Parenting is hard.
'Specially when you have 50 bajillion people watching you do it.
As soon as anyone knows you're expecting you get unsolicited advice. Then, after the kid is born that unsolicited advice doesn't stop.
I've mentioned before I had a family member inform me that I wasn't doing as good of a job raising my kids as she did raising hers and I'm sure there are many others who feel that way but just haven't had the balls to say it.
{sorry, i just said balls.}
I don't always make the best decisions where my girls are involved. But I try. I really do.
The Friday after Spice's birthday I took her in for a Well Child appointment. She's a tiny little bug. 5th percentile for her weight (must get that from me) and 15th percentile for height (gets that from her daddy.)
She can hop on one leg for two seconds. Her eyes look good. Her ears look good. Her throat, too.
Her heart, though?
Well, the doctor found that Spice has a heart murmur.
She said that it may just be an innocent heart murmur. One that won't ever cause any problems. But she said that it may not just be an innocent heart murmur and that we wouldn't know unless we had it checked out.
She recommended I make an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist as soon as possible.
Our appointment is tomorrow.
Plenty of people have said we shouldn't bother.
Others have said nothing.
And a couple have agreed with me that it's better safe than sorry.
I'm willing to fork out the money for them to tell me there's nothing wrong with her. I am.
But in case there is something wrong, will you please pray for my bitty girl?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Last Minute Decision
{yawn}
I'm tired.
Oh. So. Tired.
Partly because I was awake until 3:30 this morning. And partly because I just finished running a 7.5 mile run with a bunch of other people.
Yeah.
7.5 miles.
I've never run that far.
Ever ever.
The most I've run in the last 4 months is 3.1 miles. Today was more than twice that.
Where's my pain meds?
My wonderful friend, Candee, asked if I wanted to run it. I told her I'd think about it. And I thought about it and I thought it was just the dumbest idea ever. At the time I thought it was 6.5 miles. 6.5 miles is a lot. Too much for this chubby chick with bad shins and even worse shoes.
But apparently last night someone invaded my thought process and decided that it would be a fantastic idea to go ahead and run this stupid 12K.
So I show up. And she shows up. Here we are:
And then she tells me it's not 6.5 miles. It's 7.5 miles.
I wanted to call my mommy.
Instead.
We ran.
At the five mile marker I got goosebumps. I was pumped. So excited. Almost cried. At 6.5 miles I wanted to call my mommy again.
At mile 7 I wasn't sure I could keep up my pace and not walk. I rounded the last corner. Heard some cheers. Saw my husband and kids. I had nothing left in me to kick in for a sprint. I'd spent it all, man.
I loved it.
It was awesome.
I don't know my official time yet (my phone died at the end and I was keeping track) but I'm guessing 1:23-1:25ish.
Here we are at the end:
Thank you, Candee, for encouraging me to do this and get outta my comfort zone. I owe you a coffee! (or something way stronger!)
I'm tired.
Oh. So. Tired.
Partly because I was awake until 3:30 this morning. And partly because I just finished running a 7.5 mile run with a bunch of other people.
Yeah.
7.5 miles.
I've never run that far.
Ever ever.
The most I've run in the last 4 months is 3.1 miles. Today was more than twice that.
Where's my pain meds?
My wonderful friend, Candee, asked if I wanted to run it. I told her I'd think about it. And I thought about it and I thought it was just the dumbest idea ever. At the time I thought it was 6.5 miles. 6.5 miles is a lot. Too much for this chubby chick with bad shins and even worse shoes.
But apparently last night someone invaded my thought process and decided that it would be a fantastic idea to go ahead and run this stupid 12K.
So I show up. And she shows up. Here we are:
I wanted to call my mommy.
Instead.
We ran.
At the five mile marker I got goosebumps. I was pumped. So excited. Almost cried. At 6.5 miles I wanted to call my mommy again.
At mile 7 I wasn't sure I could keep up my pace and not walk. I rounded the last corner. Heard some cheers. Saw my husband and kids. I had nothing left in me to kick in for a sprint. I'd spent it all, man.
I loved it.
It was awesome.
I don't know my official time yet (my phone died at the end and I was keeping track) but I'm guessing 1:23-1:25ish.
Here we are at the end:
Thank you, Candee, for encouraging me to do this and get outta my comfort zone. I owe you a coffee! (or something way stronger!)
Monday, May 09, 2011
the real heroes in my book
Yesterday was Mother's Day.
I've heard commercial after commercial for the last two weeks leading up to the day. One ad said something about, "Mom being the hero of the family."
I'm no hero in this household. I don't do any of what I do alone.
The real heroes on Mother's Day - in my book?
The single moms who never get a break. Who do the cooking, cleaning, working, comforting and training of children alone.
The single dads. The men who do what most men don't have to. They do all of the above, but the difference is that it's not necessarily natural to them. But they do it.
I think they're pretty stinkin' amazing.
So, Happy {belated} Mother's Day to you single mamas.
And to you daddies out there who do what's usually "woman's work".
Thank you for all you've done and continue to do for your children. You're doing a great job.
i'm not at all trying to discredit those who aren't single mothers. but, being raised by one, i know how hard it was on my mama. and i know that at the end of the day no one told her thank you.
I've heard commercial after commercial for the last two weeks leading up to the day. One ad said something about, "Mom being the hero of the family."
I'm no hero in this household. I don't do any of what I do alone.
The real heroes on Mother's Day - in my book?
The single moms who never get a break. Who do the cooking, cleaning, working, comforting and training of children alone.
The single dads. The men who do what most men don't have to. They do all of the above, but the difference is that it's not necessarily natural to them. But they do it.
I think they're pretty stinkin' amazing.
So, Happy {belated} Mother's Day to you single mamas.
And to you daddies out there who do what's usually "woman's work".
Thank you for all you've done and continue to do for your children. You're doing a great job.
i'm not at all trying to discredit those who aren't single mothers. but, being raised by one, i know how hard it was on my mama. and i know that at the end of the day no one told her thank you.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Ten to Go
This weight loss thing seems to have taken forever.
But slow and steady wins the race, right?
Sure, that's what we'll go with.
Since the end of January when I started this endeavor, I have lost 18 lbs. Cuh-razy.
And now I have less than a month to lose these last 10 lbs if I want to do it before my goal date. (June 3rd) I don't think it's going to happen. (Partly because I'm currently drinking an iced hazelnut breve) (Partly because I have a fresh loaf of french bread waiting for me for lunch) (and a Caramello)
I'm not going to be upset if I can't lose these last 10 lbs before the 3rd. I'm stoked at what I've lost so far. I feel great. Many of my clothes are too big. And my husband just gave me a chunk o' change for my birthday. I plan to blow it on clothes.
And maybe some more coffee...
I was emailing a friend this morning about running. I told her when I first started, I wasn't really a fan. It took me a good couple of weeks to get in my groove. Then, at about week 4 I hit a funk again. Now, it's not that I look forward to running (i'm not there yet) but after I'm at it, I feel good and I'm glad I put out the effort.
I'm looking forward to making some new goals after these last 10 lbs are off. I don't know if it'll be to lose more (10 lbs still won't put me at pre-pregnancy weight) or if it'll be another race.
One thing at a time, I s'pose.
But slow and steady wins the race, right?
Sure, that's what we'll go with.
Since the end of January when I started this endeavor, I have lost 18 lbs. Cuh-razy.
And now I have less than a month to lose these last 10 lbs if I want to do it before my goal date. (June 3rd) I don't think it's going to happen. (Partly because I'm currently drinking an iced hazelnut breve) (Partly because I have a fresh loaf of french bread waiting for me for lunch) (and a Caramello)
I'm not going to be upset if I can't lose these last 10 lbs before the 3rd. I'm stoked at what I've lost so far. I feel great. Many of my clothes are too big. And my husband just gave me a chunk o' change for my birthday. I plan to blow it on clothes.
And maybe some more coffee...
I was emailing a friend this morning about running. I told her when I first started, I wasn't really a fan. It took me a good couple of weeks to get in my groove. Then, at about week 4 I hit a funk again. Now, it's not that I look forward to running (i'm not there yet) but after I'm at it, I feel good and I'm glad I put out the effort.
I'm looking forward to making some new goals after these last 10 lbs are off. I don't know if it'll be to lose more (10 lbs still won't put me at pre-pregnancy weight) or if it'll be another race.
One thing at a time, I s'pose.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
sleep is overrated, this three year old, however, is not.
Last year was two.
Today my sweet girl is three.
She woke up in the foulest mood this morning. She often does but today was bad. Worse than it's been in awhile. This was what she looked like right after I put her birthday dress and hat on her. You think the hat made her cry? It's so cute. It has three candles on it and everything.
This little babe of mine, oh sweet, naughty girl that she is...she holds my heart. She consumes me. Our household. She makes the rest of us want to pull our hair out. Plug our ears. Run for the hills.
But we just can't get enough of her either.
I mean, who could get enough of this sweet face?
Life with her is hard. These have been a trying three years for Josh, Sugar and me. Spicey-Spice. Oh how we love her. You can't know her and not love her. She's fantastic. But she's moody. And it's rough.
But I wouldn't trade a minute of the trials. I don't know what I'd do without this little babe.
You know, besides sleep.
But I'd rather be sleep deprived, than Alison deprived.
Happy 3rd Birthday to the naughtiest, sweetest little girl.
Mama loves you so!
Today my sweet girl is three.
She woke up in the foulest mood this morning. She often does but today was bad. Worse than it's been in awhile. This was what she looked like right after I put her birthday dress and hat on her. You think the hat made her cry? It's so cute. It has three candles on it and everything.
This little babe of mine, oh sweet, naughty girl that she is...she holds my heart. She consumes me. Our household. She makes the rest of us want to pull our hair out. Plug our ears. Run for the hills.
But we just can't get enough of her either.
I mean, who could get enough of this sweet face?
But I wouldn't trade a minute of the trials. I don't know what I'd do without this little babe.
You know, besides sleep.
But I'd rather be sleep deprived, than Alison deprived.
Happy 3rd Birthday to the naughtiest, sweetest little girl.
Mama loves you so!
Monday, May 02, 2011
My Longest Recorded Bike Ride
I can barely walk this morning.
We got this brilliant idea yesterday to save some gas money and instead of driving to the gym and back (34 miles round trip) heck, why not just bike it?
Uh, maybe because I've never gone more than 20 miles on a bike before? And because that's insanity? And how the heck did I think I could do Body Flow after just having ridden 17 miles (with a head wind!) and then after Body Flow to ride back home! Holy. Moly.
I felt awesome when we got home. Josh felt completely burned out and I'm guessing that's because he had the girls in the trailer behind him and well, that adds 100 lbs to him. The poor dude.
During the night I stretched my legs and flipped out. My thighs. Oh. My. Thighs. I could barely get out of bed. Josh of course, just fine. No soreness. And we're both fried.
My goal is to make that ride twice a week. My Body Flow class on Tues and Thurs is at 7. If I left shortly after Josh got home on those days I could make it to class on time. Class gets out at 8 and during the summer it's light enough to make it home. And I can always call him to come get me but really I'd like to save the gas money.
We'll see if it happens but as of now, that's the goal.
These last 12ish pounds have GOT to go. And stat. Only one month and one day to meet my goal!
We got this brilliant idea yesterday to save some gas money and instead of driving to the gym and back (34 miles round trip) heck, why not just bike it?
Uh, maybe because I've never gone more than 20 miles on a bike before? And because that's insanity? And how the heck did I think I could do Body Flow after just having ridden 17 miles (with a head wind!) and then after Body Flow to ride back home! Holy. Moly.
I felt awesome when we got home. Josh felt completely burned out and I'm guessing that's because he had the girls in the trailer behind him and well, that adds 100 lbs to him. The poor dude.
During the night I stretched my legs and flipped out. My thighs. Oh. My. Thighs. I could barely get out of bed. Josh of course, just fine. No soreness. And we're both fried.
My goal is to make that ride twice a week. My Body Flow class on Tues and Thurs is at 7. If I left shortly after Josh got home on those days I could make it to class on time. Class gets out at 8 and during the summer it's light enough to make it home. And I can always call him to come get me but really I'd like to save the gas money.
We'll see if it happens but as of now, that's the goal.
These last 12ish pounds have GOT to go. And stat. Only one month and one day to meet my goal!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Wednesday Random
I'm stuck. I have found a weight loss rut and have decided to stay there. I'm none too thrilled. I have 14 lbs that need to come off before my birthday. June 3rd in case you don't have it written/circled/starred on your calendar.
14 lbs in a little over a month? Can I pull it off? Maybe if I laid off the Blue Moon and onions fried in bacon grease...
I'll be homeschooling Sugar next year.
And I won't be blogging about homeschool, public or private school again.
Spice is still refusing to sit on the toilet. I'm pretty sure she wants to wear Mickey/Minnie for the rest of her life.
I'm running an average of 2 miles per day. I'd really like to run 5 miles per day. Uhh...that would require not turning into my driveway when the goin' gets tough.
Speaking of running, I'm not doing Bloomsday as planned. Waaahh. At first it was a gas issue, as in fuel. Not gas as in...well, nevermind. Then it turned out that I ran a lot more than normal last week and my shins hate me for it. They lamented. I lamented. I lived on Aleve last week. I'm researching shoes and am hopeful that someone will take me shopping and help me buy them... Maybe new shoes will help my legs? And a new outfit too? And dinner and a movie? Yeah, that should help my shins.
Currently thinking about/designing my next tattoo. I know where I want 'er. Just not sure what I want. It'll be my third. I think I'll be able to stop there. Because I couldn't stop at 4, since that's an even number (and to know me is to know I don't like even numbers) (but that does NOT mean I don't like an even number of children) and five seems like a lot. Well, not really a lot, but since the husband isn't a fan of them (the tattoos, he likes the kids), he might flip over 5. And 3 he seems meh about.
I haven't had my hair trimmed or colored since my birthday. You know, the one on June 3rd. I'm planning to have it cut on my birthday again this year. Still trying to decide if I want to color it again. I have quite a bit of grey coming in and part of me wants to cover it up and the other part says embrace it.
I have a cold. I've been coughing and sneezing for three days. It's not pretty. Yesterday morning I woke up with puffy eyes and I kinda just wanted to go back to bed til June 3rd. Feeling quite a bit better today but still.
Josh has emptied the dishwasher twice in the last couple of days. That's the chore I hate. It's been fabulous.
And he just went to WalMart for dog and cat food. I've been avoiding that place like the plague so he's totally scoring points right now.
Looked at houses for sale in the Tri-Cities. It was fun and depressing. Found a place I'd love. Too bad my house would never be sell ready in time. I'd totally go for it. 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and only 159,000. And no, it wasn't trashed. Just needed a whole lotta new carpet as 1958 wasn't good to that place.
Now that my van is paid off I'm itching for a new rig. It's bad. Real bad. Must. Be. Content. But if anyone has a Jeep Grand Cherokee with heated leather seats, sunroof, CD changer and cupholders they'd like to give away - email me. I'll take 'er off your hands.
Just looked up to see that Spice has a mouthful of blue Play-Doh in her mouth. Nice, huh?
A week from today my little booger will be three. Where has the time gone? Just yesterday she turned two, right?
Okay, random over. I need to put on my make-up and get this t-shirt off my head.
Happy Hump Day!
14 lbs in a little over a month? Can I pull it off? Maybe if I laid off the Blue Moon and onions fried in bacon grease...
I'll be homeschooling Sugar next year.
And I won't be blogging about homeschool, public or private school again.
Spice is still refusing to sit on the toilet. I'm pretty sure she wants to wear Mickey/Minnie for the rest of her life.
I'm running an average of 2 miles per day. I'd really like to run 5 miles per day. Uhh...that would require not turning into my driveway when the goin' gets tough.
Speaking of running, I'm not doing Bloomsday as planned. Waaahh. At first it was a gas issue, as in fuel. Not gas as in...well, nevermind. Then it turned out that I ran a lot more than normal last week and my shins hate me for it. They lamented. I lamented. I lived on Aleve last week. I'm researching shoes and am hopeful that someone will take me shopping and help me buy them... Maybe new shoes will help my legs? And a new outfit too? And dinner and a movie? Yeah, that should help my shins.
Currently thinking about/designing my next tattoo. I know where I want 'er. Just not sure what I want. It'll be my third. I think I'll be able to stop there. Because I couldn't stop at 4, since that's an even number (and to know me is to know I don't like even numbers) (but that does NOT mean I don't like an even number of children) and five seems like a lot. Well, not really a lot, but since the husband isn't a fan of them (the tattoos, he likes the kids), he might flip over 5. And 3 he seems meh about.
I haven't had my hair trimmed or colored since my birthday. You know, the one on June 3rd. I'm planning to have it cut on my birthday again this year. Still trying to decide if I want to color it again. I have quite a bit of grey coming in and part of me wants to cover it up and the other part says embrace it.
I have a cold. I've been coughing and sneezing for three days. It's not pretty. Yesterday morning I woke up with puffy eyes and I kinda just wanted to go back to bed til June 3rd. Feeling quite a bit better today but still.
Josh has emptied the dishwasher twice in the last couple of days. That's the chore I hate. It's been fabulous.
And he just went to WalMart for dog and cat food. I've been avoiding that place like the plague so he's totally scoring points right now.
Looked at houses for sale in the Tri-Cities. It was fun and depressing. Found a place I'd love. Too bad my house would never be sell ready in time. I'd totally go for it. 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and only 159,000. And no, it wasn't trashed. Just needed a whole lotta new carpet as 1958 wasn't good to that place.
Now that my van is paid off I'm itching for a new rig. It's bad. Real bad. Must. Be. Content. But if anyone has a Jeep Grand Cherokee with heated leather seats, sunroof, CD changer and cupholders they'd like to give away - email me. I'll take 'er off your hands.
Just looked up to see that Spice has a mouthful of blue Play-Doh in her mouth. Nice, huh?
A week from today my little booger will be three. Where has the time gone? Just yesterday she turned two, right?
Okay, random over. I need to put on my make-up and get this t-shirt off my head.
Happy Hump Day!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The Tire Story
Once upon a time about 4 years ago we bought Josh some nice tires for our '99 Suburban.
And then gas went up to a bajillion dollars a gallon and we traded 'er in for our van.
With the fancy tires still on said Suburban.
I think Josh wept that day.
Our '85 Suburban has had some lame-o tires on 'er for quite some time. With the lift kit it looks a little silly with her stupid tires.
So.
We started searching Craigslist and eBay for tires. With not much luck.
I got tired of the searching.
So.
On Friday I went into Discount Tire, asked if they had the size and brand of tires I wanted. Indeed they did. I told him I'd be back in the morning (Saturday) with the Suburban and he said okay and proceeded to take over a thousand bucks outta my checking account.
Owie.
Josh gets a call to help someone out in the church for Saturday and since this whole tire deal was a surprise I had to figure out a way to get him to drive my van instead of his rig.
"Uh, I won't be going anywhere on Saturday and I just filled Pearl (my van) so you could take her if you wanted."
I must have been uber convincing 'cause he went for it.
And I loaded up Spice after he left with Sugar and off we went to Discount Tire.
I'm about 1/2 a mile from my exit when I remember we have our studded tires and wheels on the rig. Not the right wheels for the new tires to be mounted on.
I may have sworn under my breath a little bit.
Okay, I totally did.
It wouldn't be a big deal but the tire store is 50 miles from my house.
See why I cussed?!
I took the exit, went into the tire store, explained my dilemma and made another appointment for 3 hours later. As I'm making the appointment for 1 pm I realize I have no clue where the other wheels are at our house. We've got alotta junk here.
I get home. Pull Spicey-Spice from her car seat and proceed to look around our property for said wheels and bald tires. I find them pretty quickly and begin to roll one over to the Suburban. And then I try to lift the frickin' thing.
I'm a total pansy.
Didn't work.
I may have used some more foul language. May have...
I put my hands on my hips and wanted to cry. This surprise was not going as planned. Then Spice put her hands on her hips and I busted up.
I found a board that was long enough and just barely wide enough to be used as a ramp for the tires. I loaded them up. Threw Spice back in her car seat and headed back to Discount Tire.
We pull in, I head in and tell 'em the tires are in the back and I'm going to Dairy Queen.
Okay, I didn't tell them I was headed there but I was.
And it was good.
The tire place has a grassy area that Spice and I laid around in. It was sunny and warm and I got my first tan of the season! Woo hoo! We played around and laughed and took pictures of our silly selves and then the fun and games came to an end when Stewart (we were on first name basis at this point) comes out to tell me that I didn't bring the lug nuts.
Insert more cusswords.
He says they don't have any there but he'd call their other store.
Other store doesn't have 'em either.
"Schuck's might have them, would you like me to call there?"
I asked how much they'd be.
"Probably 80 bucks."
And that's when I decided Josh could mount his own frickin' tires on the Suburban. I thanked Stewart but declined.
"Just go ahead and put 'em in the back of the rig, he can mount them himself."
He leaves, comes back.
"Sarah, if Schuck's has the lug nuts I'll cover 'em."
I wanted to kiss him.
Okay, not really. But he was really nice to me and I appreciated it.
Sadly, the lug nuts for our stupid rig aren't super common and Schuck's didn't have them in stock.
Bugger.
But still nice of Stewart to offer, right?!
About ten minutes before I was going to leave, Josh calls and informs me he's on his way home from Yakima.
Mind you, he has no idea where I am. We're about a 100 miles from each other.
I kinda stammered on the phone because in the background there's an impact wrench blasting.
"Uh, I'll see you there."
"Where are you?" he asks.
"By my mom's?" I totally wasn't by my mom's. And why would I be by her house and not just at her house. I'm a great liar apparently.
I flew outta the parking lot and sped home. Praying I didn't get pulled over because I left my license in the jeans I'd worn the night before.
I'm a couple minutes from home when he calls.
"I think I know what you're trying to do."
Stupid Sarah left the other car seat laying in the driveway. That got his curiosity up. Then he noticed the wheels were missing.
Big sigh.
I pulled in the driveway with the stupid studded tires on and the new tires in the back of the rig. Nice surprise, huh? Here's your tires, put 'em on your freakin' self!
He says he likes them. And he really should. But I still feel like a total moron for first forgetting that I needed the right wheels and then for forgetting the stupid lug nuts. I'm such a girl. Usually I'm okay with that until I make a complete idiot of myself.
I really hate making an idiot of myself.
So.
That was my Saturday.
How'd you spend yours?
And then gas went up to a bajillion dollars a gallon and we traded 'er in for our van.
With the fancy tires still on said Suburban.
I think Josh wept that day.
Our '85 Suburban has had some lame-o tires on 'er for quite some time. With the lift kit it looks a little silly with her stupid tires.
So.
We started searching Craigslist and eBay for tires. With not much luck.
I got tired of the searching.
So.
On Friday I went into Discount Tire, asked if they had the size and brand of tires I wanted. Indeed they did. I told him I'd be back in the morning (Saturday) with the Suburban and he said okay and proceeded to take over a thousand bucks outta my checking account.
Owie.
Josh gets a call to help someone out in the church for Saturday and since this whole tire deal was a surprise I had to figure out a way to get him to drive my van instead of his rig.
"Uh, I won't be going anywhere on Saturday and I just filled Pearl (my van) so you could take her if you wanted."
I must have been uber convincing 'cause he went for it.
And I loaded up Spice after he left with Sugar and off we went to Discount Tire.
I'm about 1/2 a mile from my exit when I remember we have our studded tires and wheels on the rig. Not the right wheels for the new tires to be mounted on.
I may have sworn under my breath a little bit.
Okay, I totally did.
It wouldn't be a big deal but the tire store is 50 miles from my house.
See why I cussed?!
I took the exit, went into the tire store, explained my dilemma and made another appointment for 3 hours later. As I'm making the appointment for 1 pm I realize I have no clue where the other wheels are at our house. We've got alotta junk here.
I get home. Pull Spicey-Spice from her car seat and proceed to look around our property for said wheels and bald tires. I find them pretty quickly and begin to roll one over to the Suburban. And then I try to lift the frickin' thing.
I'm a total pansy.
Didn't work.
I may have used some more foul language. May have...
I put my hands on my hips and wanted to cry. This surprise was not going as planned. Then Spice put her hands on her hips and I busted up.
I found a board that was long enough and just barely wide enough to be used as a ramp for the tires. I loaded them up. Threw Spice back in her car seat and headed back to Discount Tire.
We pull in, I head in and tell 'em the tires are in the back and I'm going to Dairy Queen.
Okay, I didn't tell them I was headed there but I was.
And it was good.
The tire place has a grassy area that Spice and I laid around in. It was sunny and warm and I got my first tan of the season! Woo hoo! We played around and laughed and took pictures of our silly selves and then the fun and games came to an end when Stewart (we were on first name basis at this point) comes out to tell me that I didn't bring the lug nuts.
Insert more cusswords.
He says they don't have any there but he'd call their other store.
Other store doesn't have 'em either.
"Schuck's might have them, would you like me to call there?"
I asked how much they'd be.
"Probably 80 bucks."
And that's when I decided Josh could mount his own frickin' tires on the Suburban. I thanked Stewart but declined.
"Just go ahead and put 'em in the back of the rig, he can mount them himself."
He leaves, comes back.
"Sarah, if Schuck's has the lug nuts I'll cover 'em."
I wanted to kiss him.
Okay, not really. But he was really nice to me and I appreciated it.
Sadly, the lug nuts for our stupid rig aren't super common and Schuck's didn't have them in stock.
Bugger.
But still nice of Stewart to offer, right?!
About ten minutes before I was going to leave, Josh calls and informs me he's on his way home from Yakima.
Mind you, he has no idea where I am. We're about a 100 miles from each other.
I kinda stammered on the phone because in the background there's an impact wrench blasting.
"Uh, I'll see you there."
"Where are you?" he asks.
"By my mom's?" I totally wasn't by my mom's. And why would I be by her house and not just at her house. I'm a great liar apparently.
I flew outta the parking lot and sped home. Praying I didn't get pulled over because I left my license in the jeans I'd worn the night before.
I'm a couple minutes from home when he calls.
"I think I know what you're trying to do."
Stupid Sarah left the other car seat laying in the driveway. That got his curiosity up. Then he noticed the wheels were missing.
Big sigh.
I pulled in the driveway with the stupid studded tires on and the new tires in the back of the rig. Nice surprise, huh? Here's your tires, put 'em on your freakin' self!
He says he likes them. And he really should. But I still feel like a total moron for first forgetting that I needed the right wheels and then for forgetting the stupid lug nuts. I'm such a girl. Usually I'm okay with that until I make a complete idiot of myself.
I really hate making an idiot of myself.
So.
That was my Saturday.
How'd you spend yours?
Thursday, April 21, 2011
I Quit Homeschooling {and life} That Day
"It's only Kindergarten."
If I had a dime for every time someone said that to me before we started this school year, or even during, I'd be a wealthy chick.
Well, this only Kindergarten deal?
Proves to be too much.
I've failed.
And I'm okay with admitting it. In fact, I feel so freed up by it. Tears of relief stream down my cheeks right now. They've been coming down for 2.5 hours.
I quit.
I'm done.
No more.
At least not after this school year. I called the Christian school in town. I found out tuition for next year. At this point I don't see how it's possible for us to send her to private school. It would be about $500 per month. But with home schooling not being an option anymore and public school definitely not being an option, changes will have to be made to our budget so that Sugar can go to school.
I'd say that sending her to school is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done but right now I feel like home schooling is the hardest thing I've ever done.
I tried.
I did.
But I didn't do a good job. I can't continue on like this. It's not fair to Sugar. She's a smart girl who needs a teacher that is structured and patient, smart and encouraging. She needs a teacher who - get this - knows how to teach. Go figure, huh?
I'm not that teacher.
She deserves better.
So next school year I'll get that for her.
I wrote this last Friday morning. It's been a few days and I've backed away from my ledge of insanity I was about to jump from.
Friday was a really rough day. Friday night wasn't much better. We drove to Richland to look at some tires for Josh's Suburban and on the way I told him I thought we should move to the Tri-Cities. He looked at me like I had two heads.
"There's more options for schools for the girls."
He shook his head.
Conversation over.
We didn't get the tires. We did get groceries. And we did get home really late. We put the groceries away in silence. I was ready to just go to bed, my day had been long and so emotionally exhausting.
"We need to talk," he says.
So we talked. Mostly I talked. I let it all out. How I feel like I suck at pretty much anything that has to do with my life. My faith, my wifeliness, my mothering and, my homeschoolishness.
Was telling a friend it'd be nice to just go away for awhile.
The response I got, "okay, Marie Osmond."
Totally cracked me up.
I remember when she did that. When she took off and drove. And I remember thinking she was so selfish. How could she up and leave her family?
Funny how you judge someone til you've walked a mile in their flip flops.
I'm not going to up and leave.
{at least not at the moment}
Instead I'm going to keep trudging. Through this life I'm living. This life I know I'm beyond blessed with.
I'm going to keep home schooling my kid. Even though I feel like I suck at it.
I'm going to keep being a wife to Josh. Even though I suck at it.
I'm going to keep being a mother to my children. Even though I suck at it.
'Cause it's gotta get better, right? I mean, I don't think I can get any worse.
If I had a dime for every time someone said that to me before we started this school year, or even during, I'd be a wealthy chick.
Well, this only Kindergarten deal?
Proves to be too much.
I've failed.
And I'm okay with admitting it. In fact, I feel so freed up by it. Tears of relief stream down my cheeks right now. They've been coming down for 2.5 hours.
I quit.
I'm done.
No more.
At least not after this school year. I called the Christian school in town. I found out tuition for next year. At this point I don't see how it's possible for us to send her to private school. It would be about $500 per month. But with home schooling not being an option anymore and public school definitely not being an option, changes will have to be made to our budget so that Sugar can go to school.
I'd say that sending her to school is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done but right now I feel like home schooling is the hardest thing I've ever done.
I tried.
I did.
But I didn't do a good job. I can't continue on like this. It's not fair to Sugar. She's a smart girl who needs a teacher that is structured and patient, smart and encouraging. She needs a teacher who - get this - knows how to teach. Go figure, huh?
I'm not that teacher.
She deserves better.
So next school year I'll get that for her.
I wrote this last Friday morning. It's been a few days and I've backed away from my ledge of insanity I was about to jump from.
Friday was a really rough day. Friday night wasn't much better. We drove to Richland to look at some tires for Josh's Suburban and on the way I told him I thought we should move to the Tri-Cities. He looked at me like I had two heads.
"There's more options for schools for the girls."
He shook his head.
Conversation over.
We didn't get the tires. We did get groceries. And we did get home really late. We put the groceries away in silence. I was ready to just go to bed, my day had been long and so emotionally exhausting.
"We need to talk," he says.
So we talked. Mostly I talked. I let it all out. How I feel like I suck at pretty much anything that has to do with my life. My faith, my wifeliness, my mothering and, my homeschoolishness.
Was telling a friend it'd be nice to just go away for awhile.
The response I got, "okay, Marie Osmond."
Totally cracked me up.
I remember when she did that. When she took off and drove. And I remember thinking she was so selfish. How could she up and leave her family?
Funny how you judge someone til you've walked a mile in their flip flops.
I'm not going to up and leave.
{at least not at the moment}
Instead I'm going to keep trudging. Through this life I'm living. This life I know I'm beyond blessed with.
I'm going to keep home schooling my kid. Even though I feel like I suck at it.
I'm going to keep being a wife to Josh. Even though I suck at it.
I'm going to keep being a mother to my children. Even though I suck at it.
'Cause it's gotta get better, right? I mean, I don't think I can get any worse.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Conversations
Random conversations of my life in the last week or so that have made me laugh and think.
Me: Good morning, honey!
Spice: Baby?
(Translation: Justin Bieber, stat.)
Me: Have you found my perfect rig yet?
Jackass friend who just happens to be a car salesman: You mean the relatively new, lower mile SUV that gets good gas mileage and will keep your cost of ownership roughly the same as what you are driving now...nope!
Me: Keep looking.
Jackass friend: I'm on it!
Me: Your birthday is coming! When you turn 3 you have to go potty on the toilet!
Spice: But I'm two.
Me: Sugar, what is a word that starts with P?
Sugar: Um, penis starts with p, right?
(seriously! of all the words in her vocabulary, she picks that one?!?!)
Me: I've chewed my fingernails since I was little.
Friend: Have you ever thought of quitting?
Me: I did once. Before my dad died. But then when he died I started biting them again.
Friend: Uh, that was a long time ago.
(good point...)
Me: Just leaving the gym. I'll be home soon.
Josh: Okay, I'm just now heating up dinner. I have a surprise for you. You can't have dinner til you figure out what's different in the house.
(is the man trying to starve me?!)
(it turned out he replaced our dishwasher while I was at the gym.)
Me: Spice, who do you want to pray for tonight?
Spice: Amber!
Me: Spice, do you know where Jesus is?
Spice: In my tummy.
In an email:
Me: Happy Tuesday!
Chelsea: It's Wednesday, dork.
Any convos you wanna share?
Me: Good morning, honey!
Spice: Baby?
(Translation: Justin Bieber, stat.)
Me: Have you found my perfect rig yet?
Jackass friend who just happens to be a car salesman: You mean the relatively new, lower mile SUV that gets good gas mileage and will keep your cost of ownership roughly the same as what you are driving now...nope!
Me: Keep looking.
Jackass friend: I'm on it!
Me: Your birthday is coming! When you turn 3 you have to go potty on the toilet!
Spice: But I'm two.
Me: Sugar, what is a word that starts with P?
Sugar: Um, penis starts with p, right?
(seriously! of all the words in her vocabulary, she picks that one?!?!)
Me: I've chewed my fingernails since I was little.
Friend: Have you ever thought of quitting?
Me: I did once. Before my dad died. But then when he died I started biting them again.
Friend: Uh, that was a long time ago.
(good point...)
Me: Just leaving the gym. I'll be home soon.
Josh: Okay, I'm just now heating up dinner. I have a surprise for you. You can't have dinner til you figure out what's different in the house.
(is the man trying to starve me?!)
(it turned out he replaced our dishwasher while I was at the gym.)
Me: Spice, who do you want to pray for tonight?
Spice: Amber!
Me: Spice, do you know where Jesus is?
Spice: In my tummy.
In an email:
Me: Happy Tuesday!
Chelsea: It's Wednesday, dork.
Any convos you wanna share?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Baby
When my girls went to visit their wonderful aunt down in Oregon back in February, my youngest child (age 2) came home with a fever.
Bieber Fever.
While my sister-in-law has a teenager and pre-teen in her home, they aren't Bieber fanatics. They simply showed my daughter one YouTube video of Justin Bieber's song, Baby.
That was enough to hook my little Spice.
Since February 28th I have had to play the video daily for my child. I don't mind. It's a harmless video. And, quite honestly, the song is catchy.
My little almost three year old goes around the house saying, "Baby, baby, Oohhh!"
It's the cutest, most ridiculous thing ever. I laugh every time. She's so stinkin' adorable. (gets that from me, of course)
Her birthday is coming up. I'm not one of those good mamas who plans rockin' parties for her kids. I leave that to my friend, Candee. My birthday party planning skillz blow.
But how can I go wrong planning a Bieber Fever party? How can I even consider having a Bieber Fever party for a three year old? Meh. I think it'd just be hilarious to freak out some family members.
I'm thinkin' my kid would be so excited to see Justin's face on a cake plate and napkin. So, I'm thinkin' I'm gonna do it.
We're going to a have a Justin Bieber themed birthday party for Miss Spice for her third birthday.
We're sure to make the family proud!
Bieber Fever.
While my sister-in-law has a teenager and pre-teen in her home, they aren't Bieber fanatics. They simply showed my daughter one YouTube video of Justin Bieber's song, Baby.
That was enough to hook my little Spice.
Since February 28th I have had to play the video daily for my child. I don't mind. It's a harmless video. And, quite honestly, the song is catchy.
My little almost three year old goes around the house saying, "Baby, baby, Oohhh!"
It's the cutest, most ridiculous thing ever. I laugh every time. She's so stinkin' adorable. (gets that from me, of course)
Her birthday is coming up. I'm not one of those good mamas who plans rockin' parties for her kids. I leave that to my friend, Candee. My birthday party planning skillz blow.
But how can I go wrong planning a Bieber Fever party? How can I even consider having a Bieber Fever party for a three year old? Meh. I think it'd just be hilarious to freak out some family members.
I'm thinkin' my kid would be so excited to see Justin's face on a cake plate and napkin. So, I'm thinkin' I'm gonna do it.
We're going to a have a Justin Bieber themed birthday party for Miss Spice for her third birthday.
We're sure to make the family proud!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
:: dream ::
something i often let myself daydream about is a vacation with my best girls. or, heck - alone even.
somewhere warm.
with cold beverages.
sand or dirt, i don't care. give me the beach or give me the mountains. at this point i have no preference.
i just want outta here.
i want to not have to cook a darn meal.
restaurants. ones i've never been to. where food is expensive and tastes out of this world.
where i can wear fun clothes.
a place secluded so music can be as loud as possible.
where there aren't diapers to change. or fights to break up. or sassy almost 6 year olds.
a place that has a masseuse would be fab; i've never had a massage before. oooh, and if they had a yoga class i'd be all over that.
a place with white fluffy towels. and a bed i don't have to make if i don't want to.
and i'd like to rent a car that has only two seats.
where the top rolls down.
this sounds a little like heaven.
and a whole lot far-fetched.
guess that's why it's called a dream.
somewhere warm.
with cold beverages.
sand or dirt, i don't care. give me the beach or give me the mountains. at this point i have no preference.
i just want outta here.
i want to not have to cook a darn meal.
restaurants. ones i've never been to. where food is expensive and tastes out of this world.
where i can wear fun clothes.
a place secluded so music can be as loud as possible.
where there aren't diapers to change. or fights to break up. or sassy almost 6 year olds.
a place that has a masseuse would be fab; i've never had a massage before. oooh, and if they had a yoga class i'd be all over that.
a place with white fluffy towels. and a bed i don't have to make if i don't want to.
and i'd like to rent a car that has only two seats.
where the top rolls down.
this sounds a little like heaven.
and a whole lot far-fetched.
guess that's why it's called a dream.
i'm not proud of it
but this is what i ate yesterday
breakfast:
grande iced hazelnut breve latte
2 raspberry filled powdered donuts
lunch:
1 raspberry filled powdered donut
snack right before i went to the gym:
1/2 a king sized Snickers
Vitamin Water
dinner:
McChicken and small fry from McD's.
Clearly I've turned into a health freak, huh?!
breakfast:
grande iced hazelnut breve latte
2 raspberry filled powdered donuts
lunch:
1 raspberry filled powdered donut
snack right before i went to the gym:
1/2 a king sized Snickers
Vitamin Water
dinner:
McChicken and small fry from McD's.
Clearly I've turned into a health freak, huh?!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
This Phase
I went to lunch with my friend, Lindsey, last Friday. When I picked her up we small talked for a bit, went to a bike shop to get a new tire for Josh's race and then headed to our destination.
Red Robin.
It's been years since Linds and I have spent time just the two of us. Without our kids. Without our husbands.
It was a treat.
We're a couple minutes into staring at our menus when she says, "so how are you really?"
Don't you love a friend who will say that to you?
I admitted that lately I've been struggling. As I'm sure has been apparent here on my blog. I told her what I'd told Josh just a few days before.
That I feel like I've been at a job for six years that I'm horrible at. A job that is so demanding. A job that I don't seem to do well at, at all. That if truth be told, I want to quit this job sometimes. I want to quit this job and find one I'm good at. Where I'm paid and appreciated. Awarded and needed. Even if it means giving up my comfy clothes and easy-going boss.
The fabulous friend that she is, she listened. And encouraged.
It's just a phase. I go through them. This one has definitely been longer than most but it'll pass. I just really want to start feeling like I'm doing a good job.
And I'm just not feelin' that right now.
Red Robin.
It's been years since Linds and I have spent time just the two of us. Without our kids. Without our husbands.
It was a treat.
We're a couple minutes into staring at our menus when she says, "so how are you really?"
Don't you love a friend who will say that to you?
I admitted that lately I've been struggling. As I'm sure has been apparent here on my blog. I told her what I'd told Josh just a few days before.
That I feel like I've been at a job for six years that I'm horrible at. A job that is so demanding. A job that I don't seem to do well at, at all. That if truth be told, I want to quit this job sometimes. I want to quit this job and find one I'm good at. Where I'm paid and appreciated. Awarded and needed. Even if it means giving up my comfy clothes and easy-going boss.
The fabulous friend that she is, she listened. And encouraged.
It's just a phase. I go through them. This one has definitely been longer than most but it'll pass. I just really want to start feeling like I'm doing a good job.
And I'm just not feelin' that right now.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
{proud}
Josh entered a duathlon this weekend. His brother, Caleb, did it last year and convinced him that he needed to do it with him this year.
He had a 2.5 mile run.
10 miles on the mountain bike.
And then finished with another 2.5 mile run.
He's a busy guy. He works hard, has a family to hang out with in the evenings and other stuff on his plate.
He didn't have much time to train.
But he went for it anyway!
Josh rocked his race. He really did. We found out a few hours after we left that he took second in his age division (30-34) and we were pretty stoked about this.
He had a 2.5 mile run.
10 miles on the mountain bike.
And then finished with another 2.5 mile run.
He's a busy guy. He works hard, has a family to hang out with in the evenings and other stuff on his plate.
He didn't have much time to train.
But he went for it anyway!
 |
| Brothers (my man is on the left) |
 |
| Joshua and me |
However, after checking out the website in charge of the timing, we noticed an error on the guy that placed first in the division. His time was about 13 minutes slower than Josh's. Josh brushed it off. To him, no big deal.
To me?
Big deal.
I immediately emailed the race director.
Race director emailed me back within a couple of hours letting me know that I was right.
And by this morning the website was updated.
With a time of 1:21, Josh placed first in his age division.
That. Rocks.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Confessions
I haven't been to the gym since last Tuesday.
I've had a beer at lunch for the last two days. (and might have another today...)
I spent $50 on a shirt the other night. Yes, $50. (you freaking out, Em?!) For one shirt. I never do that. But she's so worth it. I love her. And if I die soon, can you tell Josh I want to buried in 'er? Thanks.
My girls are outside playing while I'm blogging.
I can't hear them and I think I should be concerned.
I didn't have dinner last night but ate a Caramello at 9 pm instead.
I weighed myself this morning even though Friday is my official weigh day.
I went running on Sunday afternoon and on my way home I stopped at the cemetery. Second row, ninth headstone over. My dad's. I sat there. Out of breath. And let myself cry. I've been to the cemetery more times in the last 6 months than I have been in the nearly 12 years he's been dead. I feel healthier for it. But kinda like a weirdo, too.
I now only shampoo my hair once a week. I also don't touch a towel to my hair anymore. Instead I use a t-shirt. My hair is loving me. It's curlier than ever.
My husband prefers my hair straight.
Sorry, dude.
I have a pellet gun sitting on my kitchen counter. Waiting for a neighbor dog to enter my yard. (no worries, it'll just sting not kill.) (though i'd like 'em dead)
Hey, the post is titled Confessions.
I get to see my high school BFF tomorrow and it makes my heart happy.
I'm wearing thread bare jeans that have holes in the knees, paint everywhere and look like they should have been thrown away years ago. Mmm comfy.
I hear my girls screaming. Good sign. They're still kickin'.
Suppose I should feed them lunch now, huh?
Anything you feel like confessing? No judgement from this girl!
I've had a beer at lunch for the last two days. (and might have another today...)
I spent $50 on a shirt the other night. Yes, $50. (you freaking out, Em?!) For one shirt. I never do that. But she's so worth it. I love her. And if I die soon, can you tell Josh I want to buried in 'er? Thanks.
My girls are outside playing while I'm blogging.
I can't hear them and I think I should be concerned.
I didn't have dinner last night but ate a Caramello at 9 pm instead.
I weighed myself this morning even though Friday is my official weigh day.
I went running on Sunday afternoon and on my way home I stopped at the cemetery. Second row, ninth headstone over. My dad's. I sat there. Out of breath. And let myself cry. I've been to the cemetery more times in the last 6 months than I have been in the nearly 12 years he's been dead. I feel healthier for it. But kinda like a weirdo, too.
I now only shampoo my hair once a week. I also don't touch a towel to my hair anymore. Instead I use a t-shirt. My hair is loving me. It's curlier than ever.
My husband prefers my hair straight.
Sorry, dude.
I have a pellet gun sitting on my kitchen counter. Waiting for a neighbor dog to enter my yard. (no worries, it'll just sting not kill.) (though i'd like 'em dead)
Hey, the post is titled Confessions.
I get to see my high school BFF tomorrow and it makes my heart happy.
I'm wearing thread bare jeans that have holes in the knees, paint everywhere and look like they should have been thrown away years ago. Mmm comfy.
I hear my girls screaming. Good sign. They're still kickin'.
Suppose I should feed them lunch now, huh?
Anything you feel like confessing? No judgement from this girl!
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
A decision to be made
While I was pregnant with Spice, Josh and I decided that upon the baby's delivery, I'd have my tubes tied.
Close to the end of my pregnancy I went in for a routine appointment with the surgeon who cut out my appendix, a malignant tumor and half of my colon. He asked how my pregnancy was going and if we were going to have any more children.
I told him my pregnancy was going well, but that I was always fearful that my nearly 7" long scar was going to rip open and I'd have my baby a little sooner than I anticipated.
He just looked at me.
Bedside manner (and apparently a sense of humor):
He lacks.
Surgical skillz:
He's gots.
I also told him I was planning to have my tubes tied after the baby was born.
"That won't be possible," he tells me. He goes on to say that whoever would be doing the procedure wouldn't know what they were up against on my insides. Scar tissue, blah blah blah.
So. I didn't have it done.
In December Josh and I decided to try for a baby.
And we breathed a sigh of relief when it didn't happen.
This let me know I wasn't ready to have more children. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready.
So I called my surgeon's office last week and asked if maybe my doctor could do it since he knows all my inside junk. The office manager said she'd ask him and get back to me. She called yesterday.
"Doctor can tie your tubes, Sarah. Come pick up some paperwork and we'll schedule your consultation."
And just like that I flipped.
I picked up the papers. But I'm not sure anymore that it's what I want to do.
Josh was okay with it until I told him it was a for sure deal, the procedure could happen, then he wasn't so sure anymore.
{big sigh}
Like, really big sigh.
Close to the end of my pregnancy I went in for a routine appointment with the surgeon who cut out my appendix, a malignant tumor and half of my colon. He asked how my pregnancy was going and if we were going to have any more children.
I told him my pregnancy was going well, but that I was always fearful that my nearly 7" long scar was going to rip open and I'd have my baby a little sooner than I anticipated.
He just looked at me.
Bedside manner (and apparently a sense of humor):
He lacks.
Surgical skillz:
He's gots.
I also told him I was planning to have my tubes tied after the baby was born.
"That won't be possible," he tells me. He goes on to say that whoever would be doing the procedure wouldn't know what they were up against on my insides. Scar tissue, blah blah blah.
So. I didn't have it done.
In December Josh and I decided to try for a baby.
And we breathed a sigh of relief when it didn't happen.
This let me know I wasn't ready to have more children. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready.
So I called my surgeon's office last week and asked if maybe my doctor could do it since he knows all my inside junk. The office manager said she'd ask him and get back to me. She called yesterday.
"Doctor can tie your tubes, Sarah. Come pick up some paperwork and we'll schedule your consultation."
And just like that I flipped.
I picked up the papers. But I'm not sure anymore that it's what I want to do.
Josh was okay with it until I told him it was a for sure deal, the procedure could happen, then he wasn't so sure anymore.
{big sigh}
Like, really big sigh.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Goals Sarah Style
I think goals rock.
I'm used to setting them and not following through. Until 2011 that is. I actually set a goal to get back in shape (even though round is a shape, it's not the one I was goin' for) and I've been doing it.
The end of January I started jogging. The beginning of February I started going to the gym.
14 lbs later (14 to go) I'm stoked that I set a goal and stuck to it.
For once in my life.
When I finished my race a month ago, Josh was at the finish line. He hugged me and said, "I never thought this day would come." He wasn't being negative. He just knows I've been lazy. I've been down on myself. And he knows that I very often start things without finishing them.
I set a goal.
I stuck to it.
I decided this morning that maybe a few more goals would be a good idea.
So, here are a few personal goals I have. At the end of the month I'll try to remember to update on how I've done.
Personal Goals:
Lose 14 more lbs. - I'd like to complete this by my birthday, which is 2 months away.
Gym 3x per week
Run 10 miles per week
Start writing. - I'm not sure what exactly I want to write but I think I need to just write. Some place other than my blog. Maybe get started on that book my fortune said I should write. (HA!)
Call/email friends weekly. Also, reply to emails quickly.
Monthly "Sarah days" - a day to unwind. a day to do what i need to do to breathe. whether it be a day at Starbucks w/my laptop or a day at the park with my book. I'm realizing it's not selfish to take a day to myself but it's actually healthy. I need to make it a priority.
Mama Goals:
30 minutes of one on one time with my girls - sounds like it should be so easy since I'm a SAHM. The thing is, I'm really good at getting myself involved in cleaning or reading or slothfulness over just spending quality time with these little girls.
Weekly date night with one child - a time just going to the park or on a walk or doing whatever it is they want to do. Then the next week, the next kid.
Yell less, love more - I've really been noticing again lately how my voice rises when I'm speaking to them. Hurts my mama heart and I need to be doing better.
Kisses - lots and lots of kisses.
Smile - always.
There they are.
How 'bout you? Have you made any goals lately? Or accomplished some?
I'm used to setting them and not following through. Until 2011 that is. I actually set a goal to get back in shape (even though round is a shape, it's not the one I was goin' for) and I've been doing it.
The end of January I started jogging. The beginning of February I started going to the gym.
14 lbs later (14 to go) I'm stoked that I set a goal and stuck to it.
For once in my life.
When I finished my race a month ago, Josh was at the finish line. He hugged me and said, "I never thought this day would come." He wasn't being negative. He just knows I've been lazy. I've been down on myself. And he knows that I very often start things without finishing them.
I set a goal.
I stuck to it.
I decided this morning that maybe a few more goals would be a good idea.
So, here are a few personal goals I have. At the end of the month I'll try to remember to update on how I've done.
Personal Goals:
Lose 14 more lbs. - I'd like to complete this by my birthday, which is 2 months away.
Gym 3x per week
Run 10 miles per week
Start writing. - I'm not sure what exactly I want to write but I think I need to just write. Some place other than my blog. Maybe get started on that book my fortune said I should write. (HA!)
Call/email friends weekly. Also, reply to emails quickly.
Monthly "Sarah days" - a day to unwind. a day to do what i need to do to breathe. whether it be a day at Starbucks w/my laptop or a day at the park with my book. I'm realizing it's not selfish to take a day to myself but it's actually healthy. I need to make it a priority.
Mama Goals:
30 minutes of one on one time with my girls - sounds like it should be so easy since I'm a SAHM. The thing is, I'm really good at getting myself involved in cleaning or reading or slothfulness over just spending quality time with these little girls.
Weekly date night with one child - a time just going to the park or on a walk or doing whatever it is they want to do. Then the next week, the next kid.
Yell less, love more - I've really been noticing again lately how my voice rises when I'm speaking to them. Hurts my mama heart and I need to be doing better.
Kisses - lots and lots of kisses.
Smile - always.
There they are.
How 'bout you? Have you made any goals lately? Or accomplished some?
Friday, April 01, 2011
It's a great day to be alive
I'm happy. The sun is out. I was up early. Got a shower in. My girls are still in bed. I've officially reached my half way mark in my weight loss goal - 14 lbs.
Mostly.
Happy.
Because.
I saw my sister Erica last night.
Those closest to me know that it's been a long road with my sweet sister. About 26 years long. ☺ Things are going well. Very, very well.
Maybe cause we only spent a couple hours together last night? kidding...
Seriously, though. It was good. We're good.
I loved sitting on Megan's bed with the two of them. Laughing. Making fun of Megan's "Jesus Sandal" collection and trying on her wardrobe. It's been years since the three of us have been in the same room, in a good place in our lives.
My heart is full.
Mostly.
Happy.
Because.
I saw my sister Erica last night.
Those closest to me know that it's been a long road with my sweet sister. About 26 years long. ☺ Things are going well. Very, very well.
Maybe cause we only spent a couple hours together last night? kidding...
Seriously, though. It was good. We're good.
I loved sitting on Megan's bed with the two of them. Laughing. Making fun of Megan's "Jesus Sandal" collection and trying on her wardrobe. It's been years since the three of us have been in the same room, in a good place in our lives.
My heart is full.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I Prefer
Brown over black.
Truck over car.
Standard over automatic.
Yes over no.
Summer over Winter.
Bare feet to shoes.
Country music over anything else.
The beach over the mountains.
But dirt over sand.
To be surrounded by people over being alone...most times.
The windows down over air-conditioning.
Beer over wine.
Coffee over chocolate *gasp*
Steak over chicken.
Books over magazines.
Small town over big city.
Jeans over any other clothing.
Laughing over crying.
Comfortable silence over filler conversation.
Cleaning the toilet over doing the dishes.
Reading silently over reading aloud.
Memories over pictures.
A road trip over a plane ride.
The rain over snow.
Sunshine over clouds.
Campfire over candlelight.
Truck over car.
Standard over automatic.
Yes over no.
Summer over Winter.
Bare feet to shoes.
Country music over anything else.
The beach over the mountains.
But dirt over sand.
To be surrounded by people over being alone...most times.
The windows down over air-conditioning.
Beer over wine.
Coffee over chocolate *gasp*
Steak over chicken.
Books over magazines.
Small town over big city.
Jeans over any other clothing.
Laughing over crying.
Comfortable silence over filler conversation.
Cleaning the toilet over doing the dishes.
Reading silently over reading aloud.
Memories over pictures.
A road trip over a plane ride.
The rain over snow.
Sunshine over clouds.
Campfire over candlelight.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
That's Better
It's amazing how writing stuff out, working out, having a beer, getting an email from a blog reader and another from a friend can make ya feel a whole lot better.
It's cloudy today but my mood is not.
I was just replying to the blog reader friend who emailed me about yesterday's post. I blogged yesterday before I had even completely woken up. How could I know it wasn't going to be that bad of a day?!
My days of feeling like I did yesterday used to be an everyday occurrence. I'm thankful that now it's maybe once a week or once every other week. I really believe that working out is helping TONS. I feel better about myself, my mood is better after I've been to the gym and my stomach usually hurts more from laughter with Amber than from the ab workout. I wish I could share the stuff she says, but most of it is completely inappropriate. (Hi, Amber! Totally ratted you out!) And it's only inappropriate because the moves we do sometimes are inappropriate and she comments on the moves and it makes me laugh so stinkin' hard.
Josh left me a note this morning. Telling me I'm doing a good job with the girls and with our home. Definitely much needed. A stay at home mom or dad's work is often a thankless job.
I think part of my funk yesterday also had to do with - don't laugh - I wore comfy pants all day. It makes me feel sloppy and lazy and I hate that. When I put jeans on (my favorite thing in the world) all is right in my life. I chose to be a slob and my mood was completely affected. I put on my favorite pair of jeans immediately after my shower this morning. When you feel good about your butt, it makes the rest of ya feel good too. ☺
So. Just wanted to let you all know, I'm better. Much better. Ask me again in a coupla weeks, it could be a different story. But today is good.
It's cloudy today but my mood is not.
I was just replying to the blog reader friend who emailed me about yesterday's post. I blogged yesterday before I had even completely woken up. How could I know it wasn't going to be that bad of a day?!
My days of feeling like I did yesterday used to be an everyday occurrence. I'm thankful that now it's maybe once a week or once every other week. I really believe that working out is helping TONS. I feel better about myself, my mood is better after I've been to the gym and my stomach usually hurts more from laughter with Amber than from the ab workout. I wish I could share the stuff she says, but most of it is completely inappropriate. (Hi, Amber! Totally ratted you out!) And it's only inappropriate because the moves we do sometimes are inappropriate and she comments on the moves and it makes me laugh so stinkin' hard.
Josh left me a note this morning. Telling me I'm doing a good job with the girls and with our home. Definitely much needed. A stay at home mom or dad's work is often a thankless job.
I think part of my funk yesterday also had to do with - don't laugh - I wore comfy pants all day. It makes me feel sloppy and lazy and I hate that. When I put jeans on (my favorite thing in the world) all is right in my life. I chose to be a slob and my mood was completely affected. I put on my favorite pair of jeans immediately after my shower this morning. When you feel good about your butt, it makes the rest of ya feel good too. ☺
So. Just wanted to let you all know, I'm better. Much better. Ask me again in a coupla weeks, it could be a different story. But today is good.
Monday, March 28, 2011
{ fog }
Have you ever woken up on March 28th and wondered where you've been for the last two months?
Oh, just me, huh?
I woke up at 2 am. I couldn't go back to sleep. The anxiety set in and quickly I was so hot I could barely stand to have the covers on me.
I laid there.
Thinking about my life over the last couple of months or so. How consumed with me I have been. Sugar's schooling has been meh. We do it a couple times a week or so. She's doing great. I'm just not doing great as her teacher. My house isn't a disaster nor is it as clean as it should be. Menu planning has gone out the window which leaves us to either eat out or have corn tortillas and refried beans night after night. My husband has gotten used to making his own breakfast every morning, something I really feel I should do for him.
I feel like I've been a bad friend. Daughter. Sister.
My header reads, This Beautiful Mess. that is my faith, my wifeliness, my mothering and my relationships.
My faith.
I have faith.
You just wouldn't know it by the way I live my life sometimes. I feel like I should be on a billboard for the picture of a Christian Failure.
When am I gonna get this stuff right?
When will I be the wife, mama, teacher, sister, daughter, friend I'm supposed to be? I feel like I go through this a lot. This not measuring up stuff. I can see why people give up.
I can.
The sun is shining. The grass is greening. Birds are chirping in the mornings now. I feel like I should have hope instead of this heavy fog feeling around me.
Maybe tomorrow.
Oh, just me, huh?
I woke up at 2 am. I couldn't go back to sleep. The anxiety set in and quickly I was so hot I could barely stand to have the covers on me.
I laid there.
Thinking about my life over the last couple of months or so. How consumed with me I have been. Sugar's schooling has been meh. We do it a couple times a week or so. She's doing great. I'm just not doing great as her teacher. My house isn't a disaster nor is it as clean as it should be. Menu planning has gone out the window which leaves us to either eat out or have corn tortillas and refried beans night after night. My husband has gotten used to making his own breakfast every morning, something I really feel I should do for him.
I feel like I've been a bad friend. Daughter. Sister.
My header reads, This Beautiful Mess. that is my faith, my wifeliness, my mothering and my relationships.
My faith.
I have faith.
You just wouldn't know it by the way I live my life sometimes. I feel like I should be on a billboard for the picture of a Christian Failure.
When am I gonna get this stuff right?
When will I be the wife, mama, teacher, sister, daughter, friend I'm supposed to be? I feel like I go through this a lot. This not measuring up stuff. I can see why people give up.
I can.
The sun is shining. The grass is greening. Birds are chirping in the mornings now. I feel like I should have hope instead of this heavy fog feeling around me.
Maybe tomorrow.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Random was an Order
I've won a coupla awards in my life.
The first was an award for best Valentine's Box when I was in Kindergarten. (the part of Kindergarten I spent in Phoenix, AZ)
The next award was for best colored picture in middle school. I won a Pepsi and Snickers.
Then came that fantastic award my Senior year of High School. "Most Likely to be Seen on Jerry Springer." {such a proud moment on my part}
And then when I worked at Pier 1, it was, "Most Likely to Provide Comic Relief." {still have the award to prove that I AM funny!}
Excellent awards, no?
It's nice. I was just saying the other day how I don't get any recognition 'round these parts and BAM! I get an award for:
Kelsey blogs over at HolyMama! and was one of the very first blogs I read when I started my own 4.5 years ago. I love how real she is. I love that she doesn't cook(wish I could get away with that). I love that she has a housekeeper. And I really appreciate her love for mud.
To accept this award I have to tell you 7 random things about me. Here's HM's randoms. And with all the random posts I give you I'm not sure any of them will be new to you. So, eh, here goes:
I have always, always wanted to be a bartender. I'm not entirely sure why since drunk people aren't necessarily my favorite but the bar atmosphere is pretty fun. My mom was a bartender when I was younger and she loved her job. Maybe that's why? Anyway, I was recently at a sports bar and since I wasn't drinking any more than my one beer I decided to busy myself and clean up our table and the tables around me. I took glasses, pitchers and food baskets up to the bar and cleaned up napkins and junk off the floor. The bartender offered me a job application. I laughed. I'd like to believe I would have had the job had I applied. Which I didn't. So, yeah, first random fact: I've always wanted to be a bartender.
(totally struggling to come up with a second thing you may not already know.)
(Josh keeps listing stuff and I'm like, "yeah, they know." "yeah, they know that too.")
I have a scar on my left shin. It's a little hole. That hole fits well with the reason I have the scar. I was maybe 7. My mom and step dad were looking for work and home for us in Seattle. I lived in Gview with my grandma and aunts. My mom would visit on the weekends or whenever she could. One day when she was leaving I was chasing after her, crying. I didn't want her to leave. I tripped down the steps and landed on some rocks. One of them embedded into my shin, leaving my scar. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for my mom to leave us the way she had to. Just cannot imagine.
I'm scared of spiders and mice.
I've used a plastic bag as a restroom.
My dream date consists of a warm, rainy day. A walk, hand in hand. Starbucks. And a book store. You all might already know this but ahem, someone else may not...
I got my first hickey when I was 15. (hey, the rules said seven random things) That is wrong. Just plain wrong. Want to hear the story? Okay, good. We were hanging out. Then we were (obviously) kissing and more than I remember kissing, I remember that a Full House rerun was on and Uncle Joey was talking in one of his funny voices. Obviously a very memorable make-out session. PS, I totally got caught with my hickey as will any teenager who gets a hickey.
My almost three year old is still in diapers. Not only that, she will only wear a particular diaper now. It has to have Mickey and Minnie on it. Not just the ones with Mickey on the front. HAS TO BE BOTH OF 'EM. And she'll cry if you don't give in. So you give in. And then when you're done changing her she says, "thank you fur dahper change, Mama." And so you want to change her dahper forever because she's so polite about it.
One time when I was about 8 months pregnant with Sugar I got stuck in the mud. Not my car or anything like that. Me. I was literally stuck in mud. My sister and my friend Keri and I were out driving in my cute little Lancer listening to music, windows down and singing at the top of our lungs. We're driving down the road and we see this HUGE mound of dirt in the road. In.the.road. Of course I stop the car because we had first planned to see who could be King of the Mountain (yes, in all my 8 month pregnant glory I was all about climbing a huge mound of dirt) but once we got to the top of the mound we saw that it was actually a pit. A pit of mud. We thought it would be fun to put our feet in. Then we thought it would be fun to put our legs in. And then I couldn't help myself. I just had to get all the way in. But then I got stuck. And my sister and Keri couldn't pull my pregnant butt out of the mud. And then it started pouring rain. I was laughing so hard. It was like my favoritest day ever. We flagged down a car and asked the guy if he had a cell phone we could borrow. I called Josh and explained our situation. When he showed up and saw me we busted up. He had to pull me out and then he made all three of us sit in the back of his pick-up while it poured rain. When we got home he hosed us off and I felt a little like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy.
My driver's license says I'm 5'3". Total lie. I'm only 5'2". But when I was 16 I really hoped I'd grow 1 more inch. Now I'm thankful I didn't because 5+2=7 and I'm freakish with numbers and prefer 5'2" over 5'3" because that would add up to 8. A number I don't necessarily care for.
Okay, that made 7.
I'm supposed to list a bunch of versatile blogs now. But I don't read a bunch I'd deem "versatile" so here's the few that came to mind.
This & That. Head there, stat. Love these girls. Need design work done, GO! They rock.
Peroxide Designs. The chick kills me. I've never "met" anyone who has such an awesome way with words.
Stuttering Shell. We were separated at birth. Thousands of miles separate us and it's ridiculous. One day I believe we will hang out with our iced hazelnut breves and Blue Moons.
Um, that's all I'm coming up with at the moment.
Thank you, Kelsey, for the award! Feelin' lurved.
The first was an award for best Valentine's Box when I was in Kindergarten. (the part of Kindergarten I spent in Phoenix, AZ)
The next award was for best colored picture in middle school. I won a Pepsi and Snickers.
Then came that fantastic award my Senior year of High School. "Most Likely to be Seen on Jerry Springer." {such a proud moment on my part}
And then when I worked at Pier 1, it was, "Most Likely to Provide Comic Relief." {still have the award to prove that I AM funny!}
Excellent awards, no?
It's nice. I was just saying the other day how I don't get any recognition 'round these parts and BAM! I get an award for:
Kelsey blogs over at HolyMama! and was one of the very first blogs I read when I started my own 4.5 years ago. I love how real she is. I love that she doesn't cook(wish I could get away with that). I love that she has a housekeeper. And I really appreciate her love for mud.
To accept this award I have to tell you 7 random things about me. Here's HM's randoms. And with all the random posts I give you I'm not sure any of them will be new to you. So, eh, here goes:
I have always, always wanted to be a bartender. I'm not entirely sure why since drunk people aren't necessarily my favorite but the bar atmosphere is pretty fun. My mom was a bartender when I was younger and she loved her job. Maybe that's why? Anyway, I was recently at a sports bar and since I wasn't drinking any more than my one beer I decided to busy myself and clean up our table and the tables around me. I took glasses, pitchers and food baskets up to the bar and cleaned up napkins and junk off the floor. The bartender offered me a job application. I laughed. I'd like to believe I would have had the job had I applied. Which I didn't. So, yeah, first random fact: I've always wanted to be a bartender.
(totally struggling to come up with a second thing you may not already know.)
(Josh keeps listing stuff and I'm like, "yeah, they know." "yeah, they know that too.")
I have a scar on my left shin. It's a little hole. That hole fits well with the reason I have the scar. I was maybe 7. My mom and step dad were looking for work and home for us in Seattle. I lived in Gview with my grandma and aunts. My mom would visit on the weekends or whenever she could. One day when she was leaving I was chasing after her, crying. I didn't want her to leave. I tripped down the steps and landed on some rocks. One of them embedded into my shin, leaving my scar. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for my mom to leave us the way she had to. Just cannot imagine.
My dream date consists of a warm, rainy day. A walk, hand in hand. Starbucks. And a book store. You all might already know this but ahem, someone else may not...
I got my first hickey when I was 15. (hey, the rules said seven random things) That is wrong. Just plain wrong. Want to hear the story? Okay, good. We were hanging out. Then we were (obviously) kissing and more than I remember kissing, I remember that a Full House rerun was on and Uncle Joey was talking in one of his funny voices. Obviously a very memorable make-out session. PS, I totally got caught with my hickey as will any teenager who gets a hickey.
My almost three year old is still in diapers. Not only that, she will only wear a particular diaper now. It has to have Mickey and Minnie on it. Not just the ones with Mickey on the front. HAS TO BE BOTH OF 'EM. And she'll cry if you don't give in. So you give in. And then when you're done changing her she says, "thank you fur dahper change, Mama." And so you want to change her dahper forever because she's so polite about it.
One time when I was about 8 months pregnant with Sugar I got stuck in the mud. Not my car or anything like that. Me. I was literally stuck in mud. My sister and my friend Keri and I were out driving in my cute little Lancer listening to music, windows down and singing at the top of our lungs. We're driving down the road and we see this HUGE mound of dirt in the road. In.the.road. Of course I stop the car because we had first planned to see who could be King of the Mountain (yes, in all my 8 month pregnant glory I was all about climbing a huge mound of dirt) but once we got to the top of the mound we saw that it was actually a pit. A pit of mud. We thought it would be fun to put our feet in. Then we thought it would be fun to put our legs in. And then I couldn't help myself. I just had to get all the way in. But then I got stuck. And my sister and Keri couldn't pull my pregnant butt out of the mud. And then it started pouring rain. I was laughing so hard. It was like my favoritest day ever. We flagged down a car and asked the guy if he had a cell phone we could borrow. I called Josh and explained our situation. When he showed up and saw me we busted up. He had to pull me out and then he made all three of us sit in the back of his pick-up while it poured rain. When we got home he hosed us off and I felt a little like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy.
My driver's license says I'm 5'3". Total lie. I'm only 5'2". But when I was 16 I really hoped I'd grow 1 more inch. Now I'm thankful I didn't because 5+2=7 and I'm freakish with numbers and prefer 5'2" over 5'3" because that would add up to 8. A number I don't necessarily care for.
Okay, that made 7.
I'm supposed to list a bunch of versatile blogs now. But I don't read a bunch I'd deem "versatile" so here's the few that came to mind.
This & That. Head there, stat. Love these girls. Need design work done, GO! They rock.
Peroxide Designs. The chick kills me. I've never "met" anyone who has such an awesome way with words.
Stuttering Shell. We were separated at birth. Thousands of miles separate us and it's ridiculous. One day I believe we will hang out with our iced hazelnut breves and Blue Moons.
Um, that's all I'm coming up with at the moment.
Thank you, Kelsey, for the award! Feelin' lurved.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
thankful heart
I'm thankful:
for a phone call from Emily. It's rare we talk on the phone but so great when we do.
for my in-laws. We spent all of Sunday with every one of 'em. I love them all. Even Chad. ;)
for free hockey tickets. I'd never been to a game before and the first time I go it was sold out but we ended up with FREE tickets. I {heart} free goods.
to have had the chance to hang out with friends I haven't seen in over 10 years. What a hoot.
that the Hurd family stayed with us. They are missionaries in Africa and we were lucky to have them stay with us for a few days. Good times. (Thank you, Jerry, for fixing my iTunes!) (Thank you, Breanna, for doing my dishes and bathing my girls!)
for a husband who supports me going to the gym at crazy hours. Thankful he finishes up dinner and puts the girls to bed if I'm not here. Thankful he knows when I need out of the house even if I don't know it. Just plain thankful for him. He rocks.
for Amber. For our friendship. For MySpace that brought us together. For Jerrod Niemann with the windows down.
for Spice. Seriously, the kid kills me. She's started laughing like Janice. Janice from Friends. YouTube Janice from Friends. That's how my kid laughs. I need to get it on video and post it. It's my favorite sound in the whole wide world.
for Starbucks, Pandora, earbuds and my laptop.
for sunshine and flip flops.
to be able to wear jeans I haven't worn since Sept. '08.
to finally have lost a couple more pounds after plateauing for a few weeks.
for beer. I'm not gonna lie. I like it. I'm not a huge drinker. A couple a week. Enough.
to have known a man named Ron Reyer. He was the dad of my best friend from middle school. He joked with me, picked on me, loved on me, took me camping, took me to church. And last week, through Facebook I see he lost his battle with cancer. My heart hurts over the family's loss.
that Melissa is movin' back to our 'hood soon. Seriously, first Candee and now Melissa. My life is nearing perfect. (Hey, Linds...wanna bring The Quads back together por vida?)
for Brie. and brown sugar. and dijon mustard. and bread. YUM.
that my girls love dirt. They were outside today playing with Hot Wheels in the dirt. Who needs boys when ya have tomboys? (though I'd love a sweet little boy to snuggle)
my nieces. They bring me much joy.
for encouraging texts from Linds.
for mashed potatoes.
That's a start. I'm happy today. It was a good day.
What are you thankful for?
for a phone call from Emily. It's rare we talk on the phone but so great when we do.
for my in-laws. We spent all of Sunday with every one of 'em. I love them all. Even Chad. ;)
for free hockey tickets. I'd never been to a game before and the first time I go it was sold out but we ended up with FREE tickets. I {heart} free goods.
to have had the chance to hang out with friends I haven't seen in over 10 years. What a hoot.
that the Hurd family stayed with us. They are missionaries in Africa and we were lucky to have them stay with us for a few days. Good times. (Thank you, Jerry, for fixing my iTunes!) (Thank you, Breanna, for doing my dishes and bathing my girls!)
for a husband who supports me going to the gym at crazy hours. Thankful he finishes up dinner and puts the girls to bed if I'm not here. Thankful he knows when I need out of the house even if I don't know it. Just plain thankful for him. He rocks.
for Amber. For our friendship. For MySpace that brought us together. For Jerrod Niemann with the windows down.
for Spice. Seriously, the kid kills me. She's started laughing like Janice. Janice from Friends. YouTube Janice from Friends. That's how my kid laughs. I need to get it on video and post it. It's my favorite sound in the whole wide world.
for Starbucks, Pandora, earbuds and my laptop.
for sunshine and flip flops.
to be able to wear jeans I haven't worn since Sept. '08.
to finally have lost a couple more pounds after plateauing for a few weeks.
for beer. I'm not gonna lie. I like it. I'm not a huge drinker. A couple a week. Enough.
to have known a man named Ron Reyer. He was the dad of my best friend from middle school. He joked with me, picked on me, loved on me, took me camping, took me to church. And last week, through Facebook I see he lost his battle with cancer. My heart hurts over the family's loss.
that Melissa is movin' back to our 'hood soon. Seriously, first Candee and now Melissa. My life is nearing perfect. (Hey, Linds...wanna bring The Quads back together por vida?)
for Brie. and brown sugar. and dijon mustard. and bread. YUM.
that my girls love dirt. They were outside today playing with Hot Wheels in the dirt. Who needs boys when ya have tomboys? (though I'd love a sweet little boy to snuggle)
my nieces. They bring me much joy.
for encouraging texts from Linds.
for mashed potatoes.
That's a start. I'm happy today. It was a good day.
What are you thankful for?
Monday, March 14, 2011
Apology and other schtuff
I'm sorry for my rant earlier.
My heart was/is hurting.
And when that happens, sometimes the only thing that helps is to write it out.
I'm not in counseling right now. I wonder if that's a smart decision on my part. I was telling a friend that after my counseling sessions I had about 48 hours where I felt "normal." Now, there's not much normalness going on.
Today sucked for most of the day.
Til around 4ish. When I plopped myself in front of my laptop with a breve and put my earbuds in while sitting in Starbucks.
Josh had been calling throughout the day, he does that when he's working out of town, and he knew my day was sucking.
Big time.
He started work at 5 am today so he was home at 3. When he got here he said, "go." I told him I didn't even feel like leaving the house. He informed me that meant I really needed to get out.
I got my gym clothes together, my yoga mat, my laptop and earbuds and out the door I went.
I was crabby.
And then I walked into that wonderful coffee shop and all was right in my world!
Then it was time for Body Flow (whichAmber someone wanted to skip and just go for dinner) and I got my butt kicked. Again. I haven't been in a week and it was obvious. Josh and I discussed a schedule for my gym time and our family time and his training time as well.
Hopefully we can get stuff flowing a little better around here while maintaining some sort of flexibility should something come up.
On Sunday we mapped out a course for me to jog near the house that will be right around 3 miles. I have to get myself off the treadmill or I won't progress. It's too easy after 1 mile or 2 miles to just be done. The treadmill is boring. The three miles I did on Saturday went so fast. It was nice to be outside. Our town has had a ton of gang violence lately so I'm a little skerd to get out there but I'm just gonna do it!
Bloomsday is in a month and a half and that'smore than twice the run I did Saturday. I need to get ready for it. I'm pretty excited about it.
So, sorry for earlier rant. I'm feeling quite a bit better. thankyouverymuch.
My heart was/is hurting.
And when that happens, sometimes the only thing that helps is to write it out.
I'm not in counseling right now. I wonder if that's a smart decision on my part. I was telling a friend that after my counseling sessions I had about 48 hours where I felt "normal." Now, there's not much normalness going on.
Today sucked for most of the day.
Til around 4ish. When I plopped myself in front of my laptop with a breve and put my earbuds in while sitting in Starbucks.
Josh had been calling throughout the day, he does that when he's working out of town, and he knew my day was sucking.
Big time.
He started work at 5 am today so he was home at 3. When he got here he said, "go." I told him I didn't even feel like leaving the house. He informed me that meant I really needed to get out.
I got my gym clothes together, my yoga mat, my laptop and earbuds and out the door I went.
I was crabby.
And then I walked into that wonderful coffee shop and all was right in my world!
Then it was time for Body Flow (which
Hopefully we can get stuff flowing a little better around here while maintaining some sort of flexibility should something come up.
On Sunday we mapped out a course for me to jog near the house that will be right around 3 miles. I have to get myself off the treadmill or I won't progress. It's too easy after 1 mile or 2 miles to just be done. The treadmill is boring. The three miles I did on Saturday went so fast. It was nice to be outside. Our town has had a ton of gang violence lately so I'm a little skerd to get out there but I'm just gonna do it!
Bloomsday is in a month and a half and that'smore than twice the run I did Saturday. I need to get ready for it. I'm pretty excited about it.
So, sorry for earlier rant. I'm feeling quite a bit better. thankyouverymuch.
I love days like today
When everything goes wrong.
Nothing goes right.
When thebaby 2 year old swallows a penny but not before she choked on it awhile.
When a huge spider is crawling on the almost 6 year old while she screams.
When the sister is in the ER.
When a friend up and quits you.
When the dog smells.
And hamburger is (still) repulsive.
My shins hurt from Saturday.
My heart hurts from...from everything.
One thing I'm learning (yep, I can be taught) I'm stronger than I normally give myself credit for. I'll get through this day.
And the days after it.
Nothing goes right.
When the
When a huge spider is crawling on the almost 6 year old while she screams.
When the sister is in the ER.
When a friend up and quits you.
When the dog smells.
And hamburger is (still) repulsive.
My shins hurt from Saturday.
My heart hurts from...from everything.
One thing I'm learning (yep, I can be taught) I'm stronger than I normally give myself credit for. I'll get through this day.
And the days after it.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Race Results
I finished!
I was a mess of nerves the night before and the day of. Almost to the point of being in a bad mood.
We got there early (it's how I roll) and while waiting for the 5K to start (a kid race and a 10K started first) I ended up having to pee (excellent timing). I'm a big fan of porta potties. (for real, would rather use one of those than a plastic bag or public restroom anyday.)
Anyway, so on my way back from using the outhouse I'm trying to find Candee. It didn't work. What did work is that my friend, Jessica, found me.
Jessica. The girl who a few months ago started her own training. But for a way bigger race. A half marathon. We chatted for a sec and she asked what my goal was. I told her the same thing I told you guys. But somehow she knows me and says, "but what's your real goal?"
as if.
I never thought I could make a 34 minute 5K. But I still wanted a 30-31 minute 5K.
So, I told her the truth. I'd love 30 minutes.
She's on the injured list and needed to run slower. I'm on the short bus list and needed someone to push me.
She offered.
What I love about this is that it was her who got me pumped to start running again and it was her who pushed my ass all through the race. (sorry, I said ass.)
But it's true. We ran side by side for awhile but she was ahead of me throughout the race. I wanted to keep up so I busted my butt. If not for her inspiration, I seriously would never have started jogging six weeks ago.
For the most part the course was flat. Which is good for a wimp like me. But during my Cross Country days I loved the hills. They made me work harder for some reason. At the end of the course, to hit the finish line of this race there was a hill. The only one in the race and it's right at the finish line.
I decided to kick it in, the way I used to do 14 years ago. But this time I didn't have much left in me to kick in. I was spent. I had one girl I wanted to pass at the end but it just didn't happen.
That's okay. I finished.
And I finished with a time of 31:20.
I was a mess of nerves the night before and the day of. Almost to the point of being in a bad mood.
 |
| i ended up putting pants on cuz i was cold & totally regretted it |
We got there early (it's how I roll) and while waiting for the 5K to start (a kid race and a 10K started first) I ended up having to pee (excellent timing). I'm a big fan of porta potties. (for real, would rather use one of those than a plastic bag or public restroom anyday.)
Anyway, so on my way back from using the outhouse I'm trying to find Candee. It didn't work. What did work is that my friend, Jessica, found me.
Jessica. The girl who a few months ago started her own training. But for a way bigger race. A half marathon. We chatted for a sec and she asked what my goal was. I told her the same thing I told you guys. But somehow she knows me and says, "but what's your real goal?"
as if.
I never thought I could make a 34 minute 5K. But I still wanted a 30-31 minute 5K.
So, I told her the truth. I'd love 30 minutes.
She's on the injured list and needed to run slower. I'm on the short bus list and needed someone to push me.
She offered.
What I love about this is that it was her who got me pumped to start running again and it was her who pushed my ass all through the race. (sorry, I said ass.)
But it's true. We ran side by side for awhile but she was ahead of me throughout the race. I wanted to keep up so I busted my butt. If not for her inspiration, I seriously would never have started jogging six weeks ago.
For the most part the course was flat. Which is good for a wimp like me. But during my Cross Country days I loved the hills. They made me work harder for some reason. At the end of the course, to hit the finish line of this race there was a hill. The only one in the race and it's right at the finish line.
I decided to kick it in, the way I used to do 14 years ago. But this time I didn't have much left in me to kick in. I was spent. I had one girl I wanted to pass at the end but it just didn't happen.
That's okay. I finished.
And I finished with a time of 31:20.
Friday, March 11, 2011
{more} ramblings from the nervous chick
I posted a status to FB awhile ago saying that I hope Jesus comes back today so I don't have to run the race tomorrow.
I'm starting to get pretty nervous. Okay, I'm pretty much FUH-REAKING out. It hasn't been pretty. When nerves set in on this girl...watch out!
I drove down to the place where the race will start and finish. It starts at 10 so if I'm there at 7, that should be good, right? Okay, I won't really be that early but prolly pretty close.
I'm so ready for this to be done and over with. Mostly because I want the green beer at the end and so I never ever have to run again if I don't want to.
I didn't get home until midnight last night (this morning?) and Josh and I stayed up talking for awhile and it seemed like as soon as I fell asleep the girls were waking up.
Oh, probably because they got up at FIVE! Who does that?! Argh. It was ugly. So, the four of us were crammed into our bed. The girls giggling and me growling. Next time I'm just headed up to Sugar's bed.
I know I posted my goal for the race but can we pretend I didn't?
Mostly, I realized, I just want to finish.
I'm starting to get pretty nervous. Okay, I'm pretty much FUH-REAKING out. It hasn't been pretty. When nerves set in on this girl...watch out!
I drove down to the place where the race will start and finish. It starts at 10 so if I'm there at 7, that should be good, right? Okay, I won't really be that early but prolly pretty close.
I'm so ready for this to be done and over with. Mostly because I want the green beer at the end and so I never ever have to run again if I don't want to.
I didn't get home until midnight last night (this morning?) and Josh and I stayed up talking for awhile and it seemed like as soon as I fell asleep the girls were waking up.
Oh, probably because they got up at FIVE! Who does that?! Argh. It was ugly. So, the four of us were crammed into our bed. The girls giggling and me growling. Next time I'm just headed up to Sugar's bed.
I know I posted my goal for the race but can we pretend I didn't?
Mostly, I realized, I just want to finish.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
{ I }
am 5'2".
don't like spiders.
love gerbera daisies.
started classes to be a real estate agent when i was 22.
didn't wear shoes that showed my toes until i was about 16.
hate my nose.
and my frizzy hair.
enjoy books.
prefer the beach to the mountains.
but prefer dirt to sand.
had my first kiss when i was way too young to be kissing boys.
like coke and pepsi.
cried for my baby sister today.
think my husband has the sexiest back muscles. he looks nice all the way around but i really enjoy his back.
love the smell of my girls when they've come in from playing in the dirt.
hate people who are rude.
laugh too loud at inappropriate times.
miss my dad today.
wish that it was 75 degrees year round.
have never been to TX or TN and hope to remedy that soon.
wear Love Spell from Victoria's Secret.
wore Vanilla Fields in high school.
hated 7th grade.
hated 8th grade, too.
couldn't be paid enough money to be 9 years old again.
also couldn't be paid enough money to be 21-24 again either.
wonder if i'll ever get my act together.
cry when i see roadkill.
am afraid of front doors on places i've never been.
love all kinds of music but country is where my heart is at.
will have a nephew in June.
can't wait to snuggle him and kiss him and smell him.
don't like spiders.
love gerbera daisies.
started classes to be a real estate agent when i was 22.
didn't wear shoes that showed my toes until i was about 16.
hate my nose.
and my frizzy hair.
enjoy books.
prefer the beach to the mountains.
but prefer dirt to sand.
had my first kiss when i was way too young to be kissing boys.
like coke and pepsi.
cried for my baby sister today.
think my husband has the sexiest back muscles. he looks nice all the way around but i really enjoy his back.
love the smell of my girls when they've come in from playing in the dirt.
hate people who are rude.
laugh too loud at inappropriate times.
miss my dad today.
wish that it was 75 degrees year round.
have never been to TX or TN and hope to remedy that soon.
wear Love Spell from Victoria's Secret.
wore Vanilla Fields in high school.
hated 7th grade.
hated 8th grade, too.
couldn't be paid enough money to be 9 years old again.
also couldn't be paid enough money to be 21-24 again either.
wonder if i'll ever get my act together.
cry when i see roadkill.
am afraid of front doors on places i've never been.
love all kinds of music but country is where my heart is at.
will have a nephew in June.
can't wait to snuggle him and kiss him and smell him.
Starbucks drive-thru play by play
I'm sitting in Starbucks.
Earbuds in. Pandora playing. Lady Antebellum if you're curious.
Venti iced hazelnut breve at my side. (it was free so why not get the big guy, right?)
I am, of course, sitting by the window so I can stare at everyone who goes through the drive-thru.
People watch. It's what I do.
A short haired blonde woman with two blonde haired children just left the drive-thru driving a Honda Odyssey. She probably grabbed herself a cup of coffee to get through the evening madness.
At least that's what I do on occasion.
I can handle morning time fairly well, evenings can be a whole other story. Everyone is tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over. Yet there are still so many hours left of the day and they include dinner prep and baths and being social with one another when really, we've already used up all our words for the day about two hours ago.
Or, maybe she was grabbing a cup of coffee before they head out on a road trip. That's always my fave. I love me a good road trip. And a coffee in hand makes it that much more delightful.
Anyway, I'm at Starbucks all by my lonesome. It's a treat.
I just picked up my number and chip for Saturday's race. I'm number 71. There are over 600 people registered online. I'm trying not to freak out. It's not working very well at all. I asked if they had a course map. Nope. Okay, well since I'll be in back I'll just follow everyone else.
We now have a little red beat up Honda Civic in the drive-thru. And I totally didn't expect the driver to be a woman in her mid 40's. But it was.
Pandora is now playing some Kenny Chesney.
Drive thru just sported another Honda Odyssey. Three Hondas since I started this post.
The wind is crazy today. I posted on Twitter that I was thankful I'm chubby otherwise the wind mighta knocked me over.
Being chubby has its perks I s'pose.
You also don't have to iron since you just fill out all the wrinkles in your clothes!
2 pts for chubbies!
Can you tell I'm absolutely bored and don't know what to do with myself? So I just ramble.
Oh man, now it's Jerrod Niemann's Lover Lover on Pandora! Life is good. And I'm totally rocking out in Starbucks. I look like I'm crazy.
We now have a blue Pontiac in the drive-thru. Can't see the driver yet but I'm going to guess male.
I was so wrong.
18ish year old perky blonde girl.
While I was on the treadmill today Spice decided to mess with my laptop. The little turd somehow disabled my touchpad. I had no clue how to fix 'er. So, all day I was having to use a mouse which I'm now out of the habit of using.
Finally got the brains to Google "enable touchpad" and BAM! She's all fixed now. I was pretty proud of myself.
We now have a Dodge Durango in the drive-thru. Guessing it's a guy...
And we have Gary Allan on Pandora.
Are you loving the play by play or totally bored like I am?
I honestly can't tell you if the driver was a man or woman. I hope people don't ever think that about me.
Okay, I'm through rambling. You don't need to thank me.
Earbuds in. Pandora playing. Lady Antebellum if you're curious.
Venti iced hazelnut breve at my side. (it was free so why not get the big guy, right?)
I am, of course, sitting by the window so I can stare at everyone who goes through the drive-thru.
People watch. It's what I do.
A short haired blonde woman with two blonde haired children just left the drive-thru driving a Honda Odyssey. She probably grabbed herself a cup of coffee to get through the evening madness.
At least that's what I do on occasion.
I can handle morning time fairly well, evenings can be a whole other story. Everyone is tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over. Yet there are still so many hours left of the day and they include dinner prep and baths and being social with one another when really, we've already used up all our words for the day about two hours ago.
Or, maybe she was grabbing a cup of coffee before they head out on a road trip. That's always my fave. I love me a good road trip. And a coffee in hand makes it that much more delightful.
Anyway, I'm at Starbucks all by my lonesome. It's a treat.
I just picked up my number and chip for Saturday's race. I'm number 71. There are over 600 people registered online. I'm trying not to freak out. It's not working very well at all. I asked if they had a course map. Nope. Okay, well since I'll be in back I'll just follow everyone else.
We now have a little red beat up Honda Civic in the drive-thru. And I totally didn't expect the driver to be a woman in her mid 40's. But it was.
Pandora is now playing some Kenny Chesney.
Drive thru just sported another Honda Odyssey. Three Hondas since I started this post.
The wind is crazy today. I posted on Twitter that I was thankful I'm chubby otherwise the wind mighta knocked me over.
Being chubby has its perks I s'pose.
You also don't have to iron since you just fill out all the wrinkles in your clothes!
2 pts for chubbies!
Can you tell I'm absolutely bored and don't know what to do with myself? So I just ramble.
Oh man, now it's Jerrod Niemann's Lover Lover on Pandora! Life is good. And I'm totally rocking out in Starbucks. I look like I'm crazy.
We now have a blue Pontiac in the drive-thru. Can't see the driver yet but I'm going to guess male.
I was so wrong.
18ish year old perky blonde girl.
While I was on the treadmill today Spice decided to mess with my laptop. The little turd somehow disabled my touchpad. I had no clue how to fix 'er. So, all day I was having to use a mouse which I'm now out of the habit of using.
Finally got the brains to Google "enable touchpad" and BAM! She's all fixed now. I was pretty proud of myself.
We now have a Dodge Durango in the drive-thru. Guessing it's a guy...
And we have Gary Allan on Pandora.
Are you loving the play by play or totally bored like I am?
I honestly can't tell you if the driver was a man or woman. I hope people don't ever think that about me.
Okay, I'm through rambling. You don't need to thank me.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
My Goal in Black and White
I said last week that I'd post my goal for Saturday's 5K.
I don't want to post my goal.
I want to throw out some really high number that I know I can beat.
But I'm just going to do it. I'm going to write it. Here. And I'm going to pray like crazy that I'm under it.
I'm embarrassed even to say what it is because it seems sooo slow.
Oh well.
Here goes.
34 minutes and 36 seconds. Because adding those numbers comes to 7.
And I'm freaky when it comes to numbers. (among other things I'm freaky about but that's what the last 4.5 years of blog material has already told you about me.)
So.
There it is. 34 minutes. 36 seconds.
Here goes nothin'.
I don't want to post my goal.
I want to throw out some really high number that I know I can beat.
But I'm just going to do it. I'm going to write it. Here. And I'm going to pray like crazy that I'm under it.
I'm embarrassed even to say what it is because it seems sooo slow.
Oh well.
Here goes.
34 minutes and 36 seconds. Because adding those numbers comes to 7.
And I'm freaky when it comes to numbers. (among other things I'm freaky about but that's what the last 4.5 years of blog material has already told you about me.)
So.
There it is. 34 minutes. 36 seconds.
Here goes nothin'.
Monday, March 07, 2011
a true friend posts videos to your fb wall that make you laugh til you snort
On Saturday I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.
My wonderful friend, Jeana, posted this video to my FB wall. She knows my love for all things flip flops and I also might have a little blog titled Going Top-less (muffin top-less) so naturally with a video titled Flip Flops and Muffin Tops she would think of me.
Thank you, Jeana.
My wonderful friend, Jeana, posted this video to my FB wall. She knows my love for all things flip flops and I also might have a little blog titled Going Top-less (muffin top-less) so naturally with a video titled Flip Flops and Muffin Tops she would think of me.
Thank you, Jeana.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
{I am anything but} Glamorous
My alarm used to go off and I'd groan.
Sleepily throwing my hand on and smashing the snooze button.
Just nine more minutes.
Then.
I'd brush my teeth.
Shower.
Pick out a dressy casual outfit.
Put on my make up.
Scrunch up my short hair.
Take a look in the mirror.
And head out the door. Leaving my house in disarray. My house, though I loved it...I never felt adequate.
I got inside my little red Mitsubishi Lancer, cranked the Country music and drove 35 miles to work.
I took my exit, a little too fast. Took my first right and swung through the backside of the Target parking lot. I pulled into my usual parking spot in front of Pier 1 imports. Checked my makeup in the mirror. Glanced at my cell phone, always 20 minutes early.
Enough time to grab a coffee from across the parking lot, talk to the stand owner and then open up the store.
The moment I walked into that store I no longer felt inadequate. I was where I belonged. I knew what was expected of me and I daily met or exceeded those expectations.
Lights. On.
Music. On.
Check our numbers from the same day last year.
See who I had working with me for the day. And smile because it was Dana, a 19 year old fresh faced, happy-go-lucky girl.
Schuyler a 19 year old 6'4" kid with a baby. Flirty, funny Schulyer.
Amie. Stand-offish. Attitude. Heart of gold.
And Alison. The tall beautiful girl that I didn't want coming to work there because I was just sure she'd be the snobbiest of the snobbies. But I loved her immediately. Finally, someone who understood my sarcasm and could take it as well as dish it.
She was fabulous. So fabulous, my youngest has her name.
I set our goal for $1000 higher than last year's number and unlocked the doors.
Ready for customers.
They'd slowly trickle in.
I'd smile. Tell them good morning and let them browse about five minutes before I approached them.
"I'm supposed to ask for Sarah Lee." Some of them would say.
And that's when my sales would start. They'd come in for $25 worth of candles and I'd sell them those candles and a couple of chairs and an end table to match that they hadn't planned to buy.
$1500 to the occasional $6000 days.
I was good at my job. I loved my job.
There was recognition. There were awards. There were thank yous and well dones.
There was always something to talk about when I got home in the evenings. You know, if someone was home to listen. Or, I'd call Josh while he was in Montana or Oregon or Idaho and tell him about my day.
He was proud of me.
"You should sell cars," he'd tell me. (He even just said this last night)
I was proud of me.
And then my firstborn came along. I always knew I'd want to be a stay-at-home-mom. So that's exactly what I've been for six years.
My alarm clock became the cries of a child. And my dressy casual outfit became sweatpants and a hoodie.
My sporty Lancer turned into a minivan.
And the good jobs and well dones, and the recognition...
Well.
Well they don't exist anymore.
A lot of the time I'm okay with that. This is my job. The one I've chosen.
But it's a hard job.
And it's the least glamorous one out there.
I no longer have exciting stories to share.
And once again, I feel inadequate.
I daily feel I'm not doing enough. Sure, the house is clean enough, bills are paid, dinner is planned and the kids are still alive at the end of a day.
I know there are woman, those who are mothers and those who are not who would love to be in the position I'm in. I am sure I sound ungrateful.
I'm not.
I'm just going through a rough time.
Whether one works outside the home or not, I think at some point we all get a little fed up.
Right now, that's me. I'm fed up.
Fed up with not being good at this job. Fed up with the lack of recognition. The long hours with no overtime pay. No sick leave or paid vacations.
And in a few days this will pass and I'll be fine again.
But for today I'm dreaming of getting in my little red car and pulling into a familiar parking lot and walking into a building where I know I'm good at what I do.
Sleepily throwing my hand on and smashing the snooze button.
Just nine more minutes.
Then.
I'd brush my teeth.
Shower.
Pick out a dressy casual outfit.
Put on my make up.
Scrunch up my short hair.
Take a look in the mirror.
And head out the door. Leaving my house in disarray. My house, though I loved it...I never felt adequate.
I got inside my little red Mitsubishi Lancer, cranked the Country music and drove 35 miles to work.
I took my exit, a little too fast. Took my first right and swung through the backside of the Target parking lot. I pulled into my usual parking spot in front of Pier 1 imports. Checked my makeup in the mirror. Glanced at my cell phone, always 20 minutes early.
Enough time to grab a coffee from across the parking lot, talk to the stand owner and then open up the store.
The moment I walked into that store I no longer felt inadequate. I was where I belonged. I knew what was expected of me and I daily met or exceeded those expectations.
Lights. On.
Music. On.
Check our numbers from the same day last year.
See who I had working with me for the day. And smile because it was Dana, a 19 year old fresh faced, happy-go-lucky girl.
Schuyler a 19 year old 6'4" kid with a baby. Flirty, funny Schulyer.
Amie. Stand-offish. Attitude. Heart of gold.
And Alison. The tall beautiful girl that I didn't want coming to work there because I was just sure she'd be the snobbiest of the snobbies. But I loved her immediately. Finally, someone who understood my sarcasm and could take it as well as dish it.
She was fabulous. So fabulous, my youngest has her name.
I set our goal for $1000 higher than last year's number and unlocked the doors.
Ready for customers.
They'd slowly trickle in.
I'd smile. Tell them good morning and let them browse about five minutes before I approached them.
"I'm supposed to ask for Sarah Lee." Some of them would say.
And that's when my sales would start. They'd come in for $25 worth of candles and I'd sell them those candles and a couple of chairs and an end table to match that they hadn't planned to buy.
$1500 to the occasional $6000 days.
I was good at my job. I loved my job.
There was recognition. There were awards. There were thank yous and well dones.
There was always something to talk about when I got home in the evenings. You know, if someone was home to listen. Or, I'd call Josh while he was in Montana or Oregon or Idaho and tell him about my day.
He was proud of me.
"You should sell cars," he'd tell me. (He even just said this last night)
I was proud of me.
And then my firstborn came along. I always knew I'd want to be a stay-at-home-mom. So that's exactly what I've been for six years.
My alarm clock became the cries of a child. And my dressy casual outfit became sweatpants and a hoodie.
My sporty Lancer turned into a minivan.
And the good jobs and well dones, and the recognition...
Well.
Well they don't exist anymore.
A lot of the time I'm okay with that. This is my job. The one I've chosen.
But it's a hard job.
And it's the least glamorous one out there.
I no longer have exciting stories to share.
And once again, I feel inadequate.
I daily feel I'm not doing enough. Sure, the house is clean enough, bills are paid, dinner is planned and the kids are still alive at the end of a day.
I know there are woman, those who are mothers and those who are not who would love to be in the position I'm in. I am sure I sound ungrateful.
I'm not.
I'm just going through a rough time.
Whether one works outside the home or not, I think at some point we all get a little fed up.
Right now, that's me. I'm fed up.
Fed up with not being good at this job. Fed up with the lack of recognition. The long hours with no overtime pay. No sick leave or paid vacations.
And in a few days this will pass and I'll be fine again.
But for today I'm dreaming of getting in my little red car and pulling into a familiar parking lot and walking into a building where I know I'm good at what I do.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
an update on the whole race and weight loss endeavor and a bunch of parenthesis
owie.
oh.
owie.
Amber someone had a brilliant idea to do a different class than our normal yoga. So we went last night. (she's been before) and I got my butt kicked.
I'd say I got my ass kicked but that might offend some. So I'll just say I got my butt kicked.
It's called Body Flow. Sounds easy enough, right?
WRONG.
Oh.my.word.
By the end of class I was a sweaty, nauseated mess. My abs hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt and if I still had my appendix it would probably have hurt, too.
I left class trying to come up with other exercises that could work all those other muscles that would be a little more enjoyable and less killer. I thought of one and well, this blog is mostly rated PG.
And we should keep it that way.
(I know, what's happened to me. I swear and elude to *ahem* references in a blog post, you'd think I was drinking something stronger than Folgers.)
(kinda wish I were, even if it is 8:07 am)
My race is next Saturday. Not this Saturday. The next one. The 12th.
The day my favorite 11 year old niece turns 12.
(Happy Birthday, S. I'll give you my last place trophy!) (I'll do anything for my nieces.)
Anywho, back to the race. It's coming up. I want to vomit just thinking about it. Josh keeps telling me it's only 3 miles. I'm totally aware, dude. But the last time I ran three consecutive miles I was 17, 105 lbs and only lugged around a B cup. (sorry male readers). I'm 30, 142 lbs (eeeeek) and a newly reduced C cup. I gots me a whole lot more to carry now.
These three miles.
They might be the end of me.
I'm not going to post my race goal just yet. Next week at this time, I will.
The weight loss has been slow and steady. I like it. I started out nearly 5 weeks ago weighing 153. (seriously, I'm posting this for the world, what is in this coffee??) I'm down 11 lbs as of Friday. 11 lbs results in 1 cup size, 1 pant size and a little less in the love handle department.
I have 17 lbs to go for my goal weight of 125. At this point I'm not going to say I'd like to be pre-pregnancy weight. I don't know if it's possible and I think 125 will be great.
And I shall now end this really rambly post. Apparently I talk a lot when I've been up since 4:45 and have a cup of Folgers in me.
oh.
owie.
I'd say I got my ass kicked but that might offend some. So I'll just say I got my butt kicked.
It's called Body Flow. Sounds easy enough, right?
WRONG.
Oh.my.word.
By the end of class I was a sweaty, nauseated mess. My abs hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt and if I still had my appendix it would probably have hurt, too.
I left class trying to come up with other exercises that could work all those other muscles that would be a little more enjoyable and less killer. I thought of one and well, this blog is mostly rated PG.
And we should keep it that way.
(I know, what's happened to me. I swear and elude to *ahem* references in a blog post, you'd think I was drinking something stronger than Folgers.)
(kinda wish I were, even if it is 8:07 am)
My race is next Saturday. Not this Saturday. The next one. The 12th.
The day my favorite 11 year old niece turns 12.
(Happy Birthday, S. I'll give you my last place trophy!) (I'll do anything for my nieces.)
Anywho, back to the race. It's coming up. I want to vomit just thinking about it. Josh keeps telling me it's only 3 miles. I'm totally aware, dude. But the last time I ran three consecutive miles I was 17, 105 lbs and only lugged around a B cup. (sorry male readers). I'm 30, 142 lbs (eeeeek) and a newly reduced C cup. I gots me a whole lot more to carry now.
These three miles.
They might be the end of me.
I'm not going to post my race goal just yet. Next week at this time, I will.
The weight loss has been slow and steady. I like it. I started out nearly 5 weeks ago weighing 153. (seriously, I'm posting this for the world, what is in this coffee??) I'm down 11 lbs as of Friday. 11 lbs results in 1 cup size, 1 pant size and a little less in the love handle department.
I have 17 lbs to go for my goal weight of 125. At this point I'm not going to say I'd like to be pre-pregnancy weight. I don't know if it's possible and I think 125 will be great.
And I shall now end this really rambly post. Apparently I talk a lot when I've been up since 4:45 and have a cup of Folgers in me.
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