The TMI Post

I've received emails and calls about why I haven't blogged in nearly a week.

I think this is the longest I've gone without blogging in a looong time.

I was trying to explain to a friend why I haven't been around.

Part of it is because I worry I will bore you with truck stories...or gross you out (oh the things I've withheld on the bloggy for your benefit).  I have to remind myself often that this blog is for my girls. Journal of our lives through my eyes. Many things we've experienced they'll be too young to remember, this blog is for them to know all we've experienced or endured and gotten through, by the grace of God.

All of you have been so encouraging to me, of our new way of life, and our soon to be roommates.

But it's hard on a daily basis to throw out there the thoughts (and sometimes actions) of my heart. My heart can be very ugly and it's quite embarrassing to see so often in my entries. I fear people getting sick of my moaning and groaning and truck stories and just giving up on my blog altogether.

Not that I wouldn't understand!

However, I want my girls and my husband, too, should he ever read this, to see where I have been emotionally, spiritually and physically and hopefully see growth.
Run on sentence!

Okay, enough about that, how about some truck stories? FYI, you may want to click that little X at the top right and leave now while you have the chance.
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There was your warning time.

I am not the type of person who embarrasses easily. I don't shy away from talking about personal stuff, in person. On the blog, I keep it pretty tame. But my family talks about burping, farting, potty, poop, s*x, oh and of course the ever wonderful menstrual cycle.

There's just not much that gets held back.

To me, there is really no such thing as TMI also known as Too Much Information.

But I know that some people have a harder time talking about or hearing about those certain topics. I try to be respectful of that.

And that's why I am giving you yet another chance to leave the blog before I tell you something that was actually embarrassing for me.

Rest areas are hard to come by. What's even harder to come by is a husband who will stop so you can use them. He does pretty well but miles are money and if the truck stops so do the miles.  I use most every opportunity I can to use the restroom.  But sometimes I find I have to potty between stops and I can usually hold it just fine.

#2 is, um, a different story.

When I gotta go...I gotta go.

(last chance to leave the blog)

It was the end of our first week. We were out in the middle of Nowhere, Idaho at a lumber yard. All lumber yards require hard hats for you to step out of your rig.

We only have one hard hat.

My husband was wearing it.

He's strapping the load (snort) and as he comes by my side of the truck he asks how I am doing. I had been fine until a few seconds before. I told him I had to go to the bathroom.

"Pee?" he asks. I shake my head. He's a quick study and knew what I meant.

He starts running. He's strapping the lumber, working as quickly as he can.

But I quickly realized I was not going to be able to wait.

Panic set in.

I started to sweat.

And I realized my only option.

A plastic bag.

I had enough time to put Sugar in Josh's seat, close myself behind the sleeper curtain and then use the um, makeshift restroom.

Spice was on the bottom bunk of the sleeper, pulling herself up on me and babbling, she thought it was a hoot I was on her level, while Sugar is up front, yelling, "Mama, what are you doing back there? Are you okay? I want to come back there!"

Here I am. Squatting. Waiting for someone to pinch me and wake me from this nightmare that is currently my life.

But it was my reality.

I finished what needed finishing.

Tied up the bag.

Sprayed some Scentsy freshener and watched as my husband continued to scramble about the lumber.

He gets done and comes into the cab.

"I don't need to go anymore." I tell him.

"Did you poop your pants?!" he asks and I can tell he's sad and horrified for me.

"Nope, in this bag," I tell him as I lift it up.

I wanted to die. It's funny after twelve years, two kids, and two surgeries I can still get embarrassed in front of him.

But I doo.

Don't you wish you lived in a semi too?

-- Post From My iPhone

That Number

So, I may have mentioned yesterday that I need a number done on my heart.

Stat.

And man, does God deliver!

You would think sleeping in my own bed would mean that I'd get a good night of rest.

Not so.

When you're filled with guilt and frustration and anger and self pity, you no sleepy berry well.

This morning when I finally pulled myself from bed at 5 am, I opened up the Bible my mom has in the house.

A couple of weeks ago Josh had given me some verses that he really had been clinging to, to know that we are doing what the Lord wants us to do as far helping my mom and sister.

Reading them this morning, begging the Lord to just please fix me, He opened my eyes and my heart to these verses in a new way.

"We know what real love is because Jesus gave up His life for us. So we ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion-how can God's love be in that person? Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will stand confident before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and He knows everything." 1 John 3:16-20 NLT

Hellooo, Sarah.

I know what real love is. I need to extend it.

I kept wrestling with the Lord this morning (funny picture, huh) and kept telling Him how this was all going to change and how my stuff won't be my stuff and my house won't be my house and waaaaaaa!

And He so gently pointed out that yes there will be change. Yes, this is my stuff. Yes, this is my house. But He gave it to me. He allowed me to have this amazing house and stuff. Ultimately, this house and all that's in it are not mine.

It's all His.

Everything that I have, everything that I am...I want to glorify Him. I've been awful at that.

I want to change that.

So, here I am. Feeling this amazing weight lifted off my shoulders, off my heart. It feels so good. I don't even have words to describe it! For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling JOY!

Am I naive enough to think it's all going to be a breeze from here on out? Not so much. But now that I'm seeing this with a different perspective, it's making things a bit easier. The Lord sees me as...this Beautiful Mess. He's working on my mess.

And I think there's a little bit of progress goin' on.

Invasion

Someone has taken over my thoughts.

Thus taking over my mouth.

Blech.

I wish so much that I was this really nice, wonderful, loving, patient, giving girl.

Um, but I'm not.

I'm horribly, ridiculously selfish and awful.

Remember what's coming up? My mom, niece and nephews are moving in. Not this Saturday but next.

I'm not ready. Not even a little bit. Not only is my house not ready, I'm not ready emotionally. This is a huge step for me. Why??? I DON'T KNOW!!! But I hate it. I hate change. I used to think I looooved it. I'm realizing, painfully, that I'm not in love with change.

Heck, I'm not even in like with change.

So, when I came home this evening to find a chair in my living room that hadn't been in my living room on Sunday evening when I left, I may or may not have had a bit of a panic attack about the whole ordeal.

I also, may or may not have talked to my mom about the fact that she moved that chair from my upstairs to my downstairs.

Yuck.

I'm yuck.

But you see, it's not the chair.

It's all of it. It's the change. The one that is coming at lightning speed. The one that I don't think I'll ever be ready for but is coming nonetheless.

I wish I could just be happy about all of this. Happy to help. Happy. Happy. Happy.

But helloooo, I suck. And I'm selfish. And Jesus really needs to pull a number on me to make me more like Him.

I wish He'd just come back before I finish this sentence so I wouldn't have to worry about it. But He didn't...

Once again...there's more ugliness of me for you to see. If I'm not careful you'll stop coming back.

Okay, I'm done now. I have stuff to do before we leave again in the morning. It was nice to be home this evening.

But I'll be happier once we're back on the road.

Trip down memory lane during the waiting game

Home for 47 hours and then we were headed back out. Josh drove until one am, getting us to the Boise Stage Stop, it's an infamous truck stop in our books.

When Josh was OTR about six years ago he had our Beagle with him. Bailee loved truckin'. She had gone with him for the week and the two of them stopped at Boise Stage because the wind was blowing the tarps off the hay and Josh needed to fix them.

He took Bailee up on the load with him and hay is a very tall load. She was galavanting around when the wind blew her off the truck! She fell about 13 feet. Josh said she limped a bit and he was watching her while he finished with the tarp.

When he was done she was nowhere to be found.

He looked for and called for her for an hour.

No Bailee.

He called me, heartbroken. He couldn't find her but he had to leave.

It was over five hours from our home but I got in the car and drove to the BS stop. I got there after midnight and called for her. Weaving in and out of parked semi trucks with my flashlight.

Nothing.

I sat in my car for a bit trying to warm up and then got back out.

Still nothing.

I was a bawling, blubbering mess.

I gave up and drove home.

Someone suggested we put an ad in the Boise paper, so I did.

Josh and I would talk on the phone that day our hearts so sad and I know he felt so bad.

The next morning at 6 am I got a phone call.

Someone saw my ad and an ad similar, with a found Beagle. They gave me the number and I called immediately.

They had my girl!

He asked me her name and I told him.

"Yep, that perked her ears!" he tells me. I was crying all over again.

They had found her the next day sleeping on the side of the road. It took them half an hour to coax her into their car. She slept all day he said.

We agreed to meet mid afternoon since I had another long drive ahead of me.

I got to the gas station before they arrived and bought Bailee a hotdog and bottle of water. She acknowledged me but that was the extent of it.

She stared out the window the whole way home. Like I was the one who let her fall!

We drove home and Josh was still OTR but man, when he pulled up the driveway she was stoked. She was always his dog.

It was a miracle we got her back.

So, that's why the Boise Stage Stop is an infamous place for us.

As I type we are waiting to hear back about where we are headed next.

I'll keep ya posted!





-- Post From My iPhone

Week One: Done

We are about two hours from home. The home that's not on 26 wheels.

It's been a good week overall and I am glad to say we survived it. Not only did we survive it, we enjoyed it!

Last night we were in Coeur d' Alene, Idaho with a load of lumber scheduled to be dropped this morning. So, we got to hang out for awhile last night. It's not easy to drive around with 68 feet of trailers so we had to find a place to park 'em so we could play around.

The town is touristy but has a small town feel to it. Josh and I honeymooned near there and have always said we wanted to stay in the Coeur d' Alene Resort. We had planned to stay there for our tenth anniversary (which was last July) but instead we had a newborn and I had postpartum. Happy Anniversary to us!

Sugar had been begging all day to play in the water so it totally rocked that the town is on the water. Within seconds of seeing the sand she was off running, sandals being discarded behind her. She puts her feet in the icy water and turns to us with a huge grin on her face.






Josh and I turn to each other and smile.

We turn back toward her and her clothes are off and she's headed back to the water! The area was pretty dead, surprisingly, so we just let her go for it.

"Can you believe we're getting paid to do this?" I asked Josh as we walked along the sand.

He thought for a moment.

"Yeah, I guess we kinda are."



-- Post From My iPhone

The Showering Ceremonies

Can you hear it?

It's the sound of angels singing.

That's right my friends, I am showered.

We finally got to a truck stop.

Not onlythat we got to a truck stop my husband was willing to stop at. Hellooo, it says Truck! Stop!

He no listen berry well.

But this time he did! And since filled up with 200 gallons (yes, 200) we got showers and towels for free! They even gave me towels for the girls.

While thrilled to death to be able to take a shower, the downside was that the showers were in the restrooms, meaning I had to take the girls in with me.

Alone.

If it were a nice, big, clean area this wouldn't be a big deal but picture a phone booth with a dirty cement floor and a shower stall attached to it.

Josh wanted to take Sugar with him but I just wasn't sure what she'd witness in a men's restroom in a truck stop. I'd prefer the craziness that I was about to endure over scarring my 3 year old for life.

So, I gave Josh his toiletries and clothing and then locked myself and the girls in my dirty phone booth shower stall.

Sugar is helpful. She got her own clothes off and stepped in the stall. I managed to get Spice and me in there, too.

As soon as I turn the water it blows out ice cold water all over us.

The girls start bawling. Spice is hysterical and trying to climb up the... uh...mountains and Sugar is calming down since the water is warming up.

I realize I gave the soap to Josh so I had to wash the girls with my Victoria's Secret body wash. I got the shampoo in Sugar's hair and then washed out. Don't forget, holding Spice this entire time. I shampoo my own hair, then condition Sugar. Lather. Rinse. There was no repeat.

When it came time to dry off I wasn't sure how to go about it. I stood there for a moment and realized it'd be best if I got myself dried and dressed first. So I wrapped Sugar in a towel, instructed her to stay in the stall, put Spice on the floor of the stall, causing a new wave of hysterics until I give her a shampoo bottle to play with.

They had given me a hand towel that I decided to use as a bath mat so as not to create mud.

I put on a pair of flips, dried off, went to put on deodorant and realized I didn't get to shave my armpits.

Sigh...

Maybe next week.

I get Sugar dried and dressed. Spice was unhappy to give up the shampoo bottle but I got a diaper and jammies on her.

I cleaned everything up, passed the kids and towels off to Josh. And closed the restroom door.

I needed a minute.

I stood in the bathroom looking in the mirror and wondered, "can I do this? Can I really do this?" I wanted to think I would just be a natural at this and that it would just come so easy.

Not the case.

Don't get me wrong, we are having a blast, it's great, just needing to realize it'll take some getting used to.










and we are Idaho bound....

Holy Smelly Mama, Batman

Okay folks, it's day three we're working on with no shower.

This is getting ugly.

And smelly.

My last shower was Sunday morning. I really should have taken the time on Monday before we left to get one in, but I had so many things to do (no comments about how I've had 5 wks to get those things done) that I didn't stop for the three minutes it takes me to shower. (and no comments about how I managed to blog that morning, either)

Obviously this girl has her priorities.

See how much you all mean to me!?

Children are great; napping at the moment. I am trying, so far, to keep our schedule about what it would be at home, you know, since our truck is now home.

We're still about two hours from our destination to drop our load (did that make anyone else but me laugh?) and after dropping our load (dying here) we will HOPEFULLY have time to shower at Natalie's. So thankful for friends who are offering their homes to my sweet family; maybe there's a lesson in there for me about that....

In case you don't believe me here is a picture of my hair. I think you could wring out the grease.





We stopped for lunch about an hour ago and brushed our teeth in the Burger King restroom. Jealous, aren't you?

I figured as much.

I will keep you updated on the shower saga.

Stay tuned.....
-- Post From My iPhone

Day two

By far better than day one. Amazing what no puke can do for all of our moods.

It has been a very long day. The girls were bunked down for bed before 7:30 tonight. We are trying different sleeping arrangements tonight. Last night I tried the top bunk with Spice but she is ridiculously squirmy. Josh ended up bundling her all up and laying her on the floor. (you can call CPS if you'd like, I'll have the kids' bags packed.)
I ended up sleeping with Sugar on the bottom bunk which also is shared with our fridge. Not comfy. Tonight I stuck Sugar up top and Spice fell asleep in her carseat. Josh will sleep up top and we may put the wee babe on the floor again. Just depends on if she will lie still next to me when I bust her out of her seat.

I got an hour nap in today which was nice. Sugar sat up front with Daddy and Spice was napping too.

We have been eating leftover ham from Easter dinner with sliced cheese and Ritz crackers for all our meals. Stinks not having our microwave yet. Looking forward to payday in a couple of weeks....
I had made some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins yesterday before we left so we had those for breakfast. Love those!

We have driven about 400 miles today. Currently we have a load of hay that needs to be up north of Seattle tomorrow. We have about a 500 mile trip ahead of us. To be legal in the log book we need to take it easy getting up there; fudging stuff early on isn't the best idea.
I need to get my license too and then we wouldn't have to worry.

Drives me crazy that we were so close to some of my family and friends in Idaho today yet couldn't stop. We'll be on I-5 tomorrow too and it is such a bummer we most likely won't get to see our friends who live near there.

Because I really need a shower. =)

Couldn't bring myself to pay 9 bucks for one today. Normally when you fill up you get a free shower but Josh filled up last night.
Boo.

Tomorrow I will be willing to pay twenty bucks for a shower.


-- Post From My iPhone

First Load

Our pipe load yesterday wasn't cool but so many of you were praying for us and we were praying, too. This is a picture at a rest area where we stopped to try and adjust it. My husband is part monkey and was climbing up and down the straps (the things we throw over our loads to tie 'em down with) but all his efforts and my fretting, did not help. The pipe is off and as I type we are parked in a WalMart parking lot getting ready to make coffee and brush our teeth.


This bottom picture is from last night. No, they were not sitting on his lap while driving. We were stopped. The girls are doing great. Josh is such a great driver. He didn't stop til around one. And then we were up again by six or so.

Just waiting now to hear about our next load.

Please pray for our girls. They both went and got themselves colds last night and are coughing with runny noses. The nerve.

Have a great day and I'll keep ya posted!

Let's give 'em somethin to blog about

It's about midnight thirty, Idaho time.

I have been up since 5 and I don't like 5. Gives me the shivers.

I am currently blogging from my phone which is no easy feat. I am thankful to be able to do it, but please excuse misspelled words. These letters one this little keyboard are so close together. Or is it that I have fat thumbs? Either way, not a simple task.

Our first day OTR has been, um, interesting. Luckily, I know that this is going to take some getting used to and there won't always be projectile vomit spewing from the baby.

Uh huh, she did.

And can you believe I didn't cry or get upset or re-think this truck life?! I must say, I was proud of me.

I used up all the baby wipes I brought to clean it up, so crossin' my fat thumbs the baby doesn't decide to mess her pants before I get to a store. It smells so flippin' bad in here. Or...it did. I think I am getting used to it. Yuck.

We are hauling pipe to Idaho. Our load is light which is excellent but unfortunately it's leaning. This makes my very laid back, easy-goin' husband on edge. Yuck.

Our destination is a couple of hours away but we'll stop here in a bit. I think. I hope.

The kids are sleeping. It's so cozy in the sleeper. Think if's my favorite part of the whole deal-getting all cozied up in the back while the truck is still rolling. Nothin' better.

Late into the evening I remembered we never bought a microwave. Mmm cold dinner. Tasty.

I tried to teach Sugar the fine art of peeing off the step of the truck but she wasn't havin' it. This is when her bladder of steel will become useful. She's a tough bird but it was raining and I didn't put her shoes on her AND the step was mite cold for her wee little bum. I have all the excuses for her but she just said she didn't want to.

I give it a couple weeks and she'll be peein' off the step like a pro.

Proud parents we'll be that day.

Most likely we'll load hay tomorrow. Seems to be what Josh used to pick up a lot of out of here. And most times it went north of Seattle. But we'll see.

I'm not going back over this post to find my mistakes and it's making me a little panicked about it. But oh well. Any freako words I am sure you can figure out. :)

Til tomorrow.....

Real Quick

Just a few things before we head out for our first day OTR (over the road):

I'm starting up another blog. Oh, quit rollin' yer eyes =). I'm just changing the address. The blog name (for now) will remain the same. So, over the next couple of weeks I'm planning to go through and just edit my kids' names. As you'll see in the sidebar, their pics are there with their new names. Sugar and Spice. Just a decision I've decided to make. I know most of my readers know my kiddos names but I just feel like this is a good decision for us. Since I'll be blogging about where we are and what we're doing, I think it'd just be best if random strangers didn't know their names (not that I consider you guys that, but those freak-o's at the truck stops might be!) Does that make sense? Our new blog address is http://www.truckfamily.blogspot.com/ You can go there but right now it's empty. Soon, I'll have this address as private, so when that happens make sure you head to truckfamily.

I Twitter. And I plan to update that quite often with where we are, where we're going, what we're doing, what we're not doing and all that jazz. I figure you'd all get sick of me posting 37 blog posts in a day, so if you want to keep up with us minute by minute (maybe not that much) go here. If you already have a Twitter account, just send a request to follow. If you don't have one, you totally should. It's a fun waste of time. And then you can follow us more closely on our journeys!

Next, I won't be blogging as much over the next couple of weeks I don't think. I don't have my laptop yet (and not so sure when I'll be getting one) so my posts will be sparse and my comments on your blogs may be too. Just know that I love you all and I will get to your blogs as quickly as I can!

You guys have been amazing. I'm so thankful for your support and your love for our family to be going on this crazy adventure.

Jackie had asked if Josh would have time off and we'd be home for long periods of time. The answer...no. When Josh was OTR before I think the longest time he was home was 3 or 4 days, and that was a weekend with a Monday. No miles means no money, so we have to be on the road as much as possible. Also, right now Josh is working for a company. It's small and it's homey. If that makes sense. We love his new boss, who will now (on my blog) be referred to as his dispatcher, I'll have to come up with a name for her later. They'd love for Josh to own his own truck (um, and so would Josh) but in all honesty...we can't afford to shell out the $150,000 for a new one. So, for now or until we win the Lotto, which isn't likely since we don't play...we'll drive their truck.

I'm hoping to blog from my phone if possible. (More on that later) And supposedly I should be able to upload pictures. Don't think they'll be quality photos as my phone camera blows but hopefully you can get the jist of what we're doing.

I'll be able to check my email so if you want to email me you can do that. Would love to hear from you. truckfamily at gmail dot com.

Okay, my husband just called. His load of roofing is unloaded in record time, he's 50 minutes from home, he'll load up some pipe, pick me and the baby up (he has Sugar with him) and we'll head out of town. And most likely out of state. Not sure where yet but I'll be lettin' ya know!

Have an awesome day.

Loves.

ps...I just remembered I need to pack diapers! that could have been tragic.

pps...I just thought of something (I'm always brilliant...in the morning) if you'd like a postcard or letter from us while we're out and about, email me your address. I thought it'd be kind of fun to pick up postcards from truck stops and send them out to you!

ppss....here are a couple pics of the truck and Amber. =)

A little Shout Out

Hello to Dahlonega, Georgia!

Howdy to Waverly, Ohio!

Seriously.

Car Seats, Shadow and BFF

Thanks to Natalie, I know the law about my kiddos in the truck.

They're to be belted in.

Oops.

Don't get me wrong, they will be. Just not all the time. Legally, Josh is allowed to drive a certain number of hours per day. I'm thinking 11 but I'm probably totally wrong. Luckily that's his department.

Point is, I can't keep my kids locked up in their car seats for 11 hours a day. Having them loose in the truck is a concern of mine. A big one in fact. I worry. I wouldn't be me if I didn't worry. I worry about driving to get coffee every morning.

No, seriously. I do.

I am fearful of other cars all the time. Always scared someone is going to run a red light. Two days ago a man came about 5 feet from slamming into my van. He had started to run a red light. I panicked. Froze. I thanked the Lord for watching over us. It could have been quite ugly.

I want every morning to wake and ask the Lord for His protection over our truck and our trips. I have to trust Him.

I also trust my husband. He is extremely capable of installing car seats. Last night we went to the store and found the hardware needed to install the seats into the truck. When we get the truck, it's first thing on the "to do" list.

Keely asked about Shadow. (How did I know you would?!) Before we knew my mom and niece and nephews would be moving in my aunt and uncle agreed to take him. A perfect home for him. Now that someone will be here, we can keep Shadow. This makes me one happy mama. Just this morning Jaylee had her blanket and was all cuddled up with Shadow in the living room. I can't imagine giving him up. And he'll be so excited to have more friends to play with during the week.

A question that was asked by my friend Janie last week when her and her family came for dinner..."what about Amber?" I seriously laughed out loud over this!

Unfortunately, she can't come. And I don't think she'd want to. While Amber and I are very much alike in many ways (we know when to use they're, their, and there) we like acronyms, (NKOTB being our favorite acronym) but we're different in the way that it would make her insane to not know from day to day where we're going.

She totally supports what we're doing but we both know it just wouldn't be something she'd want to do. (Don't think I haven't considered kicking Josh out the truck for a week and taking Amber on a trip!)

All kidding aside-I do worry about my friendships. While I don't make as much effort seeing my three friends as I should, I know they are all within 20 minutes of my home. Now, I'll be lucky if they're within 200 miles. My weekends will be busy playing catch up on laundry, household duties, cooking, etc. But my weekends will also be busy playing catch on the lives of my friend(s).

Thank you for encouraging my family and me. I am a very blessed girl, indeed!

Answers to questions you didn't ask

The following is a conversation that ensued via Facebook on Saturday afternoon between a friend of mine and me.

Him: when are you taking off on your trucking journey? you are taking the kids with you right ? are they school age yet ? I was curious how that would work when they get to school age? What made you decide to go w/ your husband versus staying at home? I was just curious.

Me: Nosy Nellie. =) We leave the 13th for our first trip! Yes, we're taking the kids. They aren't school age yet and when they do get to be, we'll most likely be homeschooling them. I decided to go with Josh because we love working together. We used to have a lawn mowing business and we worked side by side all day and loved it. This is another opportunity for us to do that and we're jumping at the chance. I can't stand being away from him the 10 hours he's at work now, I'd hate to have him gone for an entire week. We know there will be times where the girls and I don't go but for the most part, we plan to do this as a family. It's unconventional and people definitely have their opinions about it but we're excited for it. Thanks for asking!

Him: Hmm.. I'm not nosie nellie. If you post about it then it is inviting questions. I like the idea that you guys want to be together, I think that is great, very commendable, and if you can make it work that is incredible. I think that time you have together especially while the kids are young is great.I was just curious, It is unconventional, but doesn't mean it can't work. So i give you props for thinking outside the box. Homeschooling though.. seems scary to me.. I mean such a HUGE part of a kids education isn't the dates/facts and information you get out of the books, but how to interact w/ other social aspects of childhood. How to deal with a bully, how to deal with a jealous friend, how to handle when a friend has to move away, how to help a friend when they are in trouble... when to tattle, when not to.. .etc... I think that is so key to development because it gives us some of the basic tools for interacting w/ the work and world environment as we get older. So, I disagree about that.. but think you wanting to be w/ you family and be together is very kewl, brave idea. Very interesting.. thanks for letting me be curious.

Me: Totally get what you're saying about the social aspect of homeschooling. I know many homeschooled kids that aren't so social and many that are, what we'd deem as "normal". The places we'll go and the people we'll see and meet, I believe will help the kids with learning to be social. Truck stops, dairies, feed lots, construction zones, pipe plants, farms of all kinds, etc. will introduce the real world to our girls. Meeting the people who run them, work them and so on. I actually think they'll get more of an education on the road than they would sitting in a classroom all day. They'll still have Sunday School and they have umpteen amounts of cousins their ages to deal with the whole tattling/bullying and all of that. And of course, they have each other to deal with as well. =) I don't know if you read my blog, but I do plan to journal daily about our adventures. You can always keep up with us there.www.joshua24-15.blogspot.com

Him: Yeah.. i have a little. I think meeting all of those people and experiences will defintely enrich there lives and they will learn a ton. But, that is one side of society, they need to interact with kids who have nothing, and kids who have everything. It is incredibly helpful for my daughter to have friends, that have parents who can't get them things, and at the same time see how some families can get their kids everything. I think meeting and interacting with a lot of "blue collar" people will be very enriching for kids, but it will be difficult to create for them to get a diversity of people from different socio-economic backgrounds, religions, beliefs and attitudes though. IMHO...

I didn't reply. Partly because I knew I wanted to use our conversation on my blog and knew I could finish the conversation here. I know he's not the only one with these questions, he just happens to be the only one who has come to me and asked them. And the other reason I didn't reply was because I'm not out to try to defend the whole homeschool issue. I think it's easy for people to become offended either way. Whether you homeschool or send your kid(s) to public/private school. A blog friend of mine once told me that many times people who don't homeschool, think homeschoolers look down on them or think they're doing the wrong thing by sending their kids to school.

That's not where I'm coming from here. My husband and I are both products of public school. We made it through. And if we lived in a good school district and were going to be home full time, I may very well consider public school. However, we won't be home for them to be able to attend public school, so for us, homeschooling is our option. Am I looking forward to it? Not really. Scared out of my mind if we're going to be honest. But excited too.

His last comment about the girls only meeting blue collar workers really isn't the case. Over the road, we'll meet people from all walks of life. The blue collars, the white collars and I'm sure we'll see some without collars at all. We plan to take every opportunity we can to teach them.

The classroom isn't the only place to learn. Our girls will get a different kind of education and since it doesn't fit into the "normal box", I know it seems strange. I'm not out to convince anyone, myself included, that this is the only way to teach children or the right way to teach children.

It's just the way we're going to teach our children.

Last night my aunt asked me, "how will you bathe the girls while on the road?" My answer, "we won't." Totally kidding of course...you know, mostly...

Acutally, most truck stops have showers. When you fill up with diesel (which in our part of the country we pronounce it dee-suhl, not dee-zuhl) you usually get a free shower. So, we'll go in as a family and clean up and get all spiffy la-la'd.

How will we cook? We have a camp stove with a propane tank and this weekend we're hoping to check out some thrift stores for a small microwave. My "plan" is that on Saturdays when we're home, I'll do my cooking for the better part of the week, so that I'm mostly warming up our food instead of actually having to cook it. Washing dishes is a bit tricky on the road.

Where will we sleep? The truck we'll be getting has bunks. So, the way we're thinking it's going to work is that I'll sleep on the bottom with Alison and Josh on the top bunk with Jaylee. This will be until Alison learns to stay still and then we'll most likely have the girls sleep together on the bottom bunk.

Will the girls be in their car seats? In all honesty, probably not much. They'll be free to roam the truck and play. If Jaylee wants to sit up front with her daddy, I'll strap her seat into the passenger seat but for the most part, their car seats will somehow be rigged to the truck where we can strap them in if we have to go through scale houses (chicken coops as the truckers call 'em). Josh will be working on that this weekend, hopefully.

What if we find this doesn't work out? Then, my husband will find a different job. He's never without a job offer. Never. He's hard working and has made an amazing reputation for himself in our little valley. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

Any questions you'd like me to answer?

Speak Freely

*after many encouraging words, I decided to go ahead and re-post the post I pulled yesterday morning. here 'tis.*

When I started this blog I really had no direction. Then I started leaning toward encouraging women, thinking maybe somehow, through some of the junk I've been through personally or that Josh and I have been through as a couple, I could help someone else.

Now, I'm realizing it's an outlet. It's a way for me to talk to someone without actually having to... talk to someone. It's easier this way because I don't have to see the eye rolls or hear the gasps or see looks of disappointment.

My heart is heavy and talking to my husband just isn't working. It's not that he doesn't understand where I'm coming from. It's just that...he's a man. And for me, to process stuff, I talk. Talk talk talk. Usually in circles. Usually it doesn't make sense. But I just need to speak. I need to get it out there. And sometimes in talking about stuff, it helps.

I'm afraid to journal my next thoughts (many of them) because my family and friends read this. But I'm going to. I'm going to put out there the real me. The ugly me. The girl that I am that I am not proud of.

But it's me.

I feel like my life is being twist-turned upside down. We leave in one week to live in 40 sq feet. And folks, that's the least of my concerns. I'm not worried about the ins and the outs of living in a semi-truck. Maybe I should be. Maybe I'm being naive about it all. But there's so much more going on.

Last Monday I told you how I'm a selfish being. You're soon to see just how selfish I am.

With permission, I tell you my sister's story.

My sister Erica and her husband Derek are moving to Seattle at the beginning of May. They'll rent a small apartment and they'll live there for a few months. Derek is sick and in need of a bone marrow transplant. His brother is a match, praise the Lord, and so the transplant can get started soon.

My sister has three small children. Ages three, two and one.

They cannot go to Seattle.

They will be moving into my home.

My mother, too.

There are no coincidences with God. None. He knows all. And He knew the timing of all of this. That my niece and nephews would need a place. That we'd have a home that would be empty five days a week.

I don't know how everything is going to work. I just know my selfish side of it. I know that for over a month I've been thinking they should move into our house. I've known I should say something.

But I didn't.

My husband brought it up. Because he's a giver. He likes to bless others with what he's been blessed with. In this case-our home.

We can't help my sister financially but our house will be here whether we are or not. We still have to pay our mortgage even if we'll only be here 10 days per month.

Last Sunday Josh presented the idea of the kids and my mom (who will be the kids' caregiver) to move into our home.

I couldn't say anything. While I know this is the right thing, it's the hard thing. This is my home and I want it to be my home for the days I get to be here. And soon, it won't be. There will be others living here and running the place. My girls' bedroom will no longer be theirs but their cousins'. My bedroom will belong to my mom. And my family of four will move to our upstairs of 495 sq ft. Bigger than 40, of this I'm aware!

This is probably the hardest thing I've had to do. And as I write I feel so ridiculous. My sister's husband is sick for crying out loud and I'm worried about my house? An earthly possession? Derek could die and I'm concerned that things will not be just so? Basically...I make me sick.

I don't know how things are going to play out. I do know that my husband is incredible. Willing to basically support two families. And he has no qualms about it. He's completely fine with it. He's glad to do it.

And then there is me. Fighting with every part of my being.

I don't like seeing this ugly side of me. I hate it. But again, this is me and this is where I am. (Lord, help me.)

So, I ask for your prayers for my sister, for Derek, for their kiddos who are about to go through a HUGE transition and for my bratty self too, if ya would.

I also ask that you praise the Lord that His timing is perfect, that Derek has a match, that my husband is amazing, and that I got to wear flip flops and a tank top today.

Pulled

Last night I wrote out a post.

At 2 a.m. I woke up unable to fall back to sleep.

I was panicked over someone reading what I'd written.

Fearful of being judged.

Fearful of hurting any family who may read it. (not that many in my own family read this)

The first thing I did when I got up this morning was to delete the post, rather...I saved it as draft.

Before I had a chance to do it I had four comments.

Jackie
Linda
Maria
Miriam

As I laid in bed last night I was sure I would have hate mail over my post.

Instead, I find that these four women have loved on and encouraged me.

I still pulled the post.

But, ladies, I want to say thank you. It was nice to know this morning that my thoughts (though not necessarily right) aren't neccessarily out of line either.

I may put the post back up, but for now, it's going to sit.

20 Cloves...say WHAT?!

Holy moly, have I THE most amazing recipe to share with you. (courtesy of Kraft and my SIL)

Chicken with 20 Cloves of Garlic

4 small boneless skinless chicken breasts (1lb.)
20 cloves of garlic, peeled
3/4 C. chicken broth
1/4 C. Caesar dressing
1/4 C. grated Parmesan Cheese

Here's whatcha do:

Heat large nonstick skillet on medium-high heat. Add chicken and gralic; cook 4 min turning after 2 minutes.
Stir in broth and dressing; cover with lid. Cook chicken 4 minutes on each side or until done (165*)
Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Remove from heat. Let stand, covered, 1 minute.

So good, peeps, SO GOOD. The garlic gets so soft and mild and yummy! And start to finish, about 30 minutes. Loved that.

I served it with roasted baby red potatoes and carrots (out of a can). Josh and I loved it and my three year old gobbled it up, too.

Head on over to Gayle's at the Grocery Cart Challenge for more yummy recipes and she has a giveaway too!

What's Not to Love?

Promise Kept

In June 1998, two weeks after my high school graduation and three weeks before my wedding day, I went to Mexico on a mission trip.

Around the campfire one night I felt the Lord whisper, "you will be a mother to the motherless."

And instead of being in awe over it; being filled with excitement...I panicked.

"will I not be able to have children?"

About 18 months into our marriage a doctor told me I probably wouldn't be able to have kids (not that we were wanting to at that time but there were some medical issues and this was his diagnosis) and I remembered the words of that June night.

"so, this must mean we'll adopt." were my thoughts after hearing what the doctor had to say.

Josh and I never "tried" for a baby. Our first baby was quite a surprise to us. A blessing in disguise, really. The doctor was wrong and I was able to have two children.

But over these last ten years I've wondered, "Lord, did I not hear You right?" Did I make that up in my head?"

Never really feeling He's answered, I've just left it be.

About a year and half ago our church started an orphanage in Rwanda. Beth-Ammi "House of My People" I can't remember how many orphans there are there but there are many.

Many.

Our pastor presented that we could sponsor a child for a small amount each month. I jumped on it.

Then, a group went to Africa and came home with pictures of all the children. The photos were laid out on a table and we could pick which child we wanted to sponsor. I looked them over. Overwhelmed by how many of these sweet children have no parents.

I picked a boy.

A boy named Habineza.

For the last year or so we've sponsored Habineza and sadly, there are months I write my check out of duty rather than love. Not thinking about it and forgetting the blessing that this is for me to do this.

Until I receive a letter.

The letter is in Habineza's handwriting but then translated into English at the bottom.

Dear Josh and Sarah,

Let me praise God for giving me this opportunity of writing to you and to know if you're fine. About me, I'm fine too. Home in Rwanda; concerning the school am warding well.
Again let me take this opportunity to thank you for being my parent; and I again thank now God Who has given you this heart.
Your Child Habineza

Dear Daddy and Mummy,
I greet you in Jesus' name!!!
Once again I would like to thank you so much for being continue to be my parents. Even if I am not yet seeing you by face but am ever confient with you as God has prepared you to be my parents. I even prayed for you and for all you doing so that God may continue to strengthen you and prosoper you. I would like to inform you that I have finished my academic school year and I have succeeded.
Your Child Habineza

Even after reading those letters, tears streaming down my face, it didn't hit me. It was about a month later when I was looking at Habineza's picture on my fridge and remembering his sweet words.

Bam!

"you will be a mother to the motherless."

In the second letter he addresses us as Daddy and Mummy!!!

"you will be a mother to the motherless."

I may never get to hold that sweet boy in my arms but I am confident this is the boy the Lord was preparing my heart for those years ago around that campfire.

The Lord, He keeps His promises.

the post without a title

it's been an emotional roller coaster lately in my life.  in my heart.

even though i have an amazing amazing life, there are still struggles.  some i inflict on myself, others that are actually real.

i can't recall how many times i've discussed on my blog my weight issues. 

too many, i'm sure.

but i've hit a new low.

emotionally.

saturday, i didn't even want to go out in public.  saturday we took family pictures with my in-laws.  i was disgusted with myself being in them.  saturday night a friend of mine calls to invite us to her son's birthday party for sunday.  we showed up yesterday and i could hardly stand being there.  she's so cute and thin.  wearing the most fun outfit ever.

then there was me.

it's been a while since i've been on a scale but saturday i tried to put on a pair of my fat pants and they wouldn't button.

not a good sign.

not.at.all.

***************************

i have a bff.  and lately i don't see or talk to her much and it hurts my heart more than i can say.

***************************

besides our new life changing job situation, there's more stuff coming our way that i'm not sure i'm prepared for.  i'm a selfish selfish girl.  i'm trying to be obedient, do what i know i should do.  but my heart, well she's not in it. 

***************************

treena, chad and their girls were here on saturday.  they helped us get a bunch of stuff crossed off my "to do before we're never home" list.  a bunch.  so much that i actually feel i can breathe.  it was amazing and wonderful and how do you say thank you for stuff like that? 

**************************

i have a baby sister.  she's not even close to being a baby.  she's almost 23.  i love her.  like mad.  i don't see or talk to her near enough.  i saw her yesterday at the hospital (we were visiting our new baby cousin) and my arms just wanted to reach out and grab her and pull her to me and never let her go.  but it was one of those moments when i knew it just wouldn't be welcomed.

************************

about a year ago my other sister and i finally clicked.  finally became friends.  if that makes sense...  she was living in montana and after 20+ years i finally felt like we were friends, sisters.  it was amazing.  and i hated that she was so far away.  then she moved.  to be just 40 minutes away.  and i had all these amazing plans for us to hang out all the time.  and circumstances in her life have made that difficult.  and now she'll be moving again.  to seattle.  3 hours from me.

**************************

all these things going through my heart.  feeling so sorry for me.  consumed with myself that i forget to look to Jesus.  consumed with all my issues.  consumed with my own world.  sitting in church yesterday, i couldn't even sing.  couldn't participate in worship.  then i look over.  and i see a girl my age who is 8+ months pregnant, recently widowed.  her eyes closed.  her hands lifted to Jesus.  a peace across her sweet face.  and i just wanted to kick myself.  how in the world can i be so consumed with me when this girl has been through so much and yet she praises Jesus?  i haven't been thankful to the Lord for anything lately.  i've been fighting Him with every ounce of my selfish being.

*************************

so, this is where i am on this monday morning.  it's not pretty.  but i'm documenting it.  so that when the Lord sees me through it, i can document that, too.

in case you haven't thrown up today

So, after reading Jackie's post about her fridge I was inspired.

After I show you today's picture you may ask me to never again post another picture.

I used to be that girl who cleaned out her fridge every week. Cleaned out the leftovers, washed and dried all the shelves. I hate a dirty, cluttered fridge. It makes me a little bit crazy. Plus, the more I have in there the less I know I have in there. Ya know? And then stuff goes bad before I get to it and I've wasted money. And I hate wasting money since our tree quit producing it about 11 years ago.

Anymore, when I get in the fridge, it's a hurry up, get in, get out before something crawls outta there!

Yes, I'm embarrassed to say, I pulled this out of my fridge. That's a prep bowl with some extremely moldy sour cream and two lemons that now look like oranges but are as hard as baseballs.

*shiver*

It took me an hour to clean out my fridge. Two waste baskets full of food (this included some of the containers because I just couldn't bear to open them!) two dishwasher loads of containers and a half full dumpster outside from those two waste baskets.

Can you say waste?!

It was ridiculous how much of that food would have been fine if we'd just eaten it instead of wasting. My lack of planning meals lately has gotten ugly and we'll either eat out or I'll make another meal even though we could have eaten last night's leftovers.

My fridge is beautiful now.

And if you come over for lunch I can make you some soy sauce with salsa with a stick of butter.

A Little Late to the Party

but that's better than not partying at all, right?

Fo sho.


Ultimate Blog Party is where everyone can join in on a virtual party and tour blogs and meet new peeps. I'm all about meetin' me some new peeps. Plus, you can win prizes and I definitely love prizes.

So, if you're here for the first time...Welcome!!!! Hello. Hi. How do ya darn do?! If you frequent here often, the next bit of info is old news.

To my new friends, let me tell ya a bit about myself and my sweet fam.

I'm Sarah. If this party weren't virtual, if you were actually coming to my house to party it up I'd plan a whole big shindig, make some lists of everything I'd like to make or bake and games I'd love for us to play and then I'd completely overwhelm myself and you'd get peanuts and M&M's and possibly some water. I'd also be making a mad dash about 10 minutes before ya showed up, trying to clean my house and shove everything into one of the two bedrooms of our house.

Uh huh. Keepin' it real, yo. Keepin' it real.

My husband is Joshua. We've been married almost 11 years. He's crazy about me. And well, I'm just crazy. Kidding. I'm crazy about him too. We married when I was 18, him 20. We were young and in love and 11 years later, we're still young and by golly...still in love. Not that it's been easy. Because holy smokes it hasn't been. But Jesus, love, patience and a whole lotta prayers have gotten us where we are today.

We have two girls, ages 3 and pert near 11 months.

They are the reason I breathe.

And the reason I need a straight jacket.

Sugar and Spice as I've recently dubbed them. Couldn't be more accurate. Our 3 year old is sweet as can be. Definitely learning to assert her opinions but she's amazing and wonderful and I'm one blessed mama to call this girl mine. Spice...oh, Spice. Going on 11 months. There's no better name for her. She's horrible. But we love her. Opposite of her sister in so many ways but I'm addicted to her anyway. She's adorable and has a twinkle of naughtiness about everything she does. Had she been the firstborn, she'd be the last born. =)

I'm addicted to Iced Venti Hazelnut Breves from Starbucks. It's an illness that I may need professional help for. Seriously, I drink 20 oz. of half and half daily. That's not normal!

I love to blog, facebook, and twitter.

I love card games and hanging out with friends and family.

I love to take pictures. I love summer and flip flops. I love tattoos and have two of them myself.

I love to cook but mostly I love to eat. I love to grocery shop and write out lists. Then I write out the list again in nicer, neater handwriting.

I love music and singing at the top o' my lungs when no one is listening um, or within earshot.

Scrapbooking is a favorite past time but I don't do it nearly as often as I'd like.

I'm an oldest child and have two sisters. I was raised by my mother and am in awe that she raised my sisters and me alone.

I can't be serious for the life of me. Seriously. =) My dad drown when I was 19 and I make a joke out of it as often as possible. It makes people uncomfortable. It helps me deal.

I love road trips.

And it's a good thing because soon my sweet lil family will be living out of a 40 sq. ft. Peterbilt. Yes, 40 sq. ft. Not 400, not 4000. Forty. My husband is a truck driver through and through. He's given notice at his current job and we'll soon (like April 13th soon) be hitting the road in a semi-truck. (still not sure why it's called a semi when it's a huge full blown truck, but whatev) We'll be gone five days a week, living in a green 1997 Peterbilt. Double bunks. Fridge. Microwave. Stereo. And a laptop so I can blog OTR (over the road).

We're stoked for our new life. Our new adventure. I'll blog daily about where we are and what we're hauling, who we're meeting, and if we can actually live in 40 sq. feet without killing one another.

So, there's a bit about me.

Thanks for visiting, I'm glad you've stopped by, leave me a comment so I can visit your blog too!

And the free prizes I'd like to win....
#50
#68
#71

It was bound to happen

I'm sure I have at least one male reader, possibly two.

Dear Male Reader(s),

I'd exit this blog, like stat.

Sincerely,
Sarah





No, really. You'll want to go now.

Hopefully they've left. If not, they'll wish they had. And probably any females too.

Oh well.

One of the perks of being a nursing mama is that your menstrual cycle does not return until you taper off or quit nursing altogether. Usually. I have friends who've started long before they're done nursing. But for the most part, you have a wee bit of a break from "the curse" and I must say I like that perk of nursing.

I've gone to nursing Alison only twice a day for the most part and am supplementing with some formula my sister no longer needed. Four cans!!! Yee haw. That stuff is expensive and yet another reason I chose to breastfeed my kids.

Since I'm nursing less I shouldn't have been surprised yesterday when ol' Aunt Flow returned. But I felt like a kid again wondering what the heck I was supposed to do. It's been so long since I'd had to deal with this issue. And she's back with a vengence, I'm telling you!

So, I suppose I should stop letting her use these as toys, huh?

The Conversations and Laughter Continue

I'm beginning to wonder if the child will be a comedienne when she's older.

Last week we had a friend over on Thursday night to tell us about Clearwire internet services. His name is John.

About an hour before he was due at our house....

Me: "Jaylee, we have a friend coming over tonight."
Her: "Who?"
Me: "His name is John."
Her: "Oh, John the Baptist?"

The next day we hung out with my friend Jana. I went to pick her up from her in-laws and before I reached the door I could smell something.

Skunk.

I get to the door and knock. She opens the door and the skunk smell is even more overwhelming. We get to the van, where the kiddos are inside, and Jana begins to tell me about the skunk story. And from the back seat, Jaylee pipes up...

"What you do is you get a gun and you shoot the skunk."

Yes, my friends, we've taught her well.

Structure is Good

But I don't usually roll very structurally. (Is that even a word?!) (spell check says YES!)

However, I need to be more structured in certain areas of my life. A very wonderful friend of mine is quite structured. She has a plan. And that's that. She jokes that she wants me to help her live a little more freely. If she only knew how sometimes this fly-by-the-seat-a-my-pants thing I have going is actually stressful!

I tend to just roll with whatever comes my way. But I crave structure. I crave routine. Crazy, huh?! Me?!

I KNOW!

Crystal Paine has put on Making Your Home a Haven for a long time. Not sure how long but I've lurked her blog for well over a year and I was seeing the series pretty frequently. Since I'm needing some structure, guidance and encouragement in the homemaking department I decided to head to Crystal's blog. Today I see that Tammy will now be hosting Making Your Home a Haven.

I love that she's starting the series off with a list! A list of five things I want to accomplish every morning. Simple things.

I like simple.

So, here's my morning list:

1. Bible reading (just me and me and the girls)
2. Morning dishes.
3. Make beds.
4. Plan dinner.
5. Play time with the girls.

Seems so easy, doesn't it? Amazing how so often I can't even get those five simple things done. This time I've decided to write them down where I'll see them first thing, hopefully to help and inspire to do them each day!

What are five things you do every morning?

Return of the Maternity Pants

I was that girl who at five minutes pregnant wanted to wear maternity clothes.

I love me some maternity clothes.

'Specially the jeans.

It's amazing to not have to zip up or button your jeans. To just pull 'em down and then pull 'em up. So easy. So convenient. Sooo comfy.

Today we stopped in Biggs, OR on our way home to gas up and use the restroom. For some reason I tried to just pull my jeans down without unbuttoning them first. It didn't work. It reminded me of the first day I was able to wear normal jeans after having Alison. I was so used to just pullin 'em down that it came as quite the shock when it didn't work out so hot.

But while washing my hands before leaving the restroom I thought, ya know, I think I might have to buy me a pair of maternity pants just for the sake of not having buttons or zippers. And that panel can hold my belly flab so it's contained and not jiggling all over the place.

You may think I'm kidding but oh I'm not.

I think it's been my most intelligent thought since, well...ever.

She said FREE

Hey, Natalie has FREE music!

So, go check out her blog. First four get a free CD!

*update!*

Hey, there's still time to get a CD! Only two peeps (myself being one) have claimed a CD and she's offering a couple more, so hurry it up! What's better than FREE music?!

Dear Hotmail

You are making my life miserable.

My emails are not being sent.

Nor are they being received.

I'd like to cuss at you, Hotmail, but I'm holding back. 'Cause I'm a nice girl like that.

Please get fixed. Stat.

Thank you,
Sarah

Peanut Butter Oreos with a Glass of Milk

I couldn't think of a title for this post since it's just ramblings. So, I thought I'd title it by what I'm eating at the moment. If I continue to do that my next 5 posts and my last 7 posts would have the same title...

and she wonders why she's gained five lbs?! I KNOW!!!

Today was my last bible study at the Nazarene church. Esther study is over. I'm a sad girl. I've loved this study and love what I've learned. Transparency being one thing I learned about. Something I'm still grasping.

When I walked in and signed my name there was a little paper talking about the next study beginning next month. I was thrilled! Yay! I signed myself, wrote out my check for my book and took the book to my table. And then it hit me.

I won't be able to go.

I won't be home every Tuesday morning to go to this study.

I'll be riding around in a semi with a man and two little girls.

I started to put my book back and retrieve my check when a lady named Kathy came over. I explained why I was putting back my book but she encouraged me that I could do the study on my own.

Smart lady, she is.

I know it won't be the same but the study is on David and ohhh how I know I'll love learning more about David.

Just that little realization though that I won't be home was kinda weird. Last night little baby 'o mine decided to scuh-reaam for about an hour. She wants everyone to know she has teeth bustin' through. Right now, I can shut her door and my door and cover my head with a pillow to muffle those screams.

Thinking in a Peterbilt it's not going to be quite so easy.

We have some rough roads ahead. Things that we can only work out once we're actually dealing with them. I think my husband is still on cloud 9 about the whole deal that he's forgetting we're going with him...that the babe of ours is going too.

I'm not panicking just yet. But I'm sure it's comin'. I'm really good at panicking. My specialty if you must know.

So many changes ahead. Good ones. But still change.

And it takes me awhile to adjust to that stuff.

Time's Up

Seriously.

Who was I trying to kid going an entire week?!

Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

Being addicted to blogging and email and Facebook is better than drugs right?

RIGHT?!

The last few days have been fun. We got some unexpected company this weekend, in the form of two young girls. Ages 10 and pert near 12. Basically I had me two awesome babysitters! They were great with my wee little baby and of course my three year old thought they hung the moon.

My SIL called yesterday morning and said they were driving up here to hang out for the evening. This would be no big deal if they were just a hop, skip and jump away. But they live about three hours away. They drove all over yesterday and ended up in our town to play some cards. Then after 10 pm decided that it was probably time to head home. Thank goodness, I was beginning to fall asleep playing Hearts.

Love how they roll.

Sweet 10 month old baby of mine is teething. She thinks you're supposed to be awake the entire time you're cuttin' teeth. Would someone please tell her she's mistaken? She's not taking my word for it.

Had coffee with my friend Megan on Sunday afternoon. I saw the flowergirl and ring bearer that were in my wedding. They were getting coffee too. They're in their teens now and that makes me feel old.

I panicked this morning not being able to find my tennis shoes. I always, always wear my tennies. Then I remembered they got dirty last night and aren't fit for wearing in the house. I feel a lil nekkid without 'em.

Can you tell I haven't blogged in a few days?! Random stuff just flowing from my fingers.

Happy Monday!!!

Spring Cleaning

Two mornings ago I heard it.

That sweet sound that has been a year comin'.

The sound of birds chirping outside my bedroom window.

This my friend is when I know spring is near. It was sweet music to my tired of winter soul.

With Spring comes green grass, filled in potholes on our road, blossoms on cherry trees, longer days of sunshine.

And Spring Cleaning.

With our new way of life coming up shortly, a list needs to be made of all the stuff that we need to get done before we head out over the road.

We have 1100 square feet of unfinished basement that houses a bunch of junk. Camping gear, Christmas decor, paint cans (because I change paint colors like I change diapers) more Christmas decor, baby clothes, skinny clothes (yes, someday I'll be skinny again)(stop laughing.)

It's time to get into that stuff and get it cleaned up.

But the last few nights and then early this morning, I've not been able to sleep well.

There's another area in my life that needs cleaning. Some serious serious cleaning.

My heart, folks. My heart.

Once again I find myself in front of the screen hour after hour, day after day. I make up every excuse I can. "Dishes are done, I can spend some time on FB." "Girls are napping, why not?" "I just FAPA'd two loads of laundry, let me reward myself."

But at the end of a day, I'm ill. Physically ill for the time I've wasted. Yesterday a friend threatened to delete her FB account. I panicked! I'd hate for her to do that. But two nights ago, I laid in bed considering deleting my blog and my Facebook. I know how she feels. While the computer is awesome in so many ways, it can easily suck the life right outta ya. And it does it slowly without you even realizing how much time is spent here.

I got out of bed at 5 this morning. I don't like 5 o'clock. But my heart hurt and I knew I needed to make it right. I opened up my Bible and a song sheet from church was still in there. The first song had these words...

My troubled soul, why so weighed down
You were not made to bear this heavy load
Cast all your burdens, upon the Lord
Jesus cares, He cares for you

Jesus cares, He cares for you
And all your worrying won't help you make it through
Cast all your burdens, upon the Lord

I will praise the might name of Jesus
Praise the Lord the lifter of my head
Praise the Rock of my salvation
All my days are in His faithful hands

My anxious heart, why so upset
When trials come, how you so easily forget
To cast your burdens, upon the Lord
Jesus cares, He cares for you

The last part, about the anxious heart...that's me right now.

Anxious about the time I've lost by spending it here. Guilt. Fear. Sadness.

I have two girls who need me. Two girls that see the back of my head more than my face. So, I'm going to take the week off from here and get my heart right. My priorities right.

I have the best blog readers ever. Thanks for knowing that I go through this often. Usually I take a day off, or limit my time, but this time I think I need a bigger deal. Something to really make me look to Jesus and see why I'm spending so much time here.

So, I will see you next Thursday.

Love to you all.

Loved

Do you have anyone in your life whose handwriting you'd know just by seeing it? Handwriting that makes you smile?

I do. I went to school with a girl whose handwriting stood out from everyone. Her handwriting made such an impression on me that I tried copying it for awhile. I have handwritten stuff from high school in my basement to prove it. =)

While I haven't seen her handwriting in over 10 years, today when I opened my mailbox sat a small envelope with familiar handwriting.
Natalie knows that this week I'm going without coffee as a way to try and save for my laptop. She also knows how much I love my coffee. With this sweet card was a gift card to Starbucks. I walked up my driveway in tears. My heart swelled. My day made.


Thank you, Natalie. I love you, sweet friend.

Time Off

I feel like a complete moron whenever I want to complain.


I've got it so good.


But I've got my days, man. I've got my days.


This week hasn't been easy. And it's only Wednesday.


By Monday afternoon I was wanting to pull the hair out of my head and the girls' too. It was just one of those days.


The husband, knowing me so well, told me to run my errands. Alone.


Wise, wise man I married.


I ran my errands and I was in such a sour mood. While waiting in line at the postal center I go to I had time to randomly decorate the envelope I was mailing. That made me laugh out loud. I get a little delirious when I'm in a bad mood and the dumbest things can make me crack up. Decorating Emily's envelope did that for me.


When I got home Josh asked me what I needed. What would help.


"A day. Just one day. To myself. For myself."


I know, I sound extremely selfish. But it's true. I'd just like a day to not have to make breakfast, lunch or dinner. Or nurse. Or change diapers. Or comb tangly, curly hair on a child who has an extremely sensitive head.


Yuck. Reading over my words makes me wanna kick myself.


But it doesn't mean I still don't want that day to myself.


Josh told me to go for it. But Amber's reminder on Facebook that I'll need to hook up the inverter to the car battery and to my breast pump brought me back to reality. It could be interesting to have a day alone.

Guess we'll see what happens, it is only Wednesday...

Be Heard

On March 6, 2009 President Obama made the announcement that he wants to reverse the Conscience Clause.

What is the Conscience Clause?

"The Conscience Clause was implemented by former President George W. Bush to give physicians and nurses the choice to act according to their conscience — to not participate in abortion procedures if it conflicts with their personal convictions. If President Obama makes this damaging move, if he reverses the Conscience Clause, pro-life doctors and nurses will be forced into performing abortion procedures, despite their individual beliefs."
http://www.beheardproject.com/


Be Heard Project -Protect Pro-Life Doctors from beheard on Vimeo.


The video shows that it's over 5 minutes long, it isn't. Take the few seconds to watch. Then go to beheardproject.com and sign the petition. We have less than 30 days.

An Unconventional Way of Life

Ahhh.

That's the sound of a girl who has two sleeping children.

Well?

Well.

After four years of being away from a big rig, my husband is going back on the road.

It'll look a little different this time around as myself and two small children will be joining him in the Peterbilt.

Josh gave his notice last Thursday and his last day at Oxarc will be Good Friday. A good Friday indeed! Our first trip out will be April 13th. We couldn't be more excited.

We've had some raised eyebrows. Some "hmmphs". Some cheers. Some questions. We're not going into this thinking that moving two small children into a semi-truck will be easy. It's going to be quite difficult and quite interesting.

However, our family will get to be together all day, everyday. We have two amazing little travelers and Josh and I hate being away from each other all day. We've found a way to incorporate making a living and being together as a family as much as possible. Another awesome thing? My husband gets to do what he wants to do for a living! I love that part. Love it.
Four years ago while I was pregnant with Jaylee we didn't think it was possible to have a family in a truck. Everyone said it'd be impossible. And you know, everyone is always right. =) So, Josh gave up his dream for Jaylee and me. And ever since then, that sparkle in his eyes has been a little less shiny. I am thrilled he gets to live his dream again. And I'm thrilled to be part of it.

A work week for us will kinda look like this:

Sunday afternoon/evening load up the truck and head to destination X.

Monday-unload and re-load and head for the next destination. Tuesday thru Friday will be about the same.

Each day will be different. With about 500 miles or so a day. We'll roll in on Friday afternoon/evening, spend time with family and unwind from our week.

Saturdays will consist of letting the girls run their little hearts out to burn off some of that energy, while I make meals for the week, wash our clothes, clean our home and re-pack the truck. Josh will still go spandexing (he's panicked about gaining that 15 lbs again. Heaven forbid he see 150 on the scale!) and Sundays will still be for church and more time with extended family.

Many are thinking we're crazy. Uh, yeah. We already know that. But we're at a place in our lives that we can do this. Our girls love to ride and if they didn't, we couldn't do this. Josh and I love being together. We love working together. We know couples who couldn't do what we're doing. Every family has a different dynamic. Living in a Peterbilt will be ours.

And while we can do it, we will.



This isn't the actual truck we'll be driving, though this is similar...just without the two trailers behind it and ours will be extended hood (meaning the nose of it is longer.) I will of course post pictures after she pulls into my driveway for the first time!

Questions? Comments? Go for it!

The Bucket

A couple of weeks ago my status on Facebook was set to something along the lines of "I just made the best eBay purchase, ever."

I don't think those were my exact words. But closeastinkinnough.

Before I show you the purchase I have to tell the story first otherwise you'll wonder why the heck I'd buy these things.

Most of you know about my mom, two sisters and me living in a fifth wheel back when I was 12. Or was I 13? Either way...we lived in a fifth wheel. Not a fancy shmancy one that had heat and plumbing and all that. This was basically four dark paneled walls and a roof. There was a bathroom with a mirror, sink and toilet.

The mirror was the only thing that worked.

So, to um, use the facilities, we got pretty creative and used a bucket.

Not just any bucket.

A McDonald's Happy Meal Halloween Bucket!

As a joke for my mom and sisters I thought it would be hilarious to buy them a bucket. I looked on eBay and found a set of 6 of them. At my grandma's birthday party a couple of weeks ago I told my mom and Erica and Megan to come out to the van with me. I gave Josh the camera. Told the girls to turn around, close their eyes and hold out a hand.

Megan was freaking out about what I'd be placing in her hand.

They played along. I placed a handle in each of their hands and told them to open their eyes.


I think they liked 'em. What do you think?

Color is selling point

I'll soon be in need of a laptop.

I haven't the foggiest idea what to buy or where to buy it. The last time I bought a computer was in 2003. And even then I didn't know what I was doing. I just kept clicking until it said "Thank you for your purchase!"
There wasn't any fine print saying "this will take you 10 years to pay off and we're going to nail you 29 bucks every time you're late with a payment."

So, if any of you have any thoughts/ideas/whathaveyou on the purchase of a new laptop, I'd appreciate it.

I just need to email, upload pictures and play/burn dvd's.

And I'd like it to be orange.

The Kitchen Table

After almost 11 years of marriage, we've replaced many of the items we first purchased as newlyweds. Mainly because I've been a discontented girl who wants something bigger, better, different!

Praise the Lord that He's working on me in this area.

One of the few things we still have is our kitchen table. 10 and a half years ago I loved her. She was simple and pretty and at that time, the chairs and base of the table were white. Then I went through an Americana phase (for like 7 years) and decided to paint the chairs blue and the table base maroon. And then sand 'er for a more rustic look.


My sister just gave us her "old" dining table and chairs. It's a beautiful set. We're blessed to have it. Since it doesn't fit in our kitchen, it's in our living room. Our old set is still in the kitchen and the other day I was sitting there.

The table was cleared off. I was alone at the table. And I just started looking at it.

After 10 years, the finish is wearing. The top is yellowing. The chairs are a little more rickety as they've been used to sit on, stand on, and used as saw horses for these last 10 years.

I sat there with my cup of coffee and was overwhelmed with memories of the 10 years I've had sitting at this table.

At age 18 I served my first Christmas Eve dinner on this table. A roast with lumpy gravy and lumpy mashed potatoes. There were three of us. My sweet husband Josh, myself and...my dad. Neither of them complained about the food. Looking back, knowing now that that was the last Christmas Eve I'd have with my dad, I wish I hadn't worried about the food and concerned myself more with showing my dad how glad I was to have him spending the evening with us.

So many meals at this table. So many hands held in prayer, in thanks to God for another meal He provided for us. This table has heard many days of laughter. So many days of tears.

Many evenings with family and friends playing cards, eating snacks. It's had a few drinks knocked over on it. Some pencils flying across it during games (where I'm losing.)

During the days when I didn't keep up my house, this table has been covered in papers, laundry or dirty dishes for days on end. Oh, who am I kidding? I still don't keep up with my house, so there are still days where paper and laundry pile up on 'er.

Many mornings and evenings spent discussing our goals, our plans, our dreams. This table has been here through our best times. Our worst times. The table where I laid my head down and cried...bawled when we got home from vacation after my dad died.

Our friends and family have come over and shared their hopes. Their dreams. Their fears and their tears.

We've listened and loved at this table.

I walked in many times to see our Beagle standing on the table. Sitting on the table. Laying on the table. Man, I miss that girl.

There was the day I came home and found blue papers on the table. Divorce papers. Papers that shook me. The table held them. I never wanted to. They were there for awhile. I chose to ignore them and ignore the fact that my life was spiraling downward. It took me quite some time but with the love and patience of an amazing man and the love and prayers of family and friends, I realized that being married to Josh was the best thing. Ever. Those divorce papers, they were shredded.

This is the table where our girls have sat to eat their first foods of Cheerios and Rice Cereal. They've pounded their chubby little fists on the table and I'm pretty sure there's just permanent greasy little prints where they sit.

Many pictures have been colored with crayons or markers thus marker stains have bled through onto the table. This used to be bother me. It doesn't anymore.

Each month for over 10 years I've sat here to pay bills, some months wondering where in the world will the money come from to pay these bills? and other months in awe that there's an abundance. The Lord...He provides. Always.

I've had scrapbook supplies piled oh so high on top of our table. Josh has had engine parts and grease all over our table.

Josh and I have spent many mornings sharing the silence while we read our Bibles and drink our coffee, him eating breakfast, me not. He always puts one foot on my chair and it drives me up the wall. Our new table makes this impossible for him to do. I'll probably miss it in some weird way.

She's no heirloom. No one will want it when we die. It's nothing special. But I've grown up with this table over the last 10 years and I'm deciding not to part with her.

Meeting Outside the Box

One of my favorite things about blogging is the friends I've made. My black box friends as I like to call them. I have more friends in this black box than I do outside of it. Seriously. This weekend one of my black box friends became an in real life friend.

For about a year now I've been reading Emily's blog. Her love for her family, the Lord and that quick wit sucked me in immediately. =)

Yesterday, I got to meet her. In person! Loved her, loved her husband and their children. I don't think I've ever met sweeter and more polite kiddos than theirs. I also thought it was pretty amazing that Jim would hold my baby. Very cool. No wonder she calls him Rockin' Jim.

We got to Seattle early and walked around a bit. We were headed back to our van when their rig turned the corner. I had no idea what they drove but just knew it would be them. They pass us and wave and Josh got a kick out of that. "Um, how did she know it was you?" Maybe because she's seen our picture a bajillion times on here?

Sweet new friends.
Wow, look how much taller she is than me!! (Just kidding, Emily...) My husband is going to love that he looks like he's the tallest in this picture. Funny that he's actually the shortest. (please ignore the fact that my baby has no socks on.)
Jaylee and her favorite treat. It was her first time having cotton candy (that I can remember) and she raved about how it was her favorite. Silly kid.
We toured the Science Center in Seattle, had some lunch and headed to REI to hang out out of the rain.
Jim and Emily's kids were so patient with Jaylee. She loves kids older than her and followed them all over. Within minutes of meeting them she says, "do you want to take my picture?"
Hello, annoying child. I'm reminding myself that she's three. This passes, right?

Josh loved getting to know Jim. I loved that he had a boy to talk to that he gets along with who has common interests. My husband is amazing but doesn't have many close friends. It was fun to see him getting along so well with another guy.

Six hours was not enough, cannot wait for camping in July!