw me through it all. He encouraged me and helped me. Loved me. Oh, how the man loves me. There are times when I feel that he doesn't but I remind myself of how he's stuck by me through "better or for worse" and there's been a lotta worse, let me tell ya!

He helped me through the loss of my dad just a year after we were married. Losing my dad was hard but it didn't really hit me until about 4 years after it happened and I had a breakdown over it.

Josh just held me. All my tears. All my questions. All my anger.

He just held me.

He's washed his own clothes. Made his own meals. Cleaned our home. Spent many nights, alone in his Peterbilt.

He waited for me to grow up. He waited for me to become a little less selfish. He waited for me to realize that the grass isn't greener. He waited for me to become a better keeper of our home and helper to him. He waited for me to realize how much he loves me.

Josh is funny. In his own quirky way. He is the king of puns. They're known as "Joshua jokes" in his family. Family members will call to tell us of their own "Joshua jokes" and he's always quite proud of himself. :)

Josh is known for stopping along the freeway to help anyone in need.

He's the one who gets called to help with this or that. For so long I was bitter toward that. That he would always rush to help anyone and everyone. Why it took me so long to appreciate that characteristic in him, I'll never know.

He holds the door open for me. He holds the door open for every woman, young or...not so young. He lets me order first at a restaurant. He's respectful to his parents. Josh is capable. Of anything. If he doesn't know how to do something-he learns. He always fixes our rigs. And with an '88 Accord and an '85 Suburban...he's fixing them quite a lot!

Without Josh in my life these last 10 years....holy smokes. I can't even imagine what kind of mess I'd be. He's helped me grow. He's made me a better person.

In our ten years together, we spent a few months apart...so I know what it's like to be without him. Those were the worst months of my life. I never want to know what that's like again.

I look forward to the next ten. I can't imagine what the Lord has in store for us.

And as for the gift part of our anniversary....

On Thursday I took Holley (our '85 Suburban) (yes, we name all our rigs) in to get the windows tinted. That was my gift to Josh. He had no idea I was having it done and was sooo excited when I drove him to Grandview to pick it up. I loved seeing the look on his face.

Utter shock.

On Friday we took the girls to my in-laws and then went out for dinner. While we were eating Josh hands me a card. In it he tells me what my gift is.

Money for new clothes!

I badly...sooo badly need new clothes. I really haven't bought much of anything for the last four years. Which wouldn't be a big deal but my weight has fluctuated quite a bit in four years (stinkin' babies, anyhow!) so, I was down to 1 pair of jeans, a pair of capris and a couple tank tops.

So, last night we left for Tri-Cities and went to the mall. I am now the proud owner of new clothes! Josh was so patient (he hates to shop) and the girlies did excellent. Yes, even Alison! :) We left the mall at 8:30, went to Red Robin for dinner, left there at 9:30, went grocery shopping and got home at midnight! Crazy night but so fun.

Thank you for letting me brag on my amazing man. Not that you had a choice, huh?! :)

Tomorrow is the big day!

Our 10 year wedding anniversary.

I'll be back later to oooh and aahhh over my man.

He's really the most amazing man.

And I'm blessed to be his wife.

This Beautiful Mess

The moment you've all been waiting for! (yeah, right!)



I recently read a book that has some controversy surrounding it, therefore, I'll not mention the title (if you've read it you'll know what book I'm talkin' about.) I'll save my review of the book for another post...


At one point in the book, the main character is standing in a garden.

"It was chaos in color."

"It was confusing, stunning, and incredibly beautiful."

Though the garden was a mess, it was beautiful. And come to find out-the garden was a representation of him.

And I loved that picture.

I love that even though I'm this amazing mess, I'm still beautiful in His sight.

The mess of my faith-how I daily, hourly even, fail to be like Jesus. I fail to pray. Or ask forgiveness. Or witness to others. I am a mess when it comes to my faith.

But He finds beauty.

The mess of my wifely-ness (totally not a word, I'm aware) So many times I put my wants and needs ahead of Josh's. I've failed him miserably. I've gotten better as the years have gone by (10 of them this Friday!!!) but so many times I've come up short as being the helper to my husband.

But He finds beauty.

Oh the mess of my mothering. So many nights after a day of mothering, I lay in bed and remember how I lacked patience, consistency, love, positive discipline, and the list could go on.

Again...He finds beauty.

And always, the mess of my relationships. Whether family or friends, I'm always failing in one way or another. I'm not available when I'm needed. I didn't say the right thing. I didn't have enough sympathy. I didn't call. I didn't write. I wasn't there. Again, the list is endless.

Still...He finds beauty.

I am a beautiful mess. I am a work in progress. Daily learning to be the wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend that I'm supposed to be. Learning to do a load of laundry before I check my email, learning to not answer the phone when Jaylee is talking to me, learning to put another persons needs before my own.

But I fail. Miserably. Some days...no laundry gets done but lots of emailing does. Jesus doesn't love me any less because of it. He can't. He'll never love me any more or any less than He does right now.

In the midst of my mess, He's creating beauty.



So, there it is. My new blog name. Reading over what I've written bums me out, I'm just not able to adequately describe what "this Beautiful Mess" really means to me.

But this is a glimpse I suppose.

New Title Coming Soon!

I had said a few posts back that I was needing something new and thought I'd have to get a whole new blog to do it.

I was wrong.

Fancy that.

It took me the better part of the day to figure out the very little changes I did make to my blog yesterday. I like them. And am satisfied...for now.

But there's more change to come!

A new name!

A new name that is very personal and is very much me.

I'm excited to share it with you. I just want to wait until I can put into words for you exactly what it means.

My blog won't change. I'm still going to post a bunch of nonsense for you, in case you were worried I'd gone and got smert or something. :)

But the new name is a better reflection of what I feel I'm about and what I pray my posts are about.

Have a great day!

All the Laundry Would be Done

If not for a baby who spits up that which I feed her. (Seriously, why lift my shirt if she's just gonna splatter it all over my shoulder 2 seconds later?)

If not for a three year old whose BFF is DIRT.

If not for a husband who works outside in the hot weather and sweats all over his blasted clothes.

All the laundry would be done. And it would all be FAPA (folded and put away).

If not for the above trio.

Seriously.

4th of July

Our weekend was pretty uneventful. Which I can honestly say is a good thing.

Events usually lead to hospital visits and/or the spendage of money. (No, I don't believe "spendage" is a word.)

Friday was a day off for Josh. I love it when he has a random day off to spend with us. And his days off are the days he usually works hardest. Proving to be true this weekend. We worked around home and around our neighbor's house. Josh and I mowed their lawn while she rocked Alison.

It was a treat for all of us.

I got some great pictures of Ali smiling but they're on Amber's camera and Amber's camera decided not to like my computer, therefore, they're still in Amber's camera.

We had dinner with Josh's family and played some cards. It's always a hoot to play cards with Papa. It takes him forever to bid on his hand, as if we have a money in the pot or something. It's the best.

Fireworks are illegal in our town so the city does a display. They blew. Next year I think we'll go to Vancouver and watch them.

Saturday we worked around the house some more. Josh went out spandexing (bike riding) and I mowed the yard. It was a little more relaxing than the day before.

Amber and I went out for a margarita and some chips and salsa Saturday night. That was a hoot.

Sunday was church and some driving all over the place to see family and friends. It was a very long day and by the time I went to bed I was pooped.

I'm thankful it's Monday. Thankful for the Lord's new mercies.

Boy do I need 'em.

In the Clear

I went in for blood work again.

It's routine. Every three months for the next couple of years.

Today was my appointment to find out if the blood work was clear. Even though I've been cancer free for over a year, it's still a bit scary to have the blood work done and then wait on the news.

But everything is fine.

Thank You, Jesus!

Friends in the Black Box

I got a lil crazy.

You're shocked, huh?

Sarah? Crazy?

Noooo.

Yes. Yes, really.

Have you ever gone through your archives and reread some of your posts? I've done that here and there and some of my posts are downright embarrassing. Stupid. Full of nonsense. Hypocritical, even! sigh...

I found the one where I talked about why I was getting rid of the internet (for the second time) and realized that I now have it again and how I look like a dork. What's new, huh?

When we first started the Dave Ramsey deal, I decided it was all or nothing. And maybe that's the way it should be, but I think I took it to an extreme. And I think that's why I needed my internet back!

I made it sound like my kids wouldn't be going to college if I had the internet. And then I got smart and realized that if I didn't have the internet, they wouldn't go to college anyway. Because this little black box that I stare at has all my "friends" in it and if I didn't have you to talk to...I'd go insane and run these little children away.

All you people in my sidebar that I stalk daily...yeah, I need ya. I need to know that "this too shall pass."

Because somedays, I'ma wonderin'.

Pictures of the Girls....oooh and a video!

Happy girl!
He's so patient.
Pink baby!
Mama and Ali Self portrait...I'm really good at these! :)
Sweet sisters.

Alison had a really good day today. Thank You, Lord! So, I took advantage of the few moments and got some pictures.

And here's a short video, proof to those who have only heard her scream, that she can indeed smile and coo!

Meet Shadow

Seriously, he looks like he's smiling. He carries a burp rag around with him.

Could he get any cuter? We love this guy. I left him in the house for a few hours today and came home to find him in the same spot I'd left him.

He's content.

He's happy.

He loves Josh.

Whatever to him.

Our Happy Ending

Saturday evening our neighbors came over to chat with us. She brought her dad over with her and they proceed to give us a spiel about a dog they have.

Back in April we lost our Bailee dog. I haven't talked about it because it's still a pretty sore subject. The short of it is that we had that dumb Beagle for 8 and a half years, she drove us nuts but I've never loved an animal the way I loved that stupid dog. Even though he bought her for me, Bailee was Josh's dog. Losing her has been really hard on us both, but I think Josh has taken it the hardest.

Our neighbor kids were the ones to inform us of Bailee's untimely death. She was hit by a car. No surprise, really. The girl loved to run. The kids came to the door to let me know. I called Josh, letting him know he needed to come home, that Bailee'd been hit.

I strapped Jaylee into her chair in the kitchen, then all 8 months pregnant of me ran down the driveway to get Bailee. All six neighbor kids lined the driveway as we brought her back up. They all left as we got back to our pasture.

Josh and I just sat there with her. It was one of the worst things, ever. My husband has buried a lot of animals on our property but digging that hole for Bailee was the hardest thing he's ever done.

It's been a quiet household. Sometimes I've felt guilty for enjoying the peace and quiet. But we've all missed having a dog around. Just the other day I asked the Lord to send the perfect dog along for us.

Bringing us back to the neighbors showing up....

So, the old man is telling us about this dog. He's a hurricane victim from North Carolina. He's older. Never leaves the yard. Loves children. But hates the wind, rain and fireworks.

Josh and I just kinda look at each other.

"We'll meet him." I tell him.

"Well good, he's out in the rig!" And he's out the door to go get him.

Walking toward us is an older, arthritic Golden Retriever. He comes up to us, loves on us and then plops himself down in our yard.

He acts as if he's lived here his entire life.

He's slept at the foot of our bed the last two nights. He loves Jaylee; let's her lay on him and put blankies on him. He was outside all day and into the evening-up until the wind started to blow! Then he hobbled his old man self up the steps of the deck to our sliding glass doors.

It's only been 2 days but we're in love with him and he's such a blessing to us.

We just might be moving to a new location and something else off the subject too, you know because I always have a subject...

Yep, we're moving.

No, not my family.

You.

And me.

For some reason my blog is broken. I don't know how to fix her.

And I'm not real sure I wanna.

I'm thinking of a new blog address.

A new blog name.

I need something new.

You'll be the first to know when we move.

I promise.

Anywho.

Today I had a few extra minutes before a doctor's appt. so I dropped in on my friend Mary.

I haven't seen Mary in a few months. Seeing her and spending just 30 minutes with her was refreshing. I don't know how to explain it but I'll try.

I walk up to the door of their beautiful home. The door is open. She doesn't know I'm there. So, I take a few minutes and just watch.

There's a busyness to the home. Three little boys playing and being boys. Her four year old daughter sitting on the counter as her mommy shows her how to bake. They are measuring and pouring and Mary is so patient with her.

It's a home filled with love and laughter and happiness. I could have just stood there forever watching the peaceful home she's created.

I finally made my presence known and she welcomed me with a hug. She was happy to see me and my girls. While I was there, she wanted to know how life was going, wanted to know about me. But all the while was a good mommy to her children and a great caretaker of the little boy she was babysitting. She finished baking with her daughter, asked if we'd eaten and then we went outside so the kids could play.

She always makes me feel good about myself. She laughs at all my dumb jokes. She told me I look good for just having had a baby. I like this girl, I tell you!

I was sad I only had a short time to spend with her but after I left it was nice to think about if I had company just stop by, unannounced. Would I be so gracious? Would I have a smile on my face? Could I provide a meal spur of the moment? Would there be a peacefulness about my home?

I'd like to say yes. But I know there are areas I really need to work on.

So, Miss Mary, my friend...thank you for the few minutes we shared today. I thoroughly enjoyed myself!

Such a good lil mama

No, not me.

Jaylee.

I was told by several people she would do this but until today, she never had.

She comes up to me with her baby doll and asks me to feed her. I tell her that it's her baby, she needs to feed her. (Lord knows I'm lifting my shirt enough to feed Alison without having to feed Jaylee's doll!)

So...she proceeds to lift her shirt and nurse her baby.

Too funny.

Think I'll make sure she doesn't take her baby out in public, she may get in trouble for indecent exposure.

Where does the time go?

How is it possible she's already THREE?!

I think with all the adults and children we had 28 people here for her BBQ. It was so much fun. Of course until it was time to open presents, she was oblivious to the fact that everyone was there for her.

Here are some pictures from the party:

CARS theme party, she loves Mater.
Josh and his dad working their BBQ skillz
My aunt getting ready to swing from the rope, with a little encouragement from my mother. And her smooth landing... Look at all those presents!
She loves her "bicycle hat" lots!


A few of the guests hanging out on our deck.



Not sure who was more excited for her bike, her or her daddy.
Birthday girl with chocolate all over her face.


The bicycle was such a blessing to us. Amber's youngest daughter grew out of it and they gave us the bike to give to Jaylee. It fits her perfectly! She hasn't quite grasped the fact that she's supposed to push the pedals, she thinks we're supposed to push her. Her "bicycle hat" and knee pads are worn around the house for funsies. She received a bunch of art supplies, a lot of clothes, books, puzzles, My Little Pony, a Barbie and Barbie car and a piano (thank you, Mother.)

The piano had to go to church with us the next morning. I'm still humming the songs.

It was a great day! I'm still floored that she's three. Everyone says time goes so fast with children, I'm learning that isn't just a statement, it's so very true.

Must see video

After lurking on Amy Beth's blog she had a link to an amazing video.

I'll never look at cardboard the same again.

Check it out.

They say it's your birthday...in 4 months!

Remember how I said I love my birthday?

I really do.

I learned it from my mother. She always made such a big deal out of our birthdays while we were growing up. See, it wasn't all dysfuntion....

I love my birthday so much that last January 3rd I called my mom and asked her if she knew what was five months from that date.

Without hesitation, the lady knew! It was going to be my birthday!

Yesterday we're talking on MSN messenger and she asks if I know what four months from tomorrow (today) would be.

And of course I knew.

So, Mother, Happy Birthday....in Four Months!

Love,
The Favorite

All out

of things to write about.

That's a bugger.

Anything you want me to write about?

Don't be Jealous

Since I am once again a nursing mama, my bra size is the fifth letter of the alphabet.

Seriously.

Josh has informed me I need to stand up straight. I think because if I don't, they hang down to my bellybutton and for some reason he's not finding that attractive. Go figure.

Today I decided to practice standing up straight. Basically I feel like I'm trying to show off huge knockers that sag down to my toes. Luckily my shirt covers 'em or everyone would see all the stretch marks that come with these amazingly large boulders I carry in my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.

So, I'm struttin' my stuff at the grocery store. "Yep, they're mine" I want to proclaim to the 83 year old lady whose boulders are more like pebbles, but still hang like mine. I nod to the 13 year old girl and I'm thinkin, "some day, honey, some day."

I'm getting a few stares.

Quite a few stares.

Wow, this standing up straight thing is a little embarrassing.

As I'm about to leave the grocery store I look down.

Guess who ran out of nursing pads and is using wash cloths in place of pads? Guess who has wash cloths filling her bra?

The same girl who forgot she was using wash cloths in place of nursing pads. The same girl who has the most amazing spit up all over her shirt.

Yep, such is my life.

Not so bare bones afterall

I've been panicking a bit.

I haven't gone grocery shopping in a few weeks and payday isn't until Friday. I have three dinners that I have to make up until Josh gets paid. And I'm thinking that since it's been so long since I've shopped, that must mean I have no food.

So I decided to start my menu plan and grocery list. But before I did that I thought it might be smart to go through my freezer, cupboard and fridge to take inventory of what I already have.

Holy smokes!

Here's what was in my freezer:
3 roasts
2 pieces of b/s chicken breasts
pork loin
beef ribs
2 loaves of bread
spinach
broccoli
corn
blueberries
grapes
strawberries
1 lb. of butter

Here's what was in my cupboard:
refried beans
green beans
carrots
diced tomatoes
cream of chicken soup
beef broth
olives
kidney beans
mushrooms
cream of asparagus soup
cream of potato soup
spaghetti sauce

In my pantry:
rice (brown and white)
spaghetti noodles
lasagna noodles
manicotti noodles
dry beans

In my fridge:
A few science experiments, we don't need to talk about those.

So, I'm pretty stoked! I have quite a bit of stuff!

Pretty much thinking my grocery list will be for dairy products on Friday and stuff for the BBQ on Saturday for Jaylee's birthday party.

Honestly a little bummed that I don't need more groceries. Grocery shopping is one of my favorite things to do. However, I'm excited to come up with a menu with ingredients I already have.

The one where I don't have a point...kinda like all of my posts.

This weekend I got to hangout with Josh's cousin Keely for a coupla hours. She has a little dog, Rico. He's part Pug, part Chuh-wa-wa. (I know that's not how you spell it but it's way easier than looking up the correct way.) He's so cute and well behaved.

Note to Keely: That's the best kind of kid to have.

She's telling me about how she groomed him recently. And I was thinking back to the last time I groomed an animal. It wasn't a dog.

It was my mom's cat.

His name was Sam. Sam-Daisy. He wasn't long-haired but he wasn't a short hair either. He just had lots of hair. Lots. And he kinda looked like a lion.

One day while my mom was gone, Josh and I went over to her house and proceeded to shave Sam-Daisy's tail. We shaved all but the tip, making him look even more lion-like. We really thought about shaving all of him except for the tip of his tail and his head but changed our minds. 'Cause we're thoughtful like that...

So, we clean up our mess and I save Sam's hair.

Then I send it to my mother.

No note. No return address.

This is back in '01 or '02. The time Anthrax was such a big deal and everyone was skerd of everything.

My sisters tell me that my mom was just sure that someone sent her Anthrax with the cat hair.

I wish I'd thought to do that...I mean...I love you, Mom.

So yeah, we shaved Sam-Daisy's tail and of course played the part of innocent kids. Not sure how long later that my mom's car was stolen out of her driveway, for some reason, she thought it was us.

It wasn't. Wish I had thought of that...

The car was returned.

A week or so later it was stolen again. And again, she thought it was us.

It wasn't.

And the car wasn't returned this time.

Anyway. The grooming of animals is something I might take up as a second job. I have 5 cats on my deck at the moment that I can practice on, there was a llama wandering around the neighbor's yard this morning that looked in need of a good shave and I'm sure that dog I shot a couple of weeks ago is around somewhere.

Excuse me while I make a sign announcing my new services.

p.s. it's Chihuahua, in case you were wondering.

My Apologies

Sorry for my sour post.

I've had the day to simmer down a bit. The morning we had just wasn't good. I had a very poor attitude from the get-go and I just let it consume me.

There was so much anger inside me. I was just really really peeved. Trying to figure it out I realized that when I'm the most mad, it's usually myself I'm mad at. And that was totally it today.

I was having a major heart issue.

Contentment.

I have a nice house. She's older but she's nice. Or, at least getting that way, with a lot of blood, sweat and tears from my Josh and me. Literally. However, even though we have new sheetrock in most rooms and an updated kitchen and bathroom, we don't have any storage on the main level of our home. We have 3 levels but only one is really user-friendly, we have an unfinished basement and a large room upstairs but it's not insulated, so it's either really cold or really hot up there. So...I have plenty of storage up or down, just not where I'd like it to be.

You can see in my profile that I hate clutter but for some reason it adores me. Clings to me like a lost puppy. I have a hard time throwing away magazines or receipts or anything that I might need someday. I'm really bad at not putting things where they belong right away. I set it somewhere and then I set a few other things with it and sure enough a few somethings have turned into lots of somethings and I have a mess. A cluttery mess.

Arrrggh!!

I have a lot of money invested in scrapbook supplies. But I don't really have a place for my supplies where I can access them easily. This morning in the midst of my bad mood I had decided to throw everything out. (Stop rolling your eyes, Treena) I had decided all or nothing. If I couldn't use it, why have it?

Well...after a few minutes of deep breaths and some silent prayers, I got to work.

My scrapbook stuff will be easily accessible. My linen closet now has linens in it instead of a jumbled mess of scrapbook supplies. I had one wall in my living room painted cocoa and decided it was just too dark, so I whipped out some paint and painted it the same color as the rest of the room. Man, that really helped my mood. I didn't buy anything. I worked with what I had all day and the Lord provided me patience, a good baby, a cooperative toddler and a friend to stop by to talk to.

So, my bad day got much better. Thank you for your prayers.

And I just realized my foot's asleep. Hate that.

Talk to ya tomorrow.

Bad Mood

I'm not having the greatest of days. Anything spewing from my fingertips wouldn't be pretty, so I'm going to end 'er here.

My Cool Car Got a lil Cooler

Really wishing I had a digital camera. Really am.

I drive an '88 Honda Accord.

Don't knock it, she's paid for.

Anywho...

We bought her from some hole in the wall place and the guy told us he hadn't had a chance to clean the car out. No biggie because the car was immaculate. Upon first inspection anyway.

From the looks of her she'd never known children to ride in her. There weren't french fries stuffed between the seats or fishy crackers smashed on the floor. No dog hair all over the place. Yep, she was a mighty clean car.

As we drove off the lot, proudly sporting a car with 188,000 miles on her, I happened to look in the ashtray. Where I was greeted by something other than cigarettes. These were a roll-your-own kinda cigarette of the illegal type.

Thus Amber dubbed her-Mary Jane.

So, I've been driving MJ now for a few months. Haven't ever had a flat tire, so I've not needed to check the spare tire area.

My husband, the good man that he is, decided to check the spare tire before we went to Montana. He's just like that. Always prepared.

Totally digressing.

He comes in and says he knows why the people dumped their car so quickly and proceeds to hand me a cr@ck pipe.

Uh huh. We have the coolest car, ever. Kinda glad we don't live in the same town we bought 'er in because I'm pretty sure we'd be getting jumped for money at any time.

So, she's no longer MJ. She's now our little Cr@ck Pipe. The things my girls are learning these days...

What a Girl Wants

I've been told by quite a few moms that if their last baby had been their first, there would have been no others. I never understood that.

Til now.

It's no secret, Alison's not the easiest baby. And Jaylee really was.

Jaylee started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks. The first time she did it I woke in a panic just sure she'd died in the night. After I realized she was breathing, I thought it was just a fluke and that she'd never do it again. But she did. Forever.

I feel bad comparing my girls. I realize they aren't the same. It's just that when you're REALLY tired you wish your youngest was like your oldest!!! All a girl wants is to sleep.

I used to hear about these "crazy" people who let their children sleep with them. And I couldn't imagine it. Why would anyone want to do that?

Yeah, um, so they could sleep.

I figured it out. I figured out what gets Ali to sleep all night without fussing or crying.

Yup, those "crazy" people are now my friends.

I'm not a fan of this whole "co-sleeping" deal. Not at all. But I really liked sleeping from 11-6 last night. I really did. It wasn't my idea to put her in there. It was the husband's. I obeyed him (because I'm an uh-mazing wife like that.)

Lo and behold that's all the girl wanted. Just to be next to her mama and daddy.

I'm no longer a judger of the co-sleeping deal. I see it in a whole new light now.

Alison had her one month check up today. They go through all these questions with me, making sure that I'm not wanting to shake her (I made sure I said the right answer on that one) then asking if we have fire alarms or guns. No. Yes. But of course I tell them the answers backwards.

She then says, "do you have sharp objects around her?" To which I answered...

"No, we only let her play with scissors on Fridays."

She looks at me over her glasses. Pauses. Then laughs and realizes I'm just joking.

They really have to ask people these questions.

************************************

Tonight we went to my in-laws to do some work. Jaylee announces she needs to use the restroom. Since I was the busy one at the moment, Josh took her to the bathroom. I'm sweeping the entryway when Josh and Jaylee come out. He's laughing pretty hard and she says, "Mama, I saw the skidmark." To which I answered...

I had no answer. What do you say to that?! Husband says, "well, she asked what they were."

He's on a roll these days with his words of wisdom.

A great weekend, a little pity party, and some wise words from the husband.

We had such a great weekend with my sister and her family. The trip out there was excellent. Jaylee is such a great traveler, we knew she'd be no problem. Alison on the other hand was going to be our wild card. But she did great! She only cried once for a couple of minutes and then was back to sleep.

We got there pretty late but visited for a bit before heading off to bed. Short lived because Jaylee decided to throw up. EW. I think I gave her too much fruit on the way. We get it cleaned up, get back in bad and then she vomits again-in my hair! EW!!! Poor her. Poor me.

The next morning I get to see my two nephews and my niece and they are just too cute. Man how I wished I had a digital camera (that worked) so I could show you these children! My sister has a 2 year old, 2 year old and 9 month old. Yep, you read correctly two, 2 year olds. And no, they aren't twins. Silly sister! :) It was great having five kids three and under. I was really amazed at how well they got along. Jaylee wasn't the biggest fan of them for a bit, they wanted to love on her so much but she wasn't having it. "I can't like her, Mom." were her words when Ashley was trying to hug her.

It was Ashley's second birthday on Saturday, so we were excited to celebrate with them. And I think Jaylee got a few ideas of things she'd like for her birthday that's coming in two weeks.

We hung around the house because the weather wasn't the greatest. At about 10:50 Montana time, which would be 9:50 our time, I got online to buy the New Kids tickets. I had to wait 10 minutes. I sat there, refreshing the page over and over. I felt a little like the lady from the Mervyn's commercial years ago, that stood outside the door saying, "open, open, open." But it paid off. I have two tickets for row 33. ROW 33!!! We (Amber and I) have a clear view of the stage! Can't wait. Just.cannot.wait.

Josh went on a bike ride for a few hours to give Erica and me time to catch up. I really enjoyed this. It's not really something we've ever done. After having her in my life for 24 years, I think I've only really liked her for 1 of those. Okay, I've liked her...we just haven't ever really gotten along until the last year or so. Really thankful for our friendship.

After the party and all kids had gone to bed, the four of us stayed up to chat for a few hours. It was a really fun time. I loved getting to know my brother-in-law in a new way. I have a new love and respect for him.

Sadly, we had to leave yesterday. We left a little early so we could just take our time on the way home. Josh wanted to take the "scenic route" home and the last time we took the "scenic route" it added about 14 hours to our trip. No stinkin' joke. So, I was a little nervous but then realized I had nothing pressing at home, so what really would it matter if we got home, say next week... :)

The trip was beautiful. We were along a river (not sure of the name) and the rapids were pretty amazing. Scary amazing. Then, we see some rafters. This always freaks me out a bit. I know, I know...it's been almost nine years since my dad drown, but I still have some issues. We stopped to watch the rafters for a while and I just started to have this ridiculous pity party. How is it possible that these people can float these rapids and be just fine and my dad, floating a small river... Well, anyway, I needed to put on my big girl panties, so I did. I'm getting over it. No, really, I am.

The scenic route only added about 90 minutes to our trip. We passed through an extremely small town, so small that seriously if you blink, you'll miss it. The town was called Peck. Husband in all his wisdom, asks...

"So, if you're from a town called Peck, does that make you a Pecker?"

Oh my word, I'm still in shock.

I have tickets. Tickets. To see New Kids on the Block!!!

Oh...and it's snowing in Butte. I'm never coming back here.

Later taters.

Lifelong Road Trip

We leave in a few hours for Montana. While I'm ecstatic to see my sister, it's supposed to snow there. Seriously? It's June for crying out loud! Bugger.

I'm so excited for a road trip. There's really nothing I love more than getting in a rig and just going. Really doesn't matter where I'm headed, I just love to go. Josh feels the same way and I believe Jaylee inherited the love for just going from us.

Josh's love for being on the road was so intense that a few years back he quit a job that everyone deemed safe and smart. He had insurance. He worked 8-5. It was only a half mile from home. We always knew what the paycheck would be.

But he didn't love it. He liked it well enough. But the passion wasn't there. So, he went OTR (over the road) and started driving a semi-truck carrying 105,000 lbs. He didn't know from one day to the next where he was headed. He was gone five days a week. He had no insurance. Often times he was several hundred miles from home. Most times we had no clue what his paycheck would be.

He loved it. Craved it.

Still does.

This was a job where I could have gone with him. We could have been together 24/7. But we weren't in a place in our marriage where I wanted to be with him that often. So, I stuck around here. He was hundreds of miles away but our lives were worlds apart.

The last few months of my pregnancy with Jaylee I road with him. California, Montana, Oregon, Washington, Nevada. It was the best. We loved being together all day, everyday. It was definitely a growing time in our marriage.

But we had quite a few people tell us we couldn't raise a baby on the road. Unfortunately, we listened to them. And Josh went back to that safe job down the road. Don't get me wrong, it's a great job and Josh was thankful to go back, but a light in his eyes faded. The fire in his heart burned out.

He's been working longer hours lately and we really miss spending time together. We've been talking about driving truck again. The lady Josh used to drive for made it very clear that whenever he wanted to come back, all he had to do was call and there'd be a truck for him.

It seems unconventional to raise two girls in a truck. No toilet. No sink. No shower. I'd be making breakfast, lunch and dinner on a camp stove. It would be a little inconvenient at times, I'm sure. But to be together, as a family, all day long...oh man. We've been going over it and the drawbacks that we have are mainly what people would think of us. After 10 years we're slowly learning we have to do what's best for us but it's hard when we're both people pleasers.

Another thing we think about is that the girls wouldn't have a yard to play in besides rest areas here and there. I'm sure there are weeks the girls and I would stay home, they'd get playtime in then and on weekends when we were home. But is playing outside more important than spending time with their daddy everyday? learning from him? talking to him? I just don't think so.

Do I have a point to this post? Not so much. But I'd like to hear what your thoughts are. If you had the chance to spend as much time with your dad/mom as you wanted or have the "traditional" home life, what would you choose?

Anyway...I'm looking forward to the 1000 miles we'll travel this weekend. Hours to talk or sit in silence. New ground to look at. People to meet. Questions asked by Jaylee. Just some good time for our little family.

Why I turned out this way

Some days you may wonder, "why is she so weird?" "didn't her parents love her?" "where'd she get her hottness?" "how is she so witty?"

This, my Frams (friends, family) is why I am, the way I am.

My birthday card from my mother...




She's a hoot, that mother of mine.

Doesn't get any more random

This post is going to be full of bits and pieces of the last 24 hours or so.

Most recent, as in, 10-minutes-ago-recent...I learned to make sure that after leaving the ATM machine, make sure your car door is shut, because if you don't and you leave said ATM machine your car door just may fly open and cause the oncoming driver to stare at you as if you've lost your marbles.

Little does said oncoming driver know, I have a newborn who doesn't sleep, therefore, I've no marbles to lose.

I get to see my sister tomorrow. The sister who up and left and moved to Montana. Who does that?! I haven't seen her or her three babies in over a year. One of those babies I've actually never met, so I'm pretty stoked. It's an 8 hour drive or so, could be interesting with Alison. Heaven help us...

The husband threw a par-tay for me yesterday. I wanted to (but decided not to) ask people to just buy me gas cards. "Please don't go to the trouble to come to my house where I'll have to clean and make food and clean up, please just send gas cards as I can hardly afford to drive to Starbucks." But seeing as how I've turned 28 and I'm way wiser than I was at 27, I decided to clean my house, make some food and clean up after people in hopes that they telepathically got the memo about gas cards.

They didn't.

But I still got money and excellent gifts that I sooo don't deserve seing as how I wasn't in the mood to have a par-tay.

My neighbor children make me insane. There are 6 of them. The youngest 2 love my husband and the fact that he built an amazing white trash swingset. They see cars pulling up and ask what everyone was coming for. Josh tells them it's my birthday. A little while later they show up bearing gifts. They really make it hard for me to not love them. My neighbors are Mormon. The reason I tell you this is because on one of the two cards they gave to me, it said this, "Congraduation, you are a member of the church. Love, Justin" Thankfully the children didn't stick around for the party because everyone got a huge laugh out of the card. It was pretty funny.

Husband went to the store last night to grab some stuff to drink. He came home with two 2-liters. We realized we didn't have any milk and that he'd not gotten regular pepsi, so I had to go back to the store. I go to grab the 2 liter and see the sign that says, "buy 3, get 3 free." They probably mean in one transaction, huh?
Bugger.

New Kids on the Block will be in Tacoma in November. I'm so going. I didn't get to go 20 years ago when I was in love with them. So, I am soooo there this time. Yes, leaving my children again. I'm really proving to be an excellent mother these days. I love Jordan forever!


Okay, I gotsta go for now. I'm sure I'll have more blogging fodder as the day wears on.

The Big 2-8

Yesterday was my birthday.

I usually absolutely love, luh-huv my birthday.

Not so much this year. And I don't know why. It wasn't a particularly good day. I got to go shopping for an outfit, so that part was definitely nice (thank you, husband) but it was raining and my hair was uber-frizzy and my almost three year old was a little O2C2 (out of control child) and my 1 month old just cries. Cries for no reason. Cries all the blasted time.

So, I kinda wasn't in the mood to be having a birthday. I kinda wasn't in the mood to be a mom.

(Am I really admitting this??)

My husband came home from work. Changed his clothes, he looked mighty nice. Then Amber shows up.

She usually calls.

She hadn't called.

So I knew husband and Amber were in cahoots about something.

She was there to watch my children while Josh and I went out. And when I find this out, I'm a little torn.

I have a whiny, snot-nosed, almost three year old. And a brand-spankin' new baby. Should I leave? Can I leave?

Heck yes, I can!

We left. We enjoyed dinner together. And the two and a half hours we were gone were just enough to refresh me and make me feel like I could be a mommy again.

And amazingly, there was no guilt. I thought there would be. But there wasn't. I knew they were with Amber and that she'd only let Jaylee feed Alison a little pizza while we were away.

I love the rain

but it's making my hair frizzy today. Or, frizzier I guess I should say.

And I don't like frizzy hair.

Tomato Paste

Ever just buy a random can of stuff because you were going to use it. A recipe called for it. Then you forgot you bought it. Found yet another recipe calling for it. So, ya bought it again.

About 7 times, maybe?

Well, such is the case for me and Mr. Tomato Paste.

What to do with it? C'mon. Tell me. I have no idea. And I have some random diced tomatoes to go with.

Recipes, people. Recipes. Need 'em.

Thanks so much.

Just Some Pics

Got some film developed today (yes, I still do film) while we were up in Yakima.

Mother's Day-My sister, Megan and her kids, Brenna-3 and Cohen-2

Mother's Day-Meg and Me

And still on Mother's Day-My mother and me.


And a couple of Alison.

A mix of stuff.

I can flush and shower now.

I know, I said it before. This time it's for reals. Do you remember when "for reals" was cool to say?

Am I showing my age here? Anyway. I never said "for reals" because really, it's just dumb.

What does that have to do with anything?

Absolutely nothing.

Have I mentioned that I'm a new Facebook junkie? Yeah, I am. Oh, don't you worry, I still love me some MySpace. But MySpace doesn't have the Oregon Trail. And I really love me some Oregon Trail. I feel like I'm in 5th grade all over again, staring at a green and black screen. Except this time the screen isn't green and black.

Today I was very pleasantly surprised to find that my youth pastor from when I was in high school, is on Facebook! Loved that guy. He and his wife were the greatest.

Jaylee is so ill. Her eyes were glued shut this morning. She has 103 temp. Her nose is double-barrel running. She hasn't eaten since yesterday morning.

It's sad to watch. I hate seeing her like this.

Alison is doing well. She smiled at me so big yesterday and didn't pass gas right after, so I think it was the real deal this time.

Josh is going to start road biking with friends on Saturday mornings again, tomorrow will be his first time out in quite some time. I'm excited for him. He stopped riding after we got married. I didn't encourage him to keep it up, in fact, I discouraged it. I wanted him home with me at all times. What a mistake I made. Looking back, if I could do it over-I'd have joined him. Shared with him something that he enjoys. But, there's no going back. All I can do now is cheer him on and tell him that the 60 and 70 something year olds won't waste him tomorrow. (Even though they very likely will...)

With almost 10 years of marital wisdom under my belt (rolling my eyes here) if you're newly married, about to get married, dating, or you've been married 50 years...encourage your spouse/spouse-to-be in that thing they love to do. And if possible, join in. Even if it isn't something you enjoy.

My husband loves to go to car races. I figured it was something he'd just wanna do with "the boys" but he informed me he thinks it's cool to take his wife. It makes him feel good when I go with him.

Bike riding isn't something I can do right now, until Alison is old enough to be left with Grandma, but I'm thinking I may take up riding on Saturday mornings with my husband when I'm able.

Anyway, I just think it might strengthen our relationship to do things together, even if it's not something I lurv.

Looking forward to him gettin' all dressed up in his spandex tomorrow.

Spoke too soon

Pipe's leaking.

Do I call the husband and ruin his day? Naaa, he'll be home soon enough.

I have water!

Life is good again. I flushed the toilet and took a shower this morning! Yeah!

So thankful my husband was able to fix it and that we didn't have to call a plumber.

On to other news.

Something that makes me laugh these days...you know how when babies are real little and they have those noisy blow-outs?

It cracks Jaylee up and she yells really loud, "Did you hear that? That was Ali!" And she laughs like crazy.

Every time.

It's pretty funny.

That's all I have for today. Man, I'm kinda boring.

Still No Laughing

but life doesn't suck quite as badly.

Most of my laundry is done and my dishes as well. Thanks to Amber and her house.

A clean house is a happier Sarah.

Poop pipe is still leaking, hoping tonight is the night she gets fixed.

There's the update. I know everything could be worse than it is, so I'm trying to put on my BGP's (big girl panties, remember?)

Happy Wednesday!

I'll be able to laugh about it later

Right?

'Cause right now, yeah, there's no laughter.

There's a lot of sweat. A lot of sore muscles. Did you know you could pull something in your butt?! There's a lot of dirt. A LOT OF DIRT in my house. There's a lot of dirty clothes. There's a lot of water in my basement. There's a lot of stuff that's broken. There are a lot of children next door.

Lots of lots.

Wanna hear how the Culver Memorial Weekend went?

Oh good, 'cause I really wanna vent, er...share.

So. Let me just tell you I understand that stuff happens. I really do. But how many "stuffs" can happen in a single weekend for dirt's sake!?

We rented a trencher for our sprinkler system. It's older than dirt. So old that my husband had to repair it about every 18 inches or so. The tire would fall off or maybe the chain. It was kind of like a surprise every foot and a half, just never knew what piece of crap was gonna fall off next!

I already told ya he hit the phone line and then the poop pipe. Considered leaving the poop pipe open, free fertilizer, but we changed our minds on that one. Josh fixed it. Or so we thought. He fixed one hole that it had and then another busted. Of course it did!

Around 7 or so on Sunday, I'm a little cranky, tired of sprinklers and ask the husband if we can start project number 2 without project number 1 being complete. He's a little tired of sprinklers too and agrees. So, we start putting up a cedar fence. It's going pretty well until I see a big fatty Rottweiler in my pasture. I don't own a Rottweiler and neither do my neighbors. I'm not a fan of big dogs I don't know. He didn't listen when I politely asked him to leave my yard.

So, I shot him.

I really did.

Don't worry, he didn't die. It was just a lil pellet gun and it nicked his lil rear and got him to leave my yard.

That'll teach him.

Am I done yet? Oh no, there's plenty more.

For some reason, all weekend long Jaylee decided to poop her pants. Seriously. All weekend. And I decided to put a pair of her chonies in the toilet to rinse yesterday afternoon. She later flushes them down the toilet.

I'll come back to that later...I just want you to know.

So, things seem pretty poor on Sunday until Neighbor from Across the Street comes over. He's watching Josh for about an hour with the poop pipe and he's chattin' up a storm. He knows we're going to be building a fence, so the blessed man offers us his tractor and post hole digger attachment.

Thank You, Lord!

We worked on more fence today. We're still fertilizing the yard, as Josh has yet to fix the poop pipe. Our neighbors asked us over for a BBQ and even though we wanted to continue the fence work, we took a break to go over there.

When we come home I decided to tackle my kitchen. For some reason over the weekend the maid never showed up. My kitchen floor and counters were not visible. The floor was caked in mud and dirt. The counters had dishes and clothes and dirt. Amazing I tell you.

I'm doing dishes, getting all proud of me for slaving away, when I hear this gush of water in my basement.

I run outside and yell for Josh. We go downstairs and begin moving boxes and books and ficus trees. I look at him. He looks at me.

"Well, now we know where Jaylee's underwear are."

She clogged the poop pipe. So maybe it wasn't leaking outside as bad but now it was in my basement.

And I really don't need to fertilize my basement.

Josh, usually not one to look on the bright side, says, "guess it's a good thing I didn't fix that pipe yesterday, I woulda had to dig it all back up again."

It's now almost eight o'clock on Monday evening. Josh has to go back to work in the morning and I've been informed not to use the sink, bathtub, or toilet until he's fixed the poop pipe. This could make for an interesting night and day tomorrow.

Seriously, never a dull moment around these parts.

The only cool part of the whole weekend was shooting that dog.

*Updated to add*
Josh went fishing through the poop pipe to find the blasted undergarments and found that our poop pipe has collapsed underground. So, my job tomorrow is to dig about 10feet long and 2 feet wide to expose the pipe so when Josh gets home he can fix it. Man, I can't wait for Tuesday!

If only things went smoothly

But they don't.

At least not when you're a Culver. Or these Culvers.

Remember this?

Well, we decided to start another project. And this time we actually called Locate so we wouldn't hit any more pipes we shouldn't.

We've lived here eight and a half years. And in that time I cannot tell you how many times I've drug hoses all over our blasted yard to water it. So, we decided we'd put in underground sprinklers.

Because we're brilliant like that.

Gas company comes and marks their line, phone company does the same...and so on.

Silly phone company.

They didn't put their line in the right spot. So, that was the first thing we hit.

Luckily my husband is amazing and can fix just 'bout anything. So, we've got the phone line taken care of (at least for the moment).

Then, we're away from all the lines (supposedly) and the husband turns on the trencher and goes to town.

Hmm...was that the septic line we just hit?

Indeed.

Husband is off to find parts to fix that one now. Because a holiday weekend would just blow to have to call someone to come fix it.

And I really don't wanna spend our Emergency fund on a poop pipe.

To Pacify or not to Pacify

I've never been a fan of pacifiers or binkies or nuks or mams or whatever you wanna call 'em.

My husband either.

We didn't buy one for Jaylee and at 5 weeks old, she found her thumb. We were thankful. No pacifiers to buy or fall out in the night. It seemed perfect. Now, we're working on our almost 3 year old to only suck her thumb at nighttime and not all throughout the day.

The last few nights with Alison weren't so good. She thought midnight was a good time to be up and if she wasn't being held, then it was a good time to scream. I asked Josh if we could puhlease get a pacifier.

Nope.

Grrrr.

Well a couple nights of me not sleeping later...I got our baby a pacifier. She loves it. I love it.

For now.

At least I can take it away. A thumb is a wee bit harder to dispose of. At least without having child protective services at my door within the hour.

Here's a picture of Jaylee with Alison. Alison was born with extremely long fingernails and decided to mark up her face immediately. Luckily her wounds have healed.

She kinda looks like a gremlin in this picture but I like it of Jaylee.

She's Here!

Here's a quick update!

2 days before delivery


And on my due date, here SHE came!

Alison Christie was 8 lbs 5 oz, 22" long with a 14 1/2" head! Only 5 hours of hard labor, it was really amazing. My husband was amazing.

Here are a few pics.






Gotta love the last picture showing how in love Jaylee is with her little sister. All in all, she's been pretty great with her.

Okie dokie, that's all for now!

Slacker Mama

For those of you about to receive a piece of mail from me, let it be noted what you'll be receiving was purchased on time, I'm just a slacker and didn't get them out on time.

~Sarah

Vanilla. No, Chocolate. Yeah, Chocolate.

Yesterday my husband came home early from work since he's been putting in a great deal of overtime.

It was sooo nice to have him here at 3 instead of 5.

The sun was out. It was warm. We were loving it. We're outside working. Me, raking leaves out of my pretty flower areas, Josh, ever-working on our Suburban (sigh..) and Jaylee...

Oh...where is that kid?

We realized she was gone. 'Cause we're observant parents like that.

We call and call and at the last "Jaaayleeee" I think my voice got a lil shaky, a lil panicky. We share a driveway with two other homes. The family directly across from us has six children, 5 of them being boys (Jaylee's favorite kind) and they also have a trampoline (that Jaylee's in awe of). We find her standing over in their yard, staring at 3 of the 6 children jumping on the trampoline.

Josh calls a little louder and she starts on back to our house, reluctantly. And then the tears start.

Her life is over.

When she gets up to us, tears and snot are dripping down her face. She's on the verge of hysterics.

"What's your deal?" I ask, ever so sympathetically.

"M-m-myyy k-k-keeeey!!!!"

She had pulled a key out of our old lawnmower and apparently left it at the neighbor's house.

The three of us head on back there.

As Josh and I get there, the oldest yells to one of his younger siblings, "hurry, shut it off."

And so, we don't get to listen to AC/DC.

Such a bummer.

Jaylee finds her key. The boys politely say hi.

And then Justin, one of my favorites, says, "we didn't know you were having another baby."

"Yep, yep I am." I tell him, proudly.

"What kind's it gonna be?"

Friday

is the big day. It was going to be yesterday. Really. It was.

But I kept stalling.

How ridiculous is this love affair I have with my computer?!

Anyway, I am giving myself the week. Mainly because I have to pay bills on Friday and it's easier to do that online and since I don't know much about computers and all that junk, I'm unaware if it's safe to pay my bills on a public computer.

Anyone know?

I also am putting in my last Pampered Chef order. I'm kinda sad. Kinda not. I'm sure if I really wanted to learn how to send orders in through the mail I could. And I may even be able to twist someone's arm into letting my download the whole spiel onto their computer. But for now, thinking it's just best to call this my last "party" of sorts and be done with that chapter in my life.

Did I tell you we got a newer Suburban? I can't remember. It was a couple of months ago and for the first time it wasn't my idea to go car shopping! :) We didn't need it. But we got it. She's nice. I love her. But she's a gas hog and she's also cost us some money we weren't expecting. Blah! I've been a little bitter about it, if you couldn't already tell (and if I haven't already complained about it to some of you over the phone).

On Sunday, Josh goes to roll down the window.

Nice try.

She doesn't want to roll down. Not even a smidge.

I was on the verge of using some foul language and then remembered it was Sunday. Like it's okay to use foul language Mon-Sat....lol

Anyway, yesterday as I pulled up to the espresso stand I remembered I was going to look a dork getting out of my vehicle because of the dumb, stupid, retarded window. I decided to chuck my attitude out the window (the passenger one, since mine wouldn't roll down) and asked the Lord to just fix it, please!

It didn't get fixed. At least not right at that moment.

This morning Josh and I were going to meet for coffee (yes, coffee two days in a row....) and he decides to quickly pull some stuff apart by the window. He wiggles some stuff around, puts 'er back together and waa-laa.

She rolls down!

Thank You, Lord, for answering my prayer!!!

I know it seems trivial but I am just so thankful. Thankful to Jesus for hearing and answering such a simple request, thankful that my husband is amazing when it comes to tearing stuff apart and knowing how to put stuff back together, thankful we don't have to fork out money to get 'er fixed.

Live Like No One Else

We live on one income.

We don't have anything real fancy. We don't go on super duper exciting vacations. We don't have car payments. I don't have lots of diamonds or a closet full of designer clothes. Josh doesn't have expensive hobbies.

Yet, we are in debt. Stupid stuff mainly. Couldn't really look around my house and say, "yep, bought that on the credit card." because mostly we racked up our credit card with junk.

We don't have a ton (thinking of you, Melis, as I say "a toooon!") of debt. One credit card and a home equity loan. And of course our mortgage.

Even though it's not much, it still bugs us. We still want out from underneath it.

When I went in to talk to Greg, the guy at the bank, about refinancing our house for a 15 yr. loan he handed me Dave Ramsey's book. I knew he had been teaching a class here in town, we just weren't able to go. I was pretty excited to be handed the book.

Immediately I was on a kick to start this so-called budget thing that Josh and I, in almost 10 years of marriage, have never implemented. However, my husband wasn't as excited. After almost two weeks of me being this crazy, excited, we're-so-going-to-kick-debts-butt, girl...I realized my husband was wanting to pull his hair out.

So.

I told him I was backing off. To set and stick to a budget, both parties have to be on board. Even though I'm big enough for both of us...he was not on board and I knew this wasn't going to work.

I apologized (my so not favorite thing to do) and told him when he was ready to let me know. I told the Lord I really needed Josh's help with this. Told Him I wanted Josh to be as excited as me about becoming debt free.

He may not be jumping up and down excited but we put our income on paper. We looked at our financial situation. And I can tell he's excited to actually pay attention to where our money goes. Usually we just spend and spend and hope there's enough money at the end of the month to make the next month's house payment.

As we were looking at the numbers we wondered how we've been making it all this time. We used to pretend to budget and saw that we were throwing away money during the month that we could be saving. Now we barely make enough to make ends meet. Part of it is we now pay health insurance where Josh works, whereas Josh's old boss paid it for us before. That's a big chunk.

It wasn't pretty yesterday as I was putting numbers in. Stuff has to go. At first I just thought I could get rid of my cell phone and that'd be it.

Nope.

Internet's gotta go, too.

I kinda wanna cry about that.

As a SAHM this computer is my outlet. It's my way of kinda having friends. Having people older than 2 to talk to.

But are reading blogs, MySpace, email, news, weather, online banking more important to me than becoming debt-free, saving for my kids' college fund, and saving for retirement?

Not even close.

So, yeah, it kinda stinks that today or tomorrow is my last day online. But, Dave says, "Live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else."

It may be hard for a time but I know the end result is going to be worth it.

I'm not giving up blogging for good. I'm sure I'll find places to get online (ahem, Amber) and keep you up to date on the exciting life of us. :) And, if ya wanna email me, you can do that, too. Just view my complete profile and there's a linky-doodle dealio for my email address.

Wow...this is making me sad. I feel like we're breaking up. It's not you, it's me. ;)

I love all of you, even you who lurk and never comment, I know you're there and I'm glad you stop by. Thank you to those who have left comments and become part of my life. I appreciate you. I'm thankful for you.





If you want to become debt-free but don't know the first place to start, I highly suggest Dave's site. It's amazing the peace we already feel just starting! Anyone can do it. Anyone. It does require sacrifice. It requires hard work. But it's possible.

I seriously am feeling some Spring Fever. I need sunshine, I need flip flops, I need a tan, I need some shorts (that will not be happening til I'm flab free), I need some Sangria time with my husband, ALONE.

I'm so ready. So ready for it to be warm so we can hang out on our deck, have some bbq's, stay outside til 9 pm, do yard work, etc.

I just want Summer here already!

But since it's not warm, I've been sitting at the kitchen table with a budget worksheet and it's really fun to be the controller of the money instead of being controlled by my money. I'm really thankful for a 3 payday month, means we can throw some extra at our debt. yee haw!

And since it's not warm, there are many inside chores I could be doing. Like FAPA.

Or I could just continue to blog...

It's been over a week since I've posted.

I really don't feel I've anything to write about. At least nothing exciting.

Not that it always has to be exciting, because I'm sure it probably isn't.

My mom was here for awhile.

I went to my SIL's to scrapbook for an entire weekend with no child.

That was incredible!

We're refinancing our home for a 15 yr loan and that makes me feel like a grown up.

I went to Costco today and left without buying paper towels. I was really proud of me. I love paper towels. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE! But I realized I've been getting along just fine without them the last couple of months.

We have a bunch of work to do on the outside of our house before the appraiser can come.

It's supposed to rain the rest of the week.

The baby growing inside me is getting bigger all the time. I can tell. I feel very pregnant. Last night I went to take a bath and just stared at myself in the mirror. I don't want to wish away this pregnancy because most likely it will be my last; however, I want to feel "normal" again. I'm selfish like that.

I made a decision entirely on impulse last week.

I'm completely regretting it.

I really feel that the Lord wants me to learn to wait on Him.

His timing is perfect, after all.

I have groceries upstairs that need to be put away. I'm wondering if they'll grow arms and legs and do the putting away of themselves.

Prolly not, huh?

Insert Swear Word Here

I'm a pretty easy-going girl. At least I like to think I am. Hopefully others see me that way as well.

So today is the worst day, ever. Okay, maybe not ever. But it's the worst day I've had in a long long time.

I'd like to go on and on, rant and rave, but I'm still too angry to talk about today's events.

Too angry. Too frustrated.

I'm done for now.

You're welcome.

My Cravings

I embarrass myself enough on here, right? You already know I'm a lil freakish, yes?

At the end of my pregnancy with Jaylee we had my SIL's cats staying with us. How many were there, Treena? 2? 3? I was thinking 3. So, we're cat-sitting for a while. These are indoor cats mind you. Indoor cats use litter boxes. Pregnant girls aren't supposed to change litter boxes (a pregnant woman sooo came up with that rule).

I'm thinking that totally works, cats can stay here, Josh can clean up after them. Except...oh I can't believe I'm admitting this...except I wanted, loved, craved, neeeeded to clean out the cat box. It was no chore. I gladly did it. Even though technically I wasn't supposed to.

Hmm...maybe that's why Jaylee is the way she is, eh?

Then the cats were gone. No more dirty, amonia smelling litter.

Somehow I survived.

I was thinking that so far this pregnancy I haven't had much for cravings. Sure I like to say, "oh honey, can you go to the store for ice cream, buffalo wings, butterfingers, ice, etc" but I haven't really craved them.

I just want them.

But the other day it happened. I had a craving.

I wanted to eat my clean clothes. LOL

I did. I was pulling clean clothes out of the washer and started to put them in the dryer when my senses were overfilled with joy at the smell of these amazingly clean, just washed in Tide, rinsed with Bounty fabric softener clothes.

It took everything in me not to put my wet, clean t-shirts in my mouth. You skerd of me yet?

Me too.

Then, I was off to clean the toilet. Again. And the smell of Pine-Sol and Comet and the sound of the pumice stick, oh my heck, if I didn't remember what happens in and around the toilet, I may have taken cue from the dog and drank from it.

I'm so pregnant. I'm so having cravings.

I'm so going to lose my readership.

Road to Recovery

I'm not going to look up the posts to link you here and there of all the times I've told you what a bad homekeeper I've been. If you've been lurking reading for any length of time, you know. If you're a newbie, welcome! Sit down! Leave comments! And know that I used to be horrible.

Horrible as in, packed up my dirty dishes in a rubbermaid tub and drove them across town to my SIL's house to put in her dishwasher.

Horrible as in, my husband would run out of the 37 pairs of manties (yes, men's panties) because I would not do laundry.

And if I did do said laundry, it would sit all over every piece of furniture in our living room unless someone was coming over and then it would be thrown on the cleanest floor in the cleanest bedroom we could find.

No joke-my husband would invite people over to our home just so I'd have to clean.

I was that bad.

However, ladies and jellybeans, I'm on the road to recovery. And after reading Cindy's post today, I got a lil skerd. She used to be crazy ( I mean that in the best way, Cindy)but I found myself feeling a bit of a high as she described the way she used to clean her countertop. :)

Because my road to recovery has kinda been that in some areas, I'm getting a little too clean. I neglect other things I should be doing because I'm FAPA'ing (folding and putting away) laundry, doing dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing the toilet, etc. When, all Jaylee wants is for me to play a game with her or Josh wants me to just sit and ask how his day was.

I've been trying so hard to make up for who I used to be that I've gone overboard.

And this week, I hit a wall. I've hardly done anything. The laundry piled up. *gasp* The toilet was only cleaned twice this week. (uh huh, I've been cleaning it more than that) And I didn't always know what was for dinner by noon. (something I'm working on because it keeps us from eating out)

So, last night...I panicked. Josh and Jaylee were gone, my house was a disaster and I didn't know where to start.

I called my mommy. It makes FAPA go by much faster when you're on the phone.

And as we were talking, she assured me that just because I've let things go this week doesn't mean I'm falling back into the person I was before. She encouraged me and told me that I was a good wife and mom. It was nice to have that reassurance.

It took me over 45 minutes to FAPA all my laundry but I did it. I didn't do anything else but I did do that.

This road to recovery thing is a big deal for me.

Really hoping that a few years from now I don't still hit panic mode when 4 loads of laundry are piled on my bed, laughing at me.

Ready for Flips

Is it Summer yet? Or at least Spring?

'Cause I'm so very ready.

I'm looking forward to dandelions in my yard and bees buzzing in my trees. I'm ready for the six neighbor kids to be outside screaming at each other and often making their way to our house to play with my husband. I'm ready for the smell of barbecues. I'm ready for the snow to be out of my yard and the sogginess of our driveway to go away.

I'm ready for flips. They make my heart go pitter-patter.

It's a wonderful feeling that feeling of summer.

Short and Sweet...hey, kinda like me!

Quick post to say that today was the Mom's group.

And I went.

On the right day.

And I had fun.

And they didn't ask me how much I don't read my Bible!

Oh, and our lessons will be on Titus 2, how funny is that?! Seeing as how I've been reading that book I told ya about.

So, I'm pretty excited.

In need of Duct Tape

Bugger.

Where to begin?

Saturday night we had decided not to go to church because Jaylee is kinda sick. Runny nose mainly but a little cough, too. However, Sunday morning rolls around and we really wanna go to church.

We decide to go and have Jaylee sit with us through service and get the adults sick instead of the kids. I was a little apprehensive because we've not been too good at training her to sit still for long periods of time. (Kinda makes her sound like a puppy, huh?)

I'm totally getting off the subject I wanna be blogging about...

We get to church and as you walk in the door, there's a table with the latest sign-ups, Ladie's Bible Study worksheets, devotionals, etc. I noticed this week there were some bracelets. You know the ones. I think they started out with WWJD? And then Live Strong, and now there's a plethora of them.

The one I was looking at was pretty plain. Blue in color and had a simple verse on it. Philippians 2:14. I wasn't familiar with the verse, so I didn't take a bracelet.

We sit down in the back, in case Jaylee needs to be taken out of the sanctuary during the service. Because remember how our pastor is a stickler about noisy children? Anyway, I look up the verse.

"Do all things without complaining or disputing." Philippians 2:14 NKJV

Um...but how will I talk?

No, seriously.

How will I?

I'm such a complainer. Huge. Amazing. The best. You'd think I get paid for it.

But I decide to take one. Hoping, praying, that it will be a great reminder to me. Josh laughs everytime I start complaining. And each time I'm so close to ripping the bracelet off and chuckin' it across the room or just laying it nicely on my bible, like this.


I'm done for now. You know, talking about this. But I know it's an issue for me. So, I'm going to share more on it later. After I get more thoughts together. I can only have one at a time, ya know. :)

Oh, and we didn't have to take Jaylee out of the sanctuary. She was good!

He's lucky he's cute

Remember how I call him husband when he's been naughty?

Well, that's what we shall call him today.

After lunch today the husband and I decide to have some ice cream. His duty is to scoop it out (being the burly man that he is) and my duty is to smother it in chocolate.

So.

We have two bowls.

He has the scooper.

I have the syrup.

He scoops a big amount into one bowl and says: "This one is mine."

I ask: "why?"

He replies: "Because I'm a big boy."

Then he puts one measley scoop into my bowl and says: "This one is yours."

I foolishly ask: "why?"

He replies: "Because you're a big girl."

And then he chuckles. He's proud of his funny little joke.

And then I take his bowl of ice cream.

And I chuckle.