TGIF!

I'm so excited it's Friday. And that's silly. Because in the "Life of Sarah" basically everyday is Friday. It's not like I go to work or anything but I still get excited for Friday.

Usually I'm excited for Friday because I know SMT is the next day and Josh doesn't have to work but tomorrow he does. Which isn't terrible, four hours of overtime makes for a lovely paycheck and he only has to work til noon.

I think my love of Fridays started as a kid. We'd have nachos and share Pepsi and then when TGIF came on, we'd have popcorn and M&M's and watch DJ, Stephanie and Michelle manipulate Uncle Joey and Uncle Jesse.

Then, as I got older, Friday meant football or basketball games. Hanging out with my friends.

After I met Josh, Friday meant going to his parents' house and watching movies or playing cards.

I've just always loved Fridays. This one won't be anything glamorous but it's still Friday and I'm still thankful.

Events for the Day

There isn't much to blog about. I mean, there is, 'cause I have an issue I'm dealing with, just not one I can make public at the moment, but when I can...I assure you I will!

Anyway, since I can't vent about what I want to vent about, I'll give you the rundown of My Day.

For the last few weeks our mornings have started soooo early. Around 5:30 or so we get up and either make coffee or go get coffee. Josh heads off to work at 6:55, so as not to be late for his 7 o'clock start time. Jaylee and I meander down to the park and since we're there so early, the only people at the park are the inmates, dressed in orange, picking up garbage.

I don't know them by name but we're used to each other by now. Makes me laugh when they find a quarter, they start yelling. Thinking I might just start bringing pennies to throw and watch their faces light up.

After the park we drive aimlessly through town because, you know, gas is cheap and driving around is sooo much fun.

She naps and I clean house, email, read a book, or like this morning...I tried to pull the weeds that are lining my driveway. Impossible. They like it there and they don't want to leave.

And since they are so tall, they actually provide some privacy and I'm considering letting them stay.

Since it's Thursday, I'll go mow the lawn of a lady named Linda who lives down the holler and then I'll mow my in-laws lawn as well. I don't know what to make for dinner. I'm sure I'll be able to whip something up. Just not sure it'll be edible.

Eh, beggars can't be choosers.

Yup, that's the extent of excitement for my Thursday. Hope yours is just as grand!

Mild Obsessions, Small Towns and Wedding Veils

When you live in a small town with not much to do besides going to the nearest Taco Wagon or Cow Tipping, you have to find something to keep yourself entertained.

It's no secret that I love Grey's Anatomy. I've told you before. But what you may not know is just how much I love that show. But I'm not the only one.

Amber loves the show too.

I think it was last Tuesday she asked if I wanted to go to Wal Mart in our wedding veils on Saturday. You know, 'cause that's what most people do on Saturday mornings.

Sure, I'm up for a good time. I decided to up the ante, just a lil.

How about I make us some stick figures of McDreamy and McSteamy and have the professionals at Wal Mart take our pictures. She agrees but is reluctant. I decided then and there, if she couldn't handle it, our friendship probably wouldn't last too much longer. Because really...those who know me best, know that a lil random picture taking is pretty mild.

So, she shows up in her veil. I have mine. And I have our stick people. She chooses McSteamy and I choose McDreamy. And we head off to Wal Mart.

Those poor photographers (who looked about 12 yrs old) didn't know what to do with us. They didn't know how to pose two girls together who weren't "together" and they just weren't sure what to think of our stick men.

After about 20 minutes we got them finished, went home and my lovely husband took more photos for us since we needed instant gratification and Wal Mart won't send our pics for 3 weeks.

Here's a sampling:



Of course I'll share our "professional" photos when we get them!

My Mailbox

My mailbox is at the end of our driveway. It's not a long driveway but long enough that I have to put on clothes if I want to check the mail without offending neighbors. (I miss the house on Elm St. where I could just reach my arm out to grab the mail)

Anyway...

So, not only do I have to be clothed to get the mail, I have to walk a lil ways up hill to go back to my house. It's quite the process to check the mail. So, it really chaps my hide when I get dressed and walk down the driveway only to find I have no mail.

None.

Sometimes I think I'd rather have bills waiting for me than nothing at all. It's lonely walking back up the driveway empty-handed.

I'm thankful for my friend Melissa, you know...the girl who stole my boyfriend back in High School, I'm thankful for her because she sends Snail Mail.

I'm also thankful for my SIL, Treena. She also sends mail. I love getting mail from her, it's so fun, she never has anything to say in the cards she makes for me because we talk or email 37 times a day. So, the note in her card usually says something like, "love, me."

The reason I bring up no mail is because it happened again. It was a lonely trip home from the mailbox.

If I had known it was going to be empty, I wouldn't have had to get dressed today.

The Sun Shades are Attacking!

On Saturday I had to borrow my SIL's mini-van. There was a sun shade in the winshield area. I tried to wrap it up and it sprung to life and tried to attack me.

Really.

It did.

So, I try again. Because in my head I was reminded of the saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

It attacked me. Again. I throw my arms up and try to run for cover but I'm already seat belted into the van. Thankfully no one saw. They would have thought I was some crazy person. Would hate for strangers to find something out like that about me so soon. And I'd also hate to confirm the suspicions of friends and family.

So, after the blasted thing calmed down, I chucked it in the backseat.

That's right, I'm back!

After a few months of reevaluating priorities and such, I think I'm at a place where I can safely have the internet in my home without spending too much time on it.

So...today, I called my ISP and set up an account. Again. There's a catch. I'm only using dial up.

EW! GROSS! I know!!!! But, for now, I think this is a good start.

I'm very excited to start blogging again, even more excited to start reading blogs again.

Have a wonderful day!!!

Just Some Updates

Hiiii!!! I know, I know...it's almost been two months since my last post.

Getting rid of the internet was a very hard decision but it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Just ask my husband. He actually has clean clothes to wear each morning and dinner on the table at night. I was definitely neglecting my help meet role.

There aren't too many things to announce for the last couple of months, we're still working on our home. Almost half way finished with the siding. It's been fun to work together on it but I'd love to hire it done so that it would have been complete a couple of months ago. Ah well...

Jaylee will be two in about a week and I wanted to have her pictures taken. My friend Sara offered to do them and these are just a couple of shots I loved.



(Not sure how to fix the pics...sorry!)

Anyway, totally loved these shots. Josh knows I had them taken but he doesn't know the poses we did, I think he's going to love the one of her under the hood of the rig. She can be such a girly girl one minute and a tomboy the next. I love that about her.

I don't know what I used to blog about everyday, it's been two months since my last post and I feel like I don't have anything new to share!

Just wanted to show off the pictures I had done of my favorite little girl!

Have a good one!

When you don't have internet...

...you have more time to think of random pictures to take. Like this one.


There's really no explanation for this picture. My husband goes looking for his dust masks and shows up like this. My bra, over his face. I thought I was going to die. Then he gets the brilliant idea that I should wear the dust masks as a bra and that we should set the timer on my camera and actually take a picture to show the world.

It's things like this that make me realize it was such a good idea to get rid of the internet. That way I have more time to take wholesome family pictures.

So, this is what I've been doing in the last week. Real busy I am.

Some Things I Lack

I lack self discipline.

I lack self control.

It's just the way it is...baby.

No, I'm not going to sing. But seriously, those are a couple of things I lack. And sometimes (for me) the easiest way to endure temptation is to get rid of it, which I guess means I'm not enduring it. Oh, whatever. Anway, like chocolate. I love chocolate. My MIL gave me lots of it at Easter. I knew I couldn't just eat one piece at a time, so I had to throw some of it out, while I shoved a mouthful in.

So, remember my issue with my cell phone? I loooved my phone. Loved texting. Loved talking. And it cost me money. Which I really have been trying to be better with. Anyway, you know the outcome. I got rid of the cell phone.

This time...this time my area of lack of self control involves the computer. Involves blogging, MySpace, hotmail, recipes, etc. I love to be online.

L-O-V-E I-T!

And for the most part, so you don't absolutely think I'm a terrible mom, I am mostly on here when Jaylee sleeps. I don't always neglect her! But I'm not going to lie to you (oh this is so embarrassing) there are times when I'm on here and she's running around getting into everything and I don't even notice. Yep, I'm a bad mom.

But I'm not okay with it. I'm changing it. I'm going to do better.

I want to set a good example. For my daughter, my family, my friends. I don't want to be known as "that girl who's always online." I really don't. But right now, that would be a fair assessment of who I am and what I do.

I really wish I could keep my internet and my homekeeping. But, at this point in my life, I can't. I'm too wishy washy. I lack self control. When Josh leaves for work and Jaylee takes a nap, I basically have three choices.

1. Read the Bible.
2. Clean my house.
3. Get online.

Number three is always number 1 on my priority. I love to read my email. I love to send it. I love MySpace. I love to blog and read others' blogs too.

Anyway, I know. I'm getting longwinded about this whole thing. To make a long story less long, today I cancelled my internet.

Yep, cancelled.

And how ridiculous is it that my heart kinda hurts a lil? But it does.

Today is my last day. It will be cancelled tomorrow. I'll be going to the public library more now. I can use it free there. It just won't be the same.

As hard as it is, I feel good about it. I know I've made the right decision. It's just going to take awhile to get used to.

My posts may not be as often, so please stick around. I will post.

Maybe less posts will mean when I do post, it won't be so White Bread.

Mom Award

I have been handing out awards left and right these days and today I'm handing out another.

To me.

My sweet little girl is sick. She has a terrible cough. Terrible.

So terrible we've not been sleeping. None of us. And nothing is helping. This morning, as in, just-a-coupla-hours-ago, she's up for the day. But her bangs are stuck to her nose. So, I peel them from her nose. Her eyes are pretty much glued shut with ickies. So, I peel the ickies from her eyes. Now, by golly, she's ready for Tuesday!

Even though she only had about 3 hours of sleep, she's happy. She picks at breakfast and then decides it's time for a nap.

"Nigh-Nigh?" She says and has me follow her.

She leads me to her crib and she tries to climb in. Being the good mom that I am I chuck her in. She gets all snuggly with her "boogie" (a blankie) and off to dreamland she goes.

I come upstairs for a little MySpace fix and hear her coughing. Relentlessly.

Then she cries. Bad sign.

Head downstairs...and the poor girl is sitting up in a pile of vomit.

Take her out, strip her, start her bath, strip her bed, wash her hair, start the washer, check on her, make her bed, wash her body, dry, lotion, diaper, clothe, brush and dry her hair and back to bed she goes.

About 12 minutes.

Tops.

Yep, that's why I give myself an award.

Bridges and Realistic Fears

Today Jaylee and I went with Josh on a full day of deliveries for his work. We're way out "in the armpit of Washington" as Josh said, when a sign reads "Bridge work, Wednesday, April 18."

My first thought was, "nice, we won't have to stop for road work." But then I realized we had to cross that bridge-today. Today as in, before the bridge work was completed. Then in the 1/4 mile I had to think about it, I started to panic that maybe it wouldn't hold us as we crossed it. Maybe the bridge work was because there were holes all through it and we were going to have to dodge them and then possibly not make it. Maybe one of the poles holding the bridge up, broke, and then we'd be crossing a bridge with only three poles holding it up. What if it was a draw bridge and it's stuck in "draw" mode? Huh? Huh? What if, I tell you. What if?

We're getting closer. I can see the bridge up ahead. I think beads of sweat considered trickling down my head. And then we get to the "bridge." Seriously, I could have jumped the thing. I panicked for nothing. All the worry for naught. Pfft.

I don't like to waste a good panicking. If I'm gonna panic, I want it to be for something worth panicking over. Like a spider on the wall, 37 feet away. Or maybe my Dirty Dancing DVD won't work. Or a coffee shortage. Or chocolate becoming extinct. 'Cause you never know, it might...

Guess I'll cross those bridges when I get there, too.

Sarah's Friendship Day!

National Friendship Day isn't until August but I'm feeling overwhelmingly blessed lately by my friendships. And I don't want to wait until then to let you all know how much you mean to me.

So, this blog is for you. My friends. The people I love for loving me!

In random order...

Treena-a little quiz she filled out for me said it best, "sisters by marriage, friends by choice." So true. I love this girl. She understands me and still likes me! The girl I can burp in front of and always know I'll get a "good one" from. She knows how to make me feel good about myself. :) She is passionate about life, marriage, children, the Lord. I love to be inspired by her.

Melissa-Yes,she stole my boyfriend back in high school but I'm over it, remember? I love having a cancer buddy! She randomly sends me cards and most recently she introduced me to the love of my life...a beautiful, black, free flowing skirt that makes you never ever wanna take it off. There's no one else I'd want to lose my bedliner with. No one but Melissa who understands my need to be the one to drive.

My Mama-If there was ever a person to drive me crazy, it's her. But I could never do without her. She understands my odd fascination with numbers and license plates. She knows I'm spoiled but also knows it's her fault that I am. I love her. I just plain love her.

Kristie-I'm so thankful that I met her through Treena. It was Kristie's blog that made me think, "oooh, I wanna do that." Kristie is encouraging and inspiring. She's an amazing scrapbooker! Without her, most of my posts would go uncommented on!

My Mother-in-Law-She raised the most amazing son! I love what this woman has taught me over the last 10+ years. Even though I don't exercise it often, she's taught me that it's okay to just not talk sometimes. She's funny, even though I'm sure she doesn't know it or try to be. She's loving and giving, randomly dropping off an outfit for Jaylee or a pair of jeans for Joshua. Whenever we've asked her to watch Jaylee, she's always been available. She taught me that when I go to someone elses house for dinner, be helpful. Clear the table. Do the dishes. Be a servant. She's taught me by example.

Erica-It's taken us 22 years but I'm so thankful to Jesus for healing and restoring my friendship with my younger sister. Never have I met anyone more competitive (besides myself) than this girl. She hates to lose! I love her selfless heart. I love her laugh. Love that when she does laugh, her nose gets red and her nostrils flare. It's the cutest thing ever! The one thing I hate about her, about 5 minutes after she has a baby, she's back in her skinny clothes! :)

Lindsey-On Feb 21st, my post was dedicated to Linds. For good reason. Yes, it was her birthday but I wanted this girl to know how special she is in my life. 13 years we've been friends. She never turned her back on me. Always praying for me. I love that while in high school, when no one else thought I was funny, Lindsey always did. Every stupid thing I did to try to get attention, Lindsey was always there to laugh and encourage me.

Michelle-We've never met, but I consider us Blogger Buddies. :) One day she came out of Lurkerdom (yes, it's an actual place) and commented on my Sheryl Crow post. Her comment made me thankful I'm not the only one who's been there. She's encouraging and she's funny and I hope that one day we get to meet in person. We're only a little over an hour apart!

Candee-My sweet pregnant friend, I can't wait to see her belly! I was "in love" with her brother for all of high school! It was always fun to go to their house, because not only did I get to hang out with her, I got to stare at her brother! After Josh and I got married, Lindsey went off to college. This wasn't easy for me. We saw each other everyday for four years and then she was gone. Candee was there. She knows what I'm talking about when I say "Cabin 2" I love that when she has a sucker in her mouth, she drools. :) Her laugh makes me laugh. Her smile makes me smile.

Megan-Sweet baby sister. We've always had something special. I think part of it is we're very much alike and sometimes that's caused strife but for the most part, it's made us extremely close. She's the girl who let me lay my head in her lap for 3 hours and cry after Josh and I broke up in high school. She played with my hair and whispered that everything would be okay. She was only 10. She's the one that while I was 7 months pregnant played in a mud pool with me. Yes, a pool. Not a puddle.

Keri-Oh gosh, don't even know where to start with this girl. We met while working as Baristas. We drink the same coffee. We have the same love for Red Robin. My favorite memory of us is running down her road and across a busy street at 2 am to play "King of the Mountain" on a snow pile...in our unmentionables! She understands my need to name my vehicles. She understands that I like to have the windows down and the heater up!

Melinda-Probably my strangest friendship! We met online playing cards! She used to live in Kentucky and now resides in Florida with her husband. Wow, weird to say husband! They just got married and it's been fun to see their relationship progress. During a very bad time in my life she was there. She listened. But she would also ask if my decisions were ones I should be making. It's been a few years since we've seen each other and occasionally we'll go months without a phone conversation, but it's always easy to pick up where we left off.

Amber-The Lord has brought this girl back into my life at the most perfect time. Without her, my child would have no costume for the Harvest Party, my toenails would have gone unpainted while I was in the hospital and my husband would have gone without food. She not only understands my obsession with acronyms, she plays along. She makes me laugh til I PJAL (pee just a little) and while she may lurk on my blog, she's my number one commenter on MySpace. She loves clearance racks and McDonald's! A girl after my very own heart!

Sorry this post was so long but I just had to let you all know how much you are loved and appreciated. Thank you for being a part of my life.

I love you all!

The Best Something

Oh, how I wish this were me! I wish I were excellent at all of these tasks. Cooking, baking, decorating...

I like to do them all. Just haven't quite perfected any of them. What I love though is that the Lord is growing me. I never used to like to clean, however I enjoy it now. And it's something I'm getting better at. It's more often than once a month now! :)

I like to decorate but I used to think you had to spend a bunch of money to do so, now I make do with what I have on hand and try to pretty stuff up.

As far as cooking and baking, I'm okay at both. I love to cook, love to try new recipes. I want to be excellent at at least one recipe. You know how there's that certain person who makes the best cookies (Treena) or the best pasta salad (Erica) well, I want to be someone that makes the best something!

Just don't know what that something is yet.

Let me know if you figure out what my something should be!

Lurkers Part 2

You know who you are. I kinda know who are. Just come out with it, I say!

I posted here about Lurkers.

I'm okay with you lurking. I lurk too. My stat counter shows people from places I don't know people from. So, I'd just like to know who you are, how ya found me, where you're from and all that jazz.

C'mon, give a shout out to a fellow lurker. You can do it!!!

Put 'em On

Ever just need to do this? Or...maybe it's just me. I get my feelings hurt easily. I can get upset over the silliest, stupidest, pettiest things. (are these all words?)

And when I do get upset, I just think..."I need to put on my big girl panties!"

I wish I were a small girl in big panties but I'm a big girl needing big girl panties.

Ehh, whaddya do?

Traditions

As a kid we colored eggs for Easter and went on Easter egg hunts, loading our egg cartons with colored eggs and our bellies with sugar and that was what Easter was about.

Now, as an adult, who knows the true meaning of Easter Sunday, I want to start traditions with Jaylee.

Do we color eggs and have an egg hunt? Is that taking away from Christ, His death on the Cross and His resurrection? Is it okay to do both? Can we have a little treat of an egg hunt but still have the emphasis on Jesus?

I don't know.

So, this year, there will be no egg coloring, no egg hunt. Yet, she's still too young to teach her the meaning of Resurrection Sunday.

The last couple of years but even more so this year, I've just been in awe of Resurrection Sunday. Our Savior, came to earth so He could die for us. A death on the Cross. He died for the sins I've committed and for the sins I've yet to commit.

And not just for me.

For you, too. 2 Corinthians tells us that He died for all.

Because of how amazing it all is, I don't know that I want to downplay it with coloring eggs and going on an egg hunt. I don't know. I'm glad I still have another year or so before Jaylee understands that some people color eggs and get candy.

'Cause it just may take me that long to figure out what tradition we want to start with her.

My Ungrateful Heart

I feel just awful. Awful I tell you.

You know awhile back we sold my car. My car that I loved. And we were driving Holly. Our '85 Suburban that, if we're lucky, gets 8 mpg. Just as were starting to feel the crunch of our gas bill, Josh's parents offer us the little pickup. The 'Possum.

And the whole story behind that silly truck is pretty funny. From the name of it, to the tilt leather seat, to the bedliner flying out of it. The truck has some fun stories.

Yet, I want a new car. It's my downfall. New cars are my downfall! I love them! And they don't have to be new new. Just new to me. I love to find all the little compartments a vehicle has. I like to blast the radio. I like to put a steering wheel cover on it. I just like to have a new rig.

And since I stalled the 'Possum the other day in the middle of the road with a big ol' truck behind me, ohhhh I was hot. I was thinking, "That's it!!! I'm goin' out and gettin' me a new rig!" Not sure how I could do that on my homemakers income.

Maybe if I wore a short skirt.

With a low cut shirt.

And a push-up bra.

Yep, that'll do 'er. I'm sure that'd get me a new rig for sure!

I won't really do that. I'm not that desperate for a new vehicle.

Yet.

Nervous

Last Sunday I did something that I wanted to do yet was scared to do.

I signed up and paid for the Ladies Retreat with my church. I'm excited but I'm not. It'll be nice to have a couple days away from home to study the Word of God, but I don't know the other women very well. I'm sure they aren't out to get me or anything but I'm still a lil scared.

My mom is going, so that's a bonus. But I also don't want her to be my crutch. You know? I want to make friends, even though I'm terrible at it. I want to learn more about Jesus, even though half the time I read His word, I'm utterly lost. I want these things, I'm just nervous.

Really glad I have a month of losing sleep before it actually happens.

These are the things that go through my head...

What if I snore?
What if my morning routine is weird compared to someone elses?
Will they think I'm gross if I don't brush my teeth at night? (Cause half the time I don't!)
Are there private bathroom stalls or is it a big restroom where everyone can hear me potty?
Will there be iced hazelnut breves?!
Will there be a question time, where they ask a question about the Bible and then randomly choose someone from the group to answer, 'cause what if I don't know the answer?! Then what?!

Oh there are many others, but I'll stop there since it's making my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

How I felt this morning

I don't want to be White Bread

You ever just have one of those days where you compare yourself to everyone around you? I am so having one of those times. And lately it's been about my faith. I feel that all other women around me are more faithful, more spiritual.

More connected to the Lord than I am.

I don't like feeling this way. And to warn you, this post is a total venting on my part and I'm really sorry.

I love blogs. I am embarrassed to say that I will often spend an hour a day reading other women's blogs. I compare mine to theirs and so many times have thought of deleting mine because it just doesn't measure up to all the others. The other day I found a new one to read. And I just fell in love with this girl. She's close to my age but has the wisdom of someone closer in age to my mother.

She's the epitome of a helpmeet to her husband. She is frugal. She is loving. She's an encourager to not only her man but all the women who read her blog. I felt so inferior and I'm sure it'd grieve her to know that because I know that's not her intention. I plan to continue reading her blog so that I can gain some of the knowledge she's handin' out!

A woman spoke to my mom several years ago about the "White Bread" church she used to attend and my mom didn't quite understand what she meant. She later asked my aunt and my aunt told her that white bread contains no nutrients. It's not filling.

We were talking about it a couple of days ago and yesterday it hit me.

I have a White Bread blog. I just ramble. About a bunch of junk half the time. I'd love to hand out doses of wisdom while making you laugh and keep ya comin' back for more but at this point in my walk, I'm just not there. It'd be so easy to get down about it. Depressed. But I've resolved that I'm not going to. I'm going to continue my blog but I'm also going to be more open about my faith. It's not much right now.

That's for darned sure.

But I want to grow. And as I learn, I hope to share with you my heart.

Did you know

I used to live in a fifth wheel trailer?

Yup, I did.

My 8th grade year. You know the saying, "What doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger." This is one of those things. While it sucked living through it, it is now one of my favorite stories to tell. Most of the time no one believes me. My mom asked me the other day...

"Does it embarrass you to talk about it?"

"Heck, no, I love it."

And I do. It's funny. I'm sure for her, as a single parent of three daughters, it was probably one of the worst times of her life. However, we were young and quite resilient.

Wanna hear a lil about it? Okay, good. Be prepared.

This fifth wheel was old. And I mean old. Not one of those fancy shmancy kinds with plumbing or a microwave or heat or any of those frivolous items. It had a bathroom, just not plumbed for water.

There was a little stove where my mom was able to make us Helper Helper. I believe I've told you about that before. Helper Helper is Hamburger Helper without the hamburger. Meats expensive, don'tcha know?

Remember the old Halloween buckets from McDonald's that were orange with the black scary face?

Yep, that was the bathroom.

We had an upstairs, well, it consisted of two stairs leading to the bed my mom and I shared. I don't think we could sit up all the way without hitting our heads.

My sisters slept on the benches where the table was and during the night one of them (usually Meg) would usually fall off and hit the floor.

Okay, there was heat or there was supposed to be heat. It was propane and the pilot light would constantly blow out, so we'd most often wake up with it being about 17 degrees in the trailer.

Our trailer was parked in my aunt's driveway and we were allowed to shower there but that was it and we were usually afraid to do that, so, I'm thinking hygiene wasn't at the top of our list.

It was some of the most awful times we've been through but I remember laughing and having fun. I remember my mom trying to make everything special. I remember that even though it was chaos, we had a routine. I remember that we put FUN in dysfunctional.

Even though we weren't yet attending church or following the Lord, He saw us through. He provided the next place to live. Which is another post altogether.

Times get bad, man. They do. But He's never farther than our next prayer.

Hope you got a chuckle out of one of my favorite memories. I need to have my sisters write their version, they remember so much better than I do even though they were younger. If I ever get them to do it, I'll post their story.

Have a good one!

And the Award Goes Tooooo....

Treena. My sister in law. She had my child for five days!!! I didn't ask her to take her, she offered. She picked Jaylee up on Sunday and as they drove home, Jaylee threw up. Bugger. And then while there, Jaylee gets a yummy runny nose, which is Treena's absolute favorite thing in the world!!! (Please note the sarcasm.)

She brought her home to me today and she's all in one piece, happy as can be. While it was hard to have her gone it was so relaxing knowing that she was with Treena and her family. They love Jaylee and she loves them.

Treena, I love ya! I can't legally say you're my favorite SIL, but you are my favorite oldest SIL. :) Thank you for taking care of Jaylee. I appreciate it more than I could ever tell you.

Here's to you!!!

Jaylee's Home!!!!

Oh how sweet it is! I am such a happy Mama right now.

My husband came home from work for a few minutes just so he could see her. That warmed my heart to know he was just as excited as I was to have her home. She is a daddy's girl, so it shouldn't surprise me, but it was sweet to see that he took time out his busy schedule to let her know he missed her and was glad to have her home.

She's napping right now but once she gets up we're going to go out and play in the beautiful sunshine.

Today is a great day for up!!!

Twiddling My Thumbs

Only five more weeks of recovery and then I'm allowed to go back to my normal routine of things. Whatever that may be. Besides Jaylee being gone, I realize the thing I miss the most is not being allowed to vacuum. I love to vacuum. Not really sure why but I do. Growing up we did most of the household chores on Saturday mornings. Once a week we'd vacuum. Didn't know you could do it more than that.

But you can!

And I do! Probably every other day or so. I looked on Photobucket for a vacuum picture and found this. Loved it, too funny!

I went in for an appt. today and the doc asked me what I'm not doing that I'd like to be able to do.

"Vacuum."

He tells me that if I did that I wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning. Most of the time (like when I'm not all surgeried up) that would be an okay thing, I like my bed, however, I realize I like to do laundry. I like to wash dishes. I like to clean the bathroom.

I don't work outside the home, these things are what I do to be a helper and I'm not being a helper!!!

But don't you worry, I'm sure in five weeks when I'm given the green light to do these things....

I won't want to do them.

Well bugger

I totally messed up my link to my mom's blog over on the left. So, if you've tried to go there and couldn't, I fixed the ol' problem. I feel sheepish.

She's just started her blog. Hasn't quite got around to posting on a regular basis but I love what she has written. The woman kills me. She's hilarious. And pretty insightful. We've definitely had our times when I'd like to kill her (and I'm sure she could say the same) but for the most part I love her like a fat kid loves chocolate cake. Speaking of my sister...oh! Just kidding, Meg, I love you!

Anyway, check out my mom's blog over there on the left.

Maybe it's just me

But a few months ago I got really tired of this:

Dear Lord, thank You for today, thank You for my family, for my life. Hmm, did I get the clean clothes out of the dryer...Oh, sorry Lord. Please be with my husband today while he's on deliveries. Lord, please enable me to be the mama you want me to be for Jaylee. Hmm, did I put butter on my grocery list? Oh, sorry again, Lord. Jesus, if You could also just give me strength to get all my chores done today and give me a merry heart about it. Hmm, what should I make for dinner....

Have you done this? Do you do this? Is it just me?!

I've sort of remedied myself of it. How? I started writing my prayers in a journal, not a fancy journal, just a lil notebook that cost less than a buck. I date it at the top of the page and then I write out my prayers to the Lord. Writing my prayers has really helped me to focus on my prayer time, and not on the stuff that I feel I "should" be getting done. And I love to go back and read past entries to see how the Lord has worked in my life and the lives of my friends and family in just the last few months of doing this.

So, I just thought I'd share that random bit of information with ya, in case you get lost in your own thoughts while trying to spend time with the Lord.

Have a wondeful Wednesday!

I love 'em.

Just love 'em. Need more. I only have two pair at the moment and neither pair is "oh my goodness, can't wait to wear those!" Not at all.

Myspace Layouts


Thinking I need to find some more pairs. Lots more. Anyone know of good, cheap places to find some flips?

There will be no Picture

It's too ugly. And I wouldn't want any of you to quit stopping by because I showed you my very swollen, very ugly belly. So, I'll just tell you I measured my scar and it's 6 inches long. Wow! It's healing quite nicely now. Still a little sore but I'm doing better. It's been easy not to over do it the last couple of days because Jaylee is gone. :(

My SIL has her. My SIL is the greatest, she truly is, but I miss my baby!! I don't remember what I did before I had her. She left Sunday morning and Josh and I are at a loss. I asked him if we could go visit.

"Drive 3 hours to visit her and then come home?" He asks me and for a moment it looked like he was pondering it himself.

"Uh huh" I tell him. "It's not that far."

He left the room.

Guess that meant no.

Our house is quiet. There's no baby in her crib in the morning, yelling, "HI!" when we first wake up and there is no baby to put to bed in the evening. I miss hearing her say, "amen" after we pray with her. I miss the cheesy grin she's started giving us. I miss the randomness of out of nowhere she comes running and grabs my legs to hug me.

Sigh...

She'll come home on Friday and I'm sure by Saturday I'll be wanting to send her back.

But for now I miss her.

I'm Home and Cancer Free!!!

How good is the God we serve? There just aren't words to describe how thankful I am. I'm already a lil tired from climbing the stairs to get to the computer, so my post will be short. But I wanted to give you an update.

On the 16th I went in for a Right Colectomy. They took the right half of my colon and 41 lymph nodes. I was just released yesterday.

My doctor came in and talked to me a bit and said, "I've saved the best news for last. Your report came back. All lymph nodes were clear."

I didn't realize until he said those words how worried I must have been, because I just started bawling. And while I was crying, I heard these sweet words, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." The sweetest words from my Father. It was such a comfort. Such a relief.

My first thought when I found out I had cancer was, "I won't get to see my baby grow up."

My first thought when he told me I no longer have cancer was, "I'm going to see my baby grow up."

I love Jesus. I'm so thankful to Him for allowing me to have appendicitis so my tumor was able to be found. I feel so loved.

Be prepared, I'm going to post a picture here soon of my scar. Not only is the scar not pretty (but I still like it) you'll see my flabby, stretch-marked belly. :) But, heck, I don't really care. I just wanna show ya my "bad boy" 'cause it really is pretty awesome.

Thank you to everyone who's been praying for my family and me. Life is good.

God is good.

Well, if I'd have known earlier...

Okay, remember my dilemma on the whole modesty issue? Well, maybe if I'd been more modest all my life, I wouldn't have cancer!


You know I'm kidding, right? Couldn't pass this up though, too funny.

If I have to have Chemo

I'm gonna be a lil ticked. Why? I just got my hi-lites in my hair done. If I spent that kinda money just to have it fall out, yeah, I'm gonna be mad. :)

Went to Wal Mart today. Yes, I know...I don't like Wal Mart, but I had to stock up on some magazines for my hospital stay. I bought the new People magazine (Brad Pitt is on the cover), Martha Stewart, and a couple home improvement ones. Later today I'll go to the thrift stores and find some trashy romance novels for .25 to keep me company as well. Yep, that's a good idea. Trashy romance novels to get me all hot and bothered. 'Cause I'm sure I'll get to be doing that real soon after my surgery...

I'm going to ask my doctor if he can take some excess fat along with my colon, and I've heard you don't need your spleen, so I'll ask him to take that, too, you know in case it weighs a bunch. I'm going into this weighing 135, hoping to come out of it 115. hehehe, we'll see if that happens.

Hey, a girl has to have something to look forward to.

How do I say this?

Well, once again, I'll be going on a little blogger hiatus. Thursday will be my last post for awhile.

I didn't know if I should post about this, since alot of people will read about it before I get in touch with them by phone. But, here goes...

Today, I went in to have my stitches looked at from my appendectomy. They tell me everything looks great, I'm ready to jump off the table and head home. The doctor says, "let's sit down and talk."

Well, that's never a phrase ya wanna hear. Geesh.

He proceeds to tell me that it's a blessing I had appendicitis. I'm thinking, "buddy, ya ever had it? 'cause I didn't like it much and I sure wasn't thinking it was a blessing." But I refrained.

He continues to tell me that when they removed my appendix, they found a tumor. A small one, about the size of an olive. It's malignant. And even though I know what malignant means, I asked what it meant.

"It's cancer."

Alrighty then.

I wanted to be tough. I wanted to be stoic. But, I'll be honest with you. I wasn't. My first thought was morbid. My first thought was, "I won't get to see my baby grow up." And I started to cry. I tried so hard not to. Even now, by myself, typing this, I'm trying not to, but it's real hard not to. 'Cause honestly, I'm scared.

On Friday at 9:30 I'll have surgery to remove the right half of my colon. I'll be in the hospital a minimum of 5-7 days. Yuck! I was in for only two days from my appendectomy and it drove me nuts. I cannot imagine how it'll be for that long!

There's good news. Jesus is so good. My doctor was right. If I'd not had appendicitis, this tumor would have grown and it may have been years before they found it. It may have been too late. So, just know, wherever you are in life and no matter what junk is going on, Jesus is good. He so is.

More good news. You know how I always talk about how I'm overweight? Well, I can't eat from Thursday until Tuesday. Seriously. I'm gonna lose weight! Plus, I wonder what 2 feet of my colon weighs! I'm hoping for about 20 lbs. :)

Please pray for my family. I worry about the toll this will take on my husband and daughter. My doctor said I'll be down for about six weeks. That's quite a long time.

I called my sister Erica, and she says, "is this like the time you told me Megan got hit by a bus?" She didn't believe me, I may have told her a few white lies growing up.

Later my mom and I were talking and I said something stupid and she tells me to "knock it off, or I'll kick you in the cancer."

Yep, that's how we roll.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know. Thanks for letting me get that out there. Feels good to write it and I'll keep you up to date as much as I can.

A Trip in the 'Possum

Rembember the story of the 'Possum?

Well, Melissa, my friend from my last post, came over. We decided to head to Yakima for a little shopping and dinner. But nothing with Melissa and me can ever be so simple. Let's have a little background on Melissa and me, then I'll tell you the story of our trip.

Melissa and I met almost 13 years ago. We attended church together and went to the same high school. We were good friends.

Then Melissa stole my boyfriend, my Sophomore, her Freshman year of high school. Yes, stole him! My "first love" or so I thought at the time. Okay, maybe she didn't steal him. Maybe I kinda liked another boy so my boyfriend and I broke up. But then she starting going out with him just mere daaays after we broke up. So, I felt like she stole him...

Even though, technically she didn't. But we're not getting technical.

So, she stole him.

Man, I thought I was over it...

Anywho, somehow, even after I wrote her a nasty note we made it through. We were still friends.

Melissa lived pretty close to the high school. Not across-the-street close, but close. One day, I decided to test my reverse skillz. Yes, skillz.

Melissa's all for it. So, we leave the high school and reverse all the way to her house. I even stopped at a stop sign with my trunk where my hood should be. Backward. All the way to her house. If I remember correctly we almost hit a bush but other than that, I'm a pro in reverse!

A few years down the road, after her and Trevor broke up and I was married to Josh, Melissa and I were driving around at night in a new development of housing. She had to go potty. We weren't near home or a rest area. But, there were plenty of outhouses since a lot of the houses were still under construction.

So, she decides to use one.

And I decide to ram the outhouse with my car.

While she's in it.

Uh huh, I did.

So, yesterday...we thought this would be an uneventful trip. Boy, were we wrong.

We go get coffee, her-an iced, non-fat, vanilla latte. Me-an iced, hazelnut breve. mmmm. That has no relevance to the story. Just thought I'd tell you the kind of coffee we drink...

We leave the coffee stand, we're catching up on the latest and greatest events of each others' lives, we get on the freeway. The ol' 'Possum picks up to 70 mph quite nicely and then it happens.

My bedliner flies out of my pickup.

Uh huh, it did.

The car behind me flies into the other lane so as not to get hit. We pull over to the shoulder and stop. It took me a sec to kinda soak in what just happen. And Melissa says no trip is complete without something like this happening. Good thing I'm a Pro Reverser. I put my skillz back into action. This is what we saw.


It was off the road pretty far. Luckily, it didn't hit anyone and luckily, it didn't go over the fence. Would have made it more difficult to pick up and put back in.

Oh, and here's a picture of Melissa.

We loaded it back up, turned on the flashers and proceeded at about 30 mph on the freeway. We took the next exit and took the bedliner back home. Josh looked a little bewildered as to why we were returning so early. I informed him we should take the bedliner out before it escapes again. His eyes grew.

We took it out and continued with our trip. Pretty uneventful after that.

However, I scored an outfit for pretty cheap. A maternity shirt, no, I'm not pregnant (that's another post in itself), but it's cute and comfy and a skirt to match. Along with some boots that were only $8.49!!

Yep, that was our trip. I love stuff like that. And I love my digital camera. Melissa recorded it and will be sending it my way.

I promise to share with you, as well.

Pink Push-Up Bra

So, last night I'm on the phone with my friend Melissa. She tells me a story that wasn't really funny, not at all. But she's the type of girl that no matter what the news she's telling and in this case it wasn't the greatest news, she can still have ya laughing. Laughing so hard that at one point I spit ice cream all over my bed.

Seriously, all over it.

But I'm pretty upset. Because no matter how hard I try I'll never be able to relay the story to you and keep it as funny. Me telling it would not make you spit your ice cream all over your bed. But it was funny. I had to give the phone to Josh because I couldn't breathe I was laughing and choking so hard.

So, I'll just tell you that her story involved a trip to the doctor. Where she unknowingly would have to get into a gown and if she had known that she most likely wouldn't have worn her brand new, lacy, hot pink, push-up bra from Victoria's Secret. And if she'd known they were going to give her drugs to make her woozy, she probably would have eaten breakfast so that way she wouldn't be holding a little kid sized juice box when the hottie PA, Frank, comes walking in with his beautiful, perfect self and his beautiful, perfect teeth. And Frank doesn't like elevator music, Frank (even with the name) busts out with some Red Hot Chili Peppers music. Because Frank is cool. And even with her boobs pushed up to her chest Melissa can see that.

But that's not what made me spit out my ice cream. What made me spit out my ice cream was when she tells me that they tell her she needs to sleep on her stomach and she tells me she's a little afraid of SIDS.

Yep, ice cream. all. over. the. bed.

Just some more jibber jabber.

I don't mind if you are a because I am one, too. I visit quite a few blogs without leaving comments. For various reasons. They don't know me, I don't know them. Maybe they wonder how I found their blog. Will they think my comment is retarded? I don't have anything to say. The list could go on and on.

But, I just want ya to know, I love comments!!! Whether I know you or not! And heck-ola, tell me how ya found me.

Next subject-

I took a picture of my appendix-less tummy for you. No, don't worry, you don't have to cover your childrens' eyes, I'm not going to show you. The glare from my stretch marks made the picture not turn out too well. Bummer.

Bet you're pretty disappointed, huh?

Modesty

So, for awhile now, I've been having an inner dilemma of sorts. I've discussed it a little with my mom and some with my mother in law.

Dresses.

There are women I know (okay, don't know but know thru blogging) that wear dresses only. It's starting to appeal to me.

Maybe because I'm 20 lbs overweight or maybe because I'm getting sick to death of seeing these scantily clad girls and women on the streets and on tv. It's distracting for men. I feel so bad for my husband who tries so hard to keep himself pure by not looking at these girls who flaunt what they've got and sometimes what they don't got.

As girls we don't have the first clue how difficult it is for a boy or a man when it comes to this issue. Because for the most part, as women, we aren't visually stimulated. (Except at 9 pm on Thursday nights!)

I'm not saying I'm going to run out and buy a bunch of dresses, I'm not there yet. But I'm definitely more aware of my clothes and Jaylee's clothes. I know she's little but I want to create a desire in her heart to want to be modest. I just don't know how to go about it. If I ever lose these 20 lbs and am able to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes, there are a lot of shirts I will have to throw away and most likely some jeans.

It's difficult to think about doing though, throwing away my favorite clothes!? Clothes have always been an expression of who I am or what I'm feeling. I went through a "hick" phase in High School and wore Wranglers and Ropers. I went a little vintage for awhile. Each day I'd wear what suited the mood. I think it's still possible for me to do this and be modest though.

This struggle I've been having has been going on for a few months. I see a woman that is nicely dressed, for the most part I wouldn't think anything of it, jeans, shirt, shoes. But I looked at it from my husbands point of view. Tight jeans, fitted shirt. Automatically his eyes would want to wander. I don't want that and I don't want to cause that, whether I'm overweight or at my goal weight.

So, there's my dilemma. Any thoughts, anyone?

blah blah blah

Nothing to say. Not a single, gosh-darned thing. I'm not taking my painkillers today, so my ramblings today are my own!

Talked to the husband about the tattoo I want. Thinking it's not going to happen. I'm a little sad but trying to be good about it. Told him I wouldn't get it if he didn't want me to and at this point, it's a no go.

I can be good, right? I don't have to be angry at him, right? It's not like my life is over because I can't get one, right?

Pfft. Right...

Anyway, new rambling subject...


In May, the girls that were in my wedding and myself are going to have a lil get together for an entire weekend! I can't remember the last time we were all together to just sit and hang out. So, very excited! Josh and I got engaged while I was still in High School, so these girls have been my friends for so long! There were 5 of us and one day we decided we needed a name, we decided on "Quads" but realized that meant 4. So, we became the Quads plus one. So, whoever was the outcast for the moment ended up being "The One" And in this picture, they just informed me, I was The One.

We're all at different stages in our lives but no matter how long we've been apart, we can pick up as if it's only been a few days since we've seen each other. I love these girls and cannot wait to spend so much time with them!

Some random things I remember about the times we were together:

1. TPing Ledgerwoods house and having his booming voice on my answering machine the next morning.
2. Trevor Miller's house, need I say more?
3. Getting pulled over with 4090 million rolls of TP in the car.
4. Deciding whether or not we should run the mile post marker over or not.
5. Forking Bible verses in the Bellinger's yard.
(Did all these happen on the same night?)
6. Mexico trips.
7. Church camp, Cabin 2.

Just to name a few.

Love you guys and can't wait for May!

*So, Michelle...is it the same dress?!

Tattoos

Okay, so I have 2 of them. One I love and one I got out of rebellion, out of raw emotion. It was the five year anniversary of my dad's death and I decided, spur of the moment, to go get a tattoo (never, ever do that). It's Japanese or Chinese Hieroglyphics when translated say (or is supposed to say) "to mourn my father." Not sure if it actually says that because really...when you go into a tattoo parlor, you just never know.

I don't want to say that I regret the tattoo. I don't. I regret where I put it. I put it on my left arm up by my shoulder. At the time I wanted to make a statement. Something sorta like this:
"I did this. You can't stop me. I miss my dad and I'm going to prove it everyday from here on out. I don't care if it offends you."

Josh didn't want me to get it. But I was going through a dark time in my life where what he thought or said was of no importance to me. I remember calling him while I sat and waited for my appointment. I could hear the defeat in his voice. He knew it didn't matter what he said-I'd still get the tattoo. So, he said nothing.

And I got my tattoo.

I got one a year before that on my lower back. That I love. I don't regret it all just wish I could see it more! :)

So, the reason for this post is because my sister just got another tattoo today and I've been wanting another one and her going in today, is really giving me the itch!

The flower at the top of the page is most likely what I'll be getting. I'm going to put it on my left foot and it'll be pink. I thought of putting Jaylee's name through it but probably won't in case we end up having more kids. Wouldn't wanna go back in just to put their name on! :)

There you go, more ramblings from my narcotic haze.

Pain Killers

I'm on them. I like them. I think I've found a new best friend. :)

So, you are warned this post most likely will make no sense. As I'm typing my head is spinning and I feel quite dizzy. It's like most days really but this time I can blame it on the drugs!

I have nothing to write about really. So, I'm just going to jabber.

Yesterday, since Josh was home all day, he took it upon himself to deep clean the bathroom. He removed everything from the bathroom, then scrubbed and scrubbed until he could see his cute face in the toilet bowl, the sink and the shower. He cleaned the kitchen and then moved a king sized bed upstairs that we got from Amber. So, if you ever need a place to stay, you're more than welcome to stay here and you'll have a king size bed! Very fun. I just realized though, you better bring your own sheets as I don't have any that big yet.

I'm still working on my scrapbook area. I'm looking forward to showing you pictures of what it looks like when it's all pretty. Then I won't want to touch it because it'll get messed up. :)

It's a beautiful day today. Wishing I felt up to doing some yard work. Seems winter is dragging on and on. I can't wait for Spring and Summer. We buy a couch from a thrift store for the summer to put on our deck and then it goes to the dump at the end of the season. I'm looking forward to evenings on the deck with our "new" couch.

Today I changed the bedding in Jaylee's crib, rearranged her room, cleaned out her closet, decorated for St. Patrick's day, and started some laundry. I'm sure I'll regret it later but for now I feel good about what I've gotten done.

I have three areas on my tummy that are bandaged up and it is driving me crazy not being able to see what's underneath. On Monday my doctor will take the bandages off. I hope I have scars. I love scars.

Have I rambled enough? I'm sure I have. Sorry for the nonsense.

A Blizzard, a Nasty Motel, and a Little Appendicitis

I had a good weekend, how 'bout you?

My sister, Megan, her husband, Jerry and Sugar and I headed to Colorado Wednesday morning. We're five hours into our trip and Megan takes Jerry's place as driver. Jerry just had a root canal, so he took a Vicadin to help him sleep while we drove. About 30 minutes into her leg of driving, it begins to hail. She's not driven in anything like that before, so she hands the wheel over to me. Not 30 minutes into my leg of driving, we hit a blizzard.

I'm a little panicked. Okay...a lot panicked. I'd love for Jerry to take over but he seems a little out of it due to the Vicadin. (Our first clue was when he told us to wave bye bye to the sun because it was the last time we'd see it for the day) So, I continue on. Staying close to the rig in front of me because it's the only thing I can see. After an hour of feeling so claustrophobic we decided to get a motel, get some rest and then head home the next day. There would be no funeral attendance by the four of us.

We pull off into a small town, get the last room in a very sleazy motel, order some pizza and try to not to think about all the commotion going on outside of our room. Let me see if I can describe a little of what this place was like:

First thing we notice was a hole in our wall going into the next room. Duct tape holding the air conditioner into the room. Mold growing in the bathroom. Duct tape holding the windows in the bathroom. A mirror in the room bigger than both beds put together. We were a little nervous to sleep under the covers but we did it anyway.

The next day was beautiful. There was snow on the road but it was gorgeous out. Sunny and blue skies. Part of me wanted to head to Colorado but part of me just wanted to be home with my husband. Jerry and Megan wanted to head home too. I was bummed. I really wanted to be there with my stepdad and sister and the family that I haven't seen in 20 years.

So, we go home. I talk to Josh about possibly flying to Colorado for the funeral and he agrees to go with me. We find some fairly cheap tickets but instead of jumping on the deal we decide to sleep on it and decide in the morning. This is a rare thing for us, so I know it was totally the Lord.

We went out for Mexican food and when we came home I realized I wasn't feeling the greatest. I figured I must have eaten something I shouldn't have.

I woke up around midnight in so much pain. It was starting to feel like whatever was hurting inside wanted to kill me. We called the 800 number off our insurance card only to be told all nurses were busy and would get back to us later. I couldn't wait. Josh and I woke Sugar up at 2 am and left for the ER.

They ask me my pain level on a scale of 1-10. I told the guy, I've had a baby without drugs, so I guess I'll have to call this pain an 8. They admit me, check me out, feel a warm spot on my belly and...

Sure enough, they tell me I have, "The Appendicitis."

Isn't God so good? Because if not for the blizzard, I would have been 1300 miles from home in the hospital, away from my husband, who is the only person that can take care of me.

I went in for surgery about 12 hours after I went into the ER. Everything went great and they let me come home yesterday.

It just amazes me how the Lord works sometimes. Ya know?

So, I am supposed to be taking it easy. Which means I wasn't even supposed to climb the dumb stairs to get up here to tell you all about this. But I didn't want you to think I'd left ya!

Might be a couple of days before I'm back again. Thanks for sticking with me!

God is soooo Good!!!

to my dear friends, Dan and Candee!!! They are going to have a baby!!!

So excited for you guys, I know how much you've been praying for this little one.

Love you guys!

I'm going to be gone

for a few days. Good thing I was blogger happy yesterday since I won't be posting til next week! :)

My grandpa passed away suddenly yesterday, so my sister and brother-in-law and Jaylee and I are driving to Colorado to spend time with family. If you could keep us in your prayers as we drive, I'd sooo appreciate it.

It'll be fun to see family I haven't seen in about 20 years and I'm looking forward to Jaylee meeting my grandma. Sad that sometimes a death in the family is the only way to get everyone together.

Take care, see you next week!

You're not as bad as you think you are

This may be longwinded. You've been warned.

Have you done some terrible things in your life? Things only you know? Have you done things you're even scared to confess to the Lord?

Me too.

This isn't an easy post to write. Not at all. But when I started my blog I wanted it to be somewhat of a ministry. Not sure it's been that but maybe it has its moments.

And maybe this will be one of its moments.

I've screwed up. I've sinned. I've hurt family and friends. And it seems to haunt me. I know I'm forgiven. 1 John 1:9 tells me so. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
However, there are days when the evil one just likes to pester me. Likes to just tell me over and over that because of the sin in my life there is no way I can be a Christian. That I can't be a good wife or a good mother. He tells me that I'll never be able to serve Jesus because of my past.

I've told you about my funks I get in. They almost always start when I let my devotions slide. Once Jesus isn't number one on my list of priorities, Satan knows I'm weak.

On Sunday, Pastor Tony preached 1 Peter 3:1-6. Wives submitting. Having a gentle and quiet spirit. The whole time I'm thinking, "I'm not gentle and I'm most definitely not quiet! How can I do this, Lord?!" And while I'm doubting myself, the evil one steps in again and tells me that this can't be me. I will never be this woman who is precious in the sight of God.

After church, I was a little down. Didn't say much to Josh. I don't like telling him that I get lost in my own thoughts during service. Embarrassed to admit I sometimes don't hear the entire sermon because I have conversations in my head. A lil embarrassed to be admitting it to you! But, this is on my heart so heavily to share, so there you have it. Sometimes during service I don't hear the entire sermon! Feels good to get that out there!

Anyway. Moving on.

We're in bed last night and before we shut out the lights, out of nowhere Josh mentions Paul. Says how he thinks it's just amazing that sometimes we feel bad about ourselves and the things we've done. That even though God doesn't measure sin, we as humans still measure sin (ours and others). We see a lie as a sin but a murder as a bigger sin. So, Josh says that no matter what we've done, we can still be effective for the Lord.

Because look at Paul. Paul killed Christians!

And then became one!

You may have done some terrible, awful things in your life. Maybe even today. But Jesus forgives. He died for all sin. Yours and mine. Don't let the things of your past haunt you and eat you alive.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Cor. 5:17

Your past has passed away.

You are new.

You are precious in the sight of God.

On the Defense

I was informed on Sunday that "we" need to get our home more organized. My first reaction?

Defensive.

I've noticed people (I) usually only get defensive when they've (I've) been approached about something they (I) already knew was an issue.

The husband has decided we're going to work from top to bottom in our house.

Literally.

We have three floors. An upstairs room that houses the computer, a bed or 3, toys, junk and my scrapbook "stuff" I put it in quotes because I'd like to call it something else at this point. This what it looks like right now. Can't believe I'm showing you.

I tell him I need something for my tools.

His head perks. I said the "T" word.

So, last night, we went and got this bad boy to take care of my organizational issues. Cheaper than anything I've seen in the scrapbook world for organizing.

We looked online before we went in the store to get it. It was a clearance item. Regularly $189.99 on clearance for $129.99. This was my husbands idea. I thought it was a little expensive but he wanted to do it. We get to the store, she rings up $68.97!!! Woo Hoo! It's the little things like this that make me realize He's smiling down and caring about the little things in my life.

I'll show you the area after it's all prettied up.

Unattended Children

This is what happens when you set your child in her chair while you are preparing dinner.

So, I take her picture then get after her.

Donkel Tubes and Gumps

For Valentine's Day, Josh bought Jaylee some balloons. She loved them. She'd go around the house saying "baahhloooon" and she was quite proud of herself for learning a new word.
A few days later when I was getting ready to take a shower (meaning, I was stripping,)Jaylee was in the room with me and points at "them" and says "baahhloooon."

Lovely.

I tell Amber about it. She gets a good laugh. But a few days later has a story of her own. Her 3 year old was in the room when she was changing and has a much more scientific term about Amber's balloons. She calls them Donkel Tubes.

Oh, it doesn't end there. A few days later I post this picture of Josh and me on my MySpace:

Amber and her daughter are lurking on my MySpace her little girl says that Josh has nice Gumps. Amber says "I thought those were Donkel Tubes."

Nope. Boys have Gumps.

I love it. I love the imagination a 3 year old has and I cannot wait for Jaylee to start making up retarded words like that! I'd like to say that I'm going to write them all down and have them to one day black mail her with but I'm sure I won't get around to writing them all.

So, tell me...what silly things have your kids said?

Slide Show of My Dad

I've mentioned in previous posts about my dad. But for anyone who may be new to my blog, let me share a bit. Not sure why, but I'm feeling a lil sentimental today.

My parents were never married, I lived with my mom and saw my dad on the occasional weekend. We moved closer to him when I was in High School, so I got to see more of him. He was a Graphic Arts Designer and owned his own business. After Josh and I got married I would go to his shop (my Grandpa's garage) and work with him. Basically I just watched and looked forward to going out to lunch! :) It was during this time that we actually got to know each other. In July of '99 Josh and I went on a vacation to Disneyland and then to San Diego for our first anniversary. Two nights before we were to come home my mom calls our hotel to inform us my dad had passed away. He was floating the river with some friends and their boat flipped. I've said before I don't know all that happened and don't care to. But I do know he wasn't wearing his life jacket and he didn't know how to swim.

I am so thankful to Jesus for that last year I got to spend with him.

A little about him:
He was funny. He was loyal. He had an infectious laugh. He was smart. He was athletic. He kinda spoke with a southern drawl even though he was from Washington State. He loved beer. He loved his family. He loved his friends. He loved softball. He was a die hard Huskies fan. He was always there to lend a helping hand.

To know him, was to love him.

Grey's Recap

*yaaawning*

I'm sorry to say that last night's episode was a pretty sorry one. Part of me felt like I was watching Days of Our Lives. (sorry Amber)

But here's my recap in a nutshell. A very small nutshell.

Meredith admits to Denny, yes the dead guy, she kinda wanted to just drown.
Izzie and Callie have it out about George. Callie wins with some hurtful words.
Christina "deals" with the situation by buying out the 99 cent store. (thought I was gonna die over that one, too funny)
Burke finds a pretty drunk Christina and tells her she needs to say goodbye to her friend. Her person.
Derek tells off Ellis.
Ellis dies.
After a million hours with no brain or heart activity Meredith comes back with Christina at her side.
Addison watches Derek and Meredith together and tells McSteamy Derek never felt that way about her, he tells her he did. (Think this was the best part of the whole show.)
She tells him to go without women for 60 days and maybe, just maybe they can work it out.
Izzie kinda sorta tells George she's sorry. He walks out.

For those of you who watched, yes this is a rough version of what happened, but like I said, I found last night's show to be pitiful. A quote from one of my friends this morning, (I'll leave you anonymous, Amber.)

Ya, I wasn't on the edge my seat for the entire hour, I didn't yell at my husband when he walked in front of the TV, and I most certainly didn't have 'moist eyes' when she admitted that she quit fighting. Yep, not at all.

My Favorite Day of the Week

It's not, really. But it's my favorite TV day of the week. Don't ask me why, you already know! It's Grey's Anatomy night!!! Woo hoo!

I like traditions. So, I'm going to start a new one. Fridays will now be the official "Grey's Recap" post. It'll just be quick, I promise...

I'm going to do this because I know there are some of who have terribly abusive husbands who tie you up and leave you in the closet at the 9 o'clock hour and you miss the best show ever created.

Fridays posts are for you!

Don't say I never did nothing for ya.

My Best Friend

My mom moved us around a lot. I like to refer to her as a Gypsy. Not sure she knows this...

Anyway, it wasn't easy keeping friends because of the frequent moves. But she promised me that once she put me in High School, we wouldn't move again. She kept that promise.

So, the summer before my freshman year we moved to Grandview. I re-met Lindsey. I say re-met because we'd lived in Grandview before so I knew Linds from middle school and at one time her brother dated my aunt, so basically we could've been family.

Lindsey and I became inseparable. You couldn't have one of us without the other. This girl has been with me through it all. From the first day of High School when I was crying because I was so scared, to the drama of first heartbreaks, to the day she stood beside me as my Maid of Honor and she was a comfort when I lost my dad. There was a long period of time when I had turned my back on my faith, my family and my friends. Lindsey prayed for me. She was there the day Jaylee was born. And I know she'll always be there when I need her.

She's the friend that always understood me in High School when no one else "got" me. I loved that I could always count on her to laugh with me and on occasion at me.

So, Linds...here's to our Cross Country days, our Pow Wows at Red Apple, "gymnastics" in the field across from your house, snowsuits in the middle of the road, bike riding, "No Cars, Please," endless times on the Zipper, crossing the street in our undergarments and getting locked out of the house, quick trips to Taco Bell on our 30 minute lunch, crawling into class, Ace Ventura, an endless amount of self-portraits, graffiti in Cabin 2, and opofcopourse yopou copan't foporgopet our "op" days, the first trip to Mexico, graduation, my wedding day, your wedding day, the day Ryan was born, the day Jaylee was born and then sweet Annie.

I love you Lindsey. Happy Birthday, Best Friend.
Love, Sarina

Grey's Anatomy

If you don't watch it, this post may be a bit boring for you.

So, yes, like many of you I have an addiction. An addiction to a nighttime soap opera. I've never been so ridiculously involved in a show in my whole life. I love it. Absolutely love it. Some days I feel a little bad that I watch the show because it can be trashy. I try to make myself feel better by saying, "It's just TV, they aren't real people." Yet that all goes to pot when an episode is over and I'm bawling like a baby because I feel like they are my friends and I'm an intern too...

...am I really admitting this?

Uh huh.



Well, my friend Amber is just as (if not more so) addicted as I am. Sorry Amber, I'm going to tell them about your Grey's junkiness...

She tells me about a website she found talking about last weeks episode, Meredith being rescued by my boyfriend, er, I mean Derek. You saw the episode, I don't have to tell you about it. Anyway, the writer of this site is predicting that everything that's happened since the bomb episodes have possibly been a dream or that she's been out this whole time.

Why does she say this? Well, let me just tell you.

On Thursday when they showed previews for this coming Thursday, the clothes Derek will be wearing are the same clothes he was wearing during the bomb episode when he went to Meredith's house at the end of the show, remember...when she said she couldn't remember the last time they kissed and he started to leave but turned around and said . On Friday they showed the bomb episodes and she put two and two together.

Anyway, I'm kinda freaking out about the whole thing. Looking forward to seeing if it's actually what's going to happen.

Man, I love this show.

Happy Valentines Day!

Sisters

I hate cheesiness, it makes me gag, but sometimes, you just have to be cheesy. So, my post today may seem like that. But I don't care.

I have two younger sisters. They are four and six years younger than I am. I have a different dad than they do. While growing up, my thought was that I could have done without them. They drove me crazy. They were closer in age and closer in heart. Most of the latter was my fault. I set myself apart from them as much as possible. Why? I dunno.

Looking back, I realize I wouldn't trade all our memories for the world. But if you'd asked me that when I was 8 or 9, heck, give me a piece of candy and you could take them both!

A lot of the time we shared a room. Erica and I shared a full sized bed and Megan, even though she was the youngest, had her own. If she'd shared a bed with one of us, we'd all end up wet in the morning, so Erica and I didn't complain that we shared. :) Our bedtime was around 8 but we'd be in there laughing and talking and getting into trouble until closer to 9. Our relationship was extreme, we had lots of fun when we were having fun and we were absolutely awful to each other when we wanted to be. I wish now I'd been more loving, patient, forgiving...

During summer vacation they'd go to Seattle and spend a few weeks with their dad. Ohhh how I longed for them to leave and then...when they were gone, how I longed for them to come home. I was lonely without them. Even though we tormented each other, it just wasn't the same when they were gone.

Some of my most missed memories are times I spent with them. I miss living in the same house with them or some days I miss living in the same fifth wheel with them. :)

Even though we're adults and often still drive each other crazy, they're two of my very best friends.

Erica, Megan...I love you and wouldn't trade you for the world.

Love, Sarah Diane

I'm slow

Well, I'm not but my computer is. Remember how just a couple weeks ago I got DSL? I was totally ecstatic. Well, then my cousin suggested I download a different virus protection thingy (can you see how computer literate I am) and after d/l'ing it, my computer was slower than dial up.

Yes, slower.

I relay to him the problem, he emails me back, instructing me on all this stuff I need to check for him. I check it, get back to him. He informs me that my 128 MB of RAM is sad. He also tells me that new computers have about 2 GB of RAM. That's equivalent to 2000 MB!!! Yeah, so I need to upgrade.

Ugh. Pathetic. When I got my computer 128 MB of RAM was good.

Guess 4 years can change everything.

I wasn't the cool kid

Nope. Not ever. In fact, in case you didn't already know, I was voted "Most Likely to be seen on Jerry Springer" my Senior year of high school. Uh huh. It was printed in the Year Book. At first I thought it was kinda funny. But you know, they always vote 1 guy and 1 girl for each category. I'm dreaming that it'll be a really hot guy from school (Chris Snyder, perhaps) but no. Ohhh no. It's a guy named John and I'm not going to tell you his last name, mostly because you can find just about anyone these days on the www and I'd die if you saw who I was paired with. Seriously, this guy's a devil worshipper and completely weird. In the four years I attended high school with him, I think I heard him utter five words.

Yearbook club wanted a picture of us. So, I decided on the garbage can. I got in it, he sat on top of it. And I wonder why I didn't have boyfriends in high school...

High School was a blast for me. It was a new start. I ended my 8th grade in Selah and then started 9th grade in a new town. A new town that wasn't so new. I had been there for K, 1/2 of 2nd, 3rd, 1/2 of 5th, and 2 months of 7th grade. So, I knew most of the kids but not real well. 9th grade meant letting myself be the person I wanted to be, no matter what anyone thought. Most of the time I just wanted to make people laugh. I didn't ever do this... but I would slam myself into lockers, talk into the garbage can and yell, "Mom! I'll see you after school!" Walk thru halls I wasn't supposed to and talk loudly, then run. I must have been pretty naughty to the subs because I remember various times my 11th and 12th grade years being sent out into the hall with my desk. One substitute, who always wore her hair in this really tight bun, came out and said, "are you ready to be a part of the class now?" I was enjoying my vacation in the hall, so I replied, "nope, not yet."

I love being me. I love embarrassing myself for others enjoyment. It's a thrill really. I am 26 years old and still have not outgrown it.

Is there an age limit you think? I'm hoping not. I mean come on, my mom is forty-*** and she still does things like this.

I've got another 20 years to live this up!

The Perfect Life

Yesterday I rode with Josh on his weekly Thursday route. And while riding, I was thinking about some of the women over at CafeMom and even some that I know outside of CafeMom, that just aren't happy with "their lot in life." I have sooo been there. So much so that it almost cost me my entire family. The grass is not greener on the other side and sadly, some of us have to learn it the hard way. These words just kinda spilled out onto a piece of paper and so...I thought I would share them. Maybe, just maybe it's what you need to hear.
~Sarah

Husband and child are down for the night.
She'd like to put her feet up and let out a sigh,
yet wanders to the kitchen sink, puts her hands in the soap water and lets her mind daydream.


**************************

What if we hadn't married and welcomed a child into our lives?
I could go out dancing every Friday night, instead of waking up every time the baby cries.
I could be out climbing the corporate ladder, instead of building living room forts that only to a four year old matter.
I wouldn't have to get up early to pack my husbands lunch, I'd be able to hit snooze and for an extra nine minutes, pull the covers up.
That outfit in the window would fit me perfectly because there wouldn't be stretch marks or an extra 15 pounds on me.
I could eat my meal before it's cold and not have to wipe any runny nose.
No grease stained shirts to put through the wash or itty bitty baby socks.
I could read a magazine cover to cover without stopping to change a soggy diaper.
Dinner wouldn't have to be on the table at 5:30, instead I could eat when it suited me.

***************************

No more dishes in the sink, snapping her from her daydream.
Tip toes down the hall,
peeking from room to room, careful to make no sound at all.
Sweet faces of her husband and child are a gentle reminder, why she chose not to climb that corporate ladder.
There would be no welcome home kiss to let her man know he'd been missed.
No pudgy baby arms to wrap around her neck so tight.
No man to snuggle up with on the coldest nights.
There would be no slobbery baby kisses or first birthday wishes.
There would be no pictures decorating the fridge,
or, "Mama, look what I did!"
No family picnics at the park, no husband that melts your heart.
No, "I love you Mama," or a husband's sly smile as he says, "do ya wanna?"

**************************

As she locks each door and turns off every light, she stops and smiles.
"I have the perfect life."